The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. I’ve been out in the world launching this new book, Happy Days – The guided path from trauma to profound freedom and inner peace. My mind is blown. My mind is blown about how transformation all this work has already been for so many of you.

I knew it was going to happen. I knew that the book was going to serve you, but I didn’t know that it was going to be this necessary at this time. I truly didn’t. The journey that I underwent to get to where I am today is a journey that we all deserve. We all deserve the guided path from trauma to profound freedom and inner peace.

And you don’t have to take my word for it. Here’s some of the headlines of the reviews on Amazon.

“Must read for trauma-informed path to healing.” “Stunning.”

“I’ve already had so many aha moments that are incredibly profound and I’m only on chapter two Gabby’s stories are raw and so beautifully told.”

“Gabby is holding your hand while you do the work. You never feel alone.”

That one Fran on Amazon, makes me just feel so, so, so on mission and so connected, because that was my intention for you not to feel alone, for you not to feel disconnected in this journey of recovery.

Let me read another. “Life changing book.” Marlon says on Amazon.

“I haven’t finished the book yet. However, the five chapters I’ve already read have absolutely opened my heart and mind. I feel that Gabby genuinely cares. I feel her energy through her writing.”

And here’s the last one: “Life changing. This book is for everyone. Gabby’s teachings are the real thing. This is a life-transforming book.”

I love you guys.

I just want to say thank you for sharing your experience of the book. And I hope that if anyone is struggling right now that they know that there is great support in the pages of Happy Days, you can listen to it on audio. You can read it in the hardcover book or the ebook. And my prayer is that this book guides you one step of the way to know that you’re not alone, to know that I am by your side.

And that there is a guided path from whatever suffering you have experienced in your life to profound freedom and inner peace. Happy days.

Hey there. Welcome to Dear Gabby. I’m your host Gabby Bernstein. And if you landed here, it is absolutely no accident. It means you’re ready to feel good and manifest a life beyond your wildest dreams. Let’s get started.

Welcome back, it’s Dear Gabby time. The folks who come on to get questions have weighed in; they’ve weighed it in and they are asking for something specific in this intro. They want to know the three things I wish I’d known when I was 20. I’m 42 right now. So 22 years ago, we’re talking more than half of my life ago.

What did I wish I knew? And I’m riffing here. I’m just making it up as I go. I’ve been an entrepreneur since I was literally 20 years old, probably younger, actually. I was promoting nightclubs in my, in my teens making cash, promoting nightclubs. I started my first business at 21. And in retrospect, I can look back and see that there are some lessons that would have really served me in my future if I had known them then.

And to be clear, I wouldn’t change anything because I do genuinely believe that the universe has a plan for us. And even the things that we wish we’d known, if we had known them something different would have happened. But I can see that things might’ve happened a little bit more easily. Or maybe I would have experienced a little less grief or frustration had I really tapped in and let myself number one: Do less and attract more.

Numero uno. Today, I actually had this experience. I was I’d said no to something that I really wanted to do. Old Gabby would have 100,000 freaking percent pushed herself, made that the whole thing happened, reorganized her entire schedule, just push, push, pushed, put herself into some, maybe some uncomfortable, uh, sort of chaotic time constraints just to get that thing done to maximize.

And yeah, I probably would have gotten something out of it and it would have been valuable, but at my own expense. It would have been potentially exhausting. It would have taken me out and that doing might’ve kept me from some really important allowing. And so, new Gabby at 42, not 20, 22 years later can see that my ability to say no, and to do less is my strength.

It is now my ability to actually attract more. So sometimes we think especially early on when we’re growing our business, whatever it might be, but I identify as a spiritual entrepreneur. But whatever kind of business that you follow and whatever spiritual entrepreneurial ventures you are creating in your life, we have this sense often that the more we do, the more we’ll succeed.

It could not be more the opposite for me. In this instance, now I’m realizing 22 years behind me, 16 years as a spiritual teacher, 22 years, as a spiritual entrepreneur, I can see and look back and say, I wish I’d done some a little less. I wish I’d done a lot less, but I’m not going to, I’m not going to, like I said, I’m not going to change a thing. But moving forward, I’m going to really apply, do less and attract more.

Because the more we push and hustle and try to be everywhere and be everything and say yes to everything, the less energy we have for creativity, the last space we have for cultivating the creative mindset that we need to allow inspired ideas to move through us. The less space that we have to let the universe give us direction and show us where to go and what to do.

That’s the first, the first one I would. I would do less and attract more, period.

The second thing I would do as a spiritual entrepreneur, if I was talking to myself 20 years ago is I would say, get the help you need. Get help, get help, get help, get help. When we are starting any kind of new spiritual venture, whatever it might be, whether it’s an entrepreneurial venture, or if it’s a creative project, we can get stuck in the story of I don’t have the resources or I can’t spend any money to get help, or I don’t deserve the help or I got to do it all myself, or if I don’t do it, nobody else is going to do it.

That mentality is such a time suck. That mentality will keep you stuck in the patterns of overworking and under-creating, not even underachieving, but just lacking the ability to feel the support that is always available to us when we have a dream. And getting help doesn’t mean necessarily hiring somebody tomorrow.

But it may mean finding people who are in love with what you do and that want to volunteer with you or finding someone that wants to barter with you or paying somebody $10 an hour to be a virtual assistant, but seeking the support that you need so that you can really grow into that desire and cultivate the vision for the future that you want to create.Very, very, very valuable, very important.

And then the third thing that I wish I’d known as spiritual entrepreneur in my twenties is really simple. Have more freaking fun, Gabby. Have more fun, stop being so serious. Stop being so obsessed and stop being so scared. Have more fun. The secret to manifesting the career beyond our wildest dreams is to have more fun.

Fun is the catalyst for all that we create in life; fun is the catalyst for all the joy that we bring forth. Fun is the key ingredient to being a super attractor.

One of the biggest blocks to our super attractor power is our money mindset. And I see this all the time with my listeners and my readers, because money can be such a space of resistance for so many of us.

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GABBY: So Sammy let’s bring our first guest in let’s jump in. Hi, Katherine.

CALLER: Hi, it’s such an honor to be on. Actually, it’s funny what you were just talking about really landed with me.

Um, I’m a new entrepreneur. I launched my business maybe in February last year and, uh, international business development. And, uh, in the wildest ways like doors have been opening. Well, it’s the most incredible thing. And I went through a separation and my career is blowing up and I’m like, I want to make sure that I remain aligned and that I don’t do actions just to do actions moving forward.

That I stay in my true, um, that I keep having fun that I can do less. Just like you were just saying, and that I keep really. Not trying too hard, I guess, is what I’m saying. Yeah. Like I just feel like now I’m getting a little too much.

GABBY: Got it. Okay. That’s good. So how does stop efforting and start allowing, go girl!

Okay. I see this a lot with a lot of entrepreneurs. I see this with folks on social media. I see so much efforting as you called it. Efforting, doing, doing, pushing, pushing, controlling, trying, being, you know, forcing not a lot of being. Not a lot of being, not a lot of allowing, not a lot of, uh, enjoying. When we are in that efforting, in that pushing, we’re really sending this message to the universe that we need something to feel complete.

So there’s a sense of, I need to get more. I need to push forward to feel complete, to feel good. Sometimes it’s really less about what we’re doing and more about the need, unconscious need to feel good enough. To feel. And often we look for the outside world to be the reflection back to us that we are good enough.

And when we don’t get that, we keep efforting and we keep pushing. We keep controlling.

CALLER: Yeah. And I sense a certain sense of like, things have been going too well. Oh my God, I can’t be that successful? And it can’t be that much fun and it’s like, I feel like I step in with a certain form of self-sabotage as well.

GABBY: Who am I to have this?

Who am I to have this success? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

CALLER: Do these people actually feel that or it’s just me here.

Yeah, not so lucky. Cause I worked my ass off, but like, yeah, I guess there’s a certain, um, impostor—sorry, I’m very French—syndrome and yeah. It’s like if I, I sense myself pushing boundaries going into self-sabotage I take myself back, but it’s I don’t want to go there and I really didn’t want to go there.

GABBY: So the part of you that’s self-sabotaging what does she know about her? What do you know about that part of you that self-sabotages?

CALLER: Mmm, that is the dangerous part. That’s the part of me that used to have eating disorders and like played with drugs for the longest time and kind of watch how far I could push it before it actually had an influence, you know, before it actually influenced my circumstances.

It’s a old chapter of my life. That’s been like years ago. I know, I don’t want to go back there. I know there’s no point that I know that I’m strong and I think it’s an old reflex, an old pattern. That’s like, oh, things are going to well, like, I don’t know.

GABBY: So the part of you that feels like she could self-sabotage at any moment, what does she need right now?

What does she need from you? Does she know that you’re there? Does she know that there’s this, this adult presence in the room that there’s this new Catherine in the room? The resourced Catherine.

CALLER: Yeah. She’s still trying though, but, but she knows, cause I don’t let her most days.

GABBY: Hm, but what if you were to let her have a voice right now and just tell you what she needs?

CALLER: She needs to know that I feel worthy.

GABBY: She needs to know that she’s worthy.

CALLER: Yeah. That she’s worthy. That she’s not an impostor. That she’s actually all that.

GABBY: What would you like to say to her, the adult resourced part of you, the amazing woman who showed up here today, what do you want to tell her?

CALLER: These old patterns of like self-sabotage or like some don’t serve me anymore.

Like, don’t serve her anymore. You don’t need those anymore. I needed those to protect myself in the past. Perhaps like, obviously. These patterns served a purpose in my life and got me to where I am today. And I learned a lot from those, but they don’t serve me anymore. I don’t need that.

GABBY: I’m noticing that there’s a part of you that wants to be, as you said, in your own words, afraid of that, that younger part.

Right. Okay. Would it be okay if we asked that fearful part of you just to step aside and like, just to go in the other room for a moment and just like take a breath. Relax. Cause I want to see if we can get to know a little bit more about what that self-sabotageur needs just touch in with her today.

So if the fear part is, is the fear part stepping aside?

CALLER: Yes. You feel that I have a little more fun. I feel excited.

GABBY: Oh, great. You’re excited because the fear part is not here. Okay. Nice. We’re excited. Excellent. Okay. In that place of excitement, what do you want to say to that, that self-sabotageur right now?

CALLER: That there’s no room for it.

Like right now, everything literally that I want, I make happen in my life. Like I’ve been traveling the world and creating incredible projects and like what’s happening in my life is beyond my wildest dreams. And I still can’t believe I get that. Like, I get all these opportunities and I, that I actually I’m living the life that I’m living.

And I’m very proud of myself for it. And that, I guess, with so much freedom. I guess that’s where with so much freedom and so much growth than so much success, I’m like I can go any direction, which is where I think that little self-sabotage version of me sneaks in and says, I’m also an option. This could be a road you could take.

GABBY: So the self-sabotage part is, is showing up as, as I think a form of protection. And a protection from, I don’t want to put words in your mouth because if we had more time, I would let you develop the words for me, but that it’s a protector part. It’s a part that’s like, I’m gonna, I’m gonna do something to avoid something else.

And so we don’t have to go too deep right now, but I just want to let that protector part have a voice with us today. Right? What does she need to feel a little safer, a little bit more connected to you?

CALLER: To know that will protect myself. That I’ll know my boundaries and I’ll protect myself. And I won’t push myself too far that I’ll like, I won’t try to do too much.

Then I’ll just respect my flow and that I’ll listen to my body and my intuitions and that it’s going to lead me in the right direction.

GABBY: Beautiful. What does that look like and feel like to you, if you’re creating boundaries and…

CALLER: So much fun. Cause I’m already having, like I traveling the world, like going through whatever I want to do, I can do, and I’ve been doing it and it’s amazing, but I’ve learned that wherever you go, you bring yourself with you.

GABBY: Yes. Yes.

CALLER: Right. So I think knowing. I don’t have to worry about that. Like I got me wherever I am.

GABBY: Yeah. Beautiful, beautiful.

Wherever I am. I’ve got me. Okay. And so is there a way that she can know that you’re with her? No matter what, even if she’s coming up that little part of you I’m calling her, she is she, is a she?

I’m not sure. Yeah. Okay. So the, the self-sabotageur she needs to know that you’re with her at all times. And that you’re, that you’re watching out for her.

CALLER: Yes.

GABBY: So if you were to bring her with you, when you travel, where would she be? Would she be, where would you bring her? Where would you put her?

CALLER: Where would I put her?

Not too close? Me, but I don’t think she, she doesn’t need to worry. Cause I really think that those patterns that I used to have to, you know, I think that whatever she did was great and protected me or numbed me in times that I needed to be now.

GABBY: Beautiful. So you can see that she had a really valuable role in the past.

Is it possible that we could thank her for her service?

CALLER: I think so. Yeah.

GABBY: For all that she did in the past. Just say, thank you for numbing me. I needed that at the time, and I really respect you for all the hard work you did.

CALLER: I really respect you for the hard work you did.

GABBY: I know you had an important role.

CALLER: I know you had an important role.

GABBY: That’s the work right now, Catherine is just to, to get into a place where you can befriend that part. And just let her know that she doesn’t have to be pushed away and that she, she can be respected for all the hard work that she did.

You can get there with me.

CALLER: Yeah.

GABBY: Now, you know, you know, years later, okay. I know this now, just like I was saying to my 20 year old self have more fun, Gabby. Do less attract more, but without judging the parts from the past, that was a workaholic or judging the part that was trying struggling so hard. And being able to witness, when I go back into that pattern and then be able to say to myself, okay, well, that’s actually old Gabby and she doesn’t need to do that anymore.

And I can unwind this now and not judge myself for falling back into that pattern. But just say that girl had a role, but she’s actually not, not needed to do that role anymore today. So when you notice her come up, Catherine, cause she’s going to come up. She’s still trying to protect from something that we, that hopefully you can get to deeper in therapy, but she’s going to keep coming up.

But for now, what we’re the best work is, is to just befriend her and notice her when she’s there. And she’s going to have ways that she’s going to try to numb you out and you’ll be able to catch her and say, oh, there you are again. And I know you had such a valuable role in the past. We don’t have to do that today.

And it’s everything that you’ve been saying to her, but just in a little bit more of a compassionate. Right. Rather than shutting her down. We’re not that way anymore. We don’t have to do that anymore. I welcome you to just really befriend her and see her with compassion, speak to her with compassion. And you really, really softened when you just started to speak to her in that way.

So from that place of compassion, what would you want to say?

CALLER: That I’m grateful that you are there for me and that she’s still there looking out for me, but that being numb at the moment is not what I need and doesn’t serve me, but I am thankful that she was there and I’m hearing that it’s an option, but not the option that I choose.

GABBY: Beautiful. So thank you so much for being an option. And I’d say I’m grateful that you’re there, but I’m going to just choose a different option today. Beautiful. How do you feel right now, Catherine?

CALLER: So much lighter and I thought I was doing pretty good.

GABBY: How do you feel towards her now? How do you feel towards that part of you?

CALLER: In peace, less afraid of it? She was coming up quite a bit. Then I was starting to let her in more and more. I was scared. I was seeing myself go down. I was scared of her coming back.

GABBY: So she can be with you, but she doesn’t have to take over you. Right. She can be with you and be around. She can, you can just honor and respect her, but she doesn’t have to take over.

CALLER: Thank you so much.

GABBY: You’re welcome. How does she feel towards you?

CALLER: I think she trusts me.

GABBY: Yeah, go girl. Excellent. She really does. She really does. And the thing is, is that we don’t want to get rid of her because she has an important role, right? Like the doing and the doing, she has an important role. We just don’t want her to be in her extreme role. When she becomes less extreme, she becomes even more valuable.

So instead of pushing her away, I want you to work on befriending her, you thank you for your service. What do you need me to know right now?

CALLER: I want her to be enough and can keep an eye out.

GABBY: That’s right. That’s right. That’s right. You, you want her to be an ally that can keep an eye out? Yeah. She’s also a sign that you need to numb in the moment and you can see up there.

She is again, she’s trying to tell me that something isn’t feeling good. What can I look into more?

CALLER: It’s true.

GABBY: Catherine. This is gorgeous. This is all about befriending those parts. Okay. So they don’t have to disappear. They can just become less extreme as very valuable in your business because she has a role in you business.

And we don’t want her to leave because she’s helpful. But we just want her to be less extreme. Beautiful.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You’re welcome, sweetheart. You’re welcome. Thank you for joining me. Awesome.

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GABBY: Okay. Who’s next?

CALLER: Hey!

GABBY: Brian! I do remember you, my friend. Welcome back. How’s it going?

CALLER: Well, the one, the thing that you said today so far that stood out is, you know, we’ll just have fun, but also try not to do too much, you know, just don’t push it.

Do it, you know, and it was the first thing you said.

GABBY: Do less and attract more.

CALLER: That that’s what it is. See my mind’s everywhere. I’ve been working on our Instagram. I’ve been working on our social media, trying to get our business up and running and I’ve been trying to get people’s attention, but nothing’s happening.

GABBY: Brian? Oh, you just said something big. So when you say out loud, I’m trying to get people’s attention. That’s a sure sign that you are getting in the way of your spiritually-aligned action. That you are getting in the way of your ability to let the universe support you in your business and your spiritual practice and anything in your life.

So I’m trying to get people’s attention. Let’s let’s just focus on that right now. We, as spiritual entrepreneurs have a job to do, and one job only to be in the service of others. And to show up with that service mentality, that’s the job. However, it manifests, whether it manifests in an art career, whether it manifests as a coach or whether it manifests. And every spiritual career is whatever you define it to be.

So you could be at a lawyer and say, I have a spiritual career, or you could be a waiter. And I have a spiritual career. Every path we take is aligned with spiritual intention. If we choose it to be. So, whether you’re a spiritual entrepreneur, you’re wanting to bring more spirituality into your work. This is the message.

It can’t be about trying to get other people’s attention. It needs to be about how you can be of service to even one soul today. Now, I think about that in this instance right now where I know I’m talking to potentially hundreds of thousands of people. And I also think about it when I’m on the airplane.

And someone’s having a meltdown and freaking out and they just need a smile. I also think about it when I walk into the store and I purchase something, I see that the woman behind the counter has her mask on and she’s really pissed and she doesn’t want to be there. And I just say to her, how can I be of service to you by giving you a little love or asking you a question or making you laugh.

So the more you get into the intention of asking the universe, what miracles would you have me perform today? And showing up with that primary intention rather than what can I get, but how could I give, the sooner things are going to shift for you? So when we have that energy of, I got to get something or I got to get their attention or get to the next place, we’re sabotaging the opportunity and we’re putting a massive wall up in the way of the miraculous.

Want you to really, and then the idea that you, that the method that you brought up for this show from the intro of do less and attract more is exactly what I’m talking about. If you stop trying to get, and you start just focusing on, how can I give, so taking what you’ve learned, taking what you know, taking what you’ve experienced and sharing it.

Also just sharing your light. Sharing your light. Putting some positive energy out into the world. That’s what we need from all of the people in, in, in business these days is how can you show up to your job with more love? How can you show up to your job with more light? How can you show up to your job with more grace?

That is the answer for you today, Brian. And I’m so grateful that we were able to have you back on the show.

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So this is a perfect place to end this show. When we do last and attract more, we know that we are in the vibrational alignment with the highest service, which is to be in the service of what is of the highest good for all to say, wake up each day and say, what miracles would you have me perform today?

What a nice request that is because it takes the pressure off. The, there is no longer what can I do? How can I get, how can I push? What do I need? And more just show me. I love this other message from, A Course in Miracles.

Where would you have me go? What would you have me do? What would you have me say? And to whom? If you feel like you’re pushing and controlling or in the way of your career desires or aspirations, use that prayer, where would you have me go? What would you have me do? What would you have me say? And to whom? Give yourself the freedom to be led rather than the lack energy of trying to get something or for something.

Get out of the way, let yourself be led. Be in the service of others, have a lot more fun. Welcome the support from the universe and the support from the human angels that will show up in your life. And when you’re in that energy of how can I serve rather than how can I get, everything around you will begin to unfold naturally.

I really hope that these methods are supportive to you. And I want to tell you, if you are an entrepreneur, a spiritual business owner, or a spiritual person in business, go download this free method for the 10 ways to succeed as a spiritual entrepreneur, I have put so much love into this guided practice.

And so many people love it so much. And I put it in the show notes for you. You can go get the link to 10 ways to succeed as a spiritual entrepreneur and to really give yourself permission to trust and to know that the less you do at times, the less you push, the more energetic support you will receive.

You may be supported to do a lot, but to do it in grace and to do it with ease and to do it with an energy that’s joyful and fun.

And to do it without saying yes to everything, but just saying yes to what brings you to. So just really ground yourself in that today, ground yourself in the possibility that you could actually make a bigger impact on the world by not pushing and controlling, but by allowing, listening, and being guided.

Thanks for listening to Dear Gabby.

If you made it to the end of this episode, that means you’re truly committed to miracles. I’m really proud of you. If you want to get more Gabby, tune in every Monday for a new episode. Make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss any of the guidance or special bonus episodes. Your experience at this show means a lot to me.

So I really want to welcome you to leave an honest review. And you can follow me on social media at @GabbyBernstein. And if you want to get in on the action, sign up for a chance to be Dear Gabby’d live deargabby.com. See you next week.