What to Do When People Start Gossiping

share this post:

share this post:

I’m in the midst of writing a new book called Judgment Detox (preorder now!). Whenever I’m writing a new book, I have the experience of living the practice for two reasons: I want to test-drive every tool and lesson, many of which I’ve used for years and am bringing together in one cohesive method. And second, since I’m writing about it all day, it’s at the forefront of my mind.

As a result of putting myself through the Judgment Detox, I’ve noticed I’ve been very different in the midst of gossip. When I see people talking or judging, or discussing the crazy news stories happening these days, I’m finding myself for the first time in my life being silent. I’m just witnessing and letting people share their opinions without feeling the need to judge them or enforce my own opinion.

This is a miracle. Watch the video below and then read on to learn more.

The Judgment Detox is working on me as I write it. I’m having the experience of being the witness of the judgment that’s around me. Because it’s everywhere. The kindest and most generous people judge because it’s just what we do. It’s what we lean into, what we’ve grown to rely on. Anytime we turn on the news, we’re judging. We judge when we open a magazine or scroll through social media.

We have to be the conscious witness of this judgment. In the midst of other people’s gossip, be silent and witness. Becoming aware of judgment is the first step — it’s just scratching the surface of the lessons in this book. But it will prepare you as this book comes into form.

Start paying attention to the people around you who are judging, gossiping and complaining. And try for a moment to be silent in the midst of that gossip. See the power that comes over you in not saying anything and just being still. Maybe you say a silent prayer for the people who are in judgment, or pray for yourself to let go of the inevitable judgments that come through your mind.

Just create space in your mind where there is no judgment, no agenda — just witness a situation with no agenda whatsoever. This is a practice that happens over time, so begin with being silent. Your silence is powerful, and it is a response.

See what happens when you face gossip with silence and be still in the experience of what other people are saying. I want to hear how this goes for you, so post your comments below! And get ready, because there’s a lot more coming your way with the Judgment Detox.

I can’t wait to share this book with you!

Read or leave comments

155 COMMENTS

  1. Thanks Gabby, this is a great reminder. Practising this with others is valuable, practising this with yourself and own self-judgement… priceless!

  2. I experienced this the other day at work. I walked into my place of work to group of colleagues ‘full flow’ ‘slagging off’ somebody else and that persons choices.
    I remained silent. I bargain to organise my things and get ready around them.
    I didn’t engage. And after a short while, I noticed them , notice my silence, and then I witnessed one of them change their talk. All of sudden, one colleague, began to ‘change tac’ and start to use more positive words about the person and became more forgiving.
    It was very interesting. It was powerful.
    Thank you for bringing this up 🙂

      1. Gabby, hey!
        I didn’t know where to leave a comment.
        So, this piece came at the perfect time! Well, I actually hunted it down. I love being a seeker!
        I am a bartender, would rather not but it’s a part of my journey.
        So, lately I have been looking for an alternative when I’m in the middle of gossip.
        When I read this, I immediately was on board!
        I can totally do this. My silence already speaks so well for me so I can imagine the impact when this takes place.
        I don’t wanna be rude when I disagree with those who do this and yet I want it to stop but I know that telling people what to do is not the answer, plus my vocal opinions tend to Stearns people in the opposite direction of my true intentions so this is definitely going to be a life-changing experience!
        Thank you!

  3. I witnessed the power of gossip over the weekend–and I was the perpetrator. I saw how toxic a seemingly innocent comment can be! It caused a whirlwind of drama and judgment. Luckily I have very forgiving friends! My motto is to never talk about someone unless they are in the room with you. This is hard to do, but I believe it is a life-changing practice. Thanks Gabby, I can’t wait for your new book! xo

  4. Thank you Gabby! I was struggling with judgement just this morning and feeling the toxicity. Looking forward to your new book. Peace to you!

  5. Gabby, I love this. I wish I would have read something like this a few years ago when I was hardly being judged. I was going through a divorce. Of course, I’ll be the first to admit that I wasn’t perfect in my marriage. However, when things got out of control, all my friends, (who are not my friends anymore) took sides with my husband. I walked around town feeling like a worthless human being. I wanted to kill myself I felt so alone. My ex spread rumors that I was bipolar and craxy, and I wasn’t. I was just broken inside. If someone would have listened to me and heard me, they would have seen and understand why I was on this destructive path. But, they didn’t. They judged me instead and closed me out of their lives like I was a piece of trash. Then, a few months later I was diagnosed with stage 3c ovarian cancer. I thought it was my punishment for making mistakes. My ex was terribly cruel to me during this time and I questioned compassion from human beings. I became very sad. Some inner voice inside me said I had to fight back and live so that I can teach others about judgement, kindness and compassion. Until you have been in that dark path, I don’t think others understand. I hope to write a book called, Cancer Saved My Life. I am working on it know, but haves one fears of admitting the truth as to why my book is called this. I suffered from a love addiction, not sex addiction. I didn’t even like sex. I just craved love, affection and respect. That’s all this girl ever wanted. I love your work. Maybe someday I can meet you.
    Xo
    Emilee

    1. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Bless you. I hope you keep writing. There are people who need to hear your story.
      big love,
      g xo

    2. I stumbled on this page and am so glad I did. You are strength…. the true definition. I resonate more than you know with your story. It is incredibly similar with my experiences after divorce…. his judgement of me made me feel depressed and alone. I understand and admire your courage and honesty.

  6. I am so excited to put this into practice today! I work in a female dominated field where,stereotypically, we fall prey to judgement and criticism. I look forward to bringing about an encouraging silence!

  7. Thank you for the reminder to take a step back towards positivity and stillness during the negativity that has been swirling around. Looking forward to hearing more from your upcoming book!

    Blessings,

    Mel

  8. I love this insight, Gabby – I’m also wondering how to stay grounded in silence when people are actively trying to enlist you with responses. Can you recommend some neutral/non-judgmental phrases to use that avoid judgment, and perhaps also diffuse the conversation itself?

    <3

    1. It really comes down to your intention. Say a silent prayer for you both to help you move through it and ground you in love. My advice is to lovingly change the subject. Be gentle with yourself as you make these changes in conversation. It will be a bit uncomfortable at first and become easier as you keep practicing.
      big love to you.
      g
      xo

    2. Nicole,
      I am currently experiencing something similar so know you are NOT alone! Thanks G for the response! For the next couple of days I plan to pray for all of at work that are involved in work drama!

      Besos

  9. It is funny that this comes up today. I had the chance to experience this on Saturday with a group of girlfriends for a birthday luncheon. before I even went< I sat with myself and feeling that came up around "the catty conversations" that usually take place. Knowing that I don't want to be part of them led me to exactly doing just that. Just being the witness. I still had opportunity to add to other parts of the conversations so I did not feel left out. But an unusual step for me that day was to just listen, not try to even change the conversation or offer perspective, no agenda at all. I was able to be the observer. This is easy in a group of more than 2, Do you have any suggestions for how to handle "gossip" when there are just 2 of you? I usually just try to redirect the conversation. Or offer perspective. But that is me protecting myself with an agenda. I don't know if being frank about gossiping would serve me here either. Pretty soon, those girls will just not find the fun in it if they don't have a spring board. Maybe my patience will pay off. Thanks Gabby, your always walking along side of me.
    xo Tammy

    1. It really comes down to your intention. Say a silent prayer for you both to help you move through it and ground you in love. My advice is to lovingly change the subject. Be gentle with yourself as you make these changes in conversation. It will be a bit uncomfortable at first and become easier as you keep practicing.
      big love to you.
      g
      xo

  10. Talk about synchronicity! This message could not have come at a better time for me. Your message has had an immediate impact on me. I’m letting it all sink in. It’s crazy because I’m literally sitting here in the same outfit as you. I’m wearing a black and white checked shirt and blue jeans.
    Namaste
    Amanneet

  11. Hello Gabrielle,

    This has been a practice of mine for many years! ‘Face Gissip with Silence’ can be so hard, I am always listening to family and friends talk about each other, politics, the things that are happeningvin the world and even stuff that gets posted on facebook and other social media.

    It is so hard just being silent and not commenting or getting involved in the gossip, story or whatever. Especially on topics that make my blood boil, like cruelty to animals and children.

    I will say, that I am not always silent on some topics, but I am trying to weed out what I comment on or how I word my comment.

    For me, it’s setting my mindset that what is going on in someone else’s life is ‘none of my business’ the person or situaltion is a lesson learned or taught and it is for the individual(s) in that situation. It is not for me to judge, comment or give advise, especially when it’s gossip and I do not know the whole situation.

    I remember as a child, I would just sit and listen to the people around me, and I would just think to myself, “what an odd thing to talk about or fight about” and then I would just go off on my own and draw or read a book.

    But as we get older, we get drawn into the gossip etc… so that we can belong to a group and feel like our 2 cents is being heard and contributed to the talk.

    Now, I am at the point in my life that I have no interest in joining into gossip and would rather be taking a walk in nature with my dogs or meditate than participate in mindless chatter about other people

    Have a fabulous day! The sun is shining in beautiful Vancouver, B.C. Canada and I am going to get out into nature!

    Namaste,
    Lisa
    silverliningreikienergyhealing@gmail.com

  12. Great advice! I have tried to do this with my sister over the phone but I can feel that she gets upset. She just sits waiting for me to comment and it is very uncomfortable. I’m sure that this advice would work great in person. However can you suggest a way to deal with this over the phone?

    Can’t wait for the book!
    Marie

    1. This can totally be done over the phone! 🙂 My advice is to lovingly change the subject. Be gentle with yourself as you make these changes in conversation. It will be a bit uncomfortable at first and become easier as you keep practicing. Say a silent prayer for you both to help you move through it.
      big love to you.
      g
      xo

  13. Gabby, I love this! I have been walking away from gossip for a long time. Sometimes, with judgement and when I do, I often still feel toxic. When I am in a group of 3 or more, it’s easy to not partake. I find it challenging when it is one-on-one, as much as I try to take the convo in another direction, it often comes back to the gossip and I see myself nodding or “wowing” in agreeance to avoid the awkward feeling of just staring.

    How do we get passed the gossip with silence one-on-one?

    1. My advice is to lovingly change the subject. Be gentle with yourself as you make these changes in conversation. It will be a bit uncomfortable at first and become easier as you keep practicing. Say a silent prayer for you both to help you move through it.
      big love to you.
      g
      xo

  14. I wish I learned about “detachment” 20 years ago. Would have saved myself so much engagement in drama. Great read today Gabby. XO

  15. I so needed this! I’m having a great deal of difficulty being around people who judge, who gossip (even celebrity gossip pisses me off) and politics, these days, is a very touchy subject. I have one old friend who has a very different belief system than me regarding some political situations and I find her ideas to be very excluding and close-hearted, therefore every conversation with her just fills me with a sense of dread and anger. However, you make a good point; silence is powerful. Ironically, the creative Gods must’ve been telling me this because I actually have this very statement on my next book cover (in the back cover description) and yet, I don’t practice it! Not that speaking out on my opinions helps because it’s not as if I change anyone’s minds when I do and in fact, I just find myself getting more upset. So it’s a great point and I thank you for this video. We definitely need it right now. ❤️

  16. Great read! I can’t wait for the new book. I work hard on detachment and encourage others to do the same, BUT I do sometimes fall into old habits. Thanks xoxo

  17. Just watched the video! I am EXCITED! The plant needs this book right now! Plus it is so relevant for me and where my thoughts have been. I have been v aware of others judgements and mine! Ive been setting the intention to let it go and I’ve been looking for a useful practice and this is perfect! Can’t wait to get my hands on the book- I hope you do an audiobook ✨

  18. Hi Gabby, it’s funny hearing you talk about that theme because last week this just happend to me. For the first time I was silent when my collegues were complaining about our boss and other collegues of ours. I just sat there doing and saying nothing. That was a great moment and wonderful feeling of who I am able to be!! One of my collegues asked me what I did because she noticed that I was calm and not saying a thing. When I told her that I am just tired of complaining and judging she was impressed 🙂 Sometimes it is that easy! So I am looking forward to that book! Lots of love, Melanie

  19. This is valuable advice for gossip. It is a huge force of negative energy.
    In terms of politics, getting into arguments is typically not helpful. However, silence in the face of what is going on in the country now, is not an adequate course of action. We need to speak up, loud and clear, in ways that matter. Resistance is necessary now.

  20. Hi Gabby! I love this technique but I have a question for you or anyone else on here who might be able to help me with this. Any suggestions for what to do when people make racist/sexist comments in front of you? I feel like by being silent they think you agree. I usually say “we’ll have to agree to disagree on this subject” and laugh it off, but any other advice for these uncomfortable situations?

    Thank you so much! – Jenn

    1. @ Jenn- walk away when this begins. I also work in an environment where people constantly make stupid comments about all kinds of things. Do not subject yourself to it by sticking around, fearing you might “offend” them by walking away. Stay on the high road, walk away and smile. 🙂 Stay in peace. – Anne

      1. I see this happen everyday. The sexist comments and the racial slurs. I don’t agree with walking away. These are situations I believe need addressing. They have a way of hurting the spirit. Just by it being done to you it can deplete you of all the energy you have. Yes it is negative but these people even if you walk away will carry on. Maybe not to you but with someone else. It has a way of creating a toxic environment for eveyone. These types of situation are just not okay. This is coming from a person who has first hand experience with it.

  21. Thank you Gabby! Perfect timing for me. I found myself in this very situation where I was around other people judging and frequently find myself in this position. I am getting better at being silent. However my ability to not judge needs some work. ❤

  22. In my silence, I notice it leaves me open to let go of my own thoughts about it, and as you said, be purely a witness. In that space however, I am now also free to see what they are looking for from me. Is it confirmation? Argument? Agreement? Approval? And when they receive nothing from me in return, then what? Are they uncomfortable? Angry, diffused? Do they notice that it is a monologue? It’s fascinating, not only to not engage but also to watch what is happening in my own heart. In letting this go, I have the freedom to see where my heart is habitually drawn. In being silent, I am also stopping the automatic habitual pilot, which causes me to look at it. A lot occurs in the silence. It is a gift to them, allowing them to be there with themselves without interruption from me, but it is also a gift to myself. Hmmm . I’m going to enjoy this. Even if there are uncomfortable moments, that too is new and it is growth. Thank you!

  23. There are times, unfortunately, when being silent in the midst of judgement and gossip is quite dangerous for those being judged, gossiped about, or otherwise “other-ized.” Elie Wiesel, Dr. King, early activists in the AIDS movement, to name a few, talked about this in depth. We’re essentially living in a time where speaking out against “judgement” of entire classes of people (not to mention the animals stuck in the label of being judged as “food”) is a requirement if we want to activate change. This is a topic which requires depth, not “scratching the surface.” Silence can be an easy way to proclaim your spirituality while doing nothing except remaining clueless, which, as you mention, is a response.

  24. Im learning that I don’t always have to respond to people, it works. Silence is powerful x. Thank you. Looking forward to your new book x

  25. Thank you thank you! I too need this. As an Empath I can feel others judgements of me. It drives me crazy because they don’t know who I am. I can’t wait for your book to come out! Thank you!

  26. Thanks Gabby for the advice. I ‘ll try to apply it. For a long period of time I’m doing my best to stop judgeing people action or decision and this includes my family members. Honestly it’s easier to detach when there is no expactation from people. Your message came as an answer from the universe to me after I had a contradictory discussion with my husband who was judging a family member relationship and according to him the person should be told. As my decision was to make no comments and no interference to “correct” the situation my husband accuse me of being careless.

    My kind regards
    Rodica

  27. Oh my god perfect timing!!! I was just in an uber and the driver was being so judgmental and making his political views very clear… it was so uncomfortable that i was crawling out of my skin, but i just sat in silence to witness my reactions until i got to my destination and thanked him for the ride. WOW did it feel dirty!

  28. Thank you for this wonderful post Gabby! I generally am this way and don’t have a lot of judgements or I tend to see the positives in things; certainly we can all go higher so always learning and growing too. But I can tell you that people that are judgmental or that have heavy opinions that they feel are right get annoyed by this. Its too bad. Do you find this too? I sometimes find this causes separation unfortunately.

    1. I love the teaching from A Course in Miracles: “All minds are joined.” So as we choose Love, we do so for ourselves and for everyone. Keep spreading your light! xoxo

  29. Thank you again Gabby for helping to make the world a better place. There is so much judgement and gossip and it is hard not to get sucked in sometime. Great read and video, love your work Gabby, Thank you. ❤

  30. I recently attended a workshop with Eckhart Tolle and he talks about this vert process you described in the video. It’s very powerful and I’m so excited you are writing a book about it because I grew up in Brazil and, as an Italian/Brazilian, I don’t know more judgmental people than the place I grew up in. That’s ALL people do ALL the time. Thank you Gabrielle! You are amazing.

  31. Wow Gabby, as I was walking into the office today, I thought to myself, today I will just be quite and listen and try not to judge and get caught up in the drama’s​ that unfold.

    Overall I succeeded and left feeling solo less stressed. Then got home and saw your blog.

    Tina xxx

  32. What is your definition of judgment? From what I learned I am judging if and when I decide that something is good or bad. Is having an opinion considered judging. If I just have the though that “this is not for me, I prefer other ways of doing things” for example…is that judging?

    1. Great question. There is definitely a distinction between judgment and preference. A judgement assumes someone or something should be different than it is. Having a preference is noticing what you do or do not like- it doesn’t necessarily require anyone or anything else to change.
      Hope that helps!
      g
      xo

  33. Hi Gabby, interesting topic indeed, gonna be hard to wait until next year. Unfortunately we see things how we are not as they are, so people have tendency to judge, to complain, to analyse and compare. My parents always said silence is a powerful response, but I find it hard to stay silent, quiet when there is judgement in front of me, when I’m being criticised. In my brain there is a chaotic mixture of responses. How to get rid of them ?

    Thanks for your responses through videos and newsletters 🙂

    1. Keep practicing. You’ll notice that not indulging in the defensiveness feels better than giving into it.
      g
      xo

  34. I love the idea of being silent, however I feel like the silence is coming off as being Snobby or something like that. That’s just how I feel like the people around me are perceiving it. I guess I still need to work a lot on not caring what other people think. My work environment is very poisonous that way.
    I love all your posts and ideas, Thank you very much!!

    1. Say a silent prayer for yourself and the other person. Your intention will be felt. Remind yourself, you are doing your best. Keep the focus on love and remember you the perception you can control is your own.
      g
      xo

  35. Hi Gabby, thanks again for a great tool! Very applicable, in very frequent situations. It’s astonishing to notice how often conversations go into the “let’s judge someone who’s not here” mode. Not only does that make the whole room go negative, it also steals energy from the gossip victim. It’s a loose-loose.

    As a response, too often I try to pull the conversation in the “right” direction by trying to explain the gossip victim’s point of view. But when that’s done from a “mindfulness mafia” standpoint, like “I will force this mindfulness upon you as you are clearly incapable of seeing it, you mere mortal”, it doesn’t work : )

    Being silent and mindful and sharing love in the room by just being in that state is probably a better answer. Sometimes this may mean that there’s nothing to say at all in a group conversation, and if it’s really uncomfortable what is being said you might just as well choose a graceful exit. Something which I will try more often now.

    Thanks for the inspiriation!
    Rogier

  36. Loved this. Really needed to hear this Gabby! I do have a question however, what do you do when you “feel” or have “intuition” that others are gossiping about you? I have feel I have to explain myself or ask if others have been talking about me. Being free from this or having a method would be awesome. Any suggestions?

    1. Surround your self with thefeeling of love… Take it in and send it out. I get a gnawing in my gut and I know I’m being discussed — I quickly think love love love and the feeling dissipates.

  37. I can be silent when people gossip, but what do you do when someone presses you for a response?

    Roberta

  38. Deepak Chopra said judge not today and access how it feels. Well gabby you’re 100% correct, it feels great. Thank you and all the best to you and your new book.

  39. I’m so excited to hear that you are writing a new book. I can’t wait to read it. My daughter gossips about her in laws a lot. It hurts my heart. I do stay silent because I do not want to feed negative, and I also don’t want to encourage her. She responds with “I know you don’t want to hear it, but sometimes I just have to get it out. I’m not sure what to say after that either, so I just say ya or stay quiet. I feel like I’m not helping her. She really never takes my advise so I haven’t shared your work with her. She is a strong believer of Christian faith so I think she would just reject it. Maybe I should just buy her your book “The Universe Has Your Back” and see where it goes.

    1. Sounds like you’re setting a good example for her 🙂 Get quiet and ask for guidance. Trust what comes. You’re doing a great job <3
      g
      xo

  40. Gabby,
    This is something I’ve worked on a great deal recently. I grew up in a family where gossip was the basis for all conversation. I also grew up being the one talked about a great deal. Neither participating in it or receiving it feels good. Yet I continued to do it for a long time. I’ve learned silence works in other areas of my life so why not try this part as well. Odd how when one falls silent it can stop the others from continuing. Not always but sometimes. Yet being human I still fall into the gossip trap. Usually when I’m angry which I’m still trying to figure that out. I’m so happy your sharing this with all of us and writing a book for us to use as a tool to overcome this. Becoming mindful and present of the gossip trap will be my start along with using silence as a response! Love and light Sam

  41. This is so amazing how the universe works!!! I was just taking with a friend about this very subject! I asked her how do we stop gossip, or how can I handle my reaction? Thank you Gabby! Can’t wait to read this book and I will be using this advice starting now!

    Jill

    1. Love it. I’m happy this blog served you sister. I know the Judgment Detox will too. It’s helping me so much just to write it.
      big love,
      g xo

  42. Hi Gabby,
    Looking forward to your new book! A few years ago I choose a passage from the Tao to work through: “I work at eliminating all of my judgements of others.” It’s a tough one, but practice has definitely led to great improvement. Thanks for all you do!
    Sincerely,
    Jane in Canada

  43. I was thinking about this topic as I prayed this morning. I have been going through a lot so I have been taking out my own frustrations with my words. Never a good thing. So seeing this email pop up in my inbox was a pleasant surprise. Thank you as always Gabby. Your work means a lot to me! Love & light!

  44. Hi Gabby, thank you for everything you share! You are such an amazing guide for me. I loved this and it’s something that I have been raised to actually do. To be silent and not respond to the judgment around me. I must just say tho, I have encountered a number of times when my friends or colleagues have called me out on it and have become upset with me. I feel like when you don’t react in the way they want you to react they feel separated from you and judged. They think my silence is me being sanctimonious. I care for them deeply and don’t see things in the same way as them especially when they begin to talk and judge. Because I don’t participate I feel separated even tho it’s not something I want to be apart of.

    1. Be gentle with yourself as you embark on this practice. It really comes down to your intention. Say a silent prayer for you both to help you move through it and ground you in love. You can lovingly change the subject. It will be a bit uncomfortable at first and become easier as you keep practicing. Again, be gentle with yourself as you make these changes in conversation.
      big love to you.
      g
      xo

  45. I love this. I feel that I have been doing this over the past year, but more successfully the past 4-6months. I do stay silent and move on because I feel that there is no reason to engage if you do not have something constructive to say or if you know you will have a negative emotion if you do reply. But the element you have added that I am not always successful with is not judging within my head. Some times I can let it go and not think about it and move on, other times I am a little judge-y in my head. I do wonder what you think about an article that had floated around saying that staying silent means you agree and/or are perpetuating the problem by not speaking up. Is there a time and place to say something?

    1. Yes, as you practice this more and more it will become clearer to you what to do. Essentially, you’re learning to come from a place of love instead of fear.
      You could ask your Higher Power: “Are there words to elevate this conversation?”
      g
      xo

  46. This is such an important teaching. Not to indulge in gossip is a strong component of many religions. Have you read the Chofetz Chaim or any commentaries on his book? It is in the Jewish tradition so you might want to study it. xxoo

  47. I’m going through a major career transformation (my last week in corporate before I go entrepreneur). I feel a lot of judgment on me from my family and some friends. Rather than try to define or fight against them, I try to just listen and let them say their piece. It has been so much more effective – I don’t take offense, it doesn’t start a battle… so much easier and in flow.

  48. AH, thank you! Be *silent.* It’s so simple, and I love simple because it’s usually what works best, and it begins the process of healing. I need to hear this, especially in one of my part-time jobs where drama and gossip are more prevalent and “normal.” I’ve caught myself a couple times falling into the trap of judgment, but *silence* is a beautiful prevention method. 🙂 Thanks for everything you always do to inspire, Gabby. I love you!

  49. I’ve done this before and find myself feel disempowered, especially when someone is doing something that will hurt others. And what about discernment?

    1. It’s totally OK if this practice doesn’t work for you. 🙂 Like they say in recovery: take what you like and leave the rest.

  50. I’ve been doing the judgement detox for a few months now, and I find it really difficult. There have been some amazing moments of clarity, but mostly there have been moments where I know I’m in judgement and can’t get out of it… or moments when I walk away from a situation because I know I cannot silently witness it! And then, of course, moments where I am 175% sure the Universe is totally just poking at me because it KNOWS I am doing a judgement detox!

  51. Hi Gabby,
    How do you not get involved when it’s a one on one conversation and the person is staring at you waiting for a response? Also, what if they ask if you agree etc? How do you get around that?
    Ali

    1. Hi Gabby,

      Thank you for bringing this up, I think it is so important but I have exactly the same questions as Ali – how do I not get involved when someone is waiting for my response?
      Lots of love

      1. My advice is to lovingly change the subject. Be gentle with yourself as you make these changes in conversation. It will be a bit uncomfortable at first and become easier as you keep practicing. Say a silent prayer for you both to help you move through it. Know that your Higher Power will guide you to the right words to transition out of gossip and into more positive communication.
        big love to you.
        g
        xo

  52. This is a wonderful subject that needs to be talk about. I often find myself judging and then trying to control my thoughts about it. I look forward reading your new book. Thank you Sweetie for writing about this matter.

  53. Thank you for the video on such a great topic! Actually I feel that you have been very on point with me recently. I would like to take this a step further – what do you do to eliminate or at least curb self judgement? Thanks again!

    1. I’ll get into this more in my new book, The Judgment Detox, but you can start by just being willing to witness when you are judging yourself. Witness the thoughts and beliefs, just notice them, and then be willing to see it differently. You could write out some of the things you are thinking- journal it. And when you get it all out, write the affirmation: I am willing to see this differently.

  54. This is so topical. We have access to 24/7 news and its very purpose seems to be to make people angry and reactionary. This is not healthy for anyone. Social media is a wonderful tool, as it has enabled humans to share so much good advice and help. However, it is being used too often to gossip and constantly criticize one another. I’ve noticed people that I have admired in the past, get caught up in this judgemental process. All that bad feeling is not good for the universe. Great subject to be writing about. This is happening at all levels in society around the globe and it seems to be getting worse.

  55. I love this. I’m in my 60’s & I am suddenly learning in leaps & bounds. Making up for lost time? I can’t afford to lose or discard friends, so hopefully my silence, which I think I have been doing recently, will affect excess chatter in positive ways!

  56. Gabs!
    Thank you so so much for this reminder. We are on the same wavelength girl. Lately, I too have been feeling the pull to do exactly this, to listen with non-judgment, and it’s been so freeing! In my early days of political and social activism I felt the call to be outspoken, to spread my ideas and thoughts, with the mission and purpose of raising awareness and doing my part to protect and serve. But in the last few years I’ve been feeling the call to surrender the struggle. “We cease fighting anyone or anything”. And it is such a gift to see the shift that occurs when we decide to not participate. It is our small yet incremental contribution to peace.
    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

  57. This came at just the right time! I have been doing better with this practice, but it has been so hard! I have noticed the small amount of peace I receive in not allowing this judgement to stay in my mind and energy field. Thank you so much for this discussion! -Ashley

  58. I can not wait for this book to come out!! Thank you for sharing this tool Gabby. I will definitely increase my silence when I’m around judgement and notice what happens!
    With Love,
    Laura

  59. Over the past few months I have often found myself in a gossip vortex, and have consciously been staying silent. What a powerful feeling! I only wish I would have started doing this years ago. It feels absolutely wonderful.

  60. Hey there Gabby,

    What a wonderful choice of topic today and for your new book. Woo-hoo. I have to bite my lip so often. I am going to work on not biting my lip but actually going into my own heart space and exude love. If I am love than perhaps that love will permeate my vessel and pour over the gossiper(s). Thank you very much for your sharing this message. It is a beautiful and profound tool for us. With great love and respect, I remain, very truly yours,
    Amy

  61. Hi Gabby! Thank you for this great tip. I have noticed that when I stay silent, I feel better. I try to remember there’s no point in trying to get someone else to agree to my reality, and their reality is not wrong or right; it just is. The only time I do think it’s necessary to say something is when someone is talking badly about a friend of mine, or someone who is important to me.
    I look forward to more lessons about how to stop judging.

    Sat Nam
    Traci 🙂

  62. What a coincidence. This week I decided to step away from the gossip and complaining at work. It’s difficult as I have a very judgemental, complaining co-worker I work very closely with, and her negativity is very contagious. Listening to her without a reply, the last couple of days, has left some awkward moments, but it the silence stops her. I’m hoping my lack of participation becomes contagious, and we can have a more positive work environment.

    I can’t wait for your new book on the topic!

    Thank you for all you do, Gabby.
    Erika

    1. amazing, Erika! Thanks for sharing this <3
      The new book is going to rock your world, sister.
      big love,
      g xo

  63. I had a girlfriend over for a playdate just yesterday and she was going off about a mutual friend’s life. I engaged her for a minute or two but then I thought to myself…is this serving my truth at all? NO!! And just remained silent after that! It was incredibly powerful to not react 🙂

  64. Perfect timing for this. I was dreading working alone with a co-worker who thrives off gossip. I will be able to test it out. Thanks!

  65. About two weeks ago I had to work a day shift at my job, I haven’t had too for several months, I felt a little anxious. Over the past several months I have had the impression that my coworkers were talking behind my back due to confronting people about putting other coworkers down to me. I hadn’t worked during the day since that time and still felt others were mad since I was no longer getting extra hours. That morning I felt anxious and wanted guidance to help settle my anxiety. I had written a quote down the night from Deeva Mitchell from the Shift Network “There is nothing you must do to make me love you. There is nothing you can do to have me not love you. I simply love you.” I put that in my pouch that has other small sacred items and I keep the pouch in my bra close to my core, my heart. That morning I read the quote and asked for guidance and drew a card from Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards from Doreen Virtue. I drew Mary Magdelene – Unconditional Love. It was what I needed. I let go of the hurt I was feeling about having other’s not accept me and talk about me. I was working that day with one of the women who was talking about me. I was genuinely able to know that everybody was carrying their own pain and needed love anyway. I knew that anyway but I really needed to know and live it that out that day. From that place of acceptance and love, I was able to bridge an understanding of what it really meant to be human and all the hurt and pain that comes with that. I let down my guard and she her’s. We talked like we had never talked before. She opened up about what it was like to live with the murder of her son seven years ago and the suicide of her nephew several weeks ago. I had to bring down some of my walls of being hurt so I could be present to her and witness/support her pain and sadness. I’m thankful for that quote and the oracle card that day to help me see that it really is love and acceptance we all need but we don’t always know the right ways to get it. It’s through staying in that place of nonjudgement, love and not taking everything personally that we can start to heal the world and hold the container for other people to experience their pain and heal.

  66. Thanks for sharing this, definitely excited for your book!!! I try to be a very positive person, but sometimes get sucked into negativity and gossip. Will definitely give this a try!

  67. I find it very difficult to not get drawn into gossip. I want to fit in with my work friends and gossiping is one way, I suppose. If I was silent I would feel self-conscious and then feel like they would judge me. How conflicted is my mind

    1. Helen,
      It’s totally OK to not be ready for this. Another approach could be to lovingly change the subject.
      Get quiet and see what feels right for you <3
      big love,
      g
      xo

  68. OMG!! Yes!!! Our society so needs this and I am really excited for when your new book comes out. I try to catch myself judging ever since I saw you speak in Melbourne, Aus two years ago. You shared with us the affirmation “I choose again” whenever I go to judge someone. This has stuck with me. I love your tip to not speak during gossip sessions and see what happens, I look forward to trying this one out. Thank you for all your wisdom as always xx

  69. So happy I came across this post and cannot wait for this book. This is something I struggle with and have been really trying to be mindful of over the last few months. I know it and recognize it, but it is so hard to overcome when it’s become such a normalcy…no excuse, I know! I am going to practice being silent. Thank you Gabby!

  70. What’s interesting for me is the judgement I feel for those judging. Next time I will work on prayer. So looking forward to this book.

  71. Great topic! Here is a question I have: I have been deeply practice on the path of love and I usually did stay silent or changed subject when there was gossip. But what’s odd is that I had several times now situations where one person started gossiping about me behind my back, with made up stuff. I used to not say anything, forgive, let go. But for some reason lately I felt it fed right into be the nice girl and instead I dared to speak up. Something that was surprising to me and felt healthy, having come from a long history of abuse. Silence was a way to be afraid to stand and speak up. I am also a spiritual activist and I find it’s important to speak up, just without the judgement. What do you say?

    1. If you feel called to speak up with love and respect, listen to your inner guide. My blog on how to tell the truth can guide you further so you are confident you are speaking honestly and compassionately, and without judgment. This one, on being right vs. being happy, will also guide you. Speaking up in the midst of toxic gossip or misinformation can be an important and compassionate act. As spiritual activists, it’s our job to ensure we are acting in alignment with spirit and not the ego. xoxo

  72. Hello gabby, I heard you on a podcast today, prior to that 1/2 hour I never knew you existed, but I do now! I went straight to your website and knew instantly I’d found a new friend, this clip is the first I have watched because it’s something I have to deal with everyday at work, I stay silent and have found that then I became the one who was judged, the freak for not watching reality tv or the news. I think my coworkers are confused that I’m not interested in they’re complaining and health issues, I am definitely approached differently and given a wide berth, no one gossips to me, which of course is what I want! It fascinates me that people need to constantly be putting others down in order to feel good. My motto at work is friendly but not friends. If someone gossip to you they are also gossiping about you. So yeah, I stay silent and go about my business and am a much happier person because of it! I’m Looking forward to getting to know you better. Namaste Clare. P.S can’t wait to read the book!

    1. We all judge every day! Be gentle with yourself. Becoming aware of it leads to lots of moments like that. My next book will help you detox from judgment and learn how to clear it quickly in everyday life. It’s changed my life and I’m so psyched to share it. Keep an eye out for announcements. 😉

    2. That’s me too , I notice an inner “moral high ground ” part of me that I don’t love. But I guess its about being kind and compassionate with our inner judge and then we may not be such harsh judges of others

      1. Step 1 of my new book (Judgment Detox) is to witness your judgment without more judgment. It is very easy to judge ourselves, both for judging others or for feeling superior in our non-judgment. Judgment is a nasty cycle!! You are not alone in this. Breaking free of that cycle is very liberating.

  73. I had a recent unpleasant life situation and while I was away from work dealing with this situation, I received a text message stating that it was the talk of my work place. It was completely disheartening but when I returned to work, honestly, I just ignored it and it went away….as far as I know. It certainly made my belief regarding gossip stronger.

  74. Have pre-ordered my copy , really looking forward to this as it is an area that I have been trying to work on for ages. I have use the four agreements but I notice I still judge .. and its the judgement that causes me to “not be so impeccable with my word and for sure not in my thoughts ”
    Looking through the comments I feel that many of us are feeling the same thing and the need to heal .. thank you (-:

  75. This is great! It’s something I’ve been trying to step back and be mindful of in the past couple of months. I can’t wait to read this book and go through the exercises!

  76. I often find myself being in situations where gossip is overflowing at work in the break room at work. I’m no saint, I’ve definitly gotten caught up in the work gossip. Usually there is only 2 of us on break together. What can you do when someone is trying to gossip directly to you? If I stay silent, I’ll be ignoring them and I don’t want them to feel like “I’m better than them” If I ask them to not gossip! Any suggestions would be great! Thanks!

    1. There are some different approaches you can take, which involve changing the subject. Here are some options:

      -Change the subject as gracefully as possible
      -Say, “It’s actually my New Year’s resolution not to talk about other people and I’m doing this Judgment Detox thing, so let’s change the subject! How about X?”
      -Give a very basic acknowledgment and then change the subject. If Coworker 1 is gossiping about Coworker 2 you can say, “I hear you. By the way, unrelated, have you seen X movie/tried X restaurant/etc.?”

      1. Gabby Thank you for this advice! I found myself on a date last night and my date often judged other people, some whom he didn’t know, it made me very uncomfortable and I didn’t know what to say. I offered away to see it differently but he didn’t like it. It left me feeling low. If anything like this happens again I will gently change the subject. So simple and powerful! Thanks

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

I only recommend products and brands I passionately believe in, but wanted you to know that when I make a recommendation, I may receive a referral fee.

And get a free journaling meditation!

THE MIRACLE MEMBERSHIP

The next best thing to having me as your personal coach!


Free Audiobook Introduction

Download the Judgment Detox audiobook introduction.

 

Everything you need to stay
consistent on your spiritual path.

“The next best thing to having
Gabby as your personal coach!”

By using this site, you agree to our privacy policy.

Accept Read More