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Are you tired of comparing your life to everyone else’s highlight reel on social media? In this episode, I’m sharing the spiritual solution to comparison anxiety and offering practical tools to help you break free from the cycle of judgment, jealousy, and self-doubt. You’ll learn why the mind defaults to comparison, how this pattern keeps you stuck in fear, and how simple spiritual practices can ground you back in your own journey, restore your sense of self-love and worthiness, and help you see other people’s success as inspiration rather than a trigger… So you can reclaim your peace, trust your timing, and open yourself up to the miracles meant for you.

When we see ourselves as “less than” or “better than” someone else, we detour into a false belief system that keeps our desires away. You cannot attract what you want while you are resenting the fact that someone else already has it.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why the person you’re jealous of is actually proof that your goals are possible—I call this “driftwood.”
  • How comparison is actually a disowned part of your own shadow attacking the part of you that doesn’t feel worthy.
  •  A vulnerable story about how I turned a moment of judgment and attack into a profound experience of shared healing.
  • Why I cleared my social feed and how you can do the same to protect your energy.
  • A powerful practice to use the second you catch that sting of jealousy to tell the Universe you’re ready to be next.

When you celebrate others, you free up the energy needed to receive your own miracles. Trust your timing and stay devoted to your inner guidance.

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disclaimer

This podcast is intended to educate, inspire, and support you on your personal journey towards inner peace. I am not a psychologist or a medical doctor and do not offer any professional health or medical advice. If you are suffering from any psychological or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified health professional.

dear gabby #309 Mar 16, 2026 emotional wellbeing

this mindset shift will free you from comparison anxiety

The following podcast is a dear media production. 

Welcome back to Dear Gabby. In today's episode, we're talking about something that so many of us struggle with, And this is something that I see so many people in our community coming to me with questions about, and it's about the issue of comparison.This is an incredible, incredible episode I don't want you guys to miss. And I'mgonna share some of the most important spiritual practices to help you release comparison and jealousy and start to reconnect to your manifesting power.Because comparison, judgment, jealousy is one of the biggest ways that we block our ability to attract what we actually want.And so get ready. This episode is going to absolutely change your perspective,and it's gonna give you concrete tools to dive right in and start to create change.And before we dive into the episode, I want to share with you that I am going on tour with my friends. I've got talks coming right up in just two weeks.I'm gonna be in New York City, that I'm gonna be in Los Angeles, April 29th.I'm also going to Boston, London, Miami, and Vancouver, and this is for my time to [00:01:00] trust tour. This is a very, very timely talk that I'm gonna be giving throughout the country and throughout the world that is really aligned with helping you feel that you have unshakeable faith in the universe and to trust in your inner guidance and to trust in your ability to change your life andcreate.your desires. This is gonna give you agency and a sense of knowing that you are on the right track. I'm also gonna be leading a weekend retreat at the OmegaInstitute in Rhinebeck this summer,and that's at the very end of July. So all the details for my live talks, New York, la, Boston, Miami.London, Vancouver and my weekend in Reinbeck are all at deargabby.com/events. Now, let's dive into the episode.Do you ever scroll through social media and feel that heavy pit in your stomach? You know that feeling that everyone's ahead of you, a feeling of, I'm not good enough.

That's the comparison trap. Today I'm sharing five spiritual practices to help you stop comparing yourself to others. Release that cycle of [00:02:00] jealousy and heal the feelings of less than, and when you stop comparing, you attract more of what you want into your life.So let's break down why we compare ourselves to others. Let's start with this.What if the person that you're actually jealous of, that person that you're comparing yourself against is actually a wink from the universe?That your desire is really close? hear me out. Other people's successes aren't a threat. They're actually proof that your goals are possible. The moment that you see yourself as less than or better than somebody, you start to separate yourself from others. That's when you start to detour into this false belief system that's gonna keep your desires away from you.It's gonna make you feel funky. It's gonna make you feel separate. It's gonna make you feel alone.you can attract what you want while you're resenting the fact that somebody else already has it.but instead, when you celebrate someone, you're actually sending a message to the universe. I'm ready. I'm next. And I learned this [00:03:00] actually early in my sobriety. I was in my twenties. I was constantly comparing myself to otherpeople. I was newly sober.I was feeling inadequate. I was feeling behind. I was constantly placing myself against somebody else. And I had a sponsor at the time, and I called my sponsor and I was like, what do I do? How do I actually get out of this trap of comparing myself and this trap of jealousy?and she gave me a practice that changed my attitude forever. She said, when you see people who have what you want, pray for them. Pray for them to have exactly what you want for yourself and more when you put yourself into the energy of celebrating what they have and sending them that energy of, yes, I want that success for you.I'm sending you prayers. I'm sending you positivity. I'm sending you a vibe of yes, I want more for you. Then you're putting yourself into an abundant energy.Wanting more for others elevates your energy in ways that you could never imagine.
So think about that person right now that you're judging, that you're comparing yourself to. And [00:04:00] just say a silent prayer. Say, I pray for you to have everything that I want for myself and more. I pray for you to have success. I pray for you to have happiness, joy, health, wellbeing, all of it, and see how thatfeels.Take it in and see how it feels. Then throughout the day, the second you catch yourself with that sting of jealousy, you're scrolling through social, you're feeling that feeling in your stomach again. I want you to use that prayer to reclaim that power in the moment.See the person in your mind's eye. Maybe you place your hand on your heart and gently pray. I pray for you to have everything your heart desires,I trust that's possible for you is a mirror of what's possible for me. Say that prayer,whenever you feel that jealousy come over you.Comparison also leads to judgment. It leads to attack, it leads to separateness,and this is something we really need to look closely at. That attack and that separation from a spiritual perspective is actually a disowned part of our own shadow. When we [00:05:00] compare ourselves to someone else, we're not actually attacking them.We're attacking the part of ourselves that doesn't feel worthy of having what they have. That might be a lot to unpack. We're attacking a part of ourselves.When you see someone living that life that you want and you feel that sting of judgment and you feel that sting of jealousy deep down, you're actually not mad at them.There's a subconscious part of you that's trying to get your attention and that.Creates this feeling of separation. It's the feeling of judgment. It's the feeling of attack, and those feelings of judgment, separation, attack are a way of protecting yourself from feeling deeper, wounds of inadequacy, feelings of being unlovable, not good enough.Those feelings are young. If they've been around for a really long time, my friend, so I wanna just actually share a time with you where I was supertriggered with comparison. This is kind of a shameful story to tell, but I wanna give it to you fully because I want you to see the miracle that can happen when we start to recognize [00:06:00] ourselves and the other person.About a decade ago, I gave a presentation at a retreat. Now I was a teacher, but I was also a participant. So there was a strange dynamic amongst the group where
it's pretty casual, but I was also there as a presenter, so I wanted to show up with my best attitude.And there was this young woman at the event that was gorgeous. She was beautiful. She was smart, she was successful. She had the best attitude.Everybody loved her and she was super flirtatious. Like she flirted with the men, she flirted with the women. She was just really flirtatious, and I wanted so badly to like this woman, but I could not stand her.She drove me crazy. I was so annoyed by her, and I just kept saying, oh, she's such a flirt. She's such a flirt. She's such a flirt. And I kept saying to my husband, he was with me. Oh God, that girl is such a flirt. Eventually, if you say something in your mind long enough, it's gonna come outta your mouth. And that's the case for me every time.So one afternoon we all took a boat ride and she was sitting next to some guy and she's leaning in and she's [00:07:00] talking to him, and I look at her and I go, you're such a flirt. Her entire energy dropped. She looked at me with horror,like, how could this woman, this presenter, this person that I was looking up to speak to me like that?And then I went into this place of complete shame, complete attack of myself.And then I didn't like the feeling of attacking myself. So I started attacking her more in my head, being like, Ugh, this is her problem. It's not mine. And I went to bed that night and I was so upset about this 'cause I knew that I had done something that wasn't cool.I woke up the next morning and I texted her and I said, let's meet for breakfast.And she texts back. Good idea. So we're sitting at the breakfast table and I start to apologize, but I'm also kind of defending myself at the same time. And my husband's sitting at the table with us and he sends me a text from under the table and he says,you can't defend yourself and apologize at the same time. So I listened to him and I was like, okay, Zach is my guru today, and I grounded myself and I said a little prayer silently to myself, and I just said, I wanna release this judgment andI welcome a miracle [00:08:00] in that silence.She spoke up and she said to me, you know, Gabby, what you said really triggered me. Because as a child, I experienced inappropriate attention from men. This was the miracle moment, just buckets of tears started falling down my face, and I just looked at her and I said, me too.
What I realized in that moment was that that shadow, that projection. That attack on her for her confidence and her freedom and the way that she was, was actually a reflection of a part of me that was unhealed, a young part of me that experienced the same experience as her that I had not healed yet. And so by comparing and attacking and judging, I actually activated that trigger inside her.But the miracle was that through that prayer, through that acknowledgement of her side and her experience, I was able to recognize myself in her. and the two of us just embraced in that dining hall, we cried. We're still friends to this day. It[00:09:00] was a moment for me. I even wrote about it in my book, judgmentDetox.It was a moment for me to recognize that by comparing myself to somebody else, I had to actually take that projector and look inward. I had to see that mirror reflection inside and say, what is it about this person that is activating apart of me? What wound within me? Is not healed. I had to witness. And so I really wanna give you this as a lesson.We all have these disowned parts of ourselves. They're young, they're parts of us that believe that we're not good enough. Parts of us that had triggers and traumas, and we feel inadequate. These are parts of us that compare. They'reperfectionists, they're judgmental, they're protection mechanisms. And so I want you to notice that part of you that's protecting you when you are comparing.Part of you that's protecting you when you're judging, when you're attacking others. And I want you to ask that part of yourself. How long have you been around and witness [00:10:00] how that might be for you? Witness, how that might be a form of protection that when you're comparing yourself to others.There's a part of you that's begging to be revealed. There's a young part of you that needs your attention. There's a young part of you that doesn't feel good enough, that doesn't feel lovable, that feels inadequate, and it needs some love right now. And so the simplicity here right now is just to witness it, witness it,notice it, and give it a little bit of compassion.In this moment. You can even speak to it and you can say, whew, I see. That's a young part of me that's comparing myself, and I'm just gonna begin today by witnessing it with love. And just sending it a little bit of breath and a little attention and letting it know that I'm here.That's a huge step in healing that cycle of comparison and judgment and attack.
So now we've got some of the heavy lifting behind us. we know now that we can pray for others to have more of what we want for ourselves.We also can see that when we're in that judgment cycle, it's [00:11:00] because there's a part of us, there's a disowned part of our own shadow that needs our attention. And the best place to practice these principles is on social media.Because social is the place where we get triggered the absolute most. And you know what I'm talking about?Because if you don't think you get triggered on social, you're lying. remember,you can't attract what you want when you're resenting the fact that somebody else has it.So if you're doom scrolling all day on social media and you're getting hooked into, oh my God, that person's so beautiful. Meanwhile, they're putting a filter on their face, or they have so much they probably borrowed, begged and stole to get that car that they're flaunting on their social.Anyone that's out there flaunting, flaunting is trying to be separate because apart of them feels inadequate too. So remember that, okay. Remember that we're all suffering and we all have these wounded parts of ourselves. And recently I tried this little experiment where I spent 30 minutes scrolling on social and I documented how I felt.I wrote down all the feelings I was having, and I was like, I feel [00:12:00]anxious. I feel not good enough. I feel kind of angry right now. I feel disconnected from my body. I feel like I need to go back to it. There was this addictive part of me coming forward, and I just really paid attention to it. And then I took the next 30 minutes and I made a puzzle with my son.Puzzles are my new thing. I went from making a 50 piece puzzle to making it a thousand piece puzzle. I'm gonna be honest with you, I didn't read that it was a thousand. I thought it was a hundred. I just jumped in. So I started doing this puzzle with my son, and then I did it for about a half hour.I took the same notebook out and I wrote down the feelings. How do I feel now? God, I said, I feel. Fun. I feel expansive. My brain is on. I'm actually super connected. I feel smarter and faster. I feel like there's a quickness coming through me. It was incredible. I could just really see the difference, and soI did that experiment because I wanted to see the contrast between what it felt like to be scrolling with that attitude of comparison and judgment versus just
hanging out with my child and having fun. [00:13:00] Okay? So this was a big one. And the other thing I did was I went through my entire social feed and I just cleared out anyone that didn't make me feel good.In fact, I actually blocked them. And I just said, this isn't for me, universe. Stop feeding me that algorithm. I want you to do the same. I want you to give yourself a little bit of reprieve from the comparison and go through your social feed and just clear out anyone that's triggering that part of you, because while we heal these parts of ourselves, sometimes it's best to be abstinent from thetriggers.And if we have the ability to do that, which we do, we can block people, we canmute people. We actually create this space to do deeper healing. So I want you to take that seriously. It might sound like a simple step. Okay? I'm gonna go through my social and mute people that make me feel bad.But do it because it will change your life and only follow those people that are super high vibration, that make you feel good about yourself, that are offering you wisdom. And use your social feed as a place to feel good. Use it as a place to elevate your energy and as a place to go for connection to [00:14:00] people that really raise your vibration.And so that's your practice guys. And I want you to recognize that when you find yourself comparing yourself in any moment, I want you to remember that prayer. I pray for this person to have everything that their heart desires and I trust that what's possible for them is a mirror reflection of what's possible forme.So now we've seen these steps kind of accumulate. We've noticed that when we see somebody that has what we want, we say a prayer. Remember, I'm just gonna recap for you. We say that prayer, I pray for you to have everything you want for yourself.And I recognize that's gonna come right back to me tenfold. And you feel that expansiveness and that abundance, and then you also recognize that the other person is you. That we all suffer, that we all go through these things and we have different feelings of comparison and inadequacy inside all of us.And then from a practical perspective, you're gonna go clean out your social,okay? I want you to clean out your social and just make sure that you're only following the people that are of the highest vibration, that bring you that joy,that are educating you, that are bringing positive messages to your life.
And [00:15:00] when we start to make these adjustments and we stop comparing, we start manifesting, we get into a new point of attraction. Instead of comparing yourself, you actually start to see the successes of others as your drift. Would you see, oh my God, that person has that thing that I want. That means it's on the way to me.Remember when you celebrate that success in someone else, you're telling the universe I'm next.And so this is actually a really beautiful spiritual practice that I call Driftwood.And when you see someone in that place of having what you want, it's your driftwood. It's a sign from the universe. Mine is on the way. Mine is on the way.I recently walked through the streets of New York City with a young woman who was, coming to me for some guidance and she was trying to manifest her partner and she had this whole story. There's no guys in New York. It's so hard for me. I can't get this relationship to work. [00:16:00] You know, kind of going into the storyline of like, it's really hard.It's not working out. What's my problem? Why isn't it happening? Guys in NewYork suck, whatever her story was. And I said, Dhani, chill. Just chill. Just have some more fun.So we're walking through the streets and we see this couple, and they're standing on the street getting their wedding photos, and she just. Hits me on the side and she goes, see, everybody else is getting married. And I looked at her and I said, honey, you've got it all wrong. That's your driftwood. The universe is revealing to you what's possible.She's like, okay, maybe okay, maybe we walk another block. We see another couple on the street getting their wedding photos. And she looks at me, she goes, well, maybe, maybe that's my driftwood. Maybe Gabby, maybe you're right. Maybe. Maybe fine. I could open my heart to this. We walk another blockand we see a third couple on the street.Taking their wedding photos and she starts laughing at this point. She's like,okay, I guess I'm getting a message from the universe. This is my sign.[00:17:00] This is my driftwood. Okay, I'm gonna open my mind to this. And she started to feel her energy raised and she started to feel better about the situation because instead of seeing all these couples as a comparison and seeing
it as something she didn't have, , she made the choice to see it as something she could have.She shifted her internal system and she said, you know what? The universe is actually showing me these couples to reveal to me what's possible, to show me that my desires are on the way. And she left that with such a high vibe attitude and she completely turned it around. And to this day, she still sends me pictures when she's in the middle of the street and she sees other people getting married and she's like, here's my driftwood.So I wanna give you that lesson.I want you to really look at those folks, the people that you compare yourself against the most, and just look at them and remind yourself that all that I see in them, everything that I'm comparing is actually my driftwood. It's a sign that what I desire is on the way. It's a wink from the universe.Everything I desire is [00:18:00] coming to me in a way that I could never have imagined. I welcome what is of the highest good for all, and that leads us actually beautifully to practicing this through a meditation.This is a guided meditation that's gonna help you move from comparison to self-compassion, move into an energy of allowing yourself to see that others. A reflection of what is possible for you.So just take a moment right now and get comfortable and allow yourself to settle in gently and close your eyes. Just breathe in deeply. Exhale completely as you listen to my voice [00:19:00] and just relax your nervous system and continue to breathe and soften. Now bring your attention to your heart center and place your hand there.Feel the steady rhythm of your breath. Feel that breath moving in and out, and gently notice any energy of comparison present for you. Any judgment, any attack thoughts, [00:20:00] any tension that shows up in this moment as we talk about comparison. Notice that part of you. That part that needs to compare that part that needs to judge or attack the feeling of not enough.Just notice it with some compassion right now.Silently say to yourself, I see you and I honor all of your feelings. Just notice that that comparison is a part of you, [00:21:00] something you've been carrying. Just visualize it as a cloud, just hovering in front of your chest. With
each exhale. Imagine that cloud becoming lighter, more transparent, and less attached to you, and just see this golden light begins to surround your body.That light is your truth, to your essence, to your unique energy. [00:22:00] As that light grows brighter and brighter around you, I want you to gently affirm to yourself, I honor my own path. I trust the timing of my life. What's meant forme, cannot miss me feel that feeling inside. Notice where that comparison once lived, and in this light, there's nothing to chase.There's nothing to prove. Nothing to measure. [00:23:00] Just take a moment now to think of that person that you've been comparing to. Let's send them a blessing. May you be supported. May you be guided. Your success does not take anything away from mine, and notice how freeing that feels inside.[00:24:00] Take one more deep breath in and just lock this in now and bring your awareness back into your body.Feel that feeling of gratitude inside. Just knowing that these steps can changeyou.Just repeat to yourself as we close this. I am enough exactly where I am. I'm on my path. I'm guided and take one final deep breath in [00:25:00] and along.Exhale. And when you're ready, gently open your eyes carrying this energy with you and knowing that comparison dissolves when you return to your truth.I hope you feel that shift inside, and I promise you that if you take just one of these practices that I've given you today, you can completely shift that comparison. You can release it and you can remember that nothing meant for you can pass you by. And when you stop measuring yourself against others, you can free up the energy that you need to receive your own miracles, come back to yourself. You [00:26:00] trust the timing. You stay devoted to your own inner guidance, and you feel that connection, that spiritual connection of love, of inner compassion, of clarity, and calm.If you love that meditation and you'd like to have more guided support,I've given you the full [email protected] slash compare. And that meditation is yours for free. It's a longer version of what we just did, and it will give you the practice. Every time you feel that trigger inside, you can justmeditate with me.just go to dear gabby.com/compare, And before we go, I wanna remind you that I'm gonna be on tour for my time to trust tour.
You can join me in two weeks in New York City, then in Los Angeles on April29th, Boston, London, Miami, and Vancouver. And you can get all [email protected] slash events. Thank you so much for being part of the show today, guys.If you want my weekly guidance and you don't wanna ever miss an episode, ,just hit that subscribe buttonAnd share this [00:27:00] with friends that you know may need it and come back to it. Anytime you feel that ping of anxiety and that feeling of comparison comes over you, come back to this episode, listen to it again and again and again.I love you. Thank you for being here.today's episode is brought to you by Square, the business toolkit that helps you sell, manage, and grow without the chaos. As an entrepreneur, I know that when you're building a brand, you need your systems to be high vibe as you need your systems to be as high vibe as your mission. So whether you're just getting started or already running something great, square gives you the tools to take payments, track, email. Track sales, manage your team and keep everything organized all in one place.And one thing I absolutely love is that visiting my favorite local wellness boutique here in the city, they use Square and they keep everything running so smoothly just with this simple tool. And because payment processes are really seamless, the staff can focus on more. On providing more great service, that's really important.So what makes Square different is that it's one simple [00:28:00] system for everything you do. You can take payments, manage inventory, schedule your team, and track reports all in one connected platform. So switching tabs is really easy and there's no separate logins. So whether you're in wellness, taking bookings, or running a retail shop, tracking inventory across your online or in-store locations, square.Has flexible tools that fit your setup and they now offer three clear plans. Freeplus, free plus and premium so you can pick the tools that you need Most.Square helps you run your business with confidence, clarity, and less chaos, and now is easier than ever to get started. And why wait. Right now you can get upto $200 off square [email protected], square.com/go/gabby.That's square.com/go./gabby/square.com/geo/gabby, run your business Smarter with Square. Get started [00:29:00] today.