How to Tell the Truth

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Lately I’ve been working on getting honest and telling the truth and being forthcoming about how I’m feeling.

I know this is something that we can get really hung up on. It can be hard to tell the truth. But when we don’t, we actually stifle our energy, create toxic relationships and carry resentments. Over time, it all builds up.

3 steps to telling the truth with love and compassion

I’ve gotten into the practice of radically telling the truth in any situation. But before I did that, I took a few really important steps. So if you’re ready to tell the truth, watch this video for my three steps.

Step 1: Clean up your side of the street

If you share your truth without cleaning up your side of the street, it will feel like an attack, and the other person will feel judged. So first, take a look at your side of the street. If you feel called to get honest with somebody, ask: What is it within me that feels triggered? What feels activated?

Do whatever you need to do to clear that negative energy — whether it’s forgiving yourself, forgiving the other person, sending loving energy their way or praying. Clean up your energy before you bring over your truth, because if you show up with a nasty attitude your truth won’t be heard. You need to show up with a lot of light so they can see their light reflected back to them.

Step 2: Tell the truth from a place of love

Once you’ve done that, be prepared to get honest from a place of love. If you can tell the truth from a place of love you will be heard. You’ll feel healed and healing will be offered up to the relationship.

But if you tell the truth from a place of negativity or judgment you will NOT be heard. Unfortunately, I learned this the hard way. But that experience did offer me the opportunity to learn how to tell the truth with grace and power.

Tweet: Tell the truth from a place of love. @gabbybernstein #spiritjunkie

The benefit of telling the truth is you start to take care of yourself. You start to own your voice, own your needs, protect yourself and stick up for your values no matter what. You also get clear about your boundaries in relationships.

People may not always like the truth. But you can always trust that if you tell the truth from a place of love, you will be heard. Even if people get upset or defensive, your loving presence is enough to allow that truth to come through in an authentic way.

Step 3: Let the other person tell their truth

Once you’ve told your truth, give the other person the opportunity to tell their own. Hold space for that. There are always two sides to every story, so speak up and then allow the other person to speak up, clearing that space for the truth to unfold.

Listen with compassion. If this is particularly challenging with someone, then practice seeing the light in them.

You can even prepare for your conversation by using Emotional Freedom Technique (aka tapping) to release judgment first. You can follow along with my guided video to tap on judgment and learn about this profound healing technique.

Try these principles and tell me about your experiences! Leave your comments below. And if you feel afraid to share the truth, let me know and I’ll respond.

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When you follow this practice, resentments lift and compassion replaces attack. Resistance transforms into freedom, giving you more peace and happiness than you’ve ever known.

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  1. How do you balance truth and reality? For example, this morning my GF woke up and I immediately sensed anxiety but didn’t know why. She felt distant throughout the day which is pretty rare for her, and feel dumb because I took it to mean something with me wasn’t right. She didn’t seem to respond to my touches or hugs like normal as we drove. So I was worried the whole day. I was scared to share my truth because I didn’t know if I was right or not and didn’t want to sound needy, it just seemed like she was off and I wanted to know if she was ok. She is the first person where things ARE different, yet from past relationship trauma I can sometimes take things personally when it’s not about me. Turns out she had a bad dream about losing her job in the am and it’s been with her all day and didn’t want to spoil our day. So I felt ashamed that I didn’t just take her at her word when I asked during the day and had to ask her again later. Is there a prayer I can say to break these assumptions?

    1. Yes, Michelle, here are some things you can do to shift from fear to faith:
      – Recite this portion of Gabby’s morning reflection from her book May Cause Miracles:
      Today I am the witness to my fear. I open my heart and mind to see how I have chosen fear over love. Today I will pay attention to my patterns. Without judgment I will become conscious of where my mind chose wrongly and how these fear-based thoughts have tainted my happiness. I know this practice is the first step to create meaningful change.
      – Learn to tell the difference between your ego vs your inner guide:
      – When you recognize that you’ve detoured into fearful thoughts, use Gabby’s Choose Again Method:

  2. I would like and need to learning how to protect my energy and not get pick up from the energy from other people. I will need to learning how to set my boundaries with maintain. Also tell truth too. Let me know if we can talk on phone that I have questions. I’m deaf so my English is not first language.

    1. Denyce, continue to follow the steps in this blog on how to tell the truth.

      Before you enter a room with people, set your intention to protect your energy and create healthy boundaries. In your mind, say, “I set the intention right now to be loving, to be kind, to be forgiving. But I’m also not going to leak my energy. I am not a sponge. Right now I am not going to take on the energy of others.”

      These posts may also serve you:

  3. Hi Gabrielle,

    I just discovered your website and book ! Very much like to read it and helpful beside A Course in Miracles !
    So I have watched that video about saying the truth. This is really a triggering point in my life, making me having lots of chronicle lumbagos the last years I guess. Being straight that is the lesson I take from it ! So, actually when I manage or at least I think I have managed to clear my side of the road, I kind of think that there is no point anymore to talk to the other one, haha !! Tricky mind…Probably my ego telling me that I am above that now and why bother about it. But there we go, when the next issue comes, the whole crap is coming up again which shows me that nothing has really been cleared on my side of the road!
    So thanks for your sharing, I am looking forward to discover more about your work and talent :o) !

  4. Hi Gabby,

    I hope you’re well.

    I recently read your book the universe has your back. and absolutely loved it.
    Three years ago I moved cities in chase of my dream job, after not being able to find employment in the city we lived.

    I have a 12-year-old daughter, I had her when I was 16, having a child so young wasn’t easy, I have often been the brunt of peoples very hurtful comments. So when I started my job I wanted them to judge me on my skill’s rather than me being a 27-year-old single mother. I had worked extremely hard to go to university to provide us with a life that was better than the one we were currently living, so I didn’t want to be prejudged because of this….. Long story short, my daughter’s father didn’t allow her to move interstate with me. As I was working on a graduate role I didn’t have the financial ability to fight him. I still hadn’t told my boss because all of a sudden I was going through an incredibly painful personal matter I didn’t want to affect my new professional role. Now three years on, my daughter still lives with her father, while I’ve told my boss and office manager about my daughter, the rest of the team don’t know. I feel terrible about this, and as if I’m hiding the best part of me. I want to come clean with them about my daughter, but I am just not sure the best way to do that.

    1. I don’t think you have anything to fear. Your boss and office manager already know and I’m sure they are both glad you’ve shared with them and are happy you can be your full self and show up 100% when you’re at work instead of hiding such an important part of your life — your daughter. I would suggest simply bringing it up in a natural setting when you’re not talking about work-related things. Maybe when you’re at lunch with coworkers or some other social circumstance. You can even use this blog as a jumping-off point. Maybe you say something like, “There’s something I’ve kept to myself since I began working here because I didn’t know how to talk about it, and I didn’t want to get too personal. But I was reading a blog post on how to tell the truth, and I want to let you all know that I have a daughter. I’ve told [boss’s name] but was waiting for a good time to mention it to all of you.” You can tell them as much or as little as you want based on your relationships with them and how comfortable you are, and what’s appropriate for your office culture. You might simply say that your relationship with her father is complicated and she doesn’t live with you because you moved to study, and then share a couple of details about her you’re proud of. Is she getting an A in science class or is she on a sports team? Share that! Share your joy. People will respond to your energy and appreciate your honesty, and they will know you are someone they too can be honest with. Love and light to you.

  5. Loved the video, was lead to this after listening to one of your lectures. My family has certain rituals and values they would like me to adhere to and if I don’t I am not welcome to be a part of the family. I am coming to the point where I would like to share my truth but fear it may start as a loving conversation but turn to one of resentment, hurt and anger. Any advice is very lovingly appreciated.

  6. I am so conflicted with what to do within my situation. I know I don’t have the same feelings I used to have for my boyfriend, and I need to breakup with him. I need to tell him my truth, but I am so scared he is going to resent me for almost leading him on this whole time. I just feel we aren’t meant to be together and sometimes bring out the worst in one another. I am going to break his heart I know it and don’t know how to deal with feeling of knowing I did that to someone.

    1. I’m sorry this is happening. He can already feel it at some level, honey. Speaking your truth here frees you both up for better things. He may not see that in the short term, but honoring yourself and your feelings is best for you both. Pray and ask your Inner Guide to speak through you. This will ensure your words are loving and kind. His reaction is his.
      big love,
      g xo

  7. I wanted to share that I just now read and watched this. What is amazing is that you would have thought I saw this prior to a difficult, truthful conversation I needed to have a little over two weeks ago. When I saw this, I couldn’t believe how it word for word described a situation I was just in and how I handled sharing my truth.
    I was in a situation with a man I care very deeply about, where I had suspected there was some truths he wasn’t telling me. When I finally asked him via email, he responded with the truth, However, that truth he shared was heartbreaking, hurt me deeply, and also made me angry and left me feeling disrespected. My only ask of him was an in person conversation to have an open and honest dialogue, which he agreed to. I wanted to get the conversation over with sooner rather than later. However, due to conflicting schedules, we couldn’t meet until a little over a week after the fact. In retrospect, this was much better. It gave me time to process my emotions, feelings and thoughts, a way to “clean up my side of the street”. I thought out my words and how I wanted the conversation to go in a very detailed manner, which prepared me for having this conversation coming from a place of dignity and grace.
    When we met, I laid out that I wanted to say a few things, ask a few things, and asked him to come from a place of honesty in his replies. I kept a soft tone of voice, never once raised my voice, did not cry, and did not show anger. I smiled, I was serious when needed, and reassured him with caring and compassion when I needed to. I used words like “I want to share with you, I want to express to you, this is how x made me feel”, etc. Not once did I come across as accusatory. I never said “how could you do this, you’re an idiot, you were wrong”, etc. Had I met with him when I wanted to, I likely would have been more in a reprimanding frame of mind. I told him what hurt me, and how I felt disrespected (which is a non negotiable for me).
    There were a few things I asked to see if he would open up and share his emotions behind some of the wonderful things he had said to me in the past. He became flustered and I could tell he wasn’t ready to open up, so I backed off and didn’t push the issue.
    After him absorbing the things I said, I could tell he was coming to his own realizations. He apologized, and at one point said, “I guess I was being selfish”. As the conversation came to a close, he said to me, “I hope you feel better, because I feel like a jerk.” I leaned forward, put my hand on his knee and told him that wasn’t my intent of the conversation. The reality is that we was selfish and did act like a jerk, but the words never came from my mouth. I realize now, two weeks later, how much more impactful it is that he came to the realizations on his own without me being the one to tell him. He heard my truth and realized his own. This is also a man who has told me on more than one occasion that he feels like a better person for just knowing me.
    As we parted, I kissed him goodbye and said, “I leave you with love”. He then told me he wasn’t giving up on our friendship, although I told him and he knows I can’t give him that right now. I need to heal and get past my feelings for him, which he understands.
    This will be a new process for me, as the door on he and I is not completely shut, it is ajar. He is in a situation where he is not ready to receive me or the love I can show him. In all my past circumstances, I knew the guy was never going to be the right one. I can’t say that about him. I told him I believe he is genuine and has integrity and character. I even thanked him for allowing me to have those feelings for someone again. I told him it was fun to feel that way again, even though I know we are in two very different places in our lives. Of course I am still hopeful that maybe we can be something in the future, but I can’t control his circumstances or where he is in his life.
    I have read TUHYB at least three times, and I often quote some of the passages in my head when my heart is hurting and I am troubled. The book came into my life at exactly the right time. I was in a book store looking for something else, and I saw the book and it just spoke to me. I knew it was what I needed.
    As I reflect on this situation and the conversation, I have to say I look back on this as one of the proudest moments of my life. I told my truth from the right place, I stood up for my values without being accusatory, and I reinforced healthy boundaries of what I would and would not accept. This is not an easy thing to do when your heart wants someone. I don’t think I could have handled the conversation any better and I am betting he walked away with at least a sense of respect for me and how I treated him, even though I was hurt. I do hope he realizes that it’s unlikely another woman would have handled it the same way. I also hope he realized I set the bar high for myself in terms of the respect I know I deserve.
    I’m sharing this in the hopes it may help someone else and I am living proof that what Gabby stated is spot on. The truth, shared in the right manner, will absolutely set you free.

  8. How can I speak my truth and stay in a calm and loving space when the other person responds with attack? I am currently in a situation with a family member where all despite all of my efforts to clean up my side of the street before approaching the other person, I am met with attack, hostility and degradation. How can I speak my truth while protecting my own energy and not get sucked into the attack mentality where I feel I need to defend myself?

    1. Pray before you speak. And if you end up defending yourself, forgive yourself. The point isn’t to do these things perfectly, it’s to be gentle with yourself when you don’t. As you know, the only person you can control is you. <3 The more you practice accepting people as they are, the less you will feel compelled to defend yourself.
      Let me know how it goes!
      big love,
      g xo

  9. I’m good with telling the truth. Have recovered enough to feel it a necessary thing to do so. However, others are not always good with hear it no matter the delivery. Tell your truth anyway. I always believe say what you mean, mean what you say and don’t say it mean. Then you’ve taken care of yourself and haven’t left any additional mess on your side of the street. Thanks :)!

  10. Gabby,
    Thanks so much for all your wisdom.. I only recently found you- actually the universe helped me! lol
    Your words, your videos, your books came into my life exactly when I needed them to stay strong and be truthful. Life is a journey and we all struggle at some point. I know the truth shall set you free, but I am still having a hard time with my voice because the person I need to tell the truth to does not respect me and just yells at me. So I have shut down. I will rise up, I know this but its difficult. Its fear based, of course. I keep breathing and trying to stay at a high vibration. It’s a process. But its also a process that I have let linger far too long. Keep on telling your truth and sharing. You are helping so many others find theirs. sat nam.

  11. I feel liberated just by reading the text. I have deep respect for the energy work that you do, soul sister <3 Truth is vital to me, in relationship with myself and everyone else. I love these simple and profound steps. Thank you. Sat nam <3

  12. Sorry, I did a typo – “I believe it is their journey to truthfulness that IS required…”

  13. That was great. And that’s the truth!
    I do have one person that, although I’m in contact with them regularly, we no longer have a relationship. I’ve forgiven and no longer blame them, I don’t resent or struggle with them but there has been no truth-telling. Is it possible for me to not want to have a discussion with them and be truthful because I feel anything like that will be toxic and pointless for me if I do? I truly don’t feel like I’m running away from this happening; it’s simply that Im content and at peace with how our relationship is now and it works fine. I believe it is their journey to truthfulness that isn’t required and then I might be willing to have this conversation. I just wonder if that’s the case. I think it is and then I notice that I’m asking this question and it’s tweaked something by reading this so there might just be something still there to explore. Thank you Gabby.

  14. I think when you feel you have to share your truth with another, it automatically implies there is judgement on your part no matter how loving you attempt to be in presenting “your truth”. As the Course says, “love holds no grievances”. Sharing your truth is unnecessary, our purpose is only to forgive and let go until there is nothing in this world that compels us to share anything but love. Sharing our truth is all about ego and that is what we are trying to get away from.

  15. I am working on telling the truth in relationships that don’t serve me. I have friends that I am purposely too busy for. These friends say things to me like “I miss you. I need your positive energy in my life” and when I am too busy, like always, they might say “I feel like something has come between us, are you upset with me?” I am constantly reassuring them I am not upset I am just super busy. The truth is, although I do have a good time with them, I feel like my spirit is dampened after being with them… I don’t think they are bad people, they are just not the crowd I want to be around at this time in my life and I feel guilty lying about my “super busy life”

  16. Wow, that was so right on time. Had a conversation with my boss yesterday and I avoided telling certain truths because a) I was emotional and b) I wasn’t coming from a place of love yet but of extreme frustration. And I felt lousy that I lost that opportunity to really communicate, but I knew it wouldn’t be heard. Thanks for re-affirming that! 🙂 Needed it.

  17. Gabby is it sometimes better to keep the truth to yourself out of self esteem to avoid humiliation? I recently contacted an old friend after a very long time to try to clear a wrong I did to him in the past. He hung up at the time but reacted by calling me back and telling me never to get in contact again and gave me no opportunity to voice any of my truth whether out of self protection for himself or feelings of sadness masked as brusqueness or anger. I said at the beginning of the call that I thought he must be angry and he muttered something about not being angry but upset and shocked. My approach to him definitely came from love but I feel that by being prepared to speak the truth on this occasion the end result was that neither of us were truly expressing what we felt although he kept asking me whether he was making himself quite clear. I felt prevented from saying no and tried to stay calm so as not to cry. I suppose therefore my truth was not getting across. I can’t bear it that we will never have chance to speak to each other again. I for my part have a lot to ask and explain but he says he has nothing to say to me ever again. What prayer or meditation can I do to manifest a meeting, conversation , another chance, synchronicity,please?

  18. Telling/living my truth has been my most difficult challenge. I chip away at it daily, but really need to crack wide open. But I know I will one day thanks to you.
    You have carried me through so much these past 4 years on so many levels. I’m coming to finally see you this Sunday in LA. I can’t wait!

  19. Thanks Gabby! I love how you break it down into 3 easy steps. I’m sure it takes practice. I’ve been practicing personal shielding. When I see my ex husband’s number on my phone I think about whether I want to answer it. If I do I take a breath and use personal shielding. Then I keep it cut and dry about our daughter. This video reminds me I don’t have to be mean when telling my truth. I’m cultivating a new coparenting relationship with him,(for the millionth time) and I need to be in this mode to protect myself and truly move forward. We can easily see saw, so I’m being authentic and see that I can do it without anger, and if I feel angry, now I know I need to take care of my side of the street first. Bless You
    Sat Nam

  20. This topic deeply resonates with me. I’ve been experiencing a great deal of physical and emotional pain surrounding a great intuitive feeling that I’m not being heard. I’m very afraid to share feelings, ideas, and even interests with others because I fear I’ll be ignored, or on the flip side, met with resistance. My heart has struggled for a long time to find the courage to get through this. It’s very much time to get real and be honest. How can I move past this stifling fear?

  21. Hi Gabby.

    Something I am really struggling to work though is my trauma from about two years ago. This dark place of pain feels like a root that has grown in my heart and I want to rip it out. I lost a sense of safety, a sense of community where I had once belonged, and most importantly I lost my identity.

    A very good and soul filled person in my life challenged the way I was expressing my trauma. She felt like I was spreading an angry energy and therefore I’d be stuck in this place of shame and resentment. I know she was coming from a good place, but I felt attacked. It reminded me of the way my university pointed the finger at me… as if I had brought this upon myself.

    How can I begin to build boundaries with those who I love, while also working through a trauma that I still feel responsible for?

  22. I have a friend who kill accidentally a dog doing animal protection. She call a veterinarian to make a procedure of neutered a female dog. What happened was that among many distractions because there were other dogs, one of them was given anesthesia twice, so the little dog died. She has a terrible guilt and cannot forgive herself. What does she has to say and do? The truth? Believe me, my friend is a true animal protector, and this is a big responsibility for her, and this kind of errors, is too heavy for her heart.

    1. Oh Monica I am so sorry this happened to your friend. Forgiveness is a process, especially when it comes to forgiving yourself. I have some free meditations on that I think will help her. She can sign up for the “Free manifesting meditations” for free xo

  23. Thank you for your video and time. I am afraid to share the truth with my employees out of fear. I’m afraid to tell them when they are not doing things well.

  24. This is such a great and much-needed post–wow!! With all of the divisiveness in our country and our world these days, remembering to speak our truth with love and light and then having the grace to allow others to share their truth, even if theirs doesn’t align with ours, there is always something to learn from and love about another point of view. Sharing truth with kindness and compassion can only be an example of love and acceptance. Thanks, Gabby!!!

  25. Hey Gabby,
    This video came at the perfect time. I recently had to tell the truth to one family member and two friends. I tried to be clean about it in the sense that I got honest with myself about whether I felt happy after I talked with these people and the truth was…. no. I also made attempts on different occasions to put in different ways of communicating as well as trying to build and grow with them but I honestly felt i was not honouring myself by staying in these relationships. I needed to let each of these people go for the moment because when we spoke I felt a sense of competition, i did not feel heard, or valued. I will admit that I am currently very sensitive, I have a lot of heart break which I’m healing , and I am working on my triggers. However I also feel that I need to protect myself and not just pretend it’s all good when I don’t feel safe with the energy coming my way. Any thoughts or tips? Xo thankyou gabby

  26. Hey Gabby,
    This video came at the perfect time. I recently had to tell the truth to one family member and two friends. I tried to be clean about it in the sense that I got honest with myself about whether I felt happy after I talked with these people and the truth was…. no. I also made attempts on different occasions to put in different ways of communicating as well as trying to build and grow with them but I honestly felt i was not honouring myself by staying in these relationships. I needed to let each of these people go for the moment because when we spoke I felt a sense of competition, i did not feel heard, or valued. I will admit that I am currently very sensitive as to whe

  27. Hi Gabby,

    Namaste I am doing well.. Thank God..
    I am a fellow soul looking and working to shine though (do God’s will) and despite my ego shell.

    I employ my Chief Spiritual Officer (May McCarthy) and Angel team (Lorna Byrne) to be and work with me every day, 12 steps a Sponcer, your teaching <3 , Self-Compassion (Kristin Neff) and a little of the Course all resonate with me.
    I am in a situation with my ex husband .. We are good friends and often do things together. He is younger and left me after many years together 15 – He changed his mind and decided that he really wanted children.. I was ok with this as I felt dishonest in our relationship too. I am older, 14 years, and was unable to bring myself to be as open as i would like to be about my life and past… life before him. Anyway, this pattern is continuing. My ex and I have a lot of mutual interests and we have resumed doing things together riding bikes .. now… we kissed the last time we were together. I don't think i am really my best self wth him.. I can be critical and I know that I am not naturally attracted to him mentally or physically either (guilt).
    I have been told by two friends – don't lead him on and my sponcer said I should have a just friends "talk" I need some hand holding through this. I have fears of whatever about communicating this with him…. any thoughts?
    Namaste –

  28. Exactly what I needed to hear after telling the truth to my mother yesterday. I didn’t clean up my side of the street but had thought I was just being honest. She was hurt and offended. I didn’t know how to get her to hear what I needed her to hear. Now I do. Thank you Gabby!!

  29. This was a great reminder for me as I want to make sure that I’m coming off in a way that isn’t hurtful to someone else but from a place of love. I had an ex boyfriend get in touch and want to re-kindle our romance and this helped me share my feelings in a positive way. I told him that I appreciate the way he feels and am grateful for our time together but I want to leave that experience in the past so that I can move forward. Thank you for these videos as they always serve to help bring me back to a more centered place.

  30. Perfect timing! Could you expand a little on step 1? How do you know when you are ready and have cleared your side of the street?

    1. Yes, me too. How do we know we are ready to sift through the heavy energy within ourselves before approaching someone about what we need, want, or desire from that relationship?

  31. Thank you so much for that! As I approach my 50th birthday, I have been practicing exactly that: telling the truth! It is freeing and liberating! I have been making sure I come from love and light and understand that everyone has a story. I realized that we collect facts and information that make us right in situations and keep that as proof that someone has wronged us. I’m trying hard to see those stories and change my thinking around them. Now, how to help my daughter share her truth in love and light before she has to live to 50 before learning this great lesson.

  32. The Universe sends us what we need, and your topic is what I have been working with for a couple of weeks now. Thank you for helping to confirm that we have to be honest. I tend to say what people want to hear when I fear their reaction to the truth, and it doesn’t serve either of us. As I learn to transfer that Fear to Faith, I am beginning to understand how to respond with grace, eloquence and honesty.

  33. We either live life in our own truth, or we life in deceit. When living life in our own truth, we embrace the divine. Words spoken come from our hearts, filled with the energy of the soul. When living life in deceit. The words spoken come from our reactive mind, and the energy we sow is filled with negativity, hate and anger. These last three human traits, cannot exist when someone is speaking from their heart, in their own truth. The soul relating the truth, to the soul receiving the truth, will know whether it’s divine truth. X

  34. I always find your wisdom so inspiring. Asserting yourself and telling your truth is often tricky. I would have found an example really helpful.

  35. Thank you Gabby! I shared my truth lately in an angry way and you’re right- it was not heard at all. I didn’t clean up my side and bring it ready for healing to happen. It felt good to stick up for myself and it felt good to get clear on my feelings on this but there were projections as I’d not been truthful about my feelings for a while so they came out in an explosive way- as though that was their fault! In response the other person was more closed, more judgemental and the stalemate has ensued. Do you have experience or insight to offer on repairing when the truth isn’t cleaned up before presenting?

  36. I learned the hard way too through my stories. I love hearing it from you again…I don’t think you can hear it enough because it’s easy to slip back if your not being true to yourself. Thank you!

  37. i feel that sometimes the truth is I am angry about something and I don’t want to get into it so I push it away. It’s easier to be passive aggressive I guess. But it has to be empowering to address the anger.

  38. Thanks for sharing the video Gabby! I have been struggling with holding a secret from my husband over the last 2.5 years. I was living and working in another place and had an affair with a co-worker, a passionate one that ultimately affected me deeply. Some friends have advised me not to tell. I’m not sure I want to stay married to this man, because I am no longer attracted to him or in love. I don’t know if it is in fact better not to tell if I leave or is it going to keep eating me alive and keep him wondering. I am simultaneously living in a place of fear and comfort (stability).

    By the way, I truly appreciate all the truth and love you share with the world!

  39. Gabby… talk about miracles This couldn’t have come at a more perfect time!!! Thank you for all of your light, and how helpful this is!!!!!

  40. Yesterday I was hurt emotionally by my boyfriend over something minor. It wasn’t so much that he took something that was mine, but he didn’t apologize or replace it. I yelled at him that I felt disrespected and he just continued to watch TV and get annoyed with me.
    In hindsight maybe I could have handeled it better but I felt like I needed to express myself or I wasn’t being honest about my feelings. The truth is he never appologizes and I end up looking like a crazy person for wanting someone be a good partner like I try my best to be.
    So since last night we haven’t spoken to each other. Im tired of being the one trying to fix the issue but he won’t come to me. For now, my house is silent and we are both resentful.

  41. Living in truth is incredibly freeing after living with the burden of the lies of addiction and the shame of abuse. When we are finally able to stand up and show up without the horrendous veil, the light changes, our eyes and hearts and minds mend, and our redemption feels so right.

    Thank you, Gabby.

  42. It’s strange how messages come to you right when you need them. I just had to have a difficult conversation with my mother in law yesterday. But I lead with love (maybe a bit of stubbornness too ;)), and although the conversation didn’t turn out exactly as I hoped, I was able to express boundaries to allow myself to be heard. The other person likely won’t always understand or agree, but the act of drawing boundaries and telling the truth is therapeutic in itself. Thank you so much Gabby, your message has affected my personal relationships and the relationships I have with my patients. I had a signed copy of your book, and although I love it so much-I gave it to one of my dear patients I thought needed it more, to allow your message to spread. With gratitude, Miriam

  43. Hi Gabby!! Wowww, this video was so timely for me! I was literally just telling my best friend yesterday how I need to work on being honest and authentic, because I really tend to be a people-pleaser and struggle with assertiveness and boundaries, etc. I don’t ever want to come across as rude or uncaring and I don’t ever want people to be offended or get the wrong idea, so I will ‘pretend’ to like something I don’t like, or go along with plans I don’t feel like doing, etc. etc. It’s like I don’t know how to just be real with some people because I’m so anxious to be ‘nice.’ Any advice you have on this would be greatly appreciated!! And thanks so much for this video! I love that it gives some really simple steps on how to bring your truth to the table. Love, Jessica Eve

  44. Great topic; assertiveness and boundaries:-)
    What if… you have done all of the steps and the other person just will not own up to the fact that
    they were in the wrong and legitimately owe you not just an apology but say, replacing an item of yours that they broke? and you have been more than patient for several weeks waiting for them since your initial discussion.. for them to rectify the situation.
    Thank you

  45. When I read your email today I couldn’t believe you were talking about this topic. Last week, I started the process of healing sorrows and fears from childhood and I’m committed to be honest with myself and with others and it’s been amazing. Thanks for sharing.

  46. Thank you for this, Gabby. This is just what I need to hear. Please can you explain more about cleaning up my side of the street. I just don’t know how to do that. Thank you.

  47. The truth can be so tricky… because it is not always pretty. I think I wait to tell the truth until I feel like everything can be wrapped up perfectly with a pretty bow on top. Everything suffers from this. It is hard.

  48. This video arrived just at the right time!
    I find it hard to be truthful with some people, one friend in particular, so some of the time I say what I think they want to hear.
    But recently I really feel the need to be honest, from a place of love. I like our friendship but I don’t like what it has become and I really feel like I’m not being myself when I fall into this silly habit.
    I know I need to chat to my friend but I do feel uncomfortable. Any words of wisdom.
    Thanks xx

  49. I just wrote every word in my diary. such a poweful message. thank you for sharing. truth is love, love is the truth… love liberates-thats what maya angelou was saying…my mantra. love it . thank you for sharing YOUR truth! <3

  50. Hi Gabby

    This video was totally touching base with what i struggle with at the moment, telling the truth and sharing my feelings/experience.

    Your steps are great thank you! But as a loving feedback i Think it would be great if you would share a concrete example to each step to make it more clear

    Thank you for all your beautiful work

    Love Louise

  51. Hi Gabby

    My fear about telling the truth is that people may see me as vulnerable and take advantage of me being weak. When they reply with anger and are vengeful, then it feels like an attack on my spirit. How can I protect myself from the attack?

  52. Hello Gabby
    Thank you for your inspiring video its something I have been thinking of and has been playing on my mind…
    same thing of telling the truth to a beautiful man that I really have fallen for
    I actually lied to Him saying that I love him as a friend but truthfully I have fallen in love w him… Is there a way of approaching this feeling again and finally telling the truth..
    Sarina in great appreciation

  53. Happy Monday Gabby,

    I just wanted to compliment your energy in this video. The lightness and grace that illuminates out of this recording is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Throughout my journey I have been practicing this very message, it is always lovely getting a gentle reminder from you though. So thank you! Truth is love and love always sets you free. <3 I was to attend your 2/11/17 NYC Miracle Membership event, but due to the snow storm my flights were cancelled and I was unable to make it to the city. Throughout that experience of "my plans not working" I listened to that constant voice of truth within and around me, which gave me the peace to allow a different miracle to happen. Setting different truths within myself free, so I could be a light for others. God truly laughs when you make plans. Perhaps if it is meant to be I'll be involved in a different event of yours one day, but for now I send you and your team my love! I send my love and thanks to Wayne Dyer's spiritual presence too, through him I was guided to you last year. Got to love that guy! Thanks again for sharing your truth and for being you!

    Alicia Marie 🙂

  54. As a woman in recovery with the blessing of 17 years of uninterrupted sobriety, I was fortunate to have (truly) enjoyed 5 months at a dual diagnosis treatment center which provided a valuable education and a firm foundation based on the principles of honesty and humility. I was blessed by being invited by the treatment team to lead After Care Groups for a year following my “Undergrad Work,” as I lovingly call it. To the best of my ability and with willingness to remain open to constructive criticism, I strive to find the lessons in all experiences: good and otherwise. Keeping my side of the street clean is imperative, prior to launching myself into a conversation involving truth. Following a horrific experience on a holiday during which I was called (expletive deleted), I allowed for a 48 hour cooling off period, during which I examined what I may have said or done to provoke such nastiness. I then opened a conversation by stating that it is exceedingly important to me that, in my 12-step program, I keep my side of the street clean. I was then prepared to calmly ask what I had said or done to elicit the comment yelled (not spoken) 48 hours prior. A second verbal assault was launched. “You’re a hypocrite. You don’t work or live a 12-step program!” This man is not in a program, nor in counseling. With that, I simply said “Ok” and turned and walked into another room. I honored my boundary of not tolerating verbal abuse. In this scenario, with all the earnestness at my command, I was thorough in my preparation of self-examination. I was humble and I was ready to listen to any answer, regardless of the time required. I was resolute in my promise to myself: do not interrupt. Give space. Clearly, the other person was not interested in “clearing the air” but, rather, seemed determined to exercise intimidation with verbal abuse. In my heart, I knew he was incorrect in his summary of my life’s work and commitment. I was not angry with him for the two name-calling incidents. Truly, my heart ached for him: such a waste of energy – a choice to think and speak in such unloving language, putting negativity into the Universe. It saddened me, and I prayed for him – and I still do. I pray that somehow, in some way, an incident or an individual will touch his heart and other such hearts — and that light will enter. Five years of prayer and meditation, personal coaching, continued CBT, DBT, and sponsorship throughout this relationship have provided me with numerous opportunities to learn (and to share with others). As we know, learning is as unique as the individual. It is experiential. However, I truly feel that there is little hope for growth in any relationship without honesty, humility, an open mind, and willingness to listen and learn. Unfortunately, yet realistically, there may come a time to take the necessary steps to honor our boundaries, protect ourselves, and exercise our values by terminating a relationship. If so, I was advised to make a simple statement of intention, without judgement, and with as few words as possible. Thank you, Gabby, for your advice and support and all group participants for your support, feedback, and encouragement as I strive to live my life one day at a time, holding hands with all of you, whispering The Serenity Prayer, knowing that The Universe Has My Back. Blessings and love!

  55. Gabby WOW!!
    I needed to hear that today, My boss and I are not on the same page, she’s always accusing me of things that I have not done. I usually don’t speak up but when I do well you know …..
    I needed to hear and see your video, it will put my thoughts in a place, with love I will speak with love, not with judgment.
    thank you

  56. Love this!

    Question – how do you differentiate among (1) not loving someone (2) incapable of loving someone (3) fear of loving someone.


  57. Hi Gabby… Thanks for the lovely video !

    I, myself, have put ”telling the truth” into practice much more now than in the past, except that I find it very difficult staying in a place of love while being bombarded or put on the spot by those in front of me (one person in particular that I dearly love …).

    How do you keep your focus and don’t just totally loose it ?

    Thanks in advance for your opinion…

    Love reading your blogs and hearing your audios …

    Please continue doing what you are doing because your making a difference in this world …. we need more Gabbys in this world !

    Namaste … Maria

    1. Yes, yes, yes! I’m experiencing this healthy challenge right now after I broke up with a friend who then threatened physical violence because she believes she needs my energy to live. Where this is tricky is she lives with a dear friend of mine who is going through a healing process of her own. The friend I broke up with admitted she is using everyone of our personal friends for her own personal gain. It’s painful to know and see this in action. Now she is using these people to try and lure me to places, conversations, etc. When I prayed over this situation, I was told I had to talk to our friends for ME. I am not obligated to tell them what was said, but I must share my boundaries with everyone- even though they don’t know they are being crossed. I love the way my Maker works (getting this specifically at this time), I know that All is Well.

  58. This is a topic that is up for me also. I am a consultant in a wonderful space that no one else shares at this time. My struggle comes with setting boundaries and having others take my work and information claiming it as their work.

    My side of the street is I haven’t protected myself in the past and how I go about doing it now seems offensive. Perhaps that is not being respected which turns back to me not respecting myself. The way to do this is set boundaries how do I do that without being firm? I feel a bit like I am in a hamster wheel.

  59. I loved this!
    “Radically tell the truth” sounds like a fantastic practice. Thank you so much for sharing – so happy to have found your work and words at “The Universe Has Your Back.”
    Thank you!!

  60. Gabby thank you so much for sharing this. I recently had a great time of truth sharing with a friend. I did quite a bit of cleaning up my side of the street (I guess about 8 months) and even felt excited and compelled by love to set up the appointment! It felt great to share with genuine love and a desire for us both to learn from our parts in the story. However, it’s been about 3 weeks since the meeting and my ego keeps popping up and getting upset at how she reacted, and how she misinterpreted what I said. I felt so confident it was shared in love…is this trying to show me maybe it wasn’t? What work should I be doing at this point since I already feel like I went into it with love? I think ultimately I want a guarantee that she “got the point”…but that is out of my control, right? I guess I thought my work of cleaning my side up was over when that conversation was over…

  61. Such a great topic. As a recovering passive co-dependent it’s sometimes hard for me to know my boundaries and express them. I end up internalizing a lot of anger and resentment instead of expressing how I feel. Learning to focus on the self & reading your books has been so benifical for me. Thank you.

  62. Wow Gabby, thank you for sharing, it really is amazing how things come to you when needed. Just this weekend, i told someone close to me how i felt ” my opinion” about some of his decisions, and of course they were not inline with his. Since i have a strong personality it seems it came off negative, when it really was sharing because i care. Unfortunately he was sensitive to it and it didn’t go over well. I’m now wandering if it can be healed, plus I’m not sure how to always remind myself ,”change” to not speak my opinion when i care to share. Thank You.

  63. I agree I never thought before of sending good energy and positive thoughts or prayers to someone that I need to speak with before we have a conversation about anything
    That is a great comment it gave me light

    Thank you
    Gabby R

  64. Hi Gabby,

    Wow. It’s like this video was a sign from God or the Universe, I’m not even kidding. My story is this: I’ve fallen in love with someone who’s unavailable to me. It just happened- I didn’t want it, ask for it, nor like it, but it happened. He feels it too but neither of us has said anything because we just can’t, due to the circumstance. And now, ever since he’s moved away I feel like I have to express the truth to him – my truth. It’s been eating me inside for a few weeks now, as I’ve realized that he’s my first, genuine real love. And while it may not be the easiest thing to communicate, I feel like I have to – to set myself free. Free to mend my heart, move on, and love again.

    I hope I have the courage to do this. It’s like you said – if it comes from a genuine space then it will work…

  65. Hi Gabby!

    I listened to your video about truth, and believe the truth will set us free. I have experienced both approaches to this idea – truth ALWAYS works in our favor, and a lie creates an inner stonewall. But, I have a situation that may, or may not be a kind of “grey area.” My wife passed away in January of 2016. Since then I have been taking care of my mom – she is 85, and has dementia. It is a true inner challenge, but I want her to be able to stay in her own home. I have hired somone to sit with her during the day, but she would rather I didn’t. Last night, she asked me if someone told the girl that comes during the day to not come. If I answered “no” a long confused conversation would ensue, that could last the rest of the evening. So I said “yes, I have taken care of that.” That made her relax, and she went on to less stressful topics, like when people were coming by for Christmas (in February, teehee.) I try to answer her with truth – as much as possible, but sometimes it it helps us both when I tell a “white lie” – knowing that her confusion at night is worse because she has “Sundowner’s.” She is less confused the next morning, and happy to have the care giver with her. I bugs me a bit because I honestly do work on telling the truth in all situations, but have learned that I love my mom enough to tell her a lie. I feel trapped with this, but have experimented with this dilema enough during this last year to know I’m doing the right thing. (I guess…)


    Sean from Huntington Beach

  66. Thank you so much for sharing this!! I’ve been feeling SO stuck lately and unable to communicate freely. All weekend I’ve felt the toxicity build within me but I find myself freezing and unable to share where I’m coming from out of fear. I will work today on my own street and can’t wait to share my experience post talk!

  67. Gabby, thank you! I love most how you explained we must be prepared to tell the truth to another. To “clean up our energy” first.
    I have a new roommate who was unknown to me when I moved in with her. She’s very negative and not very nice, and I find myself avoiding her whenever I can. I grew up with self-centered alcoholics so I’m keenly attuned to other people and their moods and energies. But is it fair to try to tell the truth to someone we aren’t closely familiar with? Is telling the truth about us or about who we want to tell the truth to? Are there situations we should just keep quiet?
    Thank you for all your wisdom you share!

  68. Hi Gabby! Just today I had a conversation with my 2 girlfriends and we had an idea to have one evening of truth…meaning we would tell each other what we see and think about one and other. And be totally honest. We know each other for 30 years and we are 35 years old 🙂 But I have to say, I wasn’t always honest with them and I know they waren’t with me. But we do have a strong relationship. Do u think that’s a good idea?
    btw: Love your book The universe has your back! And I love you and your work. Would love to see u some time in Slovenia (a small country in Europ)
    Sat Nam

  69. Your timing never ceases to amaze me. I literally just finished a meditation about how to not react so defensively in situations. I saw in my meditation how I do this in response to my fear and I saw the old wounds that created this fear. I saw that when someone does something to hurt me out of fear, I have the choice to respond with fear or with love.

    As soon as my meditation was over the person who triggered this texted me with the resolution I was looking for and then I checked my email and saw your video. Miracles. Miracles. Miracles. I love you Gabby. Spirit Junkies 4 life!

  70. This was exactly what I needed today! I’m focusing on the 8 limbs this week in my TT, and I’m trying to be radically truthful. I can do it in the workplace, with fabulous results, and this video gave me the nudge to do it in my love life this morning. Thank you Gabby

  71. The Universe Has Your Back! This came into my inbox as I am negotiating a break up where I feel compelled to stand firm on my boundaries and stand in my truth for my benefit and his.

  72. Hi thank u for that video I have a lot of fear right now cause I live with my wife and we’re relief managers and my wife’s brother and girlfriend are living here and I’m not aloud anyone else living here so it’s jrpordizing my place I have told them they have to be out at a certain date march 15 . But I see no sigh s of them looking for s place please help me have peace around this I did this thinking I was doing a good thing.

  73. Telling the truth has always been very difficult for me, specifically when I know that it will trigger a negative reaction from the person with whom I’m sharing it. I love these three steps because the allow me to own my part of the story, to clean up whatever negative energy I’m about to spread, and then to allow the other person to have their reaction, without feeling responsible for it. Not telling the truth about how I feel has gotten me into SO many negative relationships. This may be something that I will struggle with my whole life, but it is an obstacle in the right direction! Thanks Gabby xo

  74. The universe has my back…..sitting at my computer preparing my yoga classes for the week on Satya, truthfulness!!! Sat naam!!!!! thank you

    1. Great idea! I’m working on weaving themes into my yoga classes, I teach on Friday and you and Gabby have inspired me to use truthfulness as my theme

  75. Love this. And i know it’s so true. I’ve shared the truth before in a certain way that just didn’t register how I hoped. I think you really zero’d in on something helpful in such a clear way that will help others share better and more comfortably. I love how you have such an incredible way of explaining something complex so simply and easily!

  76. In my old job they always taught us to be honest it took me a long time to do this in my new job I am being honest and truthful and they don’t like it after watching this video it made me realise perhaps I was being negative telling my truth and didn’t go the right way about it thanks for sharing

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