How to Let Go of What You Think You Need

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A little while back I was hosting a beautiful event with Deepak Chopra and Eckhart Tolle. I was backstage listening very intently to what they were saying because my role at the event was to come out and comment on these teachers’ profound words — a job I obviously didn’t take lightly!

There was one thing I heard while I was backstage that nearly knocked me off my chair. Deepak said that when you’re happy for some reason, you’re still in misery — because that reason can be taken from you tomorrow.

Wow! This statement blew me away. If I’m happy for some REASONS in my life, I’m actually still in misery.

Tweet: Build up your spiritual mojo! @gabbybernstein #spiritjunkie

Deepak’s words reminded me that when we focus on what we think we need, that’s when we weaken our connection to the Universe.

Instead, strengthen that connection! Rather than focusing on certain circumstances or accomplishments or objects, practice letting go.

Watch the video for more guidance and let me know in the comments what you’re willing to release. Make your commitment to it.

I hope this video serves you.

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53 COMMENTS

  1. Love this, thank you for sharing! So do you feel that we need to let go of our desires completely, and allow whatever is supposed to be come to light? Do you feel there is a balance between being content/satisfied with where you are, however still holding a space for what you want/desire??
    Thanks!
    XO

  2. YOUR world is what you THINK it is. If you can’t change the world, change the way you think of the world.

  3. I am surrendering my need for attention from a man. I crave feeling wanted, desired, and loved by a man. Recently a long term relationship ended and I feel a deep sadness. I have been making many positive changes in my life. I’ve lost 40 pounds, quit smoking, walked away from a toxic relationship. I am working towards my masters degree, have success with work, am being creative, and I have a wonderful son. I am blessed however I have this deep sadness that I will never have a partner who loves me. Never have a healthy relationship. I am 41 today and I haven’t been able to make this work. Perhaps I need to let go of that need.

    1. you are incredible. congratulations on all of your amazing accomplishments… continue being the most loving partner to yourself, let go of the outcome and you will see many more miracles to come
      xo

  4. We always think of what we want and need.
    Letting go is to let the universe decide we we really need. Can we stop and simply stare at nothing and whisper a quiet thank you. I have all I need, show me your plan.

  5. Hey gabby. Part of my path to letting go and surrendering what I think I need is releasing judgement from my life. I have heard you talk about this before. I am still struggling with this. If you have any suggestions on how to release judgement because I know it continues to separate me from my spiritual path. Thank you, that is what I’m looking to surrender.

  6. Really good stuff Gabby.
    I am willing to release the things I think will ease my mind and bring me joy… And just find the joy and peace that is already there.

  7. As part of my my daily practice, thanks to you, I was praying this morning and letting God know I trust him and I trust the universe. Thank you for this beautiful reminder to pray for the highest good and let go.

  8. Oh, Gabby. This has brought me to tears. I’m currently in my 200 Hour YTT Training and reading a Course in Miracles. I’m so overwhelmed by the amount of information I’m learning. My mind has been blown wide open yet I was still seeking for something to make me feel accomplished, happy, content and so on.

    I’ve been a huge fan and follower of Deepak for over 10 years and I’ve need heard him say this.

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! It has brought me great peace.

    Sat Nam

  9. This is a beautiful truth… one that can be tough to accept, but so powerful to do so. I’ve been trying (and am committed) to releasing a very negative pattern in my life involving two other people. I’ve healed a lot of heartache and pain in my life, but this one has continued to stump me as the other two people seem content with maintaining hostility. I’ve been asking God what my role is, how I contribute to this pain, how I can find acceptance, forgiveness, and release. Thank you so much for sharing this message – it was a perfect message for me today. I appreciate you, Gabby! xo

  10. I used to think I needed to be my ideal weight to be happy, and I used to think that I needed to be an expert at my craft before I could practice it well with anybody, but in this moment, I choose to let go of these things I think I need, and just be

  11. Wow, it is mind blowing but it makes sense! A “reason” would have to do with past or future and all our great teachers emphasize being in the “now” and experiencing what is. Being in the now, there’s no stories or attachments so it’s neither good or bad! Thanks for this video!!

  12. Lately, I’ve been obsessively thinking about moving back to CA. Lived there for 8 years, and we moved back to NY for mainly my daughter but a lot has changed and not for the better. Long story short, my husband has left us, and my family isn’t really around. CA had its complications but overall I feel like I was happier in CA for many reasons. While I’m back east, I keep asking the universe to give me the work experience I need, so I can feel comfortable coming back west with my daughter. Listening to this post I realize that I need to let things just happen, and just give up what I think I need. I have literally sat at work thinking to myself, “I don’t want to be here” which I know is only hurting me.

  13. This is so true! When I let go of the plan I had for myself, I now live a life that is greater than I could have ever thought. Thank you so much Gabby!

  14. Hi gabby, this came to me at the right time. A friend from work is having problems and I always am grateful every morning write 5 things that I am grateful for and this message is so true. It resonates with me we should all see this message you have posted. You are truely a healer ????

  15. Gabby, thank you for sharing “that” insight. So valuable. I have been working on the I AM Presence, and it does follow the same “rule” I discovered it. But, yes, sometimes we get out of track, sequence, and our thoughts are not aligned with that small but powerful idea, statement. The word you use is the one, it is strong though. Sometimes those words (energy) it is necessary to make us awake and better stay connected… right?
    Thank you always for being there, in the middle of the universe, sharing “that” invaluable knowledge.

  16. I’m willing to release control of how things and events will unfold in my life. I will focus on the feelings of joy and freedom I want to get. Gabby, thank you so much for the event in Montreal. You have such a strong presence. Thank you for your service. Blessings.

  17. Letting go of “getting what I want exactly how I want it” mentality in order to feel safe and heard by God/the universe. This helped me a lot. Thank you Gabby.

  18. I can’t even tell you how perfectly timed this email and video was – right down to the second for me. But, you know that;-)

  19. Wow.. My morning prayer was to surrender!! I am surrendering, I am hitting my knees and really surrendering. Thank you, thank you for being my teacher, my guide, the person who always appears in a book, in a article, in you tube video and brings me back from the darkness I hide in. (A few yrs ago when bring more ing book came out, I purchased it on line. Well I received it opened the book read a few pages and then put aside, the next day I received another Bring more ing book. I had purchased 2 books without knowing. At the time I wanted a quick fix just to put me thru all the heartache I was going thru. I left both books in a box never picked them up. A year or so later I was going thru the same pain,heartache,depression. It’s beautiful how you came up again, I was so desperate to help myself, I googled the word happy guess who popped up. YOU!! Thank you and thank you for opening my eyes and the doors to other teachers.

  20. Be happy just because. That is the happiness that I am getting to from lots of yoga and the teachings of May Cause Miracles and Miracles Now and The Yoga of Discipline by Gurumayi.

  21. Yes, this. We always hear what we need to when we stay connected to that beautiful power that drives all of us. Love the video.

  22. Thank you Gabby <3 This week I am finding it tough balancing life/ work/ kids and although I LOVE the fact that I am busy and enjoying increased success, I am finding myself exhausted mentally and physically- I am going to let go of the need to DO something in my every spare minute and allow myself time to just BE and trust that I shall accomplish everything that needs to be done at the right time without pushing… Thank you for the needed reminded <3 with love xoxo

  23. Hey Gabby.

    I really enjoying reading your blog and books – your content always take me back in my core. Deeply grateful <3

    I releasing SOOOO much stuff at this time, cause I have realize that it waaaay too toxic for me to hold on to those things. I have a mantra I tell myself seveal times at day, that goes "At ease and effortless" – if something isn't at ease or effortless, then it has to go cause I am extreamly highly sensitive and all this heavy energies is too toxic for me. In other words, if it isn't unconditional love, then it isn't longer allowed in my life. I had made inner peace and inner happiness a priority, and only stuff that supports that is allowed in my life.

    I have a pretty crazy history behind me, and had seen they ugliste parts of life before I turned 16 years old. Now I am 26, and the last 10 years had been one big journey from a childhood with lot of physical and mental violence and a mother who abandoned me when I was 15, Because of the things my mother did to me in my childhood had I developed PTSD, which sometimes takes me out of my core. Even thorugh it is in my core I feel most happy. My core is in the middle of the light of love. I had never seen myself as an victim, not even when my mother beat me up several times at day, and sometimes almost killed me. Been a victim has never been a opportunity, because if I choose to agree on been a victim then I will lose my power and strength of love. I had always beleived in the power of love, and I stated studying metaphysics, the universal laws and manifestation when I was 7-8 years old. I did always choose to see love instead of fear, no matter how much pain I went through. I forgave my mother everytime she beat me up, lied or manipulated with me, because I felt sorry for her. It is only really hurted soul who is able to treat other people in that way, and espeically their own children.
    But even though I had done forgiveness work and choosing to see love instead of fear my entire life is there still a little girl inside of me, who is really hurt and longing for her mothers love. That longing for a mothers love can really screw my life and relationships completely up – and that realization did I first recongize for about a month ago. So now I working on release and heal that longing for a mothers love, so it not longer screw more relationships and things up in my life.

    I'm a little curious, where is your triangle necklace from? Think it's super cute.

    Angel Blessings from Denmark,

    Xoxo,
    Sabrina

  24. This is so humbling & freeing. Thank you so much for it. It reminded me of a line in The Art of Happiness. If we are truly at peace we won’t be elated by ‘success’ or upset by ‘failure’. It’s so contrary to what we’re taught in the West but so very outward looking.

  25. Wau!!! The meaning you just offered to thr process of letting go is matching so well my current situation! I am “trying” to get a new position in The company zi work woth,that I became really unhappy while waiting for a feedback. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It helped me letting go and enjoying The Now and having fun????

  26. It’s funny because I have been so worried about finding a job and finding placement because I’ve completed my study I feel I am rushing rushing to get a job in the industry, I do vol work which is the only thing keeping me sane currently but I don’t want to focus my whole being into that one sole thing and rely on it to make me happy… It does make me happy though but if I lost it tomorrow I would like to still remain happy so I feel it’s time for me to relax about it all and enjoy the process
    This video has come at perfect timing .. Thankyou xxx ????????

  27. Yes yes yes!

    As an entrepreneur, we’re constantly being told, “Have these goals. Reach these milestones. Follow this plan.” But it’s never felt right to me. I used to focus on these goals comprised of what I THOUGHT I needed in order to be happy. Recently, I just gave it all up. I surrendered, and focused on FEELING and BEING happy, rather than the goals and materials I believed I needed in order to obtain that happiness.

    This vlog was just another reminder, a wink from the Universe that I made the right choice =)

    Thanks so much for sharing this.

  28. I am in at a crossroads in my relationship. We have been trying to work things out but tge other day I realised I haven’t been praying for him and his highest and greatest good. I’ve been doing that over the last week or so and this post just reconfirmed it. Taking my hands off the steering wheel and letting go of what is best for me and him and praying for our highest good. This includes genuinely wanting all the peace and love for him as I want for myself. I have been trying too hard to control as I just want a resolution so I can put it in a box in my mind but I have realized that just allowing and praying has giving me lightness that I haven’t had for a long time. Such a powerful tool. Thanks gabby for your beautiful support X

  29. I loved this episode. And recently I have felt anxious for not pushing myself hard enough, for not setting the specific goals, but as you Gabby said, praying for happiness, serenity and connection basically serves me the most. I feel relieved. I am willing to let go of my desire or pressure to control, push and force things to happen. Thanks for this powerful reminder.

  30. It’s so true. We ARE unconditional happiness. Props and crutches are not needed, not when you find what you truly are. X

  31. Letting go of the need to have everyone’s approval. This is truly exhausting and amongst all these seldom defeating thoughts I forget to truly just be.

  32. Perfect timing for this message in my spiritual journey. I’m willing to give up the narrow view of career success and the idea that there is just one perfect man for me. I’m letting God and the Universe center me and not being stuck on things that can be taken from me. Bless you for your work!

  33. I’m having a difficult time trying to surrender my desires today because I feel as though I’ll miss the signs from the universe or won’t trust myself in making the right decision when those signs appear. I have so many desires that have not been fulfilled, and I either miss my opportunities or experience just small miracles (though I am grateful for those).

    I do remember reading somewhere about how your desires are like seeds planted in the ground, yet you can’t force the seeds to grow and flower any faster by pleading, cajoling, or yelling at them. They have to and will grow at their own pace, so we have to be patient and trust they will grow to fruition.

  34. Hi Gabby I am wondering if you have any plans to visit Australia to do a seminar for us down here!!! I know so many people who would love to here you speak!,????????

  35. Thanks for this! For three months I’ve been struggling to let go of a guy I dated briefly and I want to just RELEASE it already and allow space and opportunity for someone who wants to love me back and to be with me. Let go, let go, let go!

  36. I am willing to release my self-criticism, as well as the outcomes of my changing life. I let go of my hopes and trust that my spiritual condition will create the experiences I am meant to have (that may very well exceed my current expectations!).

  37. I will let go of the things i think I need. I will focus on happiness and joy as my primary focus, and happiness and joy will follow 🙂

  38. Gabby I wanted to share what happened to me after I listened to your powerful message at the I Can Do It Conference in Toronto. It was a beautiful day and I had been blessed to meet you and have you sign my book. With my new lessons in hand I honestly was feeling “untouchable”. I left the conference to go back to a friends place and within an hour of leaving I was nearly passing out because of heat exhaustion. I was scared and could not believe how quickly my day had turned. I honestly was listening to you in my head and how this fear that could be going through me and I need to face it. I was able to calm down and cool down within a half hour. I enjoyed my night and throughout the whole ordeal I was trying to reveal what perhaps I was hiding. There is no doubt I was overheated but I do believe I was/am blocking something that needs to come to light. I just want to thank you for your truth and sharing it on Sunday.
    Namaste!!

  39. Thank you, Gaby, for this video! I have been thinking about something similar to this lately and clarifying for myself… my conclusion/understanding so far is that there is needing something, finding joy in something outside of being one with Self and there is needing and depending on something as part of that oneness with Self. I think that’s what you said also, just different wording. 🙂 In the way of oneness, to reject these needs is to be rejecting this part of Self and thereby getting out of alignment and attaching to ‘my judgements’ as the previous poster mentioned of who Self ‘should’ be, what the Truth should be, how life should be…

    You are a beautiful light for the world! I can feel your pure, grounded energy when I watch you videos.

  40. Willing to release this idea that I have that outside validation is what I need to move forward with confidence. That relying solely on my own ability to see and embrace my worth is truly what will carry me forward. But to go even deeper… is my own validation truly necessary to be ok? Just as I am? A tree doesn’t use affirmations to help stand tall. It just is. A star doesn’t lean on inner strength to shine brightly for all to see, it just is. The wind doesn’t give itself permission to move in tremendous ways. It just is. In its natural state without even inner validation

  41. I am learning to let go of my desire to be pain free and agile as I was previously. I believe that focussing on this need is stopping me from enjoying all the gifts I have around me, in me and coming to me. In letting go I am starting to be more open and blessings are visible, audible and tangible. I am opening space to enjoy which is in itself a relief for some pain.

  42. Thanks for your vídeo.
    Here it goes:
    I want to release my need or obsession of having a kid with my boyfriend (he doesn’t want any more, as he has 2 from an ex). I Don’t know if I am in denial of who I am, or if I am scared of Loosing this relationship (he never placed an ultimàtum but expressed his feelings clearly).
    Any thoughts/told about it to help me cope with it would be much appreciated it. Thanks!

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