How to Be Compassionate Toward Yourself

share this post:

share this post:

How do we learn to be compassionate?

We talk about compassion a lot. Many of us know how to be compassionate toward others, and that is a beautiful thing — never stop making that a priority.

But what about ourselves? We often talk  about self-love, and many of us have awesome self-care practices.

But despite these efforts, we still struggle to show ourselves compassion. Instead, we judge ourselves for every misstep, every wrong word, every mistake. We even get mad at ourselves simply for being out of alignment with our highest self!

If you judge yourself, check out this video…

We all get knocked out of alignment. We all judge ourselves. What matters isn’t that we never judge ourselves. What matters is that we forgive the judgment and treat ourselves with compassion so that we can return to love fast.

Compassion is a spiritual superpower

When you learn how to be compassionate toward yourself, you can access peace quickly.

You can be more loving and compassionate toward others.

You can show up for yourself and for the world in a more powerful way because you’re not pouring energy into self-judgment and self-attack.

Compassion is a superpower we can all cultivate. This practice comes more easily to some people than others, and that’s okay. Honor your process.

Tweet it: Through the experience of self-compassion I can dissolve all fear and boundaries. @gabbybernstein #judgmentdetox

When you are compassionate toward yourself, you allow yourself to be vulnerable. And that’s incredibly important. Your authentic truth is your magnificence. Your willingness to let the world see you in truth is your greatest contribution.

What does it mean to be compassionate toward yourself?

Compassion is the antidote to judgment | Gabby Bernstein Judgment DetoxWhat does it mean to be compassionate toward yourself? How can you practice self-compassion in your daily life?

For a long time I thought of compassion as something we give to someone else. But I hadn’t thought about showing myself compassion. I’d been talking about it for years, but it took a long time for me to fully understand it and incorporate it into my own practice.

I worked with a teacher who showed me how to be compassionate toward myself every day. She taught me a very simple practice that has enormous impact. It immediately restores a sense of peace. Now I’m sharing this practice with you.

How to be compassionate toward yourself

I recorded the video below in 2015, when I first took on this topic of self-compassion. In it I share a simple 2-step method for how to be compassionate toward yourself. I also break down this method below!

Step 1: Feel the feelings beneath the wound

When I witness myself in old stories or old patterns, or if I see myself triggered or wounded in some way, the first step is to feel what I’m feeling underneath that wound.

True healing occurs when I give myself permission to feel whatever feelings live below the triggers. | Gabby Bernstein | The Universe Has Your Back card deckOne very easy thing you can do in the moment is simply say out loud, “I feel uncomfortable.” Just giving voice to your feelings makes a big difference. For more guidance on this topic, check out this blog post on how to honor your feelings and move through them.

The practice of feeling your feelings is a fundamental part of my book Judgment Detox. In fact, the second step of this six-step method is called Honor the Wound. If we don’t honor the wounds and energetic patterns that dwell beneath our judgment, they will keep coming up — over and over and over again.

One of the most powerful ways we can honor our wounds and feel our feelings safely is through Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), also known as tapping.

What is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)?

EFT is a psychological acupressure technique that supports your emotional health. I have found that EFT is one of the greatest ways to address the root cause of emotional issues that live below the surface of our judgment.

The practice of EFT asks that you tap on specific energy meridians on your body while talking about the problem or issue that you want to resolve. Allowing yourself to emote while simultaneously tapping on the energy points sends a signal to the brain that it’s safe to relax. Our fear response, which is controlled by the amygdala, is lessened.

This practice will help you heal the triggers, wounds and traumas that live underneath your self-judgment.

Practice EFT tapping in my free Judgment Detox Mini Course!

Free Judgment Detox Mini Course by Gabby Bernstein

In this FREE Judgment Detox Mini Course, I share 3 powerful spiritual tools with you so that you can start healing judgment and feeling better fast.

One of them is a guided EFT tapping video that will give you quick relief. You can turn to it whenever you need it.

Click here to get your free mini course!

Step 2: Be loving and compassionate toward yourself

I choose to be compassionate toward myself | Gabby Bernstein Spirit Junkie AppThe process of compassion begins with self-talk. How would you speak to an innocent child if they were coming out of a meltdown? Think about the loving words and energy you would offer them. Then apply this same degree of love to yourself.

Take a moment to write down some ways that you could speak to yourself compassionately. For instance, when I notice myself stuck in a spiritual assignment or judgment, I allow myself to feel the feelings of rage and anger, and then I notice that those feelings come from a sense of not being lovable. The fear comes from a belief that I’m not good enough. Upon realizing these feelings I take time to compassionately guide myself back to self-love.

The way I practice self-compassion is with loving self-talk. I’ll say something like, “Gabby, here’s your wound again. You’re uncomfortable in this. It’s all good. Here it is. It’s just presenting itself to you one more time so you can get closer to healing. Congratulations for having the willingness and the strength to look at this wound. I love you, Gabby. You are amazing. You are incredible for being able to show up for this.”

When I do this, my inner wisdom, my highest self, can come forward and can show up for that weak, wounded ego part of myself that is still unable to see the light. These simple words can catapult me into a place of calm. This is a practice of self-soothing, self-love and self-compassion.

In this video from a talk I gave at Wanderlust in L.A. I share another example of what compassionate self-talk can sound like.

Notice how moved I feel when I’m talking to myself lovingly and compassionately! Consider this the next time you’re judging yourself or the next time you’re confronted with a spiritual assignment. Simply go into a place of compassion.

In that dialogue, you will come back to a place of deep love, compassion and peace, because you’re allowing yourself to be wherever you are in whatever is happening. You’re not resisting. You are allowing, and you are trusting that the Universe is giving you what you need in order to heal.

Turn to compassion when you feel judged by others

Your purpose is to be the light | Gabby Bernstein quoteWhen we feel judged by others, we tend to do one of two things. We:

  • Defend ourselves and attack them back, or
  • Internalize the judgment and feel unworthy

Of course, many times we do both. But this is a recipe for disaster. Instead, when you feel judged by someone else, your work is to make someone else feel loved! Do something kind. Do something compassionate.

Giving love to another person is the fastest way to stop the momentum of the negative energy and feel better right away.

Clear blocks and attract your desires in my new, FREE Manifesting Jumpstart Workshop!

Free Manifesting Jumpstart Workshop when you preorder Gabby Bernstein's new book, Super Attractor (attend from anywhere)
When you order my book Super Attractor, you get my 2-hour Manifesting Jumpstart Workshop FREE.

In this 2-hour workshop, you’ll…

  • Discover the #1 reason you’re not attracting what you want (and how to fix it).
  • Learn how to stop repeating negative patterns and start manifesting your desires.
  • Leave with practices you can start using right away to get read for the book!

This workshop is totally FREE when you order the book! And you’ll get a replay so you can watch it and revisit the lessons anytime.

Click here to order Super Attractor and claim your bonus!

Read or leave comments


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  1. I’ve been a regular at self-healing (ThetaHealing is what I do on myself & my clients) and I must say how important it is to be there for self every now & then! This blog post inspired to give myself healing ‘cos I often feel really judged by those around me and you’d be surprised to know what the root cause to that was…
    ‘Twas all these times from my childhood when my Mum used to beat me up. I was petrified of her and always scared to not rub her off the wrong way… this fear grew into the fear of being misunderstood by her, then, I did things her way and always seeked her approval and appreciation which I got often… anyway I just wana say that this topic is really close to my heart & soul and needs more addressing… also… energy healing helps understand & HEAL these patterns.

    P.S I share and extremely loving relationship with my Mom. I have forgiven her and I love a lot.

    1. Thank you for this brave share. Grateful to hear that you’re on a beautiful healing path and have used forgiveness to reconnect with your mother. XOX

  2. This is really GREAT!! – Like all of the others.
    It takes some practice to consciously be self compassionate, but it helps. And then dealing with other people who are obviously in great pain, I have a plan to be more effective.
    Thanks again!

  3. Love your wisdom Gabby! I have Judgement Detox and need to revisit the material. You said that when you feel judged by someone else, your work is to make someone else feel loved. My question is, does it have to be the person you feel judged by? I work with a lot of toxic people and I try to raise the vibration by doing loving things for people. In the moment of feeling judged, I might have a hard time doing something loving for the person I feel judged by. I do always do something loving but it’s often for someone else who is also feeling judged by the person to lift them up. Am I deflecting? Blessings Xo

    1. Hi Sally! When you feel judged, a great way to turn around the energy is to do something loving for someone else in your life who you care about. Take some space from the person you feel is judging you and instead put the energy towards someone else. It is the fastest way to stop the momentum of the negative energy and feel better right away. I have some fun tips in this blog post that I think will serve and inspire you. XOX

  4. Hello gabby
    just letting you know that you are radiating glow of beauty … your instagram picture from this weekend and your spirit is soo beautifullthank you

  5. Self compassion has been an essential part of my recovery and healing. I realize now that as much as I experienced criticism and harshness from those around me, I was harshest to myself for so many years. Thanks so much for your work – especially The Universe Has Your Back and Judgement Detox. They have both helped me to heal and look forward to a better life!

  6. Gabby thanks very much for all your teaching!!! I am starting helping people in my work…
    I will love to meeting you and if possible learn more with your guidance.
    I am originally from Venezuela but I live in Miami married and with 5 beautiful children.
    Thanks in advance all the best

I only recommend products and brands I passionately believe in, but wanted you to know that when I make a recommendation, I may receive a referral fee.


The next best thing to having me as your personal coach!


My Proven Tools for Releasing Anxiety & Finding Peace

Free Super Attractor Introduction

Get the 26-minute audio intro

Get Super Attractor Now

Bonus gift: 2-hour Manifesting Workshop


Get my top tips for Spiritual Entrepreneurs with my 10 Ways to Succeed download.


Everything you need to stay
consistent on your spiritual path.

“The next best thing to having
Gabby as your personal coach!”

By using this site, you agree to our privacy policy.

Accept Read More