How to Forgive Someone: A Simple Spiritual Tool

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Spirit Junkies, today I want to talk about the F word: forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a topic that’s prominent in all my books. It’s a core theme in spiritual practices, and it’s necessary if we want to live with freedom and grace.

I want to give you a very simple tool that has helped me greatly when I need to forgive someone.

If I’m in a heated place, no matter how angry or wounded I may feel, when I use this practice I can always come back to a place of oneness and forgiveness. Check out the video and then read on for more.

This forgiveness practice is simple: Sit in your meditation and call in the person who you resent or who you’re mad at. (It might even be yourself in some cases.)

Think about all the things you love about them. Call on all the reasons you feel connected to them, all the ways in which they bring you joy, all the ways they support you.

Tweet: No matter how angry or wounded I feel, I can come back to a place of oneness and forgiveness @gabbybernstein

If you have a hard time thinking of things you love about the person you want to forgive, you can call on the valuable lessons you’ve learned from difficult times with them.

Call on the good that has come from this relationship. Start to cultivate the feeling of that goodness, love, acceptance and appreciation.

As you do this you’ll feel a sense of relief wash over you. This is forgiveness.

The feeling of relief, release and surrender means you are letting go.

Remember that forgiveness is a process. When you need to forgive someone, I recommend being in this practice for 30 days. Use this simple meditation tool once a day for a month and let that presence of relief start to settle in.

Let the relief move through you and clear you.

While this forgiveness practice is simple, forgiving someone can be hard. When you have a lot of hurt or anger, it can be difficult to surrender. But all it takes to forgive someone is your willingness. And you can start by focusing your practice on someone you might resent just a bit — that can be a lot easier to release.

Spirit Junkies, I want to hear your miracles! Jump into the comments and let me know how this forgiveness practice goes for you. It has supported me greatly, and I hope it supports you.

For more guidance on the journey towards forgiveness check out my book, Spirit Junkie, A Radical Road to Self-Love and Forgiveness. 

Keep reading
How to Be Compassionate Toward Yourself
Accepting People Where They Are
How to Handle Family Drama

Read or leave comments


  1. Perfect… “The presence of release means you’re letting go.” I’m slowly starting to feel this feeling of release with my situation. I got here more from forgiving myself for allowing the abuse to paralyze me from love.. I’m going to do as you said about focusing on the lessons or the good that have come out if the abuse to see if I can come to a place of forgiveness with my perpetrator. ❤️ I love you G.

      1. How would a Higher Power see this person? Can you be willing to see him/her as a Higher Power does?
        Try that in your meditation, if you feel moved to <3

  2. I was sexually abused from age 5-11. I’m in a relationship now with an amazing man for a year and a half. The problem is I’ve attacked him base on my insecurities, fear and jealousy. I just began recognizing and facing this about 4 months ago. I’m working really hard with therapy, anti depressants, prayer, exercise and thanks to my good friend, all your books! We recently broke up again because of one of my attacks. I think I’ve sabotaged this relationship and I’m devastated. I hope I get a chance to show up for myself and everyone in my life. I know this meditation will help, your books already have. I’m 51.
    Thanks Gabby, I’m obsessed with you!

    1. Kelly,
      I’m so sorry this has happened and to hear of your breakup.
      Thank you for sharing this. You are a miracle worker. Keep up the work sister!
      Massive love your way,

  3. How do you forgive yourself, when dealing with ongoing chronic illnesses over 7 + years.
    When you’ve lost everything you strove for over a lifetime. When family disappear and medical staff treat you as third class. When terror and insomnia resulting from trauma and illness persist.
    How can I find and promulgate mercy for me and those who have abused me.

    1. First off, I’m sorry this is happening. Second, it may seem too simple but I do think the tool I mention here can help. I encourage you to try and let me know how it goes for you.
      big love,

  4. It’s interesting timing because I recently grew resentful of a relative over some harsh comments she recently made regarding immigrants. I was appalled and the resentment I felt for her truly took over the rest of my day, angered me all weekend and made me lose all respect for her during the process. I will definitely try this practice because the anger is sitting with me and I need to let it go.

  5. I am so happy I read this today. I am doing very well in my spiritual journey and have been very proud of myself. I have been desiring a relief in anger or annoyance, etc. regarding other people. I have always tended to my grievances and grudges with love and need to learn to release them. This was the perfect post to read today! Thank you!

    1. I’m so glad this found you when you needed it! It feels so good to lovingly release the things that no longer serve you :)

  6. Thank you for this Gabby
    Because not practicing forgiveness is like imprisoning yourself – you miss out on events, parties, laughs, and the opportunity to make new memories…to not be alone and spend time with people.
    For years I stayed away…ignored the phone calls, the invites, the holidays – all because I was hurt and holding anger toward some family members. I couldn’t let it go and therefore I could not go, just because “so and so” was going to be there I missed out on so much. And for what?
    Since I have started reading “May Cause Miracles” there has been a huge shift a MEGA on how I now approach fear.
    I stop press pause and look at the fear, sit in it and go through the questions of why? and walk through it.
    I saw my cousins for the first time in 18 years yesterday for Easter.
    Anyone reading this, the forgiveness does not mean what they did to you was ok, but that you are ok and by releasing it – the forgiveness inside of you…you release and free yourself.
    Love & Peace Sat Nam

    1. Cydney I am so proud of you. May cause miracles also changed my life in a huge way. I have never felt more free. The rest of your life will now be an amazing journey.

  7. How do you help a 13 year old boy, (my son), with feelings of negativity? He’s so hard on himself and I’m trying to teach him to speak kindly to and about himself. I’m sorry I k ow this isn’t the topic, but I’m heartbroken and feel helpless. Thank you


  8. So beautiful and timely! I’ve been having trouble letting go of a recent romantic relationship and seeing it for what it really was – a lesson! Focusing on the good things it has brought me — a renewed sense of self, a reminder to practice self love first and the opportunity to find a partner better suited for me — will help me move on gratefully and not bitterly. Thank you, Gabby!

  9. Ahhh divine timing!! Thanks for sharing G!! I’ve been having flashbacks from the past lately, from an icident just last year actually that’s really caused a stir and brought up a lot of old anger emotions and thankfully my prayers and spiritual exercises have helped including this!! Thank you again for sharing and being the light! Xo Lisa

  10. Thank you! This is PERFECT timing. I’ve been having a lot of resentment towards a co-worker, we’re also good friends outside of work and some of the things she’s been doing have made me lose respect for her. I know some of it is also jealousy and I recognise that and try to work through it when I notice I’m being a bitch for no reason or I shouldn’t take something personally. So many of your lessons remind me I need to look inward first before attacking and judging. I’m really going to try to commit to doing this for the next 30 days to see if I can really help forgive and get over some of these feelings and resentment once and for all – and I know I’ll be a better co-worker and friend in the end. Thanks for all you do, much love from New Zealand xx

  11. I have been doing this practice with the addition of prayer for the past 13 years. I ask God for help in forgiving the person and sometimes when I want to forgive but I am super resistant all I do is pray for the willingness to forgive until I feel it shift. Its been hugely helpful. My miracle with forgiveness occurred with a very challenging family member who was often cruel and just mean. I started with just praying on the willingness and it started to shift, then I prayed to be able to forgive her and brought in the meditation as well. My relationship with her got better and better. I was able to even feel love towards her and have fun talking to her. When she passed away a few years ago I felt very at peace knowing I had forgiven and we were in a good place.

  12. Gabby- thank you. The universe is sending a very clear message. This was not by accident that I saw your video today. I’m having the hardest time letting go of a relationship that I felt we both mutually ended. My heart hurts and there is a hollowness in my chest. The forgiveness I need to give is not only to the several relationships I’ve had in the past that affected the relationship I’m leaving now. My fear stood in the way. I became controlling and manipulative, always trying to create the outcome I wanted. I’m ashamed. However, I’m grateful for the experience because I would never have the chance to heal my wounds and move forward in love knowing I was still living in fear. Most importantly I need to forgive myself. I did my best with what I had and the universe felt it was time to heal those wounds and choose again. Which is exactly what I was asking for all along. Feeling positive is becoming more and more possible with the help of your guidance!!! Can’t wait to see you in New York for the Super Soul Sessions, June 1st!!!!!! Love you and thank you!! ( I count you as one of my earth angels) blessings!

  13. Last year my best friend went away to an amazing school that travels around Europe. She had an amazing experience and we stayed in touch throughout her journey. However, when she came home for the summer, she learned she could not afford go back to this school the next year. I knew she was very upset about this and so I tried my best to comfort her and was the best friend i could be. She became very insecure and began to take her anger out on me. She was very passive aggressive and would manipulate our friend group to shut me out. Over time I realized I didn’t deserve to be treated this way and decided it was time to move on from this friendship. I have had a very hard time forgiving her for treating me this way. This video poped up at the perfect time because I am now ready to let go. Thank you for everything you do Gabby!! I am only 16 but you have helped me greatly.

  14. My brother committed suicide almost 6 years ago, and he did that in part because his wife had been cheating on him, and because circumstances left him feeling as though he had been dishonorable, and he was a very honorable person. He was silly yet serious, genuine, loving, kind, an example. He was 25 and I was 22 when this happened. This loss inspired a new growth in me. I had held on to the resent directed toward her, and suffered every year I held on. About a week ago, it just suddenly happened: All the time I spent being intentionally *willing* to forgive, forgiveness gently crept in and washed all the bad stuff away. Of course, I still miss him, and the pain is there, but the suffering is gone. The stuff I purposely (though unconsciously) held on to, I dropped. It feels so good, so much better than words can explain. Thank you for your help in my healing along the way; you have been a guiding light since the beginning of my healing. Thank you, thank you. You’re amazing, Gabby. <3

    1. Gabby,

      I saved this email to read at a later date. Today was the perfect time.
      I have been stuck. Mourning a relationship that I ended in November, watching them be in a new relationship less than 5 weeks later, struggling with acceptance because I really thought we would find our way back even though she is loving and living with someone else. We are in the same friend circle. I have been receiving messages about ego and pride and now forgiveness.
      I have known I had forgiveness to work on towards me and a few other key people. I am committed to using the forgiveness exercise you shared.

      Much Gratitude,

      1. I am sorry this is happening and I applaud your commitment <3
        Miracles are on their way to you, sister.
        big love,

  15. Hi Gabby!

    I just want to say that you have helped me so much to forgive my past issues with my parents. Even though we still do not talk because they have chosen a different path, it is an amazing relief to be able to forgive them and let all of my past resentment go.

    The tools that I’ve found through your books have changed my life and I am so grateful to have found them.

    Thank You!

  16. What if the people who need forgiveness are folks you’ve never met – and they are ACTIVELY trying to cause you harm? Must I forgive, or can I just work to make sure they get voted out of office in 2018 & 2020? 😉

    Sorry for the cheeky question, but really, it’s an honest one. As someone who lives with a pre-existing condition, I have a LOT at stake in the coming days/weeks as decisions are being made in DC with little consideration for those who will be impacted. Hello to fear, anxiety, and anger! (None of which, of course, helps my health!)

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