5 Steps to Connecting with Your True, Authentic Self

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authentic truth gabby bernstein card deckFor many years now, being authentic has been something I’ve cherished. I measure my success based on how truthful and authentic I am.

One time I was asked during an interview, “Are you proud of who you’ve become?” Immediately my response just came out of me. I said, “I haven’t become anything. I’ve let go of who I thought I should be.”

I’ve simply shed the beliefs and the pretenses of who I thought I should be. I’ve accepted that my authenticity is the sexiest, coolest, most awesome part of me. That goes for all of us.

There is nothing cooler, sexier or more awesome than your authentic truth

All we have to do is tell the truth. Tell the truth and be kind. All the things that you think you need to be, all the pretenses you’ve built up around yourself, no one even wants it. The world just wants your authentic truth.

For a long time I tried to be someone else. I tried to be the publicist, the party girl, the business owner, the cool girl. I tried to live up to the stories I’d built up around myself, and I was looking for so much outside approval.

But it was only when I stopped trying to be anything but my real, authentic self that world began to see me!

I started to pay close attention to what it felt like to be in alignment with my authentic truth versus what it felt like to be out of alignment. As I got in tune with that authenticity, I started having more fun. I felt more connected. I had more success. My relationships deepened.

Authenticity deepens relationships

gabby bernstein spirit junkie bookAuthenticity is so powerful in relationships. If you’ve read Spirit Junkie, you know this story. For the first few years of my relationship with my now husband, I was trying to be something I wasn’t. I was trying to be cool and easygoing. I was trying to make him like me. It didn’t work.

And then we broke up for year. During that time we were just friends. All of a sudden I didn’t feel so much pressure. I didn’t feel like I had to try so hard. The true Gabby came out! She was weird and silly, she cursed, and she was real. That’s when my husband fell in love with me, because I wasn’t trying to be someone I wasn’t.

As I started to consciously practice authenticity, I realized that my power was already in me. I didn’t have to be inspiring, I just had to feel inspired!

Trying to be someone you’re not weakens your inner power and deprives the world of your greatness.

There’s so much freedom in letting go. It takes a ton of energy to pretend to be someone else. Just imagine how much less energy you’d have to expend if you let yourself be yourself!

5 steps to getting into alignment with your truth

I know that being yourself isn’t always as easy as it sounds. So here is my 5-step method for getting into alignment with your truth. Follow it to embrace your real, authentic self!

Step 1: Witness the moments when you’re out of alignment with your truth

The first step is to witness what it’s like to be out of alignment with your truth, your authentic self.

Start to look closely at when you’re out of your truth. Make a list:

  • I’m out of my truth when I’m on a date.
  • I’m out of my truth when I’m with certain family members.
  • I’m out of my truth when I’m at my office.
  • I’m out of my truth when I’m on social media.

Then pay attention to how you act and how you feel when you’re out of alignment.

For example, when I’m out of alignment, I speak really fast. I play with my hair a lot. I restrict my breath. Those are my outward behaviors.

Inside, I literally want to shut down. My energy is weakened. I feel bummed out, frustrated and mad at myself. I feel like I’m not being heard, because I’m not. When you’re not in your truth, you cannot be heard.

Tweet: All the world wants from you is your authentic truth. @gabbybernstein

What does it feel like to be disconnected from your truth? Take note of how it feels, physically and emotionally.

You can finish this sentence: “When I’m out of alignment with my authentic truth, I…”

Step 2: Identify the patterns of when you’re out of alignment

Once you take an honest inventory, you can identify your patterns. It may be the case that you’re always out of alignment when you’re on dates because you’re trying to impress.

Maybe you’re often out of alignment you’re speaking in work meetings. Or maybe you’re out of alignment when you’re with your family.

Look closely at those patterns. What is underneath that fear of being real?

Step 3: Get more honest and authentic

What are the places or situations in your life where you feel safe being more honest and authentic?

I’ve been in sober recovery for more than a decade, and one of the things that I love most about this community is the honesty. Someone you barely know can ask how you’re doing and you can say, “I feel like shit, but I’m here.”

Of course, it’s not always appropriate to tell somebody, “I feel like shit.” Let’s be honest, you probably can’t say that at the office. But how can you be more authentic and real while still being professional?

What if you asked a coworker how they were doing and they said, “I’m actually having a pretty hard time, but I’m working on it”? You might be startled by their honesty at first. But I bet you’d come to appreciate it pretty fast. Their realness would give you an opportunity to be more authentic and vulnerable, too.

This doesn’t mean we want to dump our stuff on people. But just be a bit more real. Get a little more honest in the areas of your life where you can. Where you feel safe being yourself. Tell the truth with kindness.

You can breathe your way back into authenticity

gabby bernstein meditatingStart to do this by stopping yourself when you notice you’re out of alignment. The easiest way to do this is to simply take a deep breath. You can breathe your way back into authenticity.

One of the biggest benefits to simply taking a deep breath is that it stops us from talking. Often when we’re not being authentic we jibber-jabber. This is definitely true for extroverts. So if you’re an extrovert like me, you might notice that being out of alignment means you start running your mouth.

When you catch yourself in that place, take a deep breath. Use this tool from my book Miracles Now. Ask yourself “WAIT: Why Am I Talking?” Take a beat and take a breath.

If you’re more of an introvert, then this jibber-jabber might be going on in your mind. Maybe you judge that coworker who opened up to you. Or maybe you judge yourself for being uncomfortable by their realness. In that case I suggest you say this prayer.

If you feel really out of whack, then excuse yourself and find a quiet place where you can say a prayer, calm down your breathing or tune in with a quick meditation. Try one of the super-short meditations from my Beginner’s Guide to Meditation.

Step 4: Notice what it feels like to be in alignment with your truth!

This is a fun step! Start to pay attention to when you are in alignment.

Woman swimming | Get into alignment with your truth and be yourselfWhat does it feel like for you when you’re in alignment? Try to find an example right now. Maybe you’re in alignment when you’re playing music, when you’re swimming, when you’re with a certain friend or when you’re meditating.

Start to take notes about what it feels like when you’re being your authentic self. Tap into a little bit more. When you’re in it, let it linger a little bit longer. Feel it. Be conscious of it. Appreciate it.

As a result of your newfound awareness, you’ll come back to the light faster. When we bring awareness to any area of our life, that’s when real healing begins to occur.

Step 5: Trust that you’re always being guided

Trust that you are always being guided by a presence greater than your ego mind.

trust the universe gabby bernstein card deckBeing your authentic self means you are aligned with your truth. It puts you into vibrational harmony with the Universe and allows you to receive more guidance. You feel like you’re supported, and you become a magnet for what you want.

Accept right now that you are magnificent. Being your real, true, authentic self is what’s most awesome about you. Can you accept that? Your truth is what’s most awesome about you.

Shift from body identification to spirit identification

If you want to go even further, there is a second part to this step. That is to shift from body identification to spirit identification.

When we are in body identification, we are listening to our ego. The ego tells us we’re separate from others, and it judges and compares. In this state, we get caught up in the stories we tell ourselves. Stories about how we look physically, how many credentials we have, how expensive our stuff is, etc.

But when we start to practice authenticity and get into alignment with our truth, we move into spirit identification. In that spirit identification, we accept that we are a spirit among spirits having a human experience. We know we’re all equal, and we’re all one. All the separation dissolves. We feel more connected to ourselves and the world.

On a practical level, being in spirit identification helps us to accept others, treat everyone with compassion and release the burden of judgment.

The world needs you to be more real

your purpose is to be the light gabby bernstein|authentic truthWe’re living in a time when we are being called to rise into our authentic truth. We are expected to show up in massive, honest ways.

We are the media now. There’s Instagram Live, Facebook Live, Instagram Stories, IGTV,  Snapchat,  Twitter, podcasts, YouTube and more. We can influence others all day long. Let’s make sure that what we’re sharing is our authentic truth, not false stories.

Let your inner light shine and wake you up. Devote moments in your life to what makes you feel real and what makes your heart sing. Don’t wait for a time when you’re free of fear. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Step into your authentic truth, because your truth will light up the world.

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48 COMMENTS

    1. Thanks Alissa! Please check out my books “The Universe Has Your Back” and “Spirit Junkie”. <3

  1. Hi Gabrielle,

    I have to say that I am a big fan of your work. You are so inspiring , and your words resonate with me. I am always happy to read your article on your blog or your books.
    Thanks a lot,
    Ana

  2. GABBY! Exactly what I needed. I’ve been struggling for a long time with no self-esteem & worth. After a few failed attempts, I have decided – once and for all – to give up social media. Specifically You Tube (only limited to learning something, not mindless viewings), Instagram, Twitter and FB (only using FB to send messages/party invites right now). It has been 7 days and already I feel I am getting more in touch with who I am without the outside world of the internet (esp. You Tube) telling me what to think, what to eat, what to do and how to do it. I’m going to use the tools here to see when I am in / out of alignment to go even further.
    Thanks for this post.

  3. This is so powerful! Thank you so much Gabby for continuing to serve…for the betterment of all– and for showing us how to embrace our true selves.

  4. I’m working to not fall down the rabbit hole. I am trying to find my authentic self after decades of being who others wanted me to be for their own needs and then to be abandoned by them when I needed them most. It’s been a hard reality to navigate but I will not quit trying to find me. Thank you for the assistance.

    1. I can so relate to what you posted. Why do we do that? It takes so much energy and I always end up exhausted. Not anymore. Saying No is getting much easier now.

  5. Gabby! Thank you, it never fails, your message always finds a way into my path when I need it. I had the opportunity to attend a Home Depot Women’s Conference you spoke at a few years ago and have followed you since. I just started (for the 3rd time) Judgement Detox yesterday. As I mulled over the first step of witnessing my judgement this email came in. <3 Congrats also on the baby 🙂

  6. I am finishing up TUHYB and just downloaded Judgment Detox. Getting innumerable insights and enjoying meditation. Grateful for people like Gabby who follow their inner signals and embrace authenticity. I’m inspired to do likewise.

  7. This is so very true, thank you Gabby! I was always having a hard time as an introvert and making up “stories” just to sound more interesting to the other “storytellers.” I am finally my real authentic self and it feels so great. Once I stopped playing those games with people, things got easier and I found like-minded people who shared my beliefs. Beautiful post and one I will keep. Continue spreading your great spiritual messages!

  8. I JUST journaled key takeaways from this gabby. And you know what, to know that we are all one, that I am you and you are me makes me feel so empowered. I AM GABBY! I have your goddess energy!^^

  9. Thank you Gabby for seeming to check on jusy when I need your words most. This is exactly what I struggle with and am trying to practice being my authentic self everyday. I am starting to realize quickly when I’m out of alignment, and then trying to correct the negative thoughts thru various channels. I love what you said about your relationship and when you were real that’s when he fell in love with you.

    1. Beautiful Sheri. I love hearing about how you’re connecting to your self awareness. Keep choosing love over fear whenever you feel out of alignment <3

  10. Thank you for this email, and thank you Gabby! I just started reading your books and listening to your mediation’s and I just want to say you have helped and inspired me so much to truly love myself more and just go with the flow! I am so thankful for you and I bless you everyday you have helped me!!

  11. This is the third week where one of your posts has been exactly what I needed to hear. And by the way, am so psyched to be part of the Miracle Membership facebook group.

  12. I was out of alignment last week. I was applying for jobs I dint really want and that weren’t using my true talent, teaching. I was feeling sorry for myself and getting pressure from my father to loose weight, I think because I was unhappy at my current job. I sat bcc and reevaluated and asked for help and received a sign .I have to continue to believe in myself and stop letting fear get in the way.

  13. I love all your books and feel like they have helped me so much in becoming my authentic self. However, I just had a huge argument with my 18 year old daughter that ended with us screaming at each other. I feel horrible that I reacted that way. Can my authentic self experience self-doubt and insecurities? Am I just out of alignment? How can I prevent getting to this point with my daughter again

    1. You’ve recognized being out of alignment and the desire to bounce back. That’s where the healing is. Try practicing forgiveness – for yourself, your daughter, and the situation. Check out an old favorite blog post about how to bounce back from family drama https://gabbybernstein.com/handle-family-drama/ Sending you lots of love and healing <3

  14. Gabby,
    Thank you for this! I have been doing a lot of work on my alignment and authenticity over the post few years. Love your honesty! Xo
    Lynne

  15. Hi Gabby <3 I am so grateful that I check your post one day. I am al ready a miracle membership and I can not stop to read your topics there. Thank you. Really enjoy it Gabby. It is wanderful to have you as a friend, as a human, as like you are Gabby! I love that way. Thank you.

  16. Gracias Gabby , eres luz, guia, amor y cada día me iluminas. El Universo habla a través de ti. Besos desde España.

  17. Hello Gabby, Thank you so much for all your guidance! I am a drug and alcohol counselor and I use your teachings and borrow your books out to my guys all the time. I showed your clip from the On Meditation documentary and they were really touched by your final words in the clip. Just so grateful everyday that I was introduced to you and that I am able to spread the love!

    Ever grateful,
    Andeea

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