It took an MRI and a meltdown in the yoga studio for me to learn one of my greatest spiritual lessons: Happiness is a choice you make. 

I share the whole story on today’s bonus episode of the Dear Gabby podcast, which features a live talk I gave in 2016. 

Picture this …

I’m mat-to-mat with my fellow yogis in a yoga and meditation teacher training.

I feel so connected to the group! I’m surrounded by this beautiful energy. We’re doing a hardcore exercise called keep-ups. Our arms are out to the side as we slightly push upward in the air FOR 11 MINUTES! 

Which is just enough time for my thoughts to take me on a REAL journey. And not all of it is pretty.

Yoga Meltdown

At first I’m thinking to myself, Oh, this is so great. I’m going to feel so good! I have so much to release. 

About three minutes into it. I’m thinking, Wow, I’m still keeping up

And a few minutes later, I start drifting off into an entirely different mental space.

I start hearing the ego voice.

You have so much work to do.

Gabby, how are you going to sit here for seven days, surrounded by these sweaty yogis? 

How are you going to do it? 

You can’t just shut down your life. 

How are you going to make dinner? 

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, I start to feel this scary tingling on the left side of my leg and the left side of my shoulder and my arm.

What followed was one of the scariest nights of my life. The tingling turned into pain, which got progressively worse. And before I knew it, I was describing my symptoms to a neurologist. 

She looked me straight in the eye and said, “I want you to go get an MRI.”

Happiness Is a Choice

In the end, all my test results came back normal.

It would take a deep meditation to reveal the truth, which couldn’t be seen on any doctor-ordered scans.

My overwhelming state of stress had led me to a physical breakdown. And this stress was based on a belief that I had to do everything myself. If I don’t do it, no one will … that was the story I had on repeat. 

Can you relate to this? ^^ Hopefully, you haven’t had to have a stress-related MRI. But a part of you may recognize that in some way, it’s been hard for you to celebrate the good things in your life. 

It may sound weird to think we’d do anything to sabotage our own happiness. But at some point or another, many of us put up some resistance to manifesting the life we’ve dreamed of—whether we realize it or not! 

Trust that there is a spiritual solution that will help you release resistance, and realize that happiness is a choice you can make! 

In this bonus episode of Dear Gabby, I share the 5 things you can do TODAY to start living with more joy and ease. 

Dwell in Your Own Magnificence

I love this live talk from 2016, and I pray that just listening to it brings you joy. Press play to learn:

  • How to experience “a holy instant,” as taught by A Course In Miracles (this will instantly relieve you of fear and doubt)
  • How to “witness the crazy” in the stories you’re telling yourself, and make a massive shift in your internal dialogue
  • A divine practice for seeing the light in everyone you meet and feeling more connected with the world
  • The first step to forgiveness (People ask me all the time: How do I forgive? THIS is what I tell them)

5 Ways to Manifest the Life You Dream Of

During my 2016 talk, I revealed my five-step path to manifesting a life you love! Here are the steps:

Step 1: Happiness is a choice that you make
When you have a crazy thought, call it by its name! Witness the crazy, then talk back to the thought. Say, thank you for sharing, but I’m going to choose again.

Step 2: Recognize that the other person is you 
If there’s someone you’ve been judging, open yourself up to a perspective shift. Try seeing that person in the light!

Step 3: Practice forgiveness 
Yep, we’re talking about the F-word! To practice forgiveness, you don’t have to do anything major at first. Even if you just send out a silent prayer to the Universe: I’m willing to forgive, you can create major shifts in your life.

Step 4: Be compassionate 
Make the active choice to focus on the things that you love about someone, rather than zeroing in on the things that you don’t love. Lean into compassion whenever you can.

Step 5: Repeat the mantra: In my defenselessness, my safety lies 
Recognize the ways that you may be resisting happiness in your life. Ask yourself: How am I being defensive? Then, become willing to release that resistance.

I hope these steps serve you for a lifetime!

Slow Down & Celebrate

Above all, I pray that this talk inspires you to dwell in your own magnificence. We don’t do this enough! 

So many of us overemphasize productivity, and we resist basking in the beauty of our lives. We resist taking the time to just look into our child’s eyes or to hold our spouse’s hand a little bit longer. 

Instead of celebrating the completion of one creative project, we move right on to the next one. 

Today, I want you to take a moment to celebrate yourself and all the beauty in your life. 

You can even press play and take me on a walk with you! Notice the beauty that’s all around you as you move your body and let the lessons from this episode sink in. 

Enjoy this live talk.

Want to manifest MAJOR blessings in 2023?

Join my Manifesting Challenge that starts January 1st! ⁣⁣⁣I’m revealing my personal manifesting methods—the ones I’ve used for years to create a life beyond my wildest dreams—and I’ll be guiding you every step of the way.⁣⁣⁣

Inside my 21-Day Manifesting Challenge, you’ll get:

  • Easy-to-follow lessons to learn how to master the Law of Attraction and co-create with the Universe in real time
  • Manifesting practices to supercharge your energy and make you a MAGNET for your desires
  • High-frequency meditations to raise your vibration and open your heart to receive the gifts of the Universe

Unlock the universe’s secret to attracting everything you desire with my 21-day Manifesting Challenge.

Join the manifesting challenge

Get More Gabby

The following are helpful resources and books I mention in the episode. 

In this episode, I talk about forgiveness and feeling more connected to the world. We ALL need more love and connection. That’s why I created my NEW Relationship Challenge. In 14 days, you’ll learn how to release insecurity, set healthy boundaries and open your heart to deeper connection. 

Here’s what you can expect from the challenge: 

  • Healing meditations to release insecurity and judgment so you can feel more confident in relationships
  • Spiritual exercises to learn how to honor your feelings and improve communication
  • Proven techniques to create healthy boundaries and protect your energy
  • Gentle methods to ease anxiety and develop deeper levels of trust and acceptance
  • A LIVE Relationship Q&A Workshop with me on October 14 at 1 PM/ET

I really want to be your relationship coach! I hope to see you inside the challenge.

GET ON THE WAITLIST NOW!

For more on manifesting, check out my books The Universe Has Your Back and Super Attractor.

If you feel you need additional support, please refer to this list of mental health resources. I’m proud of you for being here. 

This podcast is intended to educate, inspire and support you on your personal journey toward inner peace. I am not a psychologist or a medical doctor and do not offer any professional health or medical advice. If you are suffering from any psychological or medical conditions, please seek help from a qualified health professional.

Transcript

The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

Today’s all about manifesting. So I want you to just hold a vision right now. Okay? Imagine it’s the end of the day on October 14th. And you realize that you now feel ...

The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

Today’s all about manifesting. So I want you to just hold a vision right now. Okay? Imagine it’s the end of the day on October 14th. And you realize that you now feel confident setting healthy boundaries with your friends, and in your workplace, and with your family. You have zero guilt or shame around it.

You feel really safe being vulnerable and completely open to deeper connections. And you’re communicating your feelings with clarity and conviction and you feel free from judgment, no judgment. And you just accept people for who they are.

This is all possible, my friend. It’s all possible. Join my 14-day Relationship Challenge. Head over to deargabby.com/relationship to join.

Hi there Gabby here. This podcast is intended to educate, inspire, and support you on your personal journey towards inner peace. I’m not a psychologist or a medical doctor and do not offer any professional health or medical advice. If you are suffering from a psychological or medical condition, please seek help from a qualified health professional.

Hey there. Welcome to Dear Gabby. I’m your host Gabby Bernstein. And if you landed here, it is absolutely no accident. It means that you’re ready to feel good and manifest a life beyond your wildest dreams. Let’s get started.

Welcome back to Dear Gabby, my friends. Welcome back. I’m really excited to share this awesome bonus episode with you. I love sharing these bonus episodes and I’m getting a lot of feedback from people that they’re into it. Taking my live talks, bringing them to life. Putting them out on the podcast. And this is a live talk I did back in 2016 and it’s one of my favorites.

In this episode, you’ll learn my five-step guide to manifesting more happiness into your life. This episode will help you release any blocks that are preventing you from finding that happiness that you long for. Great manifesting methods, just supercharged, high-vibe energy. Enjoy the show.

Six months ago, I had a meltdown on a yoga mat.

I was the first day into what was a seven-day prenatal yoga teacher training. And I was mat to mat to mat to mat, with my yogi sisters in a Kundalini yoga and meditation teacher training. And all these beautiful pregnant women are in the room. And now we’re all got our little Kundalini head wraps on and our whites and our beautiful mala beads.

And we’re all ready to go. Seven days. Locked up in the yoga studio and I’m all happy to be there. I feel so connected to the group. I’m in the back of the room, surrounded by this beautiful energy and we’re doing an amazing exercise. And if you are familiar with Kundalini yoga, you may know the keep-ups. So our arms open the air and we’re keeping up for 11 minutes.

Keep up. Keep up. And at first, I’m thinking to myself, oh, this is so great. I’m gonna feel so good. I have so much to release. Keep up, keep up. And about three minutes into it, I’m thinking, wow, I’m still keeping up and a few minutes later, I start hearing the ego voice come in. keep up, keep up. You have so much work to do, Gabby?

How are you gonna sit here for seven days? Surrounded by these sweaty yogis? How are you gonna do it? Keep up, keep up. You can’t just shut down your life. You have so much to do. Keep up. keep up. How am I gonna make dinner? How am I gonna get here at four o’clock in the morning? What’s gonna happen the next day?

Keep up, keep up. But I have so much to do. I have a book to finish. I have a deadline. I have a deadline. I have a deadline. Keep up, keep up, keep up. And the thoughts kept rolling in and the thoughts kept rolling in and 11 minutes passes and I just dropped my arms and I hit my head on that yoga mat and I burst into tears.

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, I start to feel this tingling on the left side of my leg and the left side of my shoulder and my arm. And it wasn’t like a yoga tingling. It was the scary tingling. This tingling begins to go up my leg all the way down my arm and into the side of my face. And I’m sitting there in the middle of this teacher training and I start freaking out.

I start losing it. I don’t know what’s going on. It just progressively gets worse and worse and worse. I leave the yoga teacher training. I rush home. I call all of my doctors, all of my, my metaphysician, friends, all of my medium friends. I’m like, what’s going on with me? I need help. I need help. I need help.

And within 24 hours, I’m seeing a neurologist at the hospital and I’m describing my symptoms to her. She does not look happy about my symptoms. In this terror and fear, she looks at me and says to me, I want you to go get four MRIs within the next hour. I rush over. I spend 40 minutes in an MRI machine. I go home that night waiting for the results, and this was likely the most terrifying evening of my life.

My husband and I are looking at our lives that evening and saying, wow, we really thought we had a lot of good things going on in our life. And it all could just fall apart right here. I meditated, and I prayed. I called all of these people that were close to me that I really knew could support me in this terrible experience.

And then around 11 o’clock at night, the doctor calls me, God bless her for calling me at night because I don’t think I could have slept that night not knowing. She calls me and she says, there’s absolutely nothing showing up on your scans. Your blood work is fine. I have a hypothesis of what’s happened. I said, well, what, what do you mean?

I’m fine. You don’t see anything on my scans. You don’t see anything on my blood work. I’m fine. She said yes. But you were mentioning that you had all these neck pain and that you were very stressed out. And my feeling is that you probably went into a stress attack, which led you to a pinched nerve in your neck.

I hang up the phone and as I’m deeply relieved to not have a serious condition, I’m deeply concerned that my stress levels got me to a place where I had a pinched nerve in my neck and my entire left side of my body goes numb. I’m deeply concerned about what would lead me to this stress state. I start looking very closely at my life and I’m saying to myself, what could be wrong?

I have a husband I’m celebrating two years of this gorgeous marriage with this beautiful man who I deeply love. I have a career that I completely am in love with. I’m finishing my fifth book. I have a life far beyond my wildest dreams, a healthy body, and a home that I love, what could possibly be? What could be wrong?

Why would I go into a stress attack? I sit my ass down on my meditation pillow to get some answers and I sit down on the meditation pillow and I start just praying. And I say, show me what it is. Tell me what this is. Within a few minutes of listening, I hear my inner guidance systems speak very loudly, and I hear this voice come over me that says, this is your resistance to happiness and love.

I come out of my meditation. And I think, aha, of course, this is what I’ve been studying for a decade. This is what I’ve been teaching for a decade. And here it is right in front of my face. My resistance to love, A Course in Miracles teaches that I’m not here to teach you the meaning of love. I’m here to teach you how to release the blocks to the presence of love.

Right here in my face. My blocks. The blocks to the presence of love, the resistance to the light, the resistance to the love, the resistance to the magnitude, to the grace, to the joy, all coming in the form of stress, terror, fear, crazy ideas, thoughts that wandered waking up each day with anxiety and tension and living in that tense, anxious state in such a way that I actually began to believe that that was who I was. Living in the resistance.

When things get good, you start thinking, well, what do I need to fix now? Waking up in the morning and saying, oh my God, I have all these things to do. And then you get that thing done. And then you’re like, oh my God, I have so many other things to do. And you just go and go and go. And it’s a constant cycle.

I saw my resistance first-hand yesterday, I was giving a talk in New York City and this girl gets up and she says, Gabby, I just finished my first book. I’m so proud of myself. I wanna celebrate my book. And she said, well, what do you do when you have this great accomplishment and you, and you finish your book?

My first thought was I move on to the next thing. Resistance. We never allow ourselves to dwell in the magnificence of who we are. We don’t give ourselves enough time to sit and gaze into the eyes of our child or hold our spouse’s hand a little bit longer, or just marinate in that creative project that we have, or sit in that meditation just a little bit longer.

I’ll speak for myself. I know I was resisting. Jumping from this thing to the next thing, to the next thing, to the next thing. And just being in this space, in this chaotic state and chasing life feeling as though I was chasing my life rather than truly living. All to the point where it got me to the stressed-out state, that my physical body began to react.

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So tonight, I wanna begin by talking about resistance and shining light on that resistance, because if we wanna come here and talk about how we can change our patterns and how we can show up and have more fun and manifest great things into our life, we have to first and foremost, look at that resistance.

Look at that resistance really clearly right in front of us and say, oh, there you are again. And really look closely and recognize and witness all the ways that we may be blocking that presence of peace. That we may be blocking that sense of success. Your resistance might show up as a romantic partner where you get into these relationships and just when it gets a little intimate you back off because you’re afraid of getting hurt.

Or your resistance may show up where you are really dreaming and wishing and hoping to go out and get that book deal or go get that new job title or accomplish that new goal. And then just when you’re about to just step off the ledge and actually show up for that desire, you back off. Or your resistance may show up like mine, where you just have some crazy thoughts all the time.

And those crazy thoughts become your reality. And even though you meditate and you have this beautiful prayer practice, and you’ve got all the affirmations in the book and you know exactly how to manage all of these fearful ways of being, the fear still runs the show. Anybody know what I’m talking about?

Yes, let’s get real about it.

So let’s get real about it. Let’s get real about it. Let’s look at it. Let’s look at it. Let’s look at it. Let’s not just come in here and say, oh my God, some affirmations that will really help you. No first and foremost, we gotta look at the crazy affirmations. We have to look at the crazy stories. We have to look at the way that we just lean into fear and lean into fear.

And we have so much faith in that fear state. We begin. It’s, it’s a very important exercise of being able to look at your resistance and call it by its name. What is my resistance telling me? I’ve come to learn over the last few weeks through exploring my resistance that my resistance is actually saying that productivity was God.

Productivity was God, that is what my resistance was saying to me. Being productive was more important than holding my husband’s hand. Being productive was more important than taking care of my body. Being productive was more important than making a new friend or looking someone in the eye. We’re taking care of my grandmother, who is 93 years old. Being productive was more important.

This was a huge block. This was my resistance. These limiting beliefs, these stories, these ego belief systems that we hold onto, that we begin to think are who we are. And that’s the sneaky part. I really want you to look at this because that’s the sneaky part. When you actually think that that’s who you are, you mask it as like, oh, I’m just really productive.

I’ve written five books in five years. Like you, you applaud yourself for your F’d up resistance. You really, really trying keep it clean. So you applaud yourself for it. So, and so, therefore, how could you actually identify that you have resistance when you think it might even be something that’s good? You might pride yourself in the chaos, or in some ways you may believe that if you’re not in a chaotic state, you’re not truly living.

If you’re not in a chaotic state, then how will you get it all done? Tonight I wanna bust that myth. I wanna bring it in. I wanna show you that your resistance can be cleared. It can be healed—that the resistance shows up in many different areas of your life and your relationships and your personal life.

And there’s a few pathways that you can lean into, a few steps, five steps I’m gonna give you tonight that you can lean into to start to be more present in the awareness of what your life. Be more present in the awareness of how fabulous you are. Be more present in the awareness of how lucky we are to live in cities like this, with the privileges that we have when there are refugees trying to come into our states, when there are people suffering all over the world.

To really get into the real gratitude and truth of what we have because we actually owe that to our brothers and sisters who don’t have it. We owe it to them to release our resistance and live in our light. So are you ready to dive in with me? So the first step in healing our resistance to love is to really recognize that your happiness is a choice that you make.

Your happiness is a choice that you make. It’s not something that you have to wait for, or when you get that thing, you can be happier, when you have that relationship, you can be happier when that money’s in the bank. You can be happy instead. Really it’s, it’s a choice that you make. It’s a moment-to-moment choice that you make.

You can simply look at that resistance. Look at that craziness. Call it by its name. See it, your resistance, your fear, suffering. You are my block. Call it by its name. And you can choose again. This is what A Course in Miracles calls the holy instant, the moment that you’d choose to surrender that fear, offer it up, give it away, give it away, give it away, offer up that fear and choose again, offer up that fear and say, I choose to see peace instead of this. I choose to see love instead of this. I choose to see serenity instead of this.

And offering it up and offering it up. And it’s really about getting into a constant dialogue because the crazy as we all are familiar with is so loud. It’s so rapid. It’s so fast. It’s so present that we’ve begun to believe it’s who we are. The only way to reverse that crazy is to begin to start a new conversation.

The conversation currently is crazy. Crazy, crazy. What if we went crazy? Love crazy. Love, crazy love. Love, love, love, love, love. Can you see where I’m going? Because eventually, you put the love in between the crazy and the love gets stronger and stronger and stronger. It starts to become a conversation you begin to believe in.

Ultimately it becomes a conversation that you begin to rely on. Witness the crazy, call it by its name. Call in that love. Ask for that guidance. Say yes, I’m willing to see this differently. And choose again. In any given moment, you can choose again. The other thing I wrote here is to forgive the thought. That you can witness that thought that crazy chaotic monkey mind, and you can forgive it.

You can literally forgive it. And I actually did it tonight. I was looking and I saw one of my contemporaries and I was judging him in an Instagram photo. And I was like, oh, really? You’re doing that. Mm-hmm and that’s what my thought was, honestly. Now all of a sudden, I was like, oh, that’s not so spiritual.

So instead, rather than getting upset with myself or thinking that there was something wrong with me or judging myself for my judgment, right. We don’t wanna go there instead. I said I forgive this thought. I forgive myself for thinking wrongly. I forgive myself for choosing wrongly. I choose again. And I sent him some love and I said, keep it up, man, through his Instagram.

And I tapped it. Keep it up. Forgiving the thought. Another way that you can really choose happiness instead of that resistance is to laugh. Of course, a miracle says laugh at the ego’s tiny, mad ideas—laugh. So you can see that crazy and you are like, you are cray. I’m gonna laugh at you. You’re crazy. It’s I do it all the time.

I literally will be just like walking around and I’ll think some nutty thing I’ll be, you are crazy. And I just start laughing at myself because it’s insanity. It is insanity. Anything that is not love is truly insane. And it’s the insane thoughts that we repeat and we repeat, and we repeat that become the thoughts that lead us to pick up guns.

The thoughts that lead us to start a war, the thoughts that lead us, even just start a fight with our family member, the insanity. the insanity of the insanity, the repetition of the insanity. I have a girlfriend, I, I witness her insanity like crazy. She’s in a relationship with another woman and she’s, she’s obsessed with how this woman is treating her and the stories she’s created.

But the crazy stories that she’s created are just creating so much separation between her and this woman because it’s such chaos and madness. And when I hear her in that madness, it makes me sick because it’s insanity. And so I gently guide her, dissolve those boundaries with love. Choose again, laugh at the crazy, I don’t know.

Sometimes people get so stuck in it that they don’t really believe it, but the truth is they’re so stuck in it cuz they don’t wanna change yet. All you all aren’t stuck anymore. Cuz you’re in this room. There’s a place within you that wants to change. There’s a place within you that said I’m willing to see things differently.

So you had a, a voice within you that said, I’m gonna go show up. I’m gonna see what she has to say. And that is your willingness. And that willingness is what’s different from my girlfriend who’s not yet willing and stuck in her cray. Right? And so she’s in her story and she doesn’t wanna get out of it yet.

But you do because you’re here. Congratulations.

I hope you’re loving this bonus episode of Dear Gabby. Now for a quick ad break. I wanna talk to you about a brand that I’m legit obsessed with. When they shared that they wanted to be a sponsor on this show. I freaked out because I was already using the product. And as you guys know, I’m a supplement junkie.

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The next step is beautiful. This is the step that I think is absolutely divine when it comes to relationships, just piggybacking off of my girlfriend, it’s to recognize the other person is you; recognize the other person is you. I had an interesting experience with this last summer, I went to a party in the country where I was invited to a friend’s house, and I didn’t know anybody except for my husband and a girlfriend of mine that went together to the party.

We walk in and we’re in this little gathered spot where everyone’s having cocktails and I pick up my seltzer ‘cause I’m just coming up on 10 years sober at this point last summer. Thank you.

And so I don’t partake in the alcohol and so I’m drinking my little seltzer. And I walk into the room and I’m having the little cocktail party and there’s this loud bombastic, obnoxious American woman in the corner. And she is just loud. And she’s just talking about herself, how amazing she is, where she bought her apartment on the upper west side.

How many amazing things she’s been doing with her life, her husband, her this, her that’s just like literally screaming. And so, I screamed louder. I started telling everybody, well, this is what I do. And this is who I am. And I just bought a house in Connecticut and I’m doing this and everyone just needs to know about more me and I just started, it was literally like this back and forth across the room of these two crazy women, just screaming.

And finally, it became time to go to dinner and sit down. And my husband’s like, that’s not funny.

And thankfully, we were seated, you know, when you go to a dinner party and they’re like, don’t let you sit next to your husband. They’re like, you sit here and you sit here. My husband hates that cuz he just likes me. So, so we’re sitting all in these different places and I’m, and I’m like, thank God. The crazy woman is across the table.

Like, thank God. I don’t have to listen to that anymore. And sitting there with my little seltzer and the whole time she is just staring at me. Like at me, I’m thinking, what the hell is she staring at me for? What does she want? I keep looking away and I’m looking away and she keeps looking at me and I keep looking away and it’s just getting annoying.

And then the dinner’s over and a bunch of these folks go outside to smoke marijuana cuz their kids are sleeping, you know, and I don’t partake in marijuana. I’m sober 10 years. So I’m, I’m sitting in the corner with my seltzer again, just like hanging out, probably like checking my Instagram, like Snapchatting or something. And I see her outta the corner of my eye, start walking towards me. I’m like, what the hell does she want? So here she is.

And she comes walking towards me and she’s like, you know, coming closer and closer and I’m looking at her and I’m just like, hi. She says to me, are you sober? I said yes. As a matter of fact, I’m coming up on 10 years. I’m very proud of my recovery. She looks at me and she says, I just celebrated seven.

And in that moment, I saw my alcoholism in her. I saw the need to be seen, to be heard, to be big and to be fabulous, that alcoholic nature, what made me drink in the first place, just wanting to be seen. I saw my pride in her, my pride for my recovery, my pride for my sobriety, all that I was so, so proud of.

I saw that in her. In that instant, that entire boundary was dissolved with love. And I could see myself in her. We wound up having awesome conversations. We talked about all the recovery meetings we go to and all the mutual friends that we had in common. And we had a beautiful night. I loved her. I thought she was fantastic.

And it was such a divine moment in time to remind me that I shouldn’t remember these Sutras right when I’ve hit bottom, but that I could possibly remember these all the time. That I could walk through life, remembering to recognize the other person is me all the time. To see someone in the light. So I started to put myself on this practice of walking into rooms with strangers and just seeing them in the light, seeing each and every person in the same light.

So my husband was in the same light that I would see the cab driver, as I would see the Uber guys, I would see the deli. I was just seeing each person in the light, in the light, in the light. I also began to see people for the first time. I chose to see them as if I’d never seen them before I chose to see them for the first time, I would walk into a room when I would dissolve the past.

So this worked really well with my husband. He’d be, he was really sexy actually. I’d walk in. I would be like seeing him as if I hadn’t seen him before. I didn’t have any past, I didn’t have any future or I didn’t have anything, but this moment in time and saw him for the first time. And I was like, oh, you’re hot.

This really worked with the people that I may have been judging or had a preconceived idea about seeing them for the first time. This really helped me release the resistance to love within relationships. It’s obviously a challenge because all day long, we walk around and we just say, oh, this one is that.

And this one is that. And she acts like that and she’s a tight ass and she’s a, you know what, and you know, what, know what, and we make all these stories about the people that we see and we create that resistance and we create that separation.

And what does that do? It keeps us resisting love. So I want you to consider that consider walking out of here, seeing everyone in the light; go back home tonight to your families and see your spouse or your roommate or your friend as if you’re seeing them for the first time.

See your cab driver or the person in the tube as if you’ve seen them for the first time, it’s a very fun practice. You feel very elevated and feel very awakened and it’s, it’s fun. You feel good about yourself. You walk through life, very sweet and kind and joyful. It’s our true nature. You’re living in your true nature when you’re acting that way.

And it feels like home. It feels really connected. So that’s the second step, consider that: recognize the other person is you.

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The third step is forgiveness. It’s really the bedrock of a spiritual practice, the practice of forgiveness, really choosing to see that forgiving experience with love, choosing to see things with grace. People come to me all the time and say, well, how do I forgive? Like, I don’t know how, and my first question is, do you want to?

Because if you have the desire to forgive, you can begin the practice of forgiveness. It begins with the desire. It begins with the willingness. Like my girlfriend, who’s in the relationship with another woman. She’s not willing to forgive right now, so that ain’t gonna happen until she hits her knees and she becomes willing.

And I pray for her to have that moment in time where the light will enter, but she’s not ready yet. But with that slight willingness, we can begin the practice of forgiveness. I had an experience a few years ago where a friend of mine who I really looked up to and really admired, had written something on social media that was like a little bit snarky.

She wrote it about me and she was sort of pretending to be doing me a favor, but instead it was actually like kind of obnoxious and I saw it through the, I read through the lines. Like I could see her snarkiness and maybe her jealousy or something that she posted, just read really rubbed me the wrong way. And I was so disappointed cuz this was somebody I looked up to so much and I remember calling all my friends and I was like, it’s over, I’m never talking to her again.

And I’m a Scorpio. So like when it’s over, it’s over. And so I got very upset and I was just, you know, stomping my feet, like it’s over, I’m done with her. I can’t believe she would treat me like this. I’m so angry. I’m so angry. I’m so angry. And I’m thinking to myself, wait a second. This is not what I preach.

And I really centered into my desire and my willingness to forgive. Each day, I’d get on my knees in my prayer. And I would say, I choose to forgive. And then I’d go on the rest of the day thinking she’s a BLEEP.

But I was in the willingness, I was in the commitment to forgive her. I’m willing and I’m committed to forgive her. I’m I’m open. I’m ready. I’m willing. Show me another way. And I stayed in that daily prayer every single day. Show me how to forgive. Show me how to forgive. Show me how to forgive. I, I went and I sat in my meditation one afternoon.

Maybe I was three weeks into my forgiveness prayer, and I sat on my meditation pillow one afternoon and I was in my meditation. All of a sudden I saw her in my meditation and I saw her in her magnificence. And I saw all that I had learned from her and all that I loved about her and all that I admired about her.

And I just felt this loving energy come over me, this just joyful presence of love and peace and, and true connection. All that I had loved in her came through me in that moment. I felt so connected to her and I felt so good. And I came out of the meditation and my first thought was, I’ve forgiven her.

It’s gone. It’s over. I feel great. Then I walked upstairs to go to my office and I sat down at my computer and there was an email that had come in in the exact moment in time that I was meditating and it was from her. I hadn’t spoken to her in months and the email came in and the subject said, I just want you to know.

And then the email, how awesome you are. She heard me, she felt me. She felt my release. She felt that negative cord detach. She may or may not have known how mad I was, but she felt something on a psychic level. And in that moment it was released and she felt the release too. She sent me that beautiful message right in that moment.

And I knew in that moment, the power of forgiveness, that forgiveness while it’s an incredible gift that you give yourself because you relief and you relieve yourself of all that negativity. It’s a gorgeous gift that you give the other person because you let them go. You cut that cord, you release them too.

So the practice of forgiveness is simple. My friends, you just get into the story of the desire. Become willing, have that willingness. If you, the Course says, would you rather be right or happy? Knowing that you would rather be happy, choose forgiveness, just getting into that daily dialogue of, I choose to forgive you.

I choose to forgive you. I choose to see things differently, opens your heart to another way. It opens your heart to a new attitude, to a new perception and being in that new perception. And in that new light, you begin to see the world more clearly and you set yourself free. Really, that’s all that we want.

We wanna be free. We wanna be free. Does anyone resonate with what that means to them? And that forgiveness will completely detach you from all the blocks and the bondage that’s holding you from that freedom. So give yourself that opportunity. Just give yourself maybe a 40-day prayer period where each day you go into that daily prayer of I choose to forgive you, I choose to forgive you. I choose to forgive you.

Maybe it’s you, that you need to forgive, maybe it’s yourself. And go in daily with that prayer. I choose to forgive you. The next step is compassion. This is something I’ve been practicing a lot this year. Actually, I think I only really learned what compassion means this year.

I had been talking about compassion as all great spiritual students and teachers do, you know, be compassionate. See everyone as one. We gotta be careful guys about all the loving posts that we post on Instagram. It’s nice to post them, but if you don’t back them up with your truth, it’s all a bunch of shit. You got me? I’m outing myself.

I didn’t really know the real deep, grounded meaning of compassion. And sometimes that’s okay, cuz we have to fake it till we make it. And we have to just stay, you know, open to receive whatever guidance is gonna come through to show us. And sometimes it’s just hit over the head. So how can you see your world with more compassion?

How can you see those relationships in your life with more love and more compassion and more light? How can you choose to see the light in someone rather than see their darkness? What are you willing to focus on? Are you willing to keep focusing on the, the chaos and the story and the drama, or are you willing to focus on the light?

Are you willing to focus on the love and the magnitude and the gratitude and the, and the pride and the peace? Choose to see that. Seeing with that compassionate eye will create a whole other world for you to experience. And it’s not necessarily that your experiences around you change, but your experiences of your experiences changes.

So you experience your life differently. And there’s the last step… last step. To not defend against the illusions of others. We always wanna fight for our beliefs and keep our resistance going strong and keep our resistance going strong and stay stuck in our resistance. And oftentimes other people’s stories reinforce our resistance.

You familiar with this? Other people’s stories can reinforce our resistance. So in this instance, I had to really look closely at the way that I was attacking the beliefs of others. I, as you may know, as you all know, have a gun problem in my country, a serious gun problem in my country. About a month ago, I read the news about another mass shooting in California. And I think that same day there was another mass shooting, like two in one day. And I’m just, I’m devastated. I am heated. I am mad.

I am very, very public about my beliefs about gun control and I’m pretty unapologetic about it. Here I am and I’m sitting and I’m having breakfast in my, in my house, in the country.

And it’s up on a mountain. Some of you’re familiar with my mountain house. I’m up by my mountain house. And literally, no one comes up there because you’d literally have to walk up a mountain to get there. So when you see some cars drive up, you’re kind of like who’s here now? You know, is it the UPS guy?

You just don’t know. So I’m sitting in my kitchen, I’m looking out onto the driveway and. Out of the corner of my eye. I see these three men in black hoodies, black jackets, black pants with these long black looks like a gun coming from the side and they’re walking slowly up the mountain, just walking towards the house.

And I look at my husband, I’m like, we gotta get outta here. Like we gotta go. We gotta go. Let’s go out the back. Let’s run down the mountain. Like we got, we gotta get out. Like they’re coming to kill us. It was the snow blowers.

And while I know that might sound funny, it was devastating to me, it’s devastating to me that I live in a country that has such fucked-up gun violence. I’m gonna use the fucked-up word there. Sorry, Jess, because it’s so bad. It has such bad gun violence. And this is the reality of the world that we’re living in. So I’m fiercely angry about it.

I’m gonna use the F word when I talk about it, I’m gonna get loud. Okay. And so I take it to the Twitter. I take it to Instagram. I post this picture on all of my social channels and it’s a picture of a gun with that red ban sign across it. And I said, this must stop. And the Spirit Junkies on the Instagram and the Facebook went crazy.

I had no idea that I had so many followers that believed in guns. They went crazy. They were like, we need our guns, Gabby. We need to protect our families. Don’t take away our guns. How dare you? I’m disappointed in you, Gabby. We need our guns. I look at my husband. I am like, I am irate. I can’t believe that these people think that they need guns.

This is the problem. This is why children are getting murdered. This is what’s going on in our country. I’m like, I’m going back on the Instagram.

My husband looks at me and he said to me, I thought that you believed that in your defenselessness your safety lies. I said, oh shit.

I got schooled by my husband. I said, oh my God. You’re so right. I sat with it for a moment. And I started to see how I was investing in their illusion by attacking back. I could see in that moment that I couldn’t defend against their illusions. I had to allow them to have the freedom to speak their minds.

But more importantly, I started to recognize themselves in me, right? I started to recognize myself in, in who they were and I saw I get it. These mothers are horrified and they believe that they need their guns to protect their children. And I got it. I understood. And I said a prayer for our country, for our people.

So I really had to see in that moment, how defending against the illusion was just going to invest in the illusion. It was just going to create a drama. Instead, I continue to post about gun violence and my beliefs, and I say, please feel free to write whatever you believe in, in. Leave it in the comments.

My only request is that you be nice to each other. Please just be kind to each other. You can have your opinions and you know what guys, it’s great. Have your opinions. We need to be talking about this regardless of what side we’re on. We need to be talking about this. I believe it’s the mothers in my country that will end this problem.

So feel free to talk about it and feel free to know that your voice matters too. When it comes to anything all around the world, know that your voice matters too. But the concept of giving people a forum to say whatever they believe, just asking them to be kind, allowed me to have the freedom to speak up without feeling afraid to be attacked.

And that defenselessness is freedom, that defenselessness releases you from that resistance to love. Right? The loving voice within me is saying, speak up, speak up, speak up, but don’t speak up with more violence. Speak up with more love, speak up with more love. Give them the right to say whatever they please; let them say whatever they need, but let it go.

Let it dissolve. And trust that whatever comes up in that dialogue and that conversation is exactly as it needs to be. So here are my steps for you, my friends; let’s recap, our steps. Happiness is a choice you make. You’re gonna witness that crazy. You’re gonna call it by its name and you’re gonna choose again.

You’re gonna say thank you for sharing and you’re gonna laugh at it and you’re gonna choose again. The second step we had was to recognize the other person is you. You’re gonna go home tonight and you’re gonna see the other person in the light. You’re gonna see them as if you’ve seen them for the first time.

You’re gonna see them in love. You’re gonna see them in grace. The third step is to practice the F word, be in forgiveness. If someone in your life is negative and you’ve been carrying a grievance, open your heart to what forgiveness could mean to you, and just get into that daily practice of 30, 40 days of daily forgiveness, and you don’t need to do anything.

You can literally just say I’m willing to forgive and sit back and receive; witness. So wild occurrences will happen. Be compassionate. Choose to see what you love in someone rather than what you do not love in them. Choose to lean into the compassion, see your part in the situation. Be compassionate. See someone with all of that light and love rather than seeing them with the darkness.

And then in my, in my defenselessness my safety lies. Recognize how you may be defending against the illusions of others. In what ways are you reinforcing resistance? Because you are being defensive. In what ways are you reinforcing resistance? Because you are pushing back or speaking louder or yelling more.

So even if you take one of these steps this week, tonight for the next few months for the rest of your life, one of these tools will change your life. Just one, even if you begin to apply one of these simple tools in your life. I open up this opportunity for you to just say yes, just choose one, choose one, master it, master it, and then get onto the next.

I love you guys. Thank you so much.

If you made it to the end of this episode, that means you’re truly committed to miracles. I’m really proud of you. If you wanna get more Gabby, tune in every Monday for a new episode. Make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss any of the guidance or special bonus episodes. Your experience at this show means a lot to me.

So I really wanna welcome you to leave an honest review and you can follow me on social media at @GabbyBernstein. And if you wanna get in on the action, sign up for a chance to be Dear Gabby’d live at deargabby.com. See you next week.

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