How to Release the Story of Victim

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I recently called a girlfriend who’s going through a really tough time. The second she picked up the phone I could feel her energy. It was at a very high-strung, nervous vibration and she was speaking really fast.

She went right into the story of all the things that were going wrong. All the problems, all the issues, all the fear. And I have a lot of compassion for her because I know she’s going through a very difficult, scary time with a lot of uncertainty.

But I knew immediately that she was diving into the story of the victim. But then a power greater than us intervened.

How to release the story of being a victim

Watch the video below or keep reading to learn how to release the story of victim.

When I was talking to my friend, suddenly, without even thinking, an intuitive, authoritative voice came through me. I said, “You have to let go of this story. This story is being repeated and repurposed, and it’s perpetuating this anxiety, this tension and this fear.”

And she took a breath and said, “I know you’re right, because this story doesn’t make me feel good. But I get in it because for a minute it makes me feel like I’m in control.”

Trying to control things only disempowers us

That’s the big issue for all of us. When we see ourselves as a victim in some way, we want to regain our power. So we try to control the situation by overanalyzing it and obsessing over it. We think the only way to feel better is to let it out and talk about it. But the more we talk about it and bring it up to people, the more we’re trying to control it.

Tweet: The stories we tell are the experiences we live @gabbybernstein #spiritjunkie

All that talking about the victim story doesn’t relieve our fears at all. It just creates more drama and makes us feel more powerless and anxious. That’s how my friend was feeling when we started talking. So I gave her two powerful, proactive steps she could take to release the story of victim.

The 2-step process to letting go of your victim story and reclaiming confidence

When you find yourself feeling like a victim and telling that story, take these 2 steps to let it go and reclaim your confidence fast.

Step 1: Say “WAIT: Why Am I Talking?”

miracles now book gabby bernsteinThis is a great tool that I put in my book Miracles Now. When you find yourself repeating your victim story or hashing out a situation with a friend for the millionth time, take a beat and ask yourself, “Why am I talking?”

Give yourself a moment to notice what you’re doing and say, “Okay, I’m in fear. I’m trying to control.” Allow yourself to witness the story so you can shift it.

Step 2: Go general

Going general is a powerful technique from Abraham-Hicks. When you start going into a negative story, you create momentum and more fear picks up, and you start feeling totally out of control of your thoughts. So once you’ve said “WAIT,” you can go general.

The concept of going general is to reach for thoughts that are general thoughts that you believe in so that you can start to shift your energy and shift out of that story.

General thoughts can be thoughts like, “I am good enough,” or “I have resources,” or “I have people who want to support me.” You can begin with neutral thoughts and gradually make them more positive. As you start to reach for these general thoughts you create momentum in the other direction. It puts you on a new path that feels energized, supported and more powerful.

Change your story and raise your vibration

By following these two steps, you can release the story of victim and get out of a low vibrational state. You will raise your vibration, which will attract more of its likeness.

When you begin to change your stories, you change your experiences. The stories we tell are the experiences we live — so as you refocus your energy and tell new stories about what’s working and what’s thriving, you’ll begin to awaken a different presence within you.

That presence will create a reality far beyond your wildest dreams.

My intention is that you take these steps seriously and stop rehearsing the role of victim so you can claim the happiness that is your birthright.

Reclaim your Super Attractor power

Super Attractor: Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, by Gabrielle BernsteinMy new book, Super Attractor, is a journey of remembering where your true power lies. You’ll learn how to co-create the life you want. You’ll accept that life can flow, that attracting is fun, and that you don’t have to work so hard to get what you want.

Most importantly, you’ll feel good. And when you feel good, you give off a presence of joy that elevates everyone around you.

When you order the book you’ll also get a free bonus: my Manifesting Jumpstart Workshop! This 2-hour online workshop will prepare you for the powerful methods in Super Attractor.

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  1. I love this simple but effective tool. It was a revelation to me when I learned that I have control over my feelings and not the other way around. It makes sense how the feeling of wanting control in that fear based state can make us “feel better” but it ultimately doesn’t last. I can literally feel in my physical body when I’m in that love based state of “control” and I know that THAT is who I am. It’s funny how we talk about control being a bad thing, but I kinda see it as a good thing. I can CHOOSE and CONTROL how I am feeling and therefore I can change my reality. I am now just getting into reading Esther and Jerry Hicks’s books and am already seeing (and more importantly feeling) the results. Thank you for this blog post Gabby! It helps me greatly at this moment of my life.

  2. Your blog ressentated with me as I was a victim of harassment and abuse from a person who I had a court order against by using this tool I feel I have overcme the fear based feelings and thoughts I had. Thank you for creating blogs like this one.

  3. This was just what I needed. Only now I realised that hole this time that I thought that I’m trying to heal from a old trauma I’ve been playing a story of a victim. Mentaly I was so down and I thought that I would go crazy. But I have tryed this now few days and I already feel so much beter. I almoust chose a wrong path that I would have propably regret the rest of my life… so glad I didn’t but chose to heal from this story instead. Sorry my bad english.. Thank you Gabby for being there for these times when we need a push to the right direction. ❤

  4. I surrender my need to control it all! I truly believe I have become sort of addicted to trying to control every aspect of my life, unfortunately so much that I’m realizing how much it effects my health and happiness. Thank you beyond words Gabby for this video and to teaching us to let go and give it to God. My wish for 2018 is to surrender and make way for God to do HIS best in my life. Tired of trying to do it on my own. ❤️

  5. I’m working on this right now. I made a mistake, and I kept telling people about it! As if it were some form of confession, or to feel validated in my mistake, or to continue to punish myself for it, or or or… I’m struggling with the positive generalizations, but I can hold onto the fact that I HAVE RESOURCES. I’m working on reading through your book, “The Universe Has Your Back,” and I am grateful for that resource. I also know that I have people surrounding me that want to support me. I’m practicing NOT being the victim in something that sounds so positive and is so true.

    Thank you for your words.

  6. I received this email at the perfect time. Thank you. Since the death of my 2 fur babies in August I have been living with anger, blame, guilt and depression. The victim script has been on replay. The last three days I have had to literally say to myself out loud “Stop I am not listening and accepting this as my fault. It was an accident. I’m accepting love and light into my life”. And then as I’m going and reading emails and cleaning my inbox today your email appears about the victim script. OMG! Perfect timing. Just what I needed to read and hear. And you are right that it is about having some control over a situation. But it doesn’t last, it just pulls you into the drama and then your just on loop mode. I also found that keeping busy mind and body has also helped me to have clarity and see the light and many possibilities. Thank you again Gabby

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this. I know how sharp and consuming grief can be, and I honor you for being willing to heal and doing the work. Peace will settle in.

  7. Gabby – this is exactly what I needed. I’m going through a devastating break-up and some uncertainty about my health, and it’s as if my victim mindset has been on a loop every day as soon as I wake up until the moment I drift off to sleep. Thank you for sharing such a relevant topic – and for being a little light during an otherwise dark time for me.

    1. I’m holding you in my prayers during this difficult time and I honor you for being willing to recognize and release your victim story. Expect miracles.

  8. Dear Gabby, I’ve been putting off reading this because I know I’m telling my ‘victim’ story. And I’m about to tell it again!! My husband left me a few months ago after 22 years of what I thought was a wonderful partnership and family life with our children (20 & 18). He is already dating someone new and has told me he was unhappy for the last few years. We had been under a lot of financial strain with our business and I thought this was the cause of his unhappiness and distance. His way of leaving was to go to work one day and never come home. To say I have been devastated and totally floored by my grief is an understatement. Everyone in my life was equally shocked and wants to hear my ‘story’ and I have been happy to share it, over and over. I think because I’m so full of despair, I’m looking to others to help me make sense of what happened and prop me up. And I feel the need to speak the words over and over so they don’t drive me crazy in my mind. But I also realise it is a fine line between seeking out support and guidance and allowing this situation to totally define me on a daily basis. I’m seeing a counsellor as of next week and my plan is to only have this person as an outlet for my grief and processing. I thank you deep from within my heart for this blog post, it was just what I needed to read. xxx

  9. This was exactly what I needed to hear! I was going over my old story in my head when I couldn’t sleep last night and it was driving me crazy that I was still thinking about it after all of these years. Thank you for sharing this information! Now I feel like I have tools to change my story for the better! xoxo

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