How to Release the Story of Victim

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I recently called a girlfriend who’s going through a really tough time. The second she picked up the phone I could feel her energy. It was at a very high-strung, nervous vibration and she was speaking really fast.

She went right into the story of all the things that were going wrong. All the problems, all the issues, all the fear. And I have a lot of compassion for her because I know she’s going through a very difficult, scary time with a lot of uncertainty.

But I knew immediately that she was diving into the story of the victim. But then a power greater than us intervened.

How to release the story of being a victim

Watch the video below or keep reading to learn how to release the story of victim.

When I was talking to my friend, suddenly, without even thinking, an intuitive, authoritative voice came through me. I said, “You have to let go of this story. This story is being repeated and repurposed, and it’s perpetuating this anxiety, this tension and this fear.”

And she took a breath and said, “I know you’re right, because this story doesn’t make me feel good. But I get in it because for a minute it makes me feel like I’m in control.”

Trying to control things only disempowers us

That’s the big issue for all of us. When we see ourselves as a victim in some way, we want to regain our power. So we try to control the situation by overanalyzing it and obsessing over it. We think the only way to feel better is to let it out and talk about it. But the more we talk about it and bring it up to people, the more we’re trying to control it.

Tweet: The stories we tell are the experiences we live @gabbybernstein #spiritjunkie

All that talking about the victim story doesn’t relieve our fears at all. It just creates more drama and makes us feel more powerless and anxious. That’s how my friend was feeling when we started talking. So I gave her two powerful, proactive steps she could take to release the story of victim.

The 2-step process to letting go of your victim story and reclaiming confidence

When you find yourself feeling like a victim and telling that story, take these 2 steps to let it go and reclaim your confidence fast.

Step 1: Say “WAIT: Why Am I Talking?”

miracles now book gabby bernsteinThis is a great tool that I put in my book Miracles Now. When you find yourself repeating your victim story or hashing out a situation with a friend for the millionth time, take a beat and ask yourself, “Why am I talking?”

Give yourself a moment to notice what you’re doing and say, “Okay, I’m in fear. I’m trying to control.” Allow yourself to witness the story so you can shift it.

Step 2: Go general

Going general is a powerful technique from Abraham-Hicks. When you start going into a negative story, you create momentum and more fear picks up, and you start feeling totally out of control of your thoughts. So once you’ve said “WAIT,” you can go general.

The concept of going general is to reach for thoughts that are general thoughts that you believe in so that you can start to shift your energy and shift out of that story.

General thoughts can be thoughts like, “I am good enough,” or “I have resources,” or “I have people who want to support me.” You can begin with neutral thoughts and gradually make them more positive. As you start to reach for these general thoughts you create momentum in the other direction. It puts you on a new path that feels energized, supported and more powerful.

Change your story and raise your vibration

By following these two steps, you can release the story of victim and get out of a low vibrational state. You will raise your vibration, which will attract more of its likeness.

When you begin to change your stories, you change your experiences. The stories we tell are the experiences we live — so as you refocus your energy and tell new stories about what’s working and what’s thriving, you’ll begin to awaken a different presence within you.

That presence will create a reality far beyond your wildest dreams.

My intention is that you take these steps seriously and stop rehearsing the role of victim so you can claim the happiness that is your birthright.

Reclaim your Super Attractor power

Super Attractor: Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, by Gabrielle BernsteinMy new book, Super Attractor, is a journey of remembering where your true power lies. You’ll learn how to co-create the life you want. You’ll accept that life can flow, that attracting is fun, and that you don’t have to work so hard to get what you want.

Most importantly, you’ll feel good. And when you feel good, you give off a presence of joy that elevates everyone around you.

When you order the book you’ll also get a free bonus: my Manifesting Jumpstart Workshop! This 2-hour online workshop will prepare you for the powerful methods in Super Attractor.

Click here to order the book and claim your bonus.

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  1. I love this simple but effective tool. It was a revelation to me when I learned that I have control over my feelings and not the other way around. It makes sense how the feeling of wanting control in that fear based state can make us “feel better” but it ultimately doesn’t last. I can literally feel in my physical body when I’m in that love based state of “control” and I know that THAT is who I am. It’s funny how we talk about control being a bad thing, but I kinda see it as a good thing. I can CHOOSE and CONTROL how I am feeling and therefore I can change my reality. I am now just getting into reading Esther and Jerry Hicks’s books and am already seeing (and more importantly feeling) the results. Thank you for this blog post Gabby! It helps me greatly at this moment of my life.

  2. Your blog ressentated with me as I was a victim of harassment and abuse from a person who I had a court order against by using this tool I feel I have overcme the fear based feelings and thoughts I had. Thank you for creating blogs like this one.

  3. This was just what I needed. Only now I realised that hole this time that I thought that I’m trying to heal from a old trauma I’ve been playing a story of a victim. Mentaly I was so down and I thought that I would go crazy. But I have tryed this now few days and I already feel so much beter. I almoust chose a wrong path that I would have propably regret the rest of my life… so glad I didn’t but chose to heal from this story instead. Sorry my bad english.. Thank you Gabby for being there for these times when we need a push to the right direction. ❤

  4. I surrender my need to control it all! I truly believe I have become sort of addicted to trying to control every aspect of my life, unfortunately so much that I’m realizing how much it effects my health and happiness. Thank you beyond words Gabby for this video and to teaching us to let go and give it to God. My wish for 2018 is to surrender and make way for God to do HIS best in my life. Tired of trying to do it on my own. ❤️

  5. I’m working on this right now. I made a mistake, and I kept telling people about it! As if it were some form of confession, or to feel validated in my mistake, or to continue to punish myself for it, or or or… I’m struggling with the positive generalizations, but I can hold onto the fact that I HAVE RESOURCES. I’m working on reading through your book, “The Universe Has Your Back,” and I am grateful for that resource. I also know that I have people surrounding me that want to support me. I’m practicing NOT being the victim in something that sounds so positive and is so true.

    Thank you for your words.

  6. I received this email at the perfect time. Thank you. Since the death of my 2 fur babies in August I have been living with anger, blame, guilt and depression. The victim script has been on replay. The last three days I have had to literally say to myself out loud “Stop I am not listening and accepting this as my fault. It was an accident. I’m accepting love and light into my life”. And then as I’m going and reading emails and cleaning my inbox today your email appears about the victim script. OMG! Perfect timing. Just what I needed to read and hear. And you are right that it is about having some control over a situation. But it doesn’t last, it just pulls you into the drama and then your just on loop mode. I also found that keeping busy mind and body has also helped me to have clarity and see the light and many possibilities. Thank you again Gabby

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this. I know how sharp and consuming grief can be, and I honor you for being willing to heal and doing the work. Peace will settle in.

  7. Gabby – this is exactly what I needed. I’m going through a devastating break-up and some uncertainty about my health, and it’s as if my victim mindset has been on a loop every day as soon as I wake up until the moment I drift off to sleep. Thank you for sharing such a relevant topic – and for being a little light during an otherwise dark time for me.

    1. I’m holding you in my prayers during this difficult time and I honor you for being willing to recognize and release your victim story. Expect miracles.

  8. Dear Gabby, I’ve been putting off reading this because I know I’m telling my ‘victim’ story. And I’m about to tell it again!! My husband left me a few months ago after 22 years of what I thought was a wonderful partnership and family life with our children (20 & 18). He is already dating someone new and has told me he was unhappy for the last few years. We had been under a lot of financial strain with our business and I thought this was the cause of his unhappiness and distance. His way of leaving was to go to work one day and never come home. To say I have been devastated and totally floored by my grief is an understatement. Everyone in my life was equally shocked and wants to hear my ‘story’ and I have been happy to share it, over and over. I think because I’m so full of despair, I’m looking to others to help me make sense of what happened and prop me up. And I feel the need to speak the words over and over so they don’t drive me crazy in my mind. But I also realise it is a fine line between seeking out support and guidance and allowing this situation to totally define me on a daily basis. I’m seeing a counsellor as of next week and my plan is to only have this person as an outlet for my grief and processing. I thank you deep from within my heart for this blog post, it was just what I needed to read. xxx

  9. This was exactly what I needed to hear! I was going over my old story in my head when I couldn’t sleep last night and it was driving me crazy that I was still thinking about it after all of these years. Thank you for sharing this information! Now I feel like I have tools to change my story for the better! xoxo

  10. WAIT – so simple, yet so effective!

    Its so easy to get caught up in the repeation of the story to replay, dissect, to understand, in a effort to lay it to rest, that you don’t realise that you are doing the opposite. Thank you Gabby for helping me to see that!

    I’m fairly new to this level of spirituality – since your London event last month to be exact. I loved your story about signs (owl) and animal symbolism (turkey).

    You are truly a gift from God. Thank you for all you do x

  11. Hi Gabby, thank you for your sharing, thank you for being the light, I really appreciate everything that you have done for us. God bless you.

  12. WoW! ‘Love this! I almost hit the delete button, because I thought to myself “I’m sure this is Great for some people, but Me, “I” am Not a Victim!!… I hesitated for a moment with my finger on the button, when I realized WAIT… This DOES pertain to me. Although I have a job absolutely adore, at one of the nicest hotels in the world, I do not make enough money to pay all of the bills, and all the beauty products, etc. that I Love. My boyfriend and I live together for years, and up until recently has taken care of most of the bills , but a couple of months ago, decided to start a new business which has tied up all his finances, and unfortunately is off to a much slower than expected start, leaving me in quite a bind, hence leaving me feeling quite “The Victim” right now… I started listening to your video, and words and Instantly started to feel better…Thank You from the bottom of my heart for everything you write/post, you are so Easy to comprehend! So many authors get So philosophical, I get lost, and need to read, and re-read to figure out exactly what it is they’re trying to say, but your book, I could hardly wait to turn the page and see what new little nugget of empowerment, Light, and positivity Energy were sharing so I could carry it with me throughout the day!! I work at The Ritz Carlton Laguna Niguel, and on her last day of a 2 week stay, a guest gave me her copy of”The Universe has Your Back”, she Thanked me, and told me “I” had given her Hope, Clarity, and had made her realize that although scary now, how “Exciting”a Brand New Chapter of life can be, she said my positive words were so inspirational, that they reminded her of your book and your message, she felt that meeting me at the same time she was reading your book that it was a sign, and meant to be,, confirmation that she infact Did have a very bright Future to look forward to. (what a HUGE compliment!) I LOVED your book, and have enthusiastically recommended it to countless people as a MUST READ!! If you EVER Come to the Laguna Beach area to speak, PLEASE let me know!
    Much Love & Gratitude Kelly Brennan ~ <3 ~
    P.S. The lady did come back to the hotel 6 months later, and told me she has totally gotten into yoga, met tons of great new people, and her life was So Great she felt she could "Burst with Happiness"

    1. Kelly, that story is blowing me away!! What a beautiful gift and amazing synchronicity. You are a lightworker. I can feel the joy and love emanating from your words right through the screen. xoxo

  13. Dear Gabby, this is one of the best lessons I’ve ever had. I’m exactly like your friend which for the last few years I’m going through the rough times and I all I’m doing telling the story of what’s happened and still happening to me even though I was reading your book Universe have your back and tried to follow your lessons but for some reason I’m getting panic attack and anxiety , but now I know why after I watched your video and I’m going to follow your advice.
    You are the best ❤️

  14. Gabby,
    Thank you for sharing your light and gift with the world. This could not have been more timely both for me and for those around me. We are experiencing a large shift and old patterns are arising which want to pull us back into a dark spiral. I notice this the more my positive energy shifts there are periods of others trying to pull me into my or their old victim story.
    Did you notice as you started to live and speak your own truth that even those you loved gave resistance? I don’t think it is because they don’t want me to succeed but they are scared of the change and they are not ready to change themselves. This causes me to hold back or place myself in the victim role as I do not want to leave my loved ones behind.
    I will be sending this on to others.
    Thank you again for sharing,

    1. When people or circumstances change, the ego really revs up its game. Fear spikes. It’s not uncommon for people to unconsciously (or even consciously) try to keep someone from changing. When people in our life make changes, it can force us confront things about ourselves we may not be ready to confront. You can honor the people close to you by recognizing that they may be dealing with a lot of pain that has been dredged up, and you can accept them where they are without making yourself responsible for their happiness or letting them drain your energy. Draw some healthy boundaries and stay committed to your path. I also recommend finding spiritual running buddies who can support you on your path!

  15. I love the way you deliver your messages Gabby. One of my health professionals directed me to you and together with your lessons and my own motivation guiding me, I have lifted myself from a very bad time in my life. My life now is awesome and I thank the universe every morning and every night. I manifest immediately these days, I have calm, harmony and balance every day.

  16. The greater the belief that there is a divine and powerful light within me, the more we will burn our negative thoughts

  17. I agree 110% with the victim story. Sadly we can only work on our own. Any suggestions Gabby, when it is your spouse telling this victim story? He is completely close minded to the amazing manifestation rule and says he is a logical thinker. I have tried to help him but he can be a bit of an ass(btw….i love him and all if his other traits…he is a great guy) when something does not manifest the way I hoped for…..I hear”Oh that law of attraction thing is sure working for ya isn’t it?”….he drives me bat shiz crazy I want him to see the light, but am beginning to understand my journey is mine and his is his…..Thankz for all of your encouraging blogs and meditatations

  18. THANK you so much this is the most helpful advice I have heard yet on this new journey I take this with me today . I musy try to get your book

  19. I like this technique to interrupt the automatic patterns for me. Do you have a good source for those general comments? Like some affirmations or daily messages. I’m so not used to that as a go to comment that it would be helpful to have a few to use!

    1. Christine, one thing you can do in the moment is make some neutral observations and affirmations, and gradually turn those observations into statements of gratitude. For example:

      I have support.
      I have tools that help me when I’m struggling.
      I have enough money to buy myself a warm cup of tea on a cold day.
      The sun is shining.
      I feel awake and energized.
      The fall leaves look really pretty.
      I’m grateful for nice fall days.
      I’m grateful to have a comfy sweater on.
      I’m grateful to have a bus pass so I can get where I need to go.

      Try this and see what resonates with you. Perhaps sticking with neutral observations is all you can do in a moment, and if that is enough to get you out of the victim story into a higher vibration, that is enough. xo

  20. Was this article written just for me?! I so needed this, thank you Gabby. For months it’s felt like everything is going wrong for me and dwelling on it isn’t helping. Time to change my story 🙂

  21. So funny how this came right before a weekend with friends… when I couldn’t wait to tell them my story. The one I’ve been replaying for 2.5 years. A family drama. Still unresolved. I tell myself I’m telling ppl in hopes of someone’s insight, or someone knowing how I should respond to this situation…. but I just realized I’m retelling this story to keep power. To keep blaming someone else and for making them the ‘bad guy’ who ‘so meanly accused me of something, when all I was doing was showing love’ …(victimvictimvictimvictim) wow! I never thought I was doing that. In fact I was saying THEY were trying to control the situation by talking poorly of me so they were in control. When in fact I’m doing the same.
    I still don’t have the answer to this story. But I will search from within. And find my voice. And not play the victim. Thank you! I’m so over it, how did I not see this????! Many grateful blessing to you!!!!

  22. Thanks Gabby. Stories which I have been telling my whole live are changing. And this change was my biggest wish for my live. And now its happening. It sounds strange but after hearing this I feel real love in my veins. Thanksssssssssssss so much.

  23. Wow this was much needed today Gabby. I’ve been feelin really intense tension moving from different areas of my body. Shoulders, belly, behind the neck, shoulder blades, hips allll day. The thoughts have been revolved around work and be not being where I “should be…” like this need to be doing more important things.. or something COOL something BIG like what other friends are doing.. this popped in my inbox at the perfect time. My thoughts were so LOUD and demanding. When you said to go general and think thoughts like I am good enough, I have great resources, there are people who want to support me.. ahh the tears started flow and I felt a relief. Though I was conflicted with this throughout the rest of the day your video gave me a tool to practice with. Thank you thank you thank you.

  24. Gabby thank you for these tools. I know I have been retelling my own victim story now and then to friends who notice when I retract from communication as they worry about me. I am disabled with an incurable disease called cerebellar ataxia. I am needing to physically and financially rely on my husband of 36 years who is often very toxic to both me and others he comes into contact with. I understand that he has his own victim story and pain, regret and anger. I am fortunate however in that I have amazing friends and grown children who do their best to help. My question is how to release my victim story when I feel so powerless due to increasing disability. I cannot figure out how to separate myself from my toxic caregiver. Thank you as I do rely frequently on your book the Universe has your back. When I release my need to control, things typically seem to look more positive. I so want to heal myself ❤️

    1. Gail, if you feel unsafe around your husband in any way, I encourage you to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help. The number is 1-800-799-7233. You can learn more about the different kinds of abuse on their website. You can find additional resources here. I’m holding you in my prayers.

  25. Hi Gabby,
    I am doing this way too much lately and I think I’m driving people around me crazy – I’m driving myself crazy. I just keep saying the same story over and over. I’m leaving my part-time job (that’s not a dream job) to start a full-time position somewhere else (also not a dream job). I try to be the light for those I’m working with (both jobs are with vulnerable populations) and in lots of ways I feel like I am doing that, but it’s not making me happy, I dread it every day. The stress of leaving my current job and dreading starting my new job is overwhelming.
    Sounds so victim-y I know…
    I will try the steps…do you have any more suggestions for general thoughts?
    Thanks, Emma

    1. Emma, I applaud you for helping others and for your deep desire to serve. But I want you to know that when you are happy in your job, you WILL serve others. The job you truly want may not appear to be as service-oriented as the one you have now, but when you are showing up every day with joy, you are serving the world and helping others.

      When it comes to going general in your situation, here is an example to illustrate it a bit further. Here is an example sequence of thoughts (note this is just an example):

      I’m dreading this day. I hate this job. I’ll never find a job I love.
      I don’t like this job, but it doesn’t have to be permanent.
      This job helps me pay my bills and have security.
      I have people who support me.
      There are tools I can use to feel better when I’m stressed.
      It feels good to take a deep breath.
      The Universe supports me.

      Reaching for these more general thoughts can help you pivot away from the victim story that traps you and lift your vibration. You can then shift into more specific positive thoughts, or take the opportunity to practice one of those tools that supports you, like a short meditation or a surrender prayer.

      Here are some resources that may serve you:
      How to change your mood in 60 seconds
      How to be happier at work
      What are your spiritual assignments & how can you show up for them?
      How to let go of what you think you need

      1. Gabby, thank you for taking the time to respond so thoughtfully. I really like that example sequence of thoughts – it’s so true. Thank you for including your other links too, they’re all very relevant. I have lots of work to do!
        Thank you, thank you, thank you.

          1. Hi Gabby,

            Since your response I literally have not brought up my victim story. It’s been a relief to have my mind more free. Too bad this video didn’t come out about 6 weeks ago throughout the whole process of applying/interviewing/waiting/leaving my current job because my vicim story was all I could talk about! I finished my last day of work at my old job on Friday and I’m starting my new job tomorrow. I’m still quite nervous about starting something new but I’m going to wait and continue with the thought sequence you suggested, it’s a great reminder as to why I’m doing this job and that it’s not permanent.
            Thanks again, Emma

          2. Hi Gabby,

            I’m writing to you again almost 2 years later about what feels like the same thing. I did start that new job and it only lasted about 3 months (the entire organization was a mess). After I quit, my old job asked if I wanted to come back. I didn’t want to go back but I didn’t have anything else lined up so I did. I am still there now and I hate going. I can’t stand being there. When I’m working with the clients I do feel positive and still try to be the light for them, but the job is SO boring and it is an environment I don’t want to be in. I’ve tried to start a little side business that I thought might be fun with vintage jewellery, but it feels like a distraction or something. My boyfriend loves his work and works so hard and hardly gets paid, but he is so happy and gets to meet new people and work internationally and I feel like I’m just existing and going through the motions for nothing. It’s like he’s more open and good things happen and I’m still in this low vibe that I can’t shake. He trusts that things will work out and his hard work will pay off. I try not to resent him or be jealous of his opportunities but I can’t seem to help those feelings from coming through. And I don’t want to be that way with him, our relationship has been long distance for quite some time (working on being together in the next few months) so it makes for extra strain when I’m unhappy with my work. I saw your Instagram post today on finding your purpose and trusting but I really don’t know how to let go. Sorry for the lengthy message, I know this is a busy time with the masterclass signups. Thanks so much. Emma

          3. Hi Emma. Trust that the Universe has a plan in store for you. You mentioned that the letting go is the challenging part, but that’s also where the big shifts happen. By creating some daily practices for yourself, such as meditating, you’ll start to open yourself up to new ways of looking at things, and beginning to surrender. Sending you big hugs and lots of peace. <3

          4. Thanks so much for your reply! I am actually on day 10 of meditating with the headspace app. Hoping it will bring some surrender. I wish I could just flick a switch for trusting and letting go! Thank you 🙂

  26. Gabby your amazing thank you so much.
    What happens when we need to describe a horrible situation in order to apply for things and move forwards.

    We have to tell people the awful situation so they have the understanding what happened??

    Even worse we have to tell multiple people and even put it into writing, by all means I would live to never need to talk about it again, but sometimes we have to explain in to people in authority.

    Love always

    1. This is not at all about ignoring trauma or suppressing difficult emotions. Use these steps when you find yourself stuck in a victim story that is not serving you or helping you heal but keeping you trapped, disempowered and unhappy. xo

  27. Hi Gabby,

    Your email came at such a pivotal point in my day.

    I was at the Route 91 Harvest Festival in Vegas. I am still trying to make sense of what I experienced and witnessed. I understand I am allowed a certain amount of time to heal and/or tell my story, however, I am struggling with that time frame – I’m constantly asking myself ” what’s a healthy time frame?” And “what’s too much time?” – as I don’t want my concerns and sadness to become a habit, for that very fear of becoming a victim. I truly have so much to be grateful for – Having my friends and I make it out safe is my “Go General”. I may not be able to move past my story just yet, although I am ready to move forward and videos like this will help me on that journey.

    Thank you!

    1. Wow. I am blown away by your courage and your willingness to heal. I am so happy to know you are safe, and I encourage you to seek help from a therapist as you move through your experiences, if it becomes too much to handle on your own. Your bravery is an immense inspiration.

  28. This is a very impt topic and gets me to go to deeper.
    I listen if how generational it can be – my parents victim story that led to poor treatment of me as a child. And how their vi Tim story becomes the explanation of why’s of their behavior and part of a masking to not go deeper into feelings of their own pain and sadness.

    I love these steps that you describe as a way to deepen my own release of parts of my own victim story I have not let go of. Many parts I have let go, but some I still hang on to – as my own excuse or explanation of why I can’t do this or that.

    I have also found that sometimes when I have ruminated too much, I either have not yet uncovered the spiritual lesson or that I have needed some some deep understanding by someone, to be heard, or real comfort or I have not fully given myself compassion and forgiveness.

    Sending love as we keep clearing and stepping into the light a bit at a time.

  29. I have been practicing the WAIT part for a bit now and I am excited to incorporate in the Go General portion. Right now I have gotten really good at getting disgusted with myself when I am rehashing these victim stories so I am excited to raise my vibration now!

    1. You do not need to get disgusted with yourself. Gently witness your thoughts/behavior, honor your feelings, and choose again.

  30. One of my favorite posts so far! It’s a great reminder for me to “check in” on myself. It’s very timely as well for several friends of mine, so I’m going to lovingly share your blog post today! Thank you for continuing to be such a light for all of us. Much love and light to you Gabby

  31. I love how the videos are so perfect to what I’ve been talking about in the day. I was out with my Mum today and I was coaching her about the very same. Much love to you Gabby Bright Star

  32. GABBY! this is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Thank you inner guide and thank you. I’m in a new relationship and that always triggers my ancient childhood victim story. I really like this man and I can feel that old story sabotaging so even, as you say, for a split second, I can feel like I am in control. This video is so helpful. I am taking the leap of faith to stay active and aware of my thoughts because I don’t need to let those old stories take me anywhere 🙂 Love you!!!!!

  33. Hi Gabby –
    When my dad died a few years ago after a battle w/cancer, my in-laws (with whom I thought I was close), didn’t attend or even ask about his funeral. Yet, a few months later, I gave birth to their first grandson and they were very eager to be involved in our lives.
    For years I actively fueled my “victim story”, until I realized the anger and resentment was not my Truth (and was actually making me sick)– it was my fear of not being loved. Your book UHYB helped me realize this! I’ve meditated on this for a year now and genuinely want to forgive them. Still though, I consciously struggle to Fully release my victim story. I know this because time with them still makes my chest tighten.
    I’m wondering if there’s a guided/visual meditation you recommend to help release pain/anger when the person who hurt you is part of your family life? Or, maybe it all comes back to meditating on my oneness with God…as in, I have access to all the Love I need so I am safe to accept them as they are? Thanks and PS looking forward to reading your new book and seeing you at Agape in Jan!

    1. I really want to honor your commitment to choosing oneness and releasing your victim story. I understand that this situation can be difficult. I think my next book, Judgment Detox, is going to be completely life-changing for you in this regard and will help you to heal your resentment, hurt and judgment fully. You can preorder it now. 🙂

      Have you tried loving-kindness meditations? This particular practice may be very healing for you. There are plenty of guided loving-kindness meditations available online. Here’s one to check out.

      Here are a couple of posts and meditations that will help you right now:
      How to forgive someone
      Cut the cord
      A meditation for oneness

      1. thank you for the these suggestions. i have not tried loving-kindness meditations but will check them out. in the meantime, i feel called to start with your example of 30-days of the cutting the cord. i’ve practiced this once or twice, but never for a prolonged period. and regarding your new book, i have my ticket to see you in Los Angeles and look forward to starting the new year with the read! Cheers to more life-changing shifts in 2018…..

          1. Hi Gabby – Firstly, I am getting super PUMPED to see you in a month in Los Angeles. Secondly, I want to let you know that I’ve kept up with my commitment to the Sat Nam meditation and I finally faced my fears and began practicing the cord-cutting meditation. The most profound realization, however, came to me beforehand through my spirit guides: to fully step into my power, I needed to cut the cord with my dad (who died a few years ago) NOT my in-laws (with whom I’ve been so angry since his death). The anxiety I felt was so intense but I let it flow and mediated more, and when I was ready I allowed your voice to guide me through the process. It has been truly transformational! Years of anger just….gone. Anyway, just want you to know that as you rest up and prepare for all the love and light you plan to share with us, I am doing my part to be ready and open and willing to take on the lessons of Judgement Detox. Hopefully, my Light will fill your bucket in some way too. xox

          2. This is a miracle. This is beautiful. You received divine guidance and listened, moving through the anxiety and fear to experience incredible relief. I honor your courage and your commitment. Xoxo

  34. This was meant to be in y inbox, I’ve had a very rough last month, and have definitely played into the victim narrative, I have been actually trying to steer away from it and keep finding myself back in it, I think this will help. Thank you so much!

  35. This couldn’t have appeared in my inbox in a more perfect time. I am a childless stepmom, and my husband and I are dealing with infertility. And right now everywhere I look are pregnancy announcements. I am making life miserable for my husband, with the uncontrollable crying at the drop of a hat. I need to learn to change my story. Thank you!

    1. Tonya, I hold you in my prayers and I understand your struggle. The Universe has a beautiful plan for you. I recommend watching my video on the 5 steps to spiritual surrender, in which I talk about my own struggle with fertility. The practice I lay out in that talk may help you greatly. xo

  36. I love this and there’s def a truth to it. I’ve also realised though that sometimes it is a good idea to talk about your fears and the difficult stuff you are going through. As long as you don’t get caught up in the story as you do it, but are just expressing your feelings. Otherwise you can end up, and I did end up, suppressing and repressing your feelings for years, never admitting the situation you are in and what your feelings are. I’ve felt that law of attractions teachings sometimes forget that words are just words, it’s the energy behind them that makes the positivity or negativity, that makes the content. ❤️

    1. Honoring your feelings is essential and I applaud you for doing it. Dwelling in that negativity and accepting it as our identity is what keeps us stuck in a low vibration. You are right – the energy is what matters. xo

  37. This is very much needed today. I’ve been going through health issues for a few months and find myself constantly talking about it and it makes me feel worse afterwards. But I feel like if I don’t talk about it then no one will know what I’m going through and I don’t know what else to do.

    1. Practice these steps. Ask for help and support from others as you help yourself and lean on the strength of the Universe. You are on the right path. Sending you love and light.

  38. This is SO helpful, Gabby, thank you! I had a very difficult and painful summer- a death in my family, a move that didn’t work out (I moved, as I say, 2 1/2 times this summer!), and a relationship with a man I cared deeply for ended suddenly and unexpectedly, without explanation. I’ve been telling this story over and over, even as I’m trying other things to move into a positive direction, such as listening to/repeating affirmations, reading books such as yours, etc. I have to give up this story and not dwell inside of that space of that pain. I continue to pray for guidance and fully believe I was guided to your message, and the timing is perfect! Sending you love and thanks!

  39. I just checked my inbox and found your email on this topic on a day where I’ve felt like such a victim. My husband recently had a stroke and I have been his carer for just over a month. Today I found out my mother is giving my siblings money, but never thinks to help me, even in my times of difficulty. All I could do was focuss on the hard done by me story, which was taking me down a path of feeling helpless and resentful. This in turn, was making me feel even more victim like. Thanks so much for this message on how to stop the victimhood story. I’m already focussing on practical and spiritual things I can do to make myself feel better and I now feel empowered and looking forwards, rather than helpless and I feel a lot lighter. Thanks for making me realise I have lots of good things waiting outside of these problems.

  40. Hi Gabby. I completely understand what you are saying and have been a Abraham-Hicks disciple for over 10 years. I understand that what you think about, and talk about, comes about. But in my situation, I’ve been out of work for over a year, homeless and staying with friends for much too long, and whatever I try to do to break this does not work. I don’t want to say I’m a victim, but it sure feels as if the Universe is playing tricks on me. I will not go into the level of rejection, pain, hurt, anxiety and stress I’ve faced, but it’s been pretty unbearable. Still, I try to stay positive every day, and keep taking action. Can you tell me what else I can do to break free from this? I’m at my wit’s end.

    1. My friend, I am so sorry to hear you’re going through such a difficult experience. I know this must be extremely challenging for you and I want you to know I am holding you in my prayers. In life’s most challenging times I know it seems hard to believe in a peaceful, abundant and joyful future, but please know there are many resources and people that can help you move through this period with hope, faith, and grace.

      I encourage you to take empowered action to find help with one situation at a time. Maybe there is a job you can take that isn’t a dream job but will help you earn money, build some confidence and security, and gain structure into your life. You can research government support to help you bridge the gap with housing, or perhaps once you’re earning you can find an affordable apartment share or contribute some rent to a friend you’re staying with. If you have insurance, call up the company to ask about mental health services — I believe one of the best gifts we can give ourselves is the gift of professional support from a qualified therapist who can help us move forward. Having this kind of ally can also help you to find additional resources in your community or state.

      The Universe led you to this video for a reason. It resonated with you for a reason. You are ready to release this story and move forward with grace. Accept the guidance and take that first right action. These seemingly small steps will add up to create a beautiful reality beyond your expectations. I know this is possible for you.

  41. So on point for me at this moment. I normally fancy myself a pretty positive person. The past month or so I’m off my game. I am trying to force something I want at work and I’m playing the victim because it’s not happening. I know I very clearly heard in my sleep the other night something telling me to get out of the way. Pretty sure this had to do with the attempting to force vs allowing and believing. Your message today came to address the second spoke in the wheel. Stop playing the poor me card. Thank you as always for knowing what we need when we need it. Blessings !!

    1. Listen to the guidance! You are on the right path. Surrender and know that the Universe has your back.

  42. These two steps

    With regard to friends, I will always hold space for them for where they’re at…not making any major suggestion to them to shift (out of victim mode as an example) especially when they’re in the thick of it. Having been in tough situations myself and understanding that clarity can be far out of reach and defence mode can kick in all too quickly in early stages of grief, trauma, major sadness and change.

    And then, when it seems like the right time, I will tell them about my positive experience with using these steps.

  43. I love your strategies Gabby – because there is richness & content there that I do appreciate and can relate to.

    Thank you for being you.
    Love always,
    Wish you all happiness.

  44. I could not agree more. In an attempt to not focus on what I don’t want, when the negative energy thought comes to mind I now pop in the visual of beautiful flowers. It quickly changes the feel so something pretty and can be general. Thank you!

  45. Thanks again Gabby for the advice!

    I recently did my friends wedding gratis, with my thinking that I could use the experience to possibly build an event planning business using this as the test. At the end of the wedding, being on a natural high for 2 days over how beautiful and successful the wedding was, I was so looking forward to it being over since I had put a TON of time into it, planning it as if it were my own.

    Then the resentment set in…once I started thinking about a few things that happened at the wedding as well as some of the comments from my friend, the bride that I have know since we were 13, I got resentful over the fact that, this was not the first time I have dedicated a lot of time to helping this friend only to have her snub me and not be of any help to me, minor simple help, like taking a look at the dress I was going to wear at her wedding, etc.

    Well, having 12 years of sobriety, I know better than to expect something in return, and not to feed the resentment. But I got caught up in it all and did the cardinal sin of feeding the anger and resentment to a point of exhaustion spun lost my peace and serenity that I have been so proud of having during the trying times I am going through.

    So, fast forward to today, I still have bitterness toward my friend who is still clueless and has done some other rather selfish and unthoughtful things since then, I am giving it to God, and am not letting her have another second of my time in my head. I am resolving to keep my contact with her to a minimum, and to not do anything in the future besides being polite and keeping my side of the street clean.

    There may be a time that we chat about this, but at this point, I may something that I regret, so I am going to take your advice and WAIT and GO GENERAL and redirect my thoughts so as to not feed the anger and fear that is associated with it.

    Thanks again, you are always right on with what I am experiencing!

    Looking forward to getting your new book!!!


    1. Sally sweetheart, if you don’t mind, I’d like to comment on what you shared here. I hope this is OK with you and I hope you find it useful.

      There will always be people whose nature, behaviour, character, and priorities in life, will resonate with who we are – people who will inspire us, and facilitate bringing the best in us forward.
      And there will always be those other people whose nature, behaviour, character and priorities in life, will cause us hurt and agony.

      Yes, we give openly without expecting things in return.

      Yes, we try to let our inner-compass guide and manage our emotions.

      Yes, we try to be as connected to spirit as possible.

      But as human beings who have a physical experience in this world, we need to be conscious to how we feel around certain people and choose to eliminate those whose presence seem to be toxic to us.

      Go where you are loved.

      1. Thank you so much for the feedback!
        I really appreciate you and your wisdom and know that you are right.
        It’s just hard to let go of a 40 year relationship, but when I look at the one sidedness of it all, what am I really giving up!!!

        Thanks again!

        PS I’m preordering your book today!

  46. This couldn’t be better timed. I find I am retelling the story of my ill health over and over and it makes me more anxious and is not helping me or the people I am telling. Your article came a the right time for me to help me move on to the next step in the road to my recovery. Thank you. xx

  47. Thanks Gabby! I have a friend who is constantly living the victim story and trying to control the outcome. I can’t wait to share your video with her ❤️ x

    1. It is so empowering! Just make sure to allow her to feel about it however she feels. She may not react how you want, and that is okay. 🙂

  48. Thank you Gabby, I got a concussion and I’ve been trying to control the heck out of this experience. I’ve allowed myself to feel helpless which is a joke and have been waiting for others to make me feel better which never works since it’s really about being lit from within. I know this but post concussion I didn’t see where my focus had shifted until this post so thank you thank you for lighting my way back to my self. Do you / other readers have any thoughts on how to allow yourself to be supported and vulnerable without feeling like a victim? People only seem to help when you let them know you aren’t doing okay. And letting that help in is part of a healthy relationship. How do you own what’s going on, let others in, and not be in the victim dialogue? I tend to do things on my own and I think, in an effort to let the support in, I somehow made myself feel weak.

    1. First of all, I honor your willingness to let go of the victim story you’ve been telling. You suffered a very real trauma and recovery is not simple or fast. When it comes to allowing others to support you, know that there is actually a lot of strength in vulnerability. There is no shame in saying, “I need help.” That statement implies that, first and foremost, you are helping yourself and you are willing to see and do things differently, and that you know you cannot rely on your strength alone. We can find support from our friends, family members and Spirit. You aren’t using them as a crutch; you are allowing them to help you help yourself. And one day when you have recovered there will come a time when another person asks for your help, and you will gladly give it. Xo

  49. Great video.

    Regarding that part: Without even thinking, an intuitive, authoritative voice came through me. I said, “You have to let go of this story. This story is being repeated and repurposed, and it’s perpetuating this anxiety, this tension and this fear.”

    You can also heal it through Family Constellations.

    Thanks for the tips

  50. Well this is very timely, thanks Gabby! One of my friends is going through a break up and I noticed that she is telling her victim story over and over again. I’m glad I read this because now I can help re-direct her to focus on positives in her life which may gradually shift her thinking so she can have new experiences and new stories to tell.

    1. I am going through the end of a 30 year relationship and I was wondering why I was feeling depleted this morning- it is because I was telling my victim story all weekend. I’m not a victim and I know the Universe Has My Back! Thank you for the reminder.

  51. Hi Gabby!
    First, I love you❤️!! Thank you for allowing your life to be an amazing example and sharing with us!!
    Question: When your friend called and started talking you said, “It was at a very high, nervous vibration and she was speaking really fast.”
    Did you actually mean that she was in a lower vibration? I would consider nervous anxiety low vibe (in my case anyway bc I have been hurdling the same issue…DOING REALLY WELL, THOUGH!!*claps*) but idk.
    This message was SO on point for me because I’ve been on both sides recently and was tempted to buy into my victimhood story just this morning…..until the voice of Bernstein came through. lol
    Anyway, much love and appreciation for you!!
    Samantha ❤️

  52. “There are people that want to support me.” This affirmation was EXACTLY what I needed to hear, and what I will tell myself. I was injured at work and it took years to get the injury addressed (I’m still in recovery). This left me feeling betrayed and upset, and has made me a pretty miserable “victim” to be around! Yes, it had a major impact on my life and was very painful, but the negativity hasn’t exactly sped up the recovery process. “There are peope that want to support me” shifts my focus and my energy. Brilliant. Thank goodness it’s never too late to change! And thank YOU!

    1. I’m so happy this resonates with you and serves you! Sending you love and light in your recovery. Expect miracles.

  53. I love the idea of telling myself to “wait”. It seems so simple but I can see how it can be very powerful. I will definitely take this with me.

  54. Love this one!
    Looking forward to catching myself and redirecting…are there any ways we can helps others do the same such as spouse or children?

    1. You can definitely model the behavior for your children and gently help them see when they are repeating a victim story and ask how they might change it. For other adults, I suggest sharing the video as something that has helped you and simply letting it be. The kindest thing you can do for another person is to accept them and let them find their own faith and way. Some blogs that can help you further on this topic:

      Accepting people where they are
      You’re not responsible for other people’s happiness
      How to create healthy boundaries

  55. This is so on message for me right now. It is as if you read my mind. I did the victim routine recently and feel bad about it because it may have damaged something precious. You have given me food for thought on how I move forward. Thank you

  56. Thank you Gabby! I needed to hear this. I actually need to hear it all day every day. It really hit me when you said that you go into your victim story because it gives you a sense of control. I realize how good it feels in the moment to complain and be the victim because it somehow makes me feel like I’m doing something about my situation. But, in all reality I’m only creating more of what I don’t want. Thank you again for this video. I am going to make an effort daily to wait and to go general. Blessings to you.

  57. Thanks Gabby,
    for this will help me through my drama of this day or the whole past weekend.
    I already know about this and make positive affirmations.
    And also thanks for your wonderful card deck!
    Love Conny

  58. Gabby! This may be my favorite, most relevant and timely blog I’ve received from you. How empowering and exciting! Thank you!

      1. This is absolutely so beautiful, so real, and such a real reality check for me… I love what you said about “going general”… so true, and Inhave that within myself to make the chance into a good feeling healthy vibe, without the drama… This really touched on a core issue for me and I thank you.. I choose today not to fall into that victim role.. I choose to forget and forgive that toxicity.. You are the best mentor Inhave ever had.. I Love your sunshine Gabby…

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