How to Have Fearless Relationships

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Note: I updated this post in November 2018 for clarity and additional resources!

I’m getting married in three weeks! This exciting time has taught me many spiritual lessons about relationships, and I’m inspired to share them with you.

Whether you’re manifesting romance, want to stop judging a family member or hoping to deepen your relationships, these tools will help.

How to have fearless and happy relationships

Watch this video for guidance on how to have fearless, happy relationships, or keep reading for a breakdown of my tips!

Step 1: See your part

Add More ~ing to Your Life by Gabby BernsteinI used to blame a lot in my relationships. Anytime something wasn’t great, I’d say, “Well, it’s their fault,” pointing that finger. Then I began using the mirroring exercise from my book Add More ~ing to Your Life, recognizing that whatever is being reflected at me in a relationship was really an expression of my internal condition. Whatever I believed to be true about myself or about the world was being reflected back to me.

If you’re pointing the finger at somebody else saying, “You did this,” ask yourself this question: “What is it that’s coming up for me? What is it that I’m doing so that I can start to take responsibility for my own energy, my own belief systems and my own actions to see that there are two parts of this relationship?”

This is not to say that the other person is off the hook for their behavior. But by honestly seeing your part, you can understand how you’ve participated in the co-creation of that energy and that relationship.

Relationships are just energy

Compassion is the antidote to judgment. | Gabby Bernstein quote from Judgment DetoxRelationships are just energy. It’s two people’s energy merging together. Sometimes the energy clashes and sometimes it’s completely in sync. Those relationships that cause chaotic energy are often a great blessing, because they bring up a lot of our stuff so that it can be healed.

Step 2: Get clear about what’s coming up for you in your relationships

The next step is to look at the stuff that your relationships have brought up, whether those relationships are romantic, familial or friendships. Become willing to see them for what they are, and get clear. You might want to write a list of all the stuff that comes up. Ask yourself, “What is it that needs to be healed here? What do I need to work on?”

Step 3: Meditate

Once you recognize and identify all that wreckage, all that chaos and all that discomfort that’s been brought to the surface, bring it discomfort to your meditation. Do a feeling meditation, which you can find on my Inner Guidance Meditation Album. In this meditation, you can sit and allow yourself to be in the presence of that feeling, letting it come forward safely. You can also check out this blog post on how to handle your feelings.

Check out my Fearless Relationships digital course

Fearless Relationships Digital Course with Gabby Bernstein

Want to take these principles further? Check out my Fearless Relationships Digital Course!

In this 3-week digital course, you can expect:

    • Inspirational talks on how to overcome fear in relationships
    • Guided Kundalini meditations for releasing fear
    • Visualization meditations to help you bust through limiting beliefs
    • Take-home exercises to apply throughout each week
    • Bonus meditations for dating and romance

Access Fearless Relationships here!

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  1. Hi gabby, I am in a romantic relationship that is a blessing, because he is truly a mirror for my fears. I love him very much. I am always trying to “work on myself” and grow, whereas he says he wants to but doesn’t make effort. While being with him has brought my fears to the surface, might it also be healthier to therefore walk away? Much love and many thanks.

  2. Hi Gabby,
    I love your message and am just now learning about ACIM. My question, though, is if we can manifest good into our lives by our thought patterns, then what about when other people do horrible things (like child abuse or adultery)? Does that mean the child or spouse wasn’t manifesting/vibrating at the right frequency or their thought patterns weren’t good?

  3. hello gabby,
    I feel this overwhelming sense that I my relationship isn’t working. But i have this intuition that is has nothing to do with the relationship or my boyfriend.When we are together everything is fine. Its when I am alone or when I am in an anxiety driven situation. I know its (the relationship) only going to end if I don’t fix the overwhelming sense of stress and anxiety in my life. How do I help myself heal properly and not feel like I either being too needy to him or as if I am pushing him away. I feel like sometimes its only one of those two things. I think it also has to do with the fact that my aunt is going through a nasty divorce and she pushed her husband away while suffering with depression.
    thank you

  4. I can see how I co-created the verbal and emotional abuse I have received from my husband of ten years. I am healing/cutting the cord ( went to your June Kripalu retreat, doing May Cause Miracles a second time, yoga, exercise, healthy eating, praying, writing…). I am 47 and finally healing all the layers of stuff/junk from my life. Thank you. I introduced my 22 year old daughter to your work; pray she does not make my mistakes.

  5. Hi Gabby,

    I have been diagnoses with hsv-1 (cold sore virus that only happened once) and hpv, which I have been doing energy healing on. I have ended the casual relationship I was in, and am working on healing me inside and out. I want to be in a loving relationship, and am ready to be fearless, but as mentioned above I do have issues I need to address with my future partner.
    Any guidance on how to broach this subject with someone? Do I trust that when it’s right it will be right?
    Thanks Gabby!

  6. Gabby!
    You are such an inspiration;) I relate to you on oh so many levels: I’m sober (1 year & 3 months), I’m a yoga teacher (Hatha, although I love to practice kundalini)
    I live in LA. If you ever need to expand what you do (I know it’s nearly impossible to be on the west coast, when you live in NYC), I’d love to help.
    I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years; it’s the s*%€ or get off the pot time! We are starting couples therapy again this week.
    Thank you for your spiritual wisdom, candid honesty & quick-n-easy vlogs.
    You rock!!

  7. I am attracting unavailable men whether emotionally or geographically. I am trying to see how I may be presenting this trait. It is difficult to see. I feel present and available. Sat Nam thank you <3

  8. This was a total breath of fresh air. I absolutely love the suggestion to do a feeling meditation with the stuff that comes up. When I find myself upset with my partner, I do something similar by spending some time with myself to understand why I feel this way and where it is coming from. And to exhaaaaale 🙂 Thank you, Gabby. Lovin’ it xo

  9. I always seem to be interested in unavailable men and they seem to be interested in me. These same men may not want ti date me, but I’ve had more than one occasion where I felt they’d be interesting in “hooking up”, but nothing more. After telling them I wasn’t interested I never heard from them again. I want a relationship, not a one night stand. My dermatologist even said, “You’re the kind of girl a guy marries, not the one they date.” So how do I get these guys to date me? I also can’t take rejection. I hold onto it and try to figure out what is wrong with me or what I am doing wrong. I also hope that these men will change their mind and once they get to know me they will like me. I feel like this is the only part of my life I can’t get right! What should I do?

  10. Thanks Gabby! You are so right! Relationships are a two way street and many want to play the victim instead of asking what role did they play! Your advice is priceless! I am writing an eBook called “Turn Your Relationship Around in 7 Days!”

  11. Hi Gabby, I have been a consistent follower of yours for about two years now. I am about nine months out of a six year relationship (that began before college). I am feeling very open to new experiences (romantic and otherwise) and am loving my freedom and sense of independence. I have been dating some and catching some stronger feelings than I anticipated. I feel content being single but don’t want to “stick to my guns” about being independent so much so that I let a relationship opportunity pass me by. Can I stay on my current spiritual path and let someone else enter into the mix? I can really see both sides on this, so how can I use my inner guidance to focus in and resolve this inner conflict?

  12. My partner and I have had recurring arguments/discussions for the past couple of years. These arguments have resulted in tears and hurt feelings. We’ve gotten better at communicating and are still working on it. But it occurred to me: The things we are saying to each other are things we couldn’t or didn’t say in our prior relationships. Such a revelation. We all really do have “stuff” to get through.

    But thanks, Gabby, for being an inspiration. Have fun at your wedding! Congrats!

  13. Hey gabby! I want to say thank you for all your hard work. I found your books during the hardest time in my life, my fiancé and boyfriend/bestfriend broke up with me just 5months before our wedding and caught him with another girl. I lost my life as I knew it. Reading your books and videos really helped me get threw it and find myself. Now a year later I starting dating again and feel like I’m in a better place and ready to love again, but I notice with the last men I dated I tend to stick around longer then I should and keep trying to force it to work even though all the sings are there that it won’t work.. I don’t know why I feel the need to keep pushing and fighting for something that isn’t servicing me anymore I have a hard time letting go… Congratulations on your wedding I wish you all the best !

  14. Thanks for the video gabby. As always you’re so inspirational. I was wondering if you could recommend some tools for further releasing fear in relationships. I have done all of your mediation CDs and read all your books. You mentioned in one you listened to some of Marianna Williamson’s audio lectures. Can you recommend a good one for releasing fear and doubt in relationship and for boosting self esteem? I know that’s what your current workshop focuses on but I coudnt afford it this time around. Thank you so much.

  15. just wanted to say thank you for your vlogs. I discovered who you were on Oprah and have admired your messages and courage to speak out. It’s sometimes hard to deal with disappointment from relationships, but owning my part of the equation has helped me move forward. God Bless 🙂

  16. I find that when I enter a romantic relationship I become dependent on my partner and seem to lose sight of my deepest sense of self. Now that I have reflected on this pattern during a season of being single, I hesitate entering a new relationship because I don’t want to lose touch with my heart. I’m wondering how to let go of this fear while also ensuring that I stay grounded in myself and in God rather than in a partner..

    Your work inspires me, Gabrielle!

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