Note: I updated this post in November 2018 for clarity and additional resources!
I’m getting married in three weeks! This exciting time has taught me many spiritual lessons about relationships, and I’m inspired to share them with you.
Whether you’re manifesting romance, want to stop judging a family member or hoping to deepen your relationships, these tools will help.
How to have fearless and happy relationships
Watch this video for guidance on how to have fearless, happy relationships, or keep reading for a breakdown of my tips!
Step 1: See your part
I used to blame a lot in my relationships. Anytime something wasn’t great, I’d say, “Well, it’s their fault,” pointing that finger. Then I began using the mirroring exercise from my book Add More ~ing to Your Life, recognizing that whatever is being reflected at me in a relationship was really an expression of my internal condition. Whatever I believed to be true about myself or about the world was being reflected back to me.
If you’re pointing the finger at somebody else saying, “You did this,” ask yourself this question: “What is it that’s coming up for me? What is it that I’m doing so that I can start to take responsibility for my own energy, my own belief systems and my own actions to see that there are two parts of this relationship?”
This is not to say that the other person is off the hook for their behavior. But by honestly seeing your part, you can understand how you’ve participated in the co-creation of that energy and that relationship.
Relationships are just energy
Relationships are just energy. It’s two people’s energy merging together. Sometimes the energy clashes and sometimes it’s completely in sync. Those relationships that cause chaotic energy are often a great blessing, because they bring up a lot of our stuff so that it can be healed.
Step 2: Get clear about what’s coming up for you in your relationships
The next step is to look at the stuff that your relationships have brought up, whether those relationships are romantic, familial or friendships. Become willing to see them for what they are, and get clear. You might want to write a list of all the stuff that comes up. Ask yourself, “What is it that needs to be healed here? What do I need to work on?”
Step 3: Meditate
Once you recognize and identify all that wreckage, all that chaos and all that discomfort that’s been brought to the surface, bring it discomfort to your meditation. Do a feeling meditation, which you can find on my Inner Guidance Meditation Album. In this meditation, you can sit and allow yourself to be in the presence of that feeling, letting it come forward safely. You can also check out this blog post on how to handle your feelings.