how to tell the truth from a place of love
Let’s be real: People lie all the time. We lie to our friends, our family members, our partners and our bosses. According to a study by the University of Massachusetts, 60% of people can’t go 10 minutes without lying.
So why do we do it? We lie to protect people’s feelings, to cover up a mistake, to avoid making a scene, or maybe because we want the lie to be true. But no matter how common it is, being lied to is frustrating and it often breaks the bond of trust.
I’m reminded of this powerful quote from storyteller Dorothy Allison:
Things come apart so easily when they have been held together with lies.– Dorothy Allison
It’s not possible to build a solid life on a foundation of lies. But it IS possible to learn to speak your truth without hurting others. Speaking your mind isn’t about getting in people’s faces and challenging them; it’s about expressing what you think in a vulnerable, transparent way. It’s about being real, not “winning.”
It’s also about saving everyone’s time. Telling the truth prevents stress while simplifying communication.
Every minute counts in our day. And we don’t want to waste time on the lies, or on sugarcoating or overriding ourselves. We need to just get to the point.gabby
I’ll provide real-life examples of how to stop shelving your truth and start advocating for yourself in a loving and respectful way. Learning how to tell the truth can be scary and challenging, but speaking up for yourself will help you live a purpose-driven life of fulfillment.
Your voice and opinions matter. Nobody else knows what it’s like to be your unique self. You have your own independent and important thoughts—and they deserve to be shared!
Here are the 7 steps to telling the truth that I share in today’s Dear Gabby:
notice where and when you are not telling the truth
Are there places in your life where a lack of truth-telling is blocking you?
notice how it is affecting you
Recognize the impact that behavior has on you and the problems it might be creating in your life. Remember, clarity is kind! When you’re not clear, you’re just creating more chaos.
give yourself permission to tell the truth
Acknowledge that it’s okay to have a voice. It’s actually MORE than okay—it’s great and extremely helpful!
say a prayer
Prayer offers you a way to reorient yourself. It allows you to pause, slow your voice down, and then pivot back to being a heart-centered truth-teller.
write it out
Writing down your truth is a meaningful and effective way to process your feelings. It gives you the ability to clarify, it motivates you and it promotes self-reflection. You can become more aligned with your truth through writing, meditation and visualization.
practice telling the truth (where and when you can)
Take that story you’ve written down and practice it in your inner world first. This could be with close friends, loved ones or coworkers with whom you feel safe. This will be especially helpful for folks who have peacekeeping or codependent tendencies.
just do it!
You can’t begin a new behavior without taking a small step toward it. So take that tiny action! Or be like me and start telling the truth in every area of your life. I’m like Larry David, with slightly better boundaries—I’m just saying sh*t everywhere! It may feel a little ridiculous at first, but it’s also so freeing and empowering.
take these steps with you—even just one
Notice right now the ways that you might be avoiding the truth to keep the peace or not being clear, not telling people exactly what’s up, or whatever it might be, and just check in with it and how it feels and how it’s affecting your life. Even that, it’s enough for today.
key takeaways from this episode:
- This episode is going to teach you how to apply these 7 steps to be an effective self-advocate.
- You’ll learn how to tell the truth in a constructive way that isn’t aggressive or alarming.
- I discuss how sugarcoating or trying to lessen the blow only ends up making things more complicated. When we don’t tell the truth, we often feel worse because we have dismissed ourselves and our needs.
- You’ll learn that if you speak your truth from a place that is resourced, grounded, aligned and respectful, you can have a really big impact—and also save yourself a ton of time.
- And finally, I remind listeners that telling the truth from a place of love is a boundary way of living. When we do it, we can watch our lives and relationships literally transform. It’s so much more kind to be clear. And it’s also super cool!
weekly card reading:
This week I pulled a card from my Spirit Junkie deck, and it’s the perfect affirmation to guide us to share our inner truth.
This week’s card reading highlights your inner light, which is your guiding and enlightening force. This force shines through when you’re at peace with yourself. If you’re not honoring your truth by respecting yourself and creating healthy boundaries, your most authentic self won’t be able to shine through.
Knowing your boundaries and how to tell the truth means knowing yourself, your needs and your capacity. Skillfully and lovingly speaking your truth will provide healing experiences, protect your peace and strengthen your relationships.
Your thoughts can also help other people develop their opinions. You might offer them a perspective they’ve never considered before! Maybe they’ll agree with you and maybe they won’t, but you should always be proud of your story and your ability to tell the truth. When you do, your mind, body and spirit will thank you.
I encourage you to make the time to claim your truth and honor your inner spark in whatever form they come to you, right here, right now. Walk your path, shine your light and leave a spark so others can shine too. One light feeds another. Don’t let the gift of your voice go to waste.
get more gabby
- Get my most impactful meditation to release stress and calm anxiety:
• Soothing Anxiety Guided Meditation
This 17-minute meditation will help you calm your mind, release tension and cultivate a sense of inner peace and stillness. Listen now to quiet your thoughts and connect with the present moment.
Click here to get your free anxiety meditation.
- If you want to learn more about surrendering control so you can live the life you want, check out my book The Universe Has Your Back.
- If you feel you need additional support, please consult this list of safety, recovery and mental health resources. I’m proud of you for your commitment to self-care.
I can be your coach—anytime, anywhere!
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This podcast is intended to educate, inspire, and support you on your personal journey towards inner peace. I am not a psychologist or a medical doctor and do not offer any professional health or medical advice. If you are suffering from any psychological or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified health professional.