How to Detach from Outcomes and Trust in the Universe

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Note: Updated in 2018 for clarity and additional resources..

I see so many of my fellow Spirit Junkies get super focused on outcomes. I want to help you let you go and learn how to let the Universe do her thing!

How are you attached to an outcome?

So get honest with yourself right now. In what ways are you obsessing over an outcome?

Are you attached to something happening in the timeframe you’re comfortable with?

Are you fixated on someone doing something in the way you want?

You may be trying to control an outcome in an effort to avoid anxiety. You think that something HAS to go a certain way, and you imagine that if things don’t play out the way you want that it will be a disaster.

Obsessing over outcomes only makes us anxious

surrender the outcome gabby bernstein card deckBut in reality, obsessing over outcomes only exacerbates our anxiety. Anxiety is inevitable when we live like this, because we’re constantly on high alert.

Even more effed-up is the fact that when you try to control outcomes you block your ability to manifest your desires and co-create with the Universe.

That’s right — the result is the exact OPPOSITE of what you’re trying to achieve.

If we want to manifest the reality we want, we must be in an energy of detachment. We must be willing to allow and receive. And we must trust in the Universe.

Tweet: I surrender my attachments and allow the Universe to show me where to go and what to do @gabbybernstein #spiritjunkie

In this video, I show you how to detach from outcomes so that you can live with ease and confidence as you manifest the reality you desire.

When you detach from outcomes you will feel more relaxed and supported. You’ll be able to go with the flow and trust that the Universe has your back … and a far greater plan than you could imagine!

Press play:

Trust that the Universe has your back!

the universe has your back gabby bernsteinIf you want to strengthen your ability to detach from outcomes, check out my book The Universe Has Your Back.

In this book I teach you how to transform your fear into faith in order to live a divinely guided life. You’ll learn to stop chasing life and truly live!

When you order the book, you also get my 2-hour Art of Manifesting online workshop. Learn how to detach from outcomes, trust in the Universe and manifest the life you desire! Get the book here.

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  1. Hi Gabby!
    I am from India. I want to detach from these two desires of mine
    1. My husband should get an opportunity to work with Dr Wunder in Canada and if possible we settle there. He is a kind, dedicated and hard working soul who deserves this 10000%. Whenever he starts settling somewhere, he starts getting his share of fame, the platform is snatched from him suddenly. Universe has done wrong on his part.
    2. I really want my very dear friend to come back who recently broke friendship with me.

    I anm trying hard to detach these two wishes, but instead obsessing with them now..

    1. In order to manifest the reality we want, we must be in an energy of detachment. In this energy, we become willing to allow and receive. If surrendering to the Universe is feeling challenging at first, try incorporating a daily prayer or meditation practice into your routine. <3

  2. So about six months ago at the age of 38 I’ve decided to go to med school, I had a safe option of being accepted to one med school and then at the same time as I was coming up with this life changing decision the guy from my past appeared and opened another option of studying in Italy where he is also… long story short, 4 months of hard work preparing for the exam in which I didn’t get the right score so I went with my first choice, meanwhile decided that this guy wasn’t right for me so I ended the contact… and when I finally let go, and said” Universe if it’s not meant to be please help me let it go, I surrender “ three days later I got the news that I was accepted…. so I am here, in a beautiful Naples, Italy and I’m a bit stressed and excited and anxious but I know that the Universe is my guide and everything is working out for the best:)

  3. I’m attaching myself to the outcomes of several things: doing household chores as fast as possible and as much as possible, doing the spiritual work I need in order to release old romantic relationships to be ready for a new relationship, being outside everyday and walking a long walk everyday even if I don’t really feel like it, having better and more fun friendships. I’m blocking myself in different ways: I have a LOT of planning thoughts about the future, around half of them are about today. I think about what I should do next, and after that and after that. Then the other half is about the further future: I should really go to that kundalini yoga class, say this to that person when I see them, go on vacation, do this and that on vacation. It is annoying me really much! Today I decided to forgive my planning thoughts immediately starting this morning every time one comes up and I already notice after a few hours that it feels so good! I feel lighter and my energy is staying at a normal good level. I give up my attachment to planning and I allow the Universe to show me where to go and what to do. It’s so interesting to see how BIG this attachment is, it’s also funny at times, but also sad. I know now I have lost a lot of my precious energy in the past. SO: Today I take the commitment to Change. I offer this up to the Universe and let her guide me. Love, Thank you Gabby.

  4. I’ve just found that post because I picked your card “the moment that I embrace my peace within and surrender the outcome is the moment that the Universe can truly work” fropm my deck.
    I picked this card because I was asking help and guidance about a relationship that hasn’t turned the way I wanted.

    I was needy, oh so needy, and somehow, becoming friends with that person, receiving attention from them, and above all “special” marks of affection was something I wanted… to make me feel good about myself.

    Of course, I like that person ! Of course, they have qualities that resonate with me and appeal to my true heart. But this is not the reason why I have obsessed with that outcome.
    Their not being available at all has brought me to deal with my neediness. I realize that I was feeling like such an unsignificant person, so mundane, so not-enough that my assignment in life was do meet great persons, share great moments and do great things to COMPENSATE my not-being-enough. Wow. Tis such a harsh judgement about myself…

    Now I want to heal that completely. And this becomes my new goal. And it’s an outcome I can easily surrender !

  5. Let the Universe / God do her thing?? Whether you attached or detached, the U/G has the power to create the circumstances. Not everyone gets treated the same by the U/G. You can beg, cry, be happy or not. If the U/G wants to give you it will. Many people think its their fault, in many cases its the set up of U/ G. The one that is devilish, can still live a good life, experience favourable circumstances and not suffer. Many people go through life experiencing 95% of positive circumstances and believe they have this tremendous faith, No! their faith is based on never really felt the sting of bad circumstances so they constantly live in Happy happy happy La la land!. & can easily detach because most of their needs are met, While for the others its nothing but misery and pain, hanging on for some relief of Life 95% negative energy, I have experienced 95% of negativity in my 40 yrs of existence. Everything I have desired, wanted or worked towards I never received it or had much, while I saw others have the full working of it, well long after I have detached from it.
    Ive come to the conclusion, in my personal experience. The More War I Want, the More Peace I Get. The U/G works backwards for some.

    1. I am so sorry to hear that you have experienced a lot of difficulty. I know this must be extremely challenging for you and I want you to know I am holding you in my prayers. When we are on a spiritual path and aligning ourselves with the loving energy of the Universe, we are definitely not shielded from obstacles, traumatic events or negativity in our lives. However, I believe wholeheartedly that our spiritual faith helps us to move through these situations with grace, knowing we are supported and guided toward the highest good for all. I’m sending you love and light on your path. Please let me know if you would love more resources. xo

  6. I am obsessing over the outcome of the situation with a guy I’ve known for a while who isn’t actively looking for a relationship due to self goals. I totally think this is fair but need to surrender the outcome and know that if we are meant to be more than friends, then it will happen. 🙂

    1. Mikayla, I am so inspired by your words and I honor you for witnessing your behavior and committing to surrendering outcomes. I love to make surrender a daily practice, and I think that it will serve you as well. Check out my 5 steps to spiritual surrender for guidance. 🙂 Expect miracles.

  7. Hi, Gabby :

    I feel like committing suicide because I am not experiencing instant gratification; I am 36 and I am going to be 40 in four years, I feel like I am far behind in life and my life does not have any value anymore. I feel like no matter the efforts that I am making to be successful I am not going far enough, sometimes I even wonder why I exist.

    1. If you are thinking about hurting yourself, please call 911 or go to an emergency room immediately. I am so sorry you’re going through such a difficult time, but please know that light and joy await you. You can also call the national suicide helpline 24/7 at 1-800-273-8255. Sending you love and light.

  8. I’m obsessed with the outcome of moving into my college dorm room- being such a control freak about it & blocking my connection with my new roommate!

  9. Hi Gabby, I know this is an old post, hope you are still reading. Love your last book and I am now doing the 40 days program of May Cause Miracles. Recently my relationship with my partner has ended and in every meditation, in every prayer, he keeps coming up on my mind and heart. I want to get back with him but don’t think that’s an option. I’m trying to surrender and ask for the better good but I can’t lie to the universe… God knows everything, what’s the point of praying asking for the better good when in my head everything I can think of is to come back with him… ?

    Please help me! Thank you for being you xx

    1. Flo, I feel you. You can simply pray for relief. Ask God to help you heal. Honor your feelings and ask for guidance. You will receive it. The journey may be slow but you have already taken a massive step – you are willing. xox

  10. For the past year or so, I have been so attached to some goals which I thought were given to me by specifically requested signs from the Universe. Because I have become so obsessed with these goals, I feel these now once pleasing and fulfilling goals which made me happy are now becoming a source of anxiety and fear as they are not happening in my timeline. While I surrender and follow some of the basic teachings, I am unsure whether to scrap my goals completely or just surrender how I would prefer these goals to play out. Perhaps I am still new to the thought process and mindset – but any advice would help!

  11. Thank you so much for this Gabby! Everyone talks about “needing to detach from the outcome”, or your preferred/expected outcome, but I rarely see anyone talk about the HOW. I personally don’t have any issues with any other areas of manifesting (at least nothing major that I know of, lol), some things just come natural for me.
    However, detachment is something that is a bit of a challenge for me because my mind is active 24/7 & most of my life I’ve had a need to control, something that I feel may have stemmed from being adopted when I was 3. I’m now 32, soon to be 33 in May. I’ve been on a journey of awakening & awareness for the last year that REALLY took off after my dad passed from lung cancer in November. Its kind of caused me to look back & see how many times needing to control everything in my life has created so much stress, frustration & anxiety for me! As well as rarely achieving the desired outcome, or at least something similar & the rare times that I have accomplished something after trying to control it, realizing how stressed & worn out I would feel afterward!

  12. I am 32 years old and in a very rocky relationship. We’ve been together for 10 years now and I know I love him, but we have a lot of fights and many times make each other unhappy. I always knew I wanted to have kids before I turned 30, but it hasn’t happened yet – we are not even trying as we are still trying to figure out if we really want to be together. For the last couple of months the hormones started to take over and I started having anxiety attacks that I won’t be able to have children anymore. I am agonizing whether to stay longer in the relationship and have a chance to have kids with him or leave and start looking for someone else, but I know it won’t be easy with the ticking clock pressure. I know I should let go of the idea of having children and just surrender to whatever the universe has for me, but it is such a heartbreaking process.

  13. I am obsessed with my husband’s effort to quit smoking. I see that with my constant asking and nagging I do the opposite of supporting him and I give negative energy to him in this difficult time. I want to surrender and give him the time and space he needs to come clear for this change.

  14. Hi,
    Detachment! Of course.
    I work on a yearly sales goal plan. All year, I meditated on making my goal for 2016. In December, I was getting very close. I did subagh kriya daily, I worked my ass off, and I asked for a sign – an owl – that it would manifest. I saw lots of Owls in the next few days. December 31st rolls around and I’m 5% shy.
    I guess I was so hung up on it that I blocked it from happening?

    1. The key to the Law of Attraction is the Art of Allowing. Much of the work is to truly allow. Manifesting is far more about your energy than it is about your actions. I suggest your redirect your focus off of what you’re “doing” and onto how you’re “being.” Also, practice taking spiritually aligned action. Only take action when you feel truly connected to spirit. xo

  15. I just watched this. I get your videos in my email box but felt I needed something extra today and wanted a video rather than turning to one of your books. I was drawn to this video and was washing dishes as I listened. Suddenly something just came into my head and I realised I had let go of the outcome but hadn’t realised that was why I felt so much better about it. It is something really big in my life so I instantly got your message. Letting go outcomes is the core of my stress. Now I know what to work on

  16. I do not know how to surrender. I can’t surrender. I don’t get it. This is something that I’ve struggled with ever since discovering LOA and Dr. Wayne Dyer 5 years ago. I see and read about other people setting goals and then achieving those goals. Why can’t I? Are they detaching – is that why they’re achieving their greatest goals and desires and I’m not? I do not understand at all.

  17. I listen to your interviews almost every morning while working out at 5 a.m.
    I am for sure the 57 year old male version of you.

    I love public speaking as well! sharing my story is what I do best.

    Have an amazon best seller The Titan- which contains principles on how to deal with “the spin” in life.

    Thanks for the inspiration!!

  18. I am trying really hard to embrace this concept of surrender and let go of outcomes. Currently I am living with my boyfriend who blindsided me with a break up 2 months ago. He goes back and forth between a concrete answer of not getting back together and not knowing the outcome. I also am struggling with forgiving him and myself for our current situation , as I had fallen into a bout of depression which he took very personally and is harboring a lot of resentment towards me for. We started a great life together and suddenly now feels I don’t align with what he sees for himself. I know my obsessing over the outcome and analyzing every interaction with him his blocking me from manifesting my desire which is us being able to grow and move forward together with our relationship.

  19. What a blessing to have happened upon this -not so- by chance! The power of surrender and also the patience that goes with it. I am currently struggling with my long time boyfriend who refuses to quit smoking, despite my many pleas and prayers, which then gave birth to a great deal of other underlying issues within our relationship (how easily this happens!). I will continue to pray using this mantra as I want desperately to let go of the outcome with the knowledge that all that is needed is already on its way. Any advice for how to approach the smoking issue? Drop it all together? With light and love all the way from the beautiful Philippines 🙂

  20. I’ve been unemployed since Feb. I have job applications out and I’ve been reaching out to every contact I can find. Anxiety arises when I don’t get responses. I want to trust that the right job will come along at the right time.

  21. Gabby I’m such a huge fan. Your book came into my life as it was falling apart, but actually I can see now the universe was showing me the way. After asking the universe for help and a clear sign for months and praying and asking my husband left me ( after years of a difficult marriage) and I lost my job all in 6 weeks. I realise now I was stagnating in both. It’s been a heartbreaking year but I seek solace in knowing the universe is showing me the way. I since got a job at a leading women’s magazine as a writer and am now writing my first book that I know I will publish and reference you in it! It’s been a hard year, so hard but I know the universe has my back. You’re an angel and I want to personally Thankyou for be the shining light on so many of us x

  22. I have been so anxious and stressed about the outcome/reaction of a close colleague when I tell her I won’t be working with her anymore. Previously they have lashed out in anger when I didn’t live up to their expectation and I have been scared witless to tell her face to face of this change (I’m terrible at face to face conversations) particularly when we will be then working together alone for the next few weeks. I know that her reaction is not on me, and I justneed to let it go and trust things will continue to unfold as they need to…

  23. I have been obsessing over the outcome of my relationship with my boyfriend of 8 months. I must surrender this to GOD, and just live in the moment.

  24. I am trying to detach from the fear of letting myself loose and I am starting to trust myself without having to ‘control’ myself cause this way I never allow joy in my life and blessings assigned to me to come to me cause I am blocking them by constantly believing I am wrong I will be doing it wrong – whatever it is – and I am blaming myself for it. I am starting to detach myself from blaming myself for being myself and I am respecting the place I am and the time I need to grow …

  25. I have a dream of buying a house in the Hollywood Hills. I don’t have the income yet to afford it, but I go to open houses every day. I’ve been to 24 homes this year. I fell absolutely in love with one recently. It feels like “my house,” so much so, that it pains me that I can’t purchase it right now. I use the address as passwords and look at pictures of it every night before bed. One of the pictures is my desktop background. I would say this certainly qualifies as “obsessed with a specific outcome.” I must let go of this house. I must surrender. <3

  26. I needed this so much today that I watched it twice! It’s been my passion to have an organization to foster conversations about how our ever-accelerating technology is impacting our world and how we can get out of our silos of industry to cross-collaborate to create a better future for people and the planet. So I created BRINK Institute as a platform for community to gather, share ideas and collaborate. I’m hosting my 2nd gathering of 100 luminaries (on a private island in the British Virgin Island, the location was a miracle in itself). Now, I’m obsessing about how to reach the perfect people to come and participate and feel like I’ve got an incessant clock ticking in my head, will they have enough time to work out their travel logistics, what do I need to do, who do I need to talk to, etc.. So today I surrendered, and invited 1600 of my personal contacts, and I’m trusting that the universe will put together the perfect blend of people, with the perfect amount of time to come because #theuniversehasmyback! Can’t wait for the miracles, I’ll keep you posted!

    1. That’s incredible! It’s so beautiful to see how you are sharing your light with the world. Rock on sister! xo

  27. In 1991, universe/god/dess told me to write, I didn’t listen, I wasn’t interested in writing. I made a perturbed Muppet face, and kind of shrugged. Many years passed and still I didn’t listen. In 2014, I saw you in Austin at the “I can do it” conference (lucky enough to see Dr. Dyer before…he transitioned over) and I knew I had to write about it, I felt it, but still I didn’t want to. I ended up leaving Texas and moving back to Mass (trying to make this short) fell into a deep depression, spent two years in and out of psych hospitals for depression and suicidal ideation. Fast forward, I am currently depression free on top of a mountain in Puerto Rico, assembling a life that I want to live. Been here about six weeks or less, and haven’t stopped writing, it’s not even a choice, I just feel better when I do it. Saw your book, preordered it in ten seconds or less, read it 2 times, I’m on my 3rd now and have been so on fire for living on a higher frequency dancing with universe. There is no turning back. I’ve got five grandchildren to fix this ancestral lineage for. Soooo I’ve been writing like crazy, deep, vulnerable, raw work, and I guess I expected that if I listened to source/universe, there would be like a universal ‘tell’, a flock of people would hit up my blog and say how wonderful it is. (laughs) that’s pure ego. I recognized it as I typed it. So I’m to write and let go of the outcome. I will begin the mantra now and keep using it. Did I answer my own question or do you have something profound to add? This is what happens when I write, I get understanding of the instructions. I get the instructions when I meditate, and understand them when I write. SMH, confusing shit. Anyway, any insight you might have would be greatly appreciated!! (from one New Yawkah to another)

    sat nam!!

  28. This video came at the perfect time (thank you universe)! It’s so much more enjoyable to live in the moment. I always feel so much more joy when I just let go and surrender. However, I get so caught up in “the end” that I find it so challenging to let it all go. Thank you for this video! Will be practicing this.

  29. I needed to hear this today! I’m selling my childhood home and moving to another house. I got to this point by surrendering and letting the universe guide me but started to feel anxiety the last few days. I think it’s just me being nervous and worrying, which is unproductive. I’ve been shown good things happen when I just let go and let things flow. I need to get back to that place asap! Can’t wait to read your book! Thanks for the vids!

  30. Hi! Here’s a recent miracle that came from complete detachment and surrender: I just finished a dissertation that took 3 years to complete after 3 years of monthly classes. I sent the document (all 321 pages) to the chair of my committee who promptly told me it would take him at least 6 weeks to respond as he was in recovery from an elective surgery. I felt disappointment for about a day, then released everything, knowing full-well that work that “came through me” was not mine, nor was the outcome. And then the miracle came only two weeks later. My committee chair APPROVED the dissertation and it is now on its way to the other two committee members for their review, and so now the process of letting go of outcome begins anew 🙂

  31. I’ve always been someone who has let the universe lead me and let things unfold naturally but lately I’ve been getting really clear on my goals and taking action to try and make that happen. It can be challenging to fit the two together. Working towards these goals but trying to do in a way that isn’t forced.

    1. Beautiful! The more you trust that you are being guided while you walk towards your goals the easier it will be come to surrender. xo

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