Change Your Words, Change Your Life

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Have you ever considered the power of your words?

Every word we speak has an energy behind it whether you realize it or not. Many of us are using affirmations and we’re trying to reframe our negativity, but we still get caught in these verbal stories of chaos, and fear, and drama, and judgment, and attack. And the words that we use carry so much energy and so much power.

I’ve been known to quote A Tribe Called Quest when I say, “Occasionally curse to get my point across.” I love a good curse word to emphasize my point but I often lose sight of how the word may resonate energetically. Even if the intentions behind our words are well meaning, the word itself has power. Therefore, we need to start to choose our words more wisely—especially now.

When you’re disagreeing about politics, religion, money, what movie to watch…anything really, it can create a lot of negativity in your relationships. So I often like to suggest that we slow down and take a beat before we speak. I do this with an awesome acronym, W.A.I.T. —“Why Am I Talking?”

Wait, why am I talking and photo of gabby bernstein

In that moment, when I sense that my words could affect others, I silently say W.A.I.T and stop myself before I let my words get the best of me.


After asking yourself to W.A.I.T., the next step is to think about the two Rs.

The first R is to redirect, which would just be simply redirecting the conversation. Like, “Why don’t we focus on what we’re cooking for dinner” or “This funny thing happened with one of the kids today.”

The other R would be to really just let the other person rant. Sometimes people just need to get it out and have a full expression of what they’re feeling. When you let somebody rant, eventually they hear themselves talking and then they’re bored of themselves talking, so they stop.

Try it at your next family function when the tension gets high at the dinner table. I guarantee you (and the whole family) will thank you for it.

RELATED: Release Judgment and Make Peace Your Daily Routine


Several years ago I was looking to buy a new home.It was a stressful time and I went around telling everyone how difficult it was to find a place. So much drama. I started to realize the power of my words—and the fact that they were keeping me stuck in this negative story creating so much more chaos around the real estate experience.

I decided to change my whole conversation and use elevating words. Like, “we are finding creative solutions for our home” and “we are manifesting the home of our wildest dreams.” Changing the dialogue around the conversation allowed me to elevate the energy within that experience.

When we choose empowering words we can redirect our thoughts and energy into a more positive vibration. The same way you’d redirect a negative conversation with a friend, you’ll do this with yourself.

Consciously choosing high vibe words will boost your energy, shift your mood, and open you up to creative possibilities.

I challenge you this week (and beyond), to look at the areas of your life where you may be using a conversation that’s not serving you. Perhaps you’re fearful about the future, or feeling negative about your job, or just frustrated with the way you’re feeling in your body. What words are you using that are contributing to this inner dialogue and the low level vibes and low level energy? Then, start to change the conversation, change the language.

Change Your Story, Change Your Words, change Your life Quote

It doesn’t mean that you are faking what you believe. You’re just reaching for words and stories that are more uplifting.. This will shift the language and allow you to lean on a conversation that’s much more energizing.

Get into a space of really owning what it is that you’re saying. Change your story, change your words and you will change your life.


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  1. It’s ok to go on a solo-rant every once in awhile though, isn’t it? After spending months hurt, sad and crying over the end of my relationship, I finally hit my knees yesterday and yelled how much I hate him. I immediately felt a release… one I had been waiting for to come. I know we’re supposed to come from love, our words and our actions, but not at the sacrifice of our self-love, right? So in this instance where I was alone and yelled about how much I hate him, feeling the letting-go finally click-in, maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing to use less-loving language…

    1. You got it, Whitney! There is nothing spiritual about bypassing our feelings. The only way out is through! Part of healing is being mindful of what’s coming up for us so that we work towards acceptance. Here in this article I share an exercise called Rage on the Page that I think you will find helpful: I’m also including a link to my feelings meditation: Nice work.

  2. Wow after the night that I had this is something I needed to hear for sure. So often I am quick with my mouth but today I have a pause, a wait. Thank you Gabby for reminding me of this beautiful thing in my life. Do I react or respond today. My choice. Balls in .my court. And if I just WAIT, I am accessing power that belongs with me and not giving it away. ♥️♥️

  3. I have been feeling so down about not being able to find a job back home near my family because I will be having my first baby soon away from all my loved ones. I really needed to read this today. Thank you.

  4. Gabby,

    I love this acronym!

    I wished I had read this yesterday before I got caught up in an email rant with my work colleagues about one of our managers who has a habit of ignoring requests for approvals only she is authorized to give! This has caused a lot of frustration in the ranks!I work so hard to be non judgemental and pride myself in the fact that I steer away from gossip etc. because it always comes back and bites you! Sure enough, the next day I received a lovely warm email from our Manager which hit me right in the heart. I will use this useful tool to reinforce my belief.


  5. This is amazing! Before seeing this I did something similar today snd was so proud of myself that I found that presence and space within in me to stop and allow the other person to rant. With my calmness the other person also easily saw their ranting! Now I will remind myself of WAIT and add in some redirection 🙂

  6. Thank you Gabby! On occasion, during this crazy pandemic, I have caught myself following the herd and engaging in conversations that are low energy and truly not serving me or anyone else! Looking forward to experimenting with WAIT!

  7. I needed this today!! With my job, we live together and we are a very diverse group! (I work on a ship). With the world right now it can be hard to keep your work professional all time! We work hard and we live in a small space, tempers can flair, lack of sleep, being away from your home and support network 60 or more days can cross communication barriers that would never be crossed in a normal work place. I pulled the card you posted just last night as I prepared to sleep. I feel like your blog was meant to remind of the message. Control my narrative in words, actions and energy! Thank you so much!

    1. Yesss, Jennifer! So glad this post reached you at the right and perfect time. This is a great place to start and if you find yourself wanting more tools and practices, here are a few to check out:
      – Gabby’s free Judement Detox mini course:
      – Tapping to release judgment:
      – One sentence to see the world differently:
      – Be a mirror for the light:

  8. Right on.
    There is a biology of belief, your body believes every word you say.
    Also Dr Imoto had that scientific stunning study about the vibration of words. I am sure you know of it Gabby!

  9. Dear Gabby,
    The Universe has spoken to me through this post today.
    I’ve been struggling to find my words to express myself to my partner, just how much I appreciate him and how much joy and lightness he has brought to me… and I just want to focus on this appreciation despite a heavy dread that’s coming up ahead for us, he is going to move away for work in a couple months and the decision for our relationship is hanging in the air. I want to respect his decision but also have so much fear for our love and connection. I’ve been feeling the need for a heartfelt talk with him but I don’t want it to be all fear-based.
    Thank you for this timely reminder and advise… to speak with loving intention.

    1. Your awareness here is everything. You are doing the work! The fear is understandable. And shifting your focus to the love between the two of you and choosing to speak from that space will make all the difference in your communication. You should be so proud! Big love to you xoxo

  10. Dear Gabby,

    Recently I started working at a successful accounting firm here in Chicago. I have a lot of respect for my boss and the owner of the firm. She has owned it for 40 years and her level of knowledge and commitment is very impressive.

    However, I feel like I am on the trial of being guilty until proven innocent as far as her getting to know me and learning to trust me. She talks to me with a tone of judgement and accusation before I even have a chance to show her my abilities and that I mean well. I am extremely triggered and stressed out to the point of tears. I am told by a coworker to wipe my eyes before the boss sees me in tears.

    I am trying my best to see it in a different light, to understand and focus on the positive with gratitude. … But it is very, very difficult. Energy is low, anxiety producing and I just hit the wall.

    Help! Any advice would be appreciated.

    1. I’m sorry this is happening and I want to honor you for your willingness to see this differently. Your best bet here is to keep your side of the street clean. You cannot control how your boss perceives you or your work, but you *can* control your thoughts, vibe and actions. Check out this post on how to bring spirituality into your work. I think it will serve you. You got this! xoxoxo

  11. Hi Gabby! Thank you for this timely post. More than ever it seems like conversations with even my closest friends are verbally heading into the ditch regarding the pandemic, politics and behavior in general. It’s so easy to hop on the band wagon to join others to complain/vent. This is a wonderful reminder that if I could just be present enough to pause – and WAIT – it would allow space for me to back out of the negative conversations and approach things in a more objective and compassionate way and ultimately help others while helping myself simultaneously. Now – I just need to be conscious about putting this into practice 😉 I am slowly finding my own voice and shaping my life to help others and you’ve been gently guiding me along the way. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Sending lots of love and light your way!

  12. thank you so for presenting the WAIT at this time I remember the OZ piece…but it is such a pivotal concept in RELATING…and particular with couple people, and I am not perfect but I want to own how I relate…and be the best in that space I can be….and this is not at all political conversations etc just every day life..THANK YOU SO MUCH GABBY…thankful every day for your generosity and heart…………

  13. Hi Gabby!! Thanks for this advice. I woke up this morning feeling like anything has the power of bothered me. I felt overwhelmed even for stupid things like the volume of the television or try setting an appointment. I’m realizing that I’m so far to be alignment and I have to WAIT.
    Thanks and Love❤️

  14. Good Morning Gabby,

    I have been struggling with a very rare diagnosis. I had to research my way to the diagnosis, because I kept being dismissed by doctors who didn’t want to say, “I don’t know.” I went from being a former athlete, full of life and vitality to a shell of myself. I’m a person of deep faith who believes in miracles and that the power of life and death is in the tongue. But I am tired and truly suffering, physically and emotionally. How do you watch your words around that reality. I believe in the biology of belief, but it’s been 5 1/2 years.

  15. Thank you Gabby for your article. I will do the exercise of observing what words I am using ..if they shift or not my energy and vibes.

  16. I’m struggling when my sister fights and throws so much at me. Just before today’s fight I read WAIT and then as she threw things at me. I kept repeating. Wait.

    It got worse and I was triggered and said words I don’t mean. How do you stop those from coming out.

    1. Amazing that you worked to implement this practice in your daily life. The reason why we call it a practice is because it might take a few tries for us to master it.
      So first, forgive yourself for saying things you did not mean, and then ask the universe for help. Take some time connect to the universe/your higher self via prayer, meditation, journaling to gain some clarity on how you can respond differently next time.
      Additionally you may find it helpful to set some energetic boundaries: xoxo

  17. This was exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you Gabby! Your guidance always points me in the right direction. When I met you last September at an event in CT you helped me their as well. SO THANK YOU!

  18. I really needed to be reminded of this today. Every conversation that I have about my current job, my health and my weight have been most likely keeping me in the same situation. I am committing to changing the way I speak. Thank you Gabby. Your posts always seem to be so timely.

  19. That you for sharing your wise words. Every time I see an owl, I think of glorious you Gabby. Carry on your marvellous mission, the world needs more of you. You are truly loved.

  20. This was so timely. I have some discouraging feelings associated with my older sister. If anyone can get under my skin it is her. I am really trying to figure out what the hell is up with that because I NEVER see her and I have talked to her a hand full of times in 13 years. We used to be super close but as I have grown older and grown in my thinking it just doesn’t work. That would be fine but instead, I feel judged and then I JUDGE. I don’t like her, frankly. I used to just feel sorry for her but now it is full-blown dislike. I know this is a problem that I have and I am trying to fix it because I don’t like having that energy around me or inside of me.

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