What should you do when you feel judged? This lesson is one that I’ve been applying in my own life. I think we can all relate to it. We have all felt judged by someone in our life, whether it’s a family member, a friend, a coworker, a date or a total stranger on the internet.
Recently one of my friends called me for advice. She said that she was feeling judged by someone at work. She didn’t know what to do about it. Her first instinct was to fight back in some way. She wanted to defend herself to the person who was judging her.
My response surprised her.
You can watch the video below or keep reading for the lesson. If you do watch the video, be sure to keep reading!
When my friend told me she was feeling judged, I said, “Don’t defend yourself. Don’t fight back. Don’t judge back.”
I told her, “The moment that you feel judged and attacked, your work is to immediately do something to make somebody else feel loved.”
When you feel judged, make someone else feel loved
When you feel as though someone has attacked you, judged you or done anything to make you feel inadequate or unlovable, do the opposite. Go and do something to make other people feel good. Make somebody feel lovable, adequate and good enough. This simple action can change everything for you.
Your knee-jerk reaction is probably to fight back and defend yourself. But instead of attacking back, go find someone else to give love to. You’ll feel better right away.
Here are some things you can do when you feel judged:
- Call or text a friend and let them know how grateful you are for their friendship and how awesome they are.
- Send flowers to someone you care about.
- Email a coworker and thank them for doing a great job.
- Post an inspirational message on social media.
- Cook your family their favorite meal.
- Reply to people’s Instagram stories or comment on their photos with genuine and enthusiastic compliments.
- Pray for other people to feel loved and confident.
The list is endless. But the lesson is simple: When you feel judged, immediately go give love. Do something kind. Do something compassionate. It is the fastest way to stop the momentum of the negative energy and feel better right away.
Fighting back vs. standing up for yourself
Now, I want to address something important here. If someone is bullying you or hurting you, I am not saying to accept abuse.
In a blog post where I bust myths about forgiveness, I talk about this issue.
Not fighting back doesn’t mean not standing up for yourself. But the key is to take spiritually aligned action. This way you can show up from a place of true power and speak up with love instead of hate.
And if you are in a serious situation, you don’t have to stick around. If you are being bullied or harassed at work, check out this Bustle article on what you can do. (If you’re in an abusive relationship, visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline online.)
When you’re feeling judged, there are a couple of powerful spiritual actions you can take to feel better right away:
- In Step 2 of Judgment Detox I teach Emotional Freedom Technique, also known as tapping. Check out this blog post on EFT for guidance on how to practice this easy technique for fast relief. (The book also includes a tapping script for when you feel judged.)
- You can also practice Step 4 of the Judgment Detox, which is to see for the first time. When we feel judged by others, we tend to judge them back. It becomes a nasty cycle. If you feel judgmental toward the person who’s judging you, try this. Every time you see the person who you feel judged by, silently say, “The love in you is all I see.” This radically simple practice will invite in a whole new perception.
Your loving energy is powerful
There is a lot of negativity, judgment and hate in the world. So my hope for you is that when you feel judged or attacked, instead of attacking back, you go give love. Make someone feel good about themselves!
As I say in Judgment Detox, the times we are living in require our commitment to love. We change the world one loving thought and action at a time. One person’s energetic shift is enough to cause a massive ripple effect in the world. Not to mention that when you shift your energy, you raise your vibration and begin to attract more of what you want into your life!
If you are willing to begin healing your own judgment and the feeling of being judged, I invite you to start reading my book Judgment Detox today.
I wrote this book so we could all feel better. In Judgment Detox I offer up a six-step process to heal judgment and release the beliefs that hold you back from living a better life. When you follow these practices you will reap incredible benefits. You’ll be able to forgive others quickly. You’ll let go of anger and resentment. When you feel judged you’ll be able to come back to joy fast.
The practices in Judgment Detox help you deepen your relationships with others. You’ll also see that people who judge you are struggling to deal with their own pain. When you gently and lovingly witness your own judgmental behavior you will amplify your compassion for yourself and for others. Their judgments will not drag you down. Instead, they will inspire you to go out and spread love and light.
You can start your Judgment Detox journey by downloading the introduction to the audiobook for free. In the introduction I lay out what judgment is and how it blocks our happiness. I introduce you to the six steps of the practice and the promise of healing judgment. I have experienced these miracles firsthand and I want them for you, too.
My prayer for you all is that you feel loved and you feel connected. And at the very least, you know that I’m sending you so much love. I want nothing more than for everyone reading this post and watching this video to feel loved and connected.
If you ever feel uncomfortable, know that I am here, supporting you, loving you, praying for you and giving you so much energy.
Take this loving energy and share it with more people. That is how we stop the momentum of negative energy and create a new stream of well-being and flow of love. That is our duty. It’s our birthright and it’s our mission.