The Most Important Question to Ask Yourself

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Hi there, Spirit Junkies!

Today I want to give a shout out to my soul sister Danielle LaPorte….

About five years ago I was at this turning point my career, and I felt like I needed to bring in more support. I was at an event and waiting in the green room with the one and only Danielle. She observed that I seemed stressed and I admitted it was true.

Tweet: Honor what it is that you need to deeply dive into. Stay committed to it. Don’t dabble. #spiritjunkie @gabbybernstein

She said, “I have one question for you: How do you want to feel?”

I looked at her and said, “Wow, no one has ever asked me that before.”

Then I said, “I want to feel supported.” It came to me—it was so clear even though I hadn’t yet even thought about it.

It was like Danielle given me permission to acknowledge that feeling and embrace it.

I started owning it. I made decisions with it in mind. “I want to feel supported” became my affirmation. It guided me daily. I dwelled in the feeling of support and every day I took actions to support myself.

Somewhere along the way, though, I got caught up in daily life and lost sight of that particular commitment.

Five years after that conversation with Danielle — just a couple of months ago, in fact — I found myself in a similar situation with how I was feeling.

So I made a new choice. And I learned a powerful lesson about commitment and honoring your feelings.

Today I want to share this lesson with you and give you permission — the way Danielle did for me — to acknowledge how you want to feel and really embrace it.

Please leave a comment after watching! I’m really psyched to see what you have to say.

I hope this video serves you.

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  1. I want to feel confident, free from my own insecurities and fears. I want to feel love and cared for from friends. I want to feel like I am the most important woman in my mans life. I want to feel happiness and gratitude everyday. I want to feel wanted. Thank you for allowing me to share and getting out these feelings.

  2. I’ve realized the space I struggle the most is with commitment, itself. How do you commit to commitment, if that’s your desired feeling?!

  3. Your video gave me inspiration to hunt down Danielle’s book. I picked it up from the library Friday have been reading!! Your videos are so wonderful and I love when you share other great miracle workers! ??????

  4. You asked how I want to feel. I was going to mimic what you said because it kind of felt right then I repeated that question to myself a couple more times and then this is what came up. I want to feel loved. honored and respected and valuable,

  5. I love this and love you Gabby and Danielle. My word of the year for my feeling is joy. I want to feel JOY in every aspect of my life. Especially after getting back from Spirit Junkie Masterclass I knew that my calling was to share this feeling with my clients and help more people find joy in their life and heal themselves so that they can heal others (since I work with healthcare providers).
    Love this message and am so glad you are sharing it!

  6. Gabby –
    Thank you for sharing and supporting us as we all move through our own journeys. Your message today provided cause for thought and reflection, as they often do, but one word you spoke was more impactful to me – and that was “dabbler”, as in “don’t be a dabbler”. I am one of those who feels a calling and am acting on it. However I often find myself stuck in this mode of dabbling in it instead of pursuing it with an unrelenting determination. Friends I’ve confided in have concluded, when discussing this dabbling effect, that this calling must not be real but instead a hope or self-manifested feeling – which can be disheartening. However about the time they have me convinced to give it up, the Universe presents me with another reminder that “Yes indeed, this is your calling so press on!”, and I become invigorated to re-engage the pursuit. But then time goes by and I find I am back to dabbling again. So I am stuck in this cycle I’d like to break.
    What I am asking is if would you consider doing a video on your experience with dabbling (as you mention in today’s video) and tips on how to deal with it. I image there to be others that have this going on as well and we all could benefit from your experience. Thank you.
    Blessings to you.

  7. You are so real! Thank you for always expressing your honesty. I too want to feel supported and emoitionally safe. It feels like a solo journey even when you think you’ve met similar friends. Somehow, they don’t feel genuine enough.

  8. I read Danielle’s book Desire Map 2 1/2 years ago, per your recommendation. I still desire to feel balanced, freedom, luxurious ness, connectivity and intimacy. I even created a vision board. I have had much success with the first four. Will stay the course to achieve the fifth, intimacy. Thank you Gabby!

  9. I want to feel competent and Fullfilled
    I block this through not going out of my comfortzone enough. I block it by avoiding to fail and not going for more daring choices.

  10. I want to feel inspired. That the work that I’m doing can actually make an impact on the world. I want to feel like I am living my purpose and exercising my potential.

    I want to feel motivated.
    I want to feel energized.

  11. Lovely talk, Gabby! Thank You for sharing. Beeing supported is a key to a happier and more content life. Today I choose to support myself in a completely new way. I choose what I´d like to do and with whom I´d like to spend my time. I support my family and friends, and find that I get supported in return. Four years ago my life was a complete mess and I, went through a depression. Today I understand that thoose experiences was a gift in order for me to get to learn my true self, and take responsible for my own wellbeing and life. It´s been an amasing journey and I constantly find myself expanding. I still experience true challanges, but I rely on that I´m beeing supported by a greater intelligens and love than words can describe. The lovely thing is that this great love support us all! 🙂
    Sandra <3

  12. I want to feel loved and heard. I want to feel a deep sense of connection to the love and light within me and around me.

  13. I want to feel at peace with the woman I’ve become. I want to live full-throttle and fearless.
    Sat Nam

  14. Explains why I always feel disconnected in my life. I love Danielle’s work, and I buy the journals, planners but then I stop using them. I have figured I don’t use hard copy planners, I am more of an online planner. But I need to tune back into my core desired feelings, because it is holding me back from what I really want in life – my dream business. I have been dabbling in my business, not living it. I want to make it a reality, but the blocks and resistance always holds me back. Even writing this I feel disconnected, so I think what I really want to feel is CONNECTED. It’s always something that comes up for me, so I will look at areas in my life where I can feel more connected and in tune with myself. By doing this I will then feel GROUNDED.

  15. Thank you, Gabi, for this great question!
    I want to feel supported, too.
    But what came to my mind immediately was:
    I want to feel confident. Because I have this habit of relying on people to tell me if I’m right or wrong (most of the time I’m right because I have the right to feel whatever, right?? LOL). So basically I want to feel confident, so I don’t need to second guess myself or feel insecure about little things. That will make me happier and content. Namaste, Gabi.

  16. timing of this so interesting…and your focus on “support” particularly timely…as I find myself questioning is it wrong to EXPECT (not a great emotion) or rather DESIRE that particularly from a friend who has known you for years………….yet somehow can only see through the lens of , “my way or the highway.”…and that same time I CHOOSE not be in judgment…this is where I get hung up….give in to save a friendship even though you are struggling with the EASE of it because you are always made to feel you are wrong……………in such silly simple issues……..give in to stay flexible. or honor your desire of support even it means you could lose this friendship, which has repetitive patters no question.

  17. I want to feel connected, alive, supported, ME.

    I’m currently going through a life transition and stepping away from the need to control everything. I’ve never been one to rock the boat and have strived for so long to try and fit with my family that there has finally come a point where I can’t and won’t hold it in anymore.

    I’m on a journey to connect with those around me, to welcome new souls into my world. To feel alive and like myself and I’m giving myself permission to feel supported to be feel worth that support.

    Thank-you Gabby for the share and for challenging everyone to answer this simple but powerful question <3

  18. Hey Gabby,
    Thanks for this reminder. I find that if I focus on what I want instead of focusing on being in that, it sometimes eludes me. Example: I am supported versus I want to feel supported. Does that make sense? Anywho, I am working on my daily dose of meditation to manifest and I am contemplating how I can insert this into my mantra. I believe that the feeling I mist desire is joyful peace. I want to feel calm and content and happy. I believe that if I change up my mantra to include I am joyfully accepting this calm which brings me such happiness,. Yeppers, that ought to do it. Love and Light.
    ‘ti I, Amy…
    The Amazing one.

  19. I want to feel confident. It’s a life-long journey though, cyclical, always deepening, always further to go. I feel like it’s okay to revisit themes because sometimes we learn things more deeply as we go.

  20. I want to feel light. Light in my heart, light in my body. I want to have more joy and ease. And so it is. Sat Nam, Wahe Guru x

  21. I want to feel at ease, relaxed and happy. I know that I cannot feel like that all the times because there will be moments of stress and sadness which I also have to own. But, setting my priorities straight will help me be at ease more often. So I will stay committed to making this goal my reality, to really honoring how I want to feel, and not just saying it to feel better. Starting today, if I don’t have the time to add something to my schedule I’m going to refuse the invitation or just say No to be in the feeling of ease, relaxation and happiness. Satnaam.

  22. Gabby – LOVE your stuff. Had to laugh at your reference to having Danielle on speed dial…I am not sure there is a teenager alive who would understand that phrase. I say it all the time and didn’t realize until hearing you say it that it is definitely a phrase that dates someone 🙂 Thanks for the smile and subtle realization that life moves on. Have yourself a wonderful day. Much love, Leah

  23. I want into feel supported, too. So I’ll have my back from now on and I’ll let the Universe have my back, too. Love and Light to everyone, thanks Gabby ??

  24. What a good talk. I want to move on and shape a different work life for myself. I have spent 3 years exploring what I should do and finding no answers. But you Gabby admit to taking 5 years to address something important in your life, that give me hope! I love the idea of asking yourself how you want to feel. It is a great way to think laterally about what you want to achieve. I want to feel inspired on a day to day basis about my life and to feel calm within it. I realised that to achieve that required changing certain practices. I am now calmer but am still not inspired, so am working on that. More lateral thinking needed! The answer may lie somewhere different to where I am looking. . .

  25. I want to feel calm & confident, that things will continue to unfold as they are meant to. Many wonderful things have been happening for me since my book was published in 2014, yet I find myself ruminating about what I “should” be doing to continue the process. Ironically, before the book, and while I was working on it, I was very much in the moment and had a “”Build it and they will come” philosophy, and I find the small bit of success I have had to be shifting me into a less mindful and more pressured place.
    I am blocking this desired feeling by telling myself that I am slipping behind, might just be an imposter, and focusing on outcome.

    I really appreciate this powerful question and the opportunity to share with you all!

  26. I want to feel like my life is easier and that all needed elements have come to me as a few of them are needed now.

    I’m in a waiting pattern- job wise, money wise, service wise, in relation to others to be free to be myself. To be honest there is fear in this holding pattern and though it ebbs and flows is present nonetheless!

  27. I want to feel like I’m enough. I always wonder if I’m a good enough wife, good enough mom, good enough grandma, good enough friend…etc… My mom was very critical and I grew up always feeling like I wasn’t good enough for her approval. Maybe there is a better way to phase this. Sure got me thinking! Thank you Gabby! ??????

  28. I want to feel confident and I block it by not preparing for what I sign up for as much as I can, by not telling myself I can do it, by not practicing my talents, by not following my intuition or keeping my word,and by not fully trying.

    I want to feel supported and I block it by not letting people in to see where i am, by not trusting them to fully help me and by focusing on people who can’t show up for me like I “need” them to instead of focusing on the people who are and will.

    i want to feel loved and seen! I block this by not fully showing myself to those I love, not showing my fully spectrum of creativity and my ability to create in the world ( I’ve gotten lazy and insecure! ). I don’t fully take care of my body and so my healthy suffers sometimes ( when I don’t get enough sleep or drink enough water ).

    i want to feel energized and inspired and excited to show up for life every day! i block this by not putting up my website and putting myself out there in even bigger ways through other job opportunities and moving to my first home outside of my parents home. I’m ready to fly! God, I’m ready for you 🙂 I allow you in. Amen!

    I want to feel free! I block this from caring what others think and also being afraid to commit to how i wan to feel because I create a story that I will lose people if I go off and do my own thing in this world and go, go, go! I also fear failure so that also gets me from the other end!

    I want feel like I’m contributing something of effective and high value. I block this by not taking the time to really organize my work and ideas in a way that I can put myself out there and share them.

    Thanks Gabby <3

    1. I love how you stated how you want to feel, and how you’re blocking it. I can relate to a lot of what you said! Why is it that we block ourselves from feeling good? Maybe we feel like we don’t deserve it? There is so much to be said for self love. I want to feel a greater sense of love from my self…which will cause me to treat myself better, and strive to do the things it takes to feel all the other feelings I desire.

    2. Thank you Lianda; you totally wrote all of the things that I have been feeling!! Thank you for highlighting your own blocks, as they are the blocks that I face in my life – you definitely have something incredibly worthwhile to contribute and I know that you will be able to overcome this and to fly! Thank you for voicing so beautifully what I’ve been experiencing as well and thank you Gabby for your continued wisdom which empowers us all!

    3. Hi Lianda!!!
      Wow, exact my inside !!! My thoughts about me ,myself,….
      Thank you soooooo much for your words, right into my heart, sister!


    4. You rock, girl! Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable! I know – from my own experience – that you are not alone.
      I checked out your website. You have a very inviting, sweet personality. Love it!
      Go for your dreams!! Make them happen! Everything you need is within you! <3

    5. Hi Lianda! I know this is an old post but your message deeply resonated with me and I want to say thank you for sharing! You articulated many of my deep desires and blocks. I felt that by reading your response I was reading a prayer to the universe. Sending you love! Hope you are flying by this time!! go lady go!

  29. Was just thinking about my core desired feelings right before I saw this! Figured out what they are – Inspired, energized and motivated 🙂

  30. I love this and the timely nature of the message. I want to feel spacious. I want to feel like there is plenty of time and space to do the things I want to do. This message from you, Gabby, is super important b/c it has reminded me that I can work to create space for myself. I can choose to go to bed earlier and get up earlier to have space for evening and morning rituals that will set the tone for my day. Love to you!

  31. I want to feel loved and valued. By committing to love and value myself I will be able to love and value others and I will receive love and value in return.

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