How to Have Fearless Relationships

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Note: I updated this post in November 2018 for clarity and additional resources!

I’m getting married in three weeks! This exciting time has taught me many spiritual lessons about relationships, and I’m inspired to share them with you.

Whether you’re manifesting romance, want to stop judging a family member or hoping to deepen your relationships, these tools will help.

How to have fearless and happy relationships

Watch this video for guidance on how to have fearless, happy relationships, or keep reading for a breakdown of my tips!

Step 1: See your part

Add More ~ing to Your Life by Gabby BernsteinI used to blame a lot in my relationships. Anytime something wasn’t great, I’d say, “Well, it’s their fault,” pointing that finger. Then I began using the mirroring exercise from my book Add More ~ing to Your Life, recognizing that whatever is being reflected at me in a relationship was really an expression of my internal condition. Whatever I believed to be true about myself or about the world was being reflected back to me.

If you’re pointing the finger at somebody else saying, “You did this,” ask yourself this question: “What is it that’s coming up for me? What is it that I’m doing so that I can start to take responsibility for my own energy, my own belief systems and my own actions to see that there are two parts of this relationship?”

This is not to say that the other person is off the hook for their behavior. But by honestly seeing your part, you can understand how you’ve participated in the co-creation of that energy and that relationship.

Relationships are just energy

Compassion is the antidote to judgment. | Gabby Bernstein quote from Judgment DetoxRelationships are just energy. It’s two people’s energy merging together. Sometimes the energy clashes and sometimes it’s completely in sync. Those relationships that cause chaotic energy are often a great blessing, because they bring up a lot of our stuff so that it can be healed.

Step 2: Get clear about what’s coming up for you in your relationships

The next step is to look at the stuff that your relationships have brought up, whether those relationships are romantic, familial or friendships. Become willing to see them for what they are, and get clear. You might want to write a list of all the stuff that comes up. Ask yourself, “What is it that needs to be healed here? What do I need to work on?”

Step 3: Meditate

Once you recognize and identify all that wreckage, all that chaos and all that discomfort that’s been brought to the surface, bring it discomfort to your meditation. Do a feeling meditation, which you can find on my Inner Guidance Meditation Album. In this meditation, you can sit and allow yourself to be in the presence of that feeling, letting it come forward safely. You can also check out this blog post on how to handle your feelings.

Check out my Fearless Relationships digital course

Fearless Relationships Digital Course with Gabby Bernstein

Want to take these principles further? Check out my Fearless Relationships Digital Course!

In this 3-week digital course, you can expect:

    • Inspirational talks on how to overcome fear in relationships
    • Guided Kundalini meditations for releasing fear
    • Visualization meditations to help you bust through limiting beliefs
    • Take-home exercises to apply throughout each week
    • Bonus meditations for dating and romance

Access Fearless Relationships here!

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  1. I’m a divorce and breakup recovery coach. A recent student of A course in Miracles ( I’m on the first 100 pages) and an old student of Abe teachings. I have always being good at healing from past relationships and get the best out of them. Leave with love peace and harmony has always been my approach and Im good at it. I have a desire to get married. I recognize my strong desire to settle down is coming from my ego. I’m again in a beautiful relationship or the parts I choose to focus and love of it and again I feel we are very different. He has a lot of resentment and unhealed wounds. He has gone to trauma from his last ex and he is in a healing process. He doesn’t want to start letting go or ask for help because he is not there yet, and with all my heart I want to give him his space and let him heal on his own way and time, and I can’t avoid thinking this is gonna take a long time and I don’t even know if he is gonna be that man I will share my life with after. I’m not sure what’s the guidance is: stay because leaving it’s always my path and learn to be more patient OR leave because I wish he was that man I want to spend my life with that I’m not seeing how messy this is and it’s obvious no what I want yet. I can feel as I write this my ego speaking. I know that there is a reason why my partner and I met in the middle of this chaos and I know there is something here for me to learn. I’m open for guidance and by writing this post it’s my way of saying to my guides show me the way in whatever way I’m meant to receive it. Thank you Gabby for giving me your perspective and for recommend some resources. I wanted to buy your fearless relationships online course, but it shows it’s not longer available.

    Thank you immensely!

      1. Gabby, dear sister. I want to update you. The links you sent me helped me enormously. Letting go of my romantic illusions and understanding the difference between ego vs love it has brought the peace I prayed to have in my mind and I just wanted to share with you. A miracle happened without expectations my relationship with my partner has returned back to its natural wellbeing. Thanks for your guidance my dear sister. Will see you soon!

        1. Amazing, Joana. I’m so grateful that theses practices served you and that you experienced this miraculous shift. xoxo

  2. There are studies that demonstrate a link between meditation and mental aging. These studies suggest that the improvement in concentration and mental flexibility achieved through meditation also helps protect the brain from cognitive decline. Factors such as food, physical activity and education are also important for neurological health, but keep in mind that the brain is like a muscle and must be trained to remain active. In that sense, meditation is helpful.

    Fortunately, learning to meditate has never been easier. If you are interested in starting, look for a quiet place in your home, close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing. You can also look for a trusted institution that explains step by step how to start with this ancient practice. Meditation requires effort, but in a very short time you will begin to feel the benefits of maintaining a healthy mind.

  3. Hello Gabby,

    I’m interested in your thoughts on staying in a relationship with someone who has an addiction? Functional alcoholic and going to rehab next month but just trying to see how to accept someone as they are so I can be free.

    1. I recommend that you check out an Alanon meeting in your community. This will help you work through your experience of the relationship.

  4. I don’t know if you are still checking this comment section. But how do you know if a relationship/marriage has run its course? How do you know if you have learned all the lessons you should learn? If you still love your partner, but feel like your needs are not being met, how long do you work on yourself in the context of a relationship that feels like something is missing? Ask the universe? Be patient?

  5. Hi Gabby
    Thank You for posting this video. I attended your fearless relationship talk in SF recently 2/16/15. It was beyond amazing and helpful, brought a lot up for me. Over the past 2 years I have been in a relationship/friends with benefits kind of relationship it is breaking me apart, it is wrecking myself esteem way more than it is already. I know logically this relationship is absolutely NO GOOD for me however, I am having such a difficult time letting go, every time I try I find myself going back. I know I need to release and heal this before I can move on and form healthy relationships that bring the best out in me. I know I deserve so much more, but I’m stuck please help!!! Any advise would be appreciated. I know codependency is an issue along with fear and anxiety of what would happen if I let go? There’s such a fear of abandonment and so many other scary feelings. Thanks again and hope to hear from you. <3

  6. Gabby!

    I have felt such connection with your work for over a year, and today you helped my reign in yet another miracle. Last night, my relationship with my boyfriend hit that “OH SH*T” cliff. I meditated with the intention that I would not give up my authenticity to appease my boyfriend, and I also acknowledged that a change needed to occur. Today, I was lead to your medicating lecture, and as you answered the young woman’s question about healing while being submerged in a relationship and pointed out her codependence acknowledgment to miracle connection, I was downloading the medidating album from iTunes. I LOVE spirit. As a 21 year old, newly out (of the homophobic closet!), college grad and teacher, you have been such a blessing. I plan on being a spiritual teacher, whether it be more intentional as yourself, or simply through those I encounter, so know that you inspire and will continue to inspire lessons through me.


  7. Hi Gabby,

    I’m looking for some guidance on commitment. I find that I make plans with others, then they no longer feel true to me, and I cancel. While sometimes I’ve committed myself to things I wasn’t a 100% sure, many times it happens that I just discovered I no longer want to do it and I’m afraid this will hurt my relationships. Any suggestions?

  8. Hi Gabby!

    First off, congrats on your marriage! You’re such an amazing, inspirational person and deserve nothing but the best. Now, my problem with relationships is I always think my significant other will cheat on me. No matter what, that’s what I think and I often end the relationship because of it. What should I do?

  9. Hi gabby,
    I’m having the most fear regarding what is now a long distance relationship with a partner who was unfaithful to me for almost a year. Turn out he is not living in the same city as the woman he cheated on me with, and they are in close contact as friends. Even socialize together, dinner, coffee, etc.
    I realize where my fear lies, but I’m having an impossible time trusting him with the physical distance between us. It scares me to no end to have seen the type of lies he is capable of.
    Any advice to move my fears aside and to not constantly blame him for his past actions?!?! I realize this is only pushing us farther and farther away from our healing.
    Thank you!!!

  10. Hi Gabby, Thank you for sharing all that you do. A few years ago I was part of a relationship where I looked outside my boyfriend for emotional connection. I was in a pattern of seeking male attention from many directions. After our break up I worked on excavating and healing this through meditations and my yoga practice. I felt in my heart it had healed. 4 years later the opportunity to be together came back but he eventually ended that as he said his heart had not healed and he could not move on from what was done. When I think about what this could be telling me, I think that maybe I have not yet forgiven myself, even though I thought I had. I tend to always believe our external situation is a reflection of our internal situation, and thus I keep questioning what am I still holding on to? but I can never come up with a clear answer and I feel a bit stuck on him. Let me know what you think or if there is a meditation I could use to work through this. Thanks Gabby

  11. I discovered your books a couple months ago and I can’t express how much your words have resonated with me and already changed my life. Thank you for this post and everything you do!

  12. I wish you would write a book or blog post with some of your favorite products (beauty, household, etc.) and your favorite recipes!

  13. Hi gabby, I am in a romantic relationship that is a blessing, because he is truly a mirror for my fears. I love him very much. I am always trying to “work on myself” and grow, whereas he says he wants to but doesn’t make effort. While being with him has brought my fears to the surface, might it also be healthier to therefore walk away? Much love and many thanks.

  14. Hi Gabby,
    I love your message and am just now learning about ACIM. My question, though, is if we can manifest good into our lives by our thought patterns, then what about when other people do horrible things (like child abuse or adultery)? Does that mean the child or spouse wasn’t manifesting/vibrating at the right frequency or their thought patterns weren’t good?

  15. hello gabby,
    I feel this overwhelming sense that I my relationship isn’t working. But i have this intuition that is has nothing to do with the relationship or my boyfriend.When we are together everything is fine. Its when I am alone or when I am in an anxiety driven situation. I know its (the relationship) only going to end if I don’t fix the overwhelming sense of stress and anxiety in my life. How do I help myself heal properly and not feel like I either being too needy to him or as if I am pushing him away. I feel like sometimes its only one of those two things. I think it also has to do with the fact that my aunt is going through a nasty divorce and she pushed her husband away while suffering with depression.
    thank you

  16. I can see how I co-created the verbal and emotional abuse I have received from my husband of ten years. I am healing/cutting the cord ( went to your June Kripalu retreat, doing May Cause Miracles a second time, yoga, exercise, healthy eating, praying, writing…). I am 47 and finally healing all the layers of stuff/junk from my life. Thank you. I introduced my 22 year old daughter to your work; pray she does not make my mistakes.

  17. Hi Gabby,

    I have been diagnoses with hsv-1 (cold sore virus that only happened once) and hpv, which I have been doing energy healing on. I have ended the casual relationship I was in, and am working on healing me inside and out. I want to be in a loving relationship, and am ready to be fearless, but as mentioned above I do have issues I need to address with my future partner.
    Any guidance on how to broach this subject with someone? Do I trust that when it’s right it will be right?
    Thanks Gabby!

  18. Gabby!
    You are such an inspiration;) I relate to you on oh so many levels: I’m sober (1 year & 3 months), I’m a yoga teacher (Hatha, although I love to practice kundalini)
    I live in LA. If you ever need to expand what you do (I know it’s nearly impossible to be on the west coast, when you live in NYC), I’d love to help.
    I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years; it’s the s*%€ or get off the pot time! We are starting couples therapy again this week.
    Thank you for your spiritual wisdom, candid honesty & quick-n-easy vlogs.
    You rock!!

  19. I am attracting unavailable men whether emotionally or geographically. I am trying to see how I may be presenting this trait. It is difficult to see. I feel present and available. Sat Nam thank you <3

  20. This was a total breath of fresh air. I absolutely love the suggestion to do a feeling meditation with the stuff that comes up. When I find myself upset with my partner, I do something similar by spending some time with myself to understand why I feel this way and where it is coming from. And to exhaaaaale 🙂 Thank you, Gabby. Lovin’ it xo

  21. I always seem to be interested in unavailable men and they seem to be interested in me. These same men may not want ti date me, but I’ve had more than one occasion where I felt they’d be interesting in “hooking up”, but nothing more. After telling them I wasn’t interested I never heard from them again. I want a relationship, not a one night stand. My dermatologist even said, “You’re the kind of girl a guy marries, not the one they date.” So how do I get these guys to date me? I also can’t take rejection. I hold onto it and try to figure out what is wrong with me or what I am doing wrong. I also hope that these men will change their mind and once they get to know me they will like me. I feel like this is the only part of my life I can’t get right! What should I do?

  22. Thanks Gabby! You are so right! Relationships are a two way street and many want to play the victim instead of asking what role did they play! Your advice is priceless! I am writing an eBook called “Turn Your Relationship Around in 7 Days!”

  23. Congratulations Gabby !! …I so want to see photos of the wedding! And much live to you and your future husband <3 I wish you all the love and success on your big day xxxx 🙂

  24. Hi Gabby, I have been a consistent follower of yours for about two years now. I am about nine months out of a six year relationship (that began before college). I am feeling very open to new experiences (romantic and otherwise) and am loving my freedom and sense of independence. I have been dating some and catching some stronger feelings than I anticipated. I feel content being single but don’t want to “stick to my guns” about being independent so much so that I let a relationship opportunity pass me by. Can I stay on my current spiritual path and let someone else enter into the mix? I can really see both sides on this, so how can I use my inner guidance to focus in and resolve this inner conflict?

  25. My partner and I have had recurring arguments/discussions for the past couple of years. These arguments have resulted in tears and hurt feelings. We’ve gotten better at communicating and are still working on it. But it occurred to me: The things we are saying to each other are things we couldn’t or didn’t say in our prior relationships. Such a revelation. We all really do have “stuff” to get through.

    But thanks, Gabby, for being an inspiration. Have fun at your wedding! Congrats!

  26. Hey gabby! I want to say thank you for all your hard work. I found your books during the hardest time in my life, my fiancé and boyfriend/bestfriend broke up with me just 5months before our wedding and caught him with another girl. I lost my life as I knew it. Reading your books and videos really helped me get threw it and find myself. Now a year later I starting dating again and feel like I’m in a better place and ready to love again, but I notice with the last men I dated I tend to stick around longer then I should and keep trying to force it to work even though all the sings are there that it won’t work.. I don’t know why I feel the need to keep pushing and fighting for something that isn’t servicing me anymore I have a hard time letting go… Congratulations on your wedding I wish you all the best !

  27. Thanks for the video gabby. As always you’re so inspirational. I was wondering if you could recommend some tools for further releasing fear in relationships. I have done all of your mediation CDs and read all your books. You mentioned in one you listened to some of Marianna Williamson’s audio lectures. Can you recommend a good one for releasing fear and doubt in relationship and for boosting self esteem? I know that’s what your current workshop focuses on but I coudnt afford it this time around. Thank you so much.

  28. just wanted to say thank you for your vlogs. I discovered who you were on Oprah and have admired your messages and courage to speak out. It’s sometimes hard to deal with disappointment from relationships, but owning my part of the equation has helped me move forward. God Bless 🙂

  29. I find that when I enter a romantic relationship I become dependent on my partner and seem to lose sight of my deepest sense of self. Now that I have reflected on this pattern during a season of being single, I hesitate entering a new relationship because I don’t want to lose touch with my heart. I’m wondering how to let go of this fear while also ensuring that I stay grounded in myself and in God rather than in a partner..

    Your work inspires me, Gabrielle!

  30. Hi gabby,

    Thanks for this wonderful video – and you look fab for your upcoming wedding.

    I seem to over rely on external affirmation, especially from my partner. It gets like a drug. I want more and more and it does less and less for me.

    How can I honestly get it from within – I’m working spirit junkie and May Cause Miracles hard


  31. These past few weeks have been exceptionally challenging. I have been sick with an upper resp. thing in a way I have not experienced in years. I sell my artwork at events and of coarse this is our busiest time. I also am dealing with my son Noah who is getting ready to graduate H.S. this year and find his way( Noah lives with aspergers, bipolar and tourettes). This past weekend while I was helping Noah to prepare to leave for a special program at a school for 10 days and I was attending an event with my work my husbands daughter ( age 32) asked if she could stay with us. I didn’t want her in the middle of the balance right now, there was just too much going on. Then I found out she was just getting over a serious lung infection. With the germ load in our house and the wall to wall dog hair(she also has severe alergies) I texted her and let her know, I had no time to sanitize the house as I usually do when she comes to stay. So she made arrangments to stay elsewhere. My husband was seething with anger at me for this, to the point that he stopped speaking to me for a day or two. He hung around at the event where I was showing my art and spread his bad energy to a point that it was throwing sales off and other vendors asked me why he was so angry. We still have not sat down and discussed the situation calmly, which I feel I need. Or do I just let it go and next time allow his daughter to stay with us and endanger her well being?

  32. the thing that holds me back in relationships is a lack of trust. and the fact that most of the seemingly-great guys I’ve met in the last year or so, I’ll have a handful of great dates with and then they’ll tell me that they don’t feel any chemistry.

    it’s really frustrating. I haven’t been in a relationship in a looooong time.

  33. Hi gabby 🙂

    First of all I want to say that you are a truly inspirational person, who has helped so may people including myself, I especially love the spirit junkie and may cause miracles book as well as the medi-dating and may cause miracles cd’s. reading your Facebook blogs and video has and still is constantly helping me along the way. I really appreciate all of your guidance and wisdom and have learnt a lot from them.

    I totally agree with the mirroring effect as I have becoming aware of the continuous patterns that has occurred (some still happening now). The main ones are that I’m constantly criticised,no matter how hard I try to gain their approval (I admit now that I am a people pleaser and i always try to be ‘mother teresa’ as a way to keep people happy) the criticisms gets worse when I don’t give them my full attention. they usually get really ‘lovey dovey’ to me if they want me to do something, once it’s done it’s back to criticising again.

    Although I do feel resentful, and irritated at them (and myself) I aim to not blame them for anything… I know that they are mirroring me and there’s a life lesson I’m meant to learn. I just really would love to heal these patterns.. Any tips?

    I wish you the best of happiness on your wedding day!!

    Lots of love,

  34. I so wish I could download your medi dating meditations just like the other albums you have but this one wont let me says I have to order the cd. Love your work Gabby. Your books are life changing 🙂 Thankyou

  35. Hi Gabby,
    I’m from Australia and I have been following you and I am currently reading Spirit Junky and have just ordered May Cause Miracles, I just wanted to say a big thank you. I am trying my hardest to be open and receive love. You are such an inspiration and I always tell anyone I meet about you. COME TO AUSTRALIA (but come to Brisbane- everyone seems to miss it, but its the best) Thank you.

  36. Thanks Gabby for these wise words. Right now in my relationship i get triggered by my partners supposed criticism of me. I know this is a very old story for me and raises my issues with self esteem and body image. I have been doing your self forgiveness meditation. Do you have any other suggestions? ????

  37. Gabby you are so inspirational. Everytime I start to struggle with something my email dings and it seems like your vlog is exactly what I need to hear in that moment. I am so grateful for everything you bring to this world. Much love to you! Hopefully one day I will get the opportunity to meet you. Xoxo

  38. Thank you so much for this Gabby, the timing could not be more appropriate and I see it as a sign that the Universe is working with me to heal my recent struggles and pain in my relationship.

  39. Thanks so much, Gabby. I’ve written to you many times and I listen to your lectures and read constantly to try to “stay on the right track” (your books and those by Marianne Williamson and other fabulous light workers) and not fall back into old patterns.. Relationships have always, always, always been my pitfall and they lead to really destructive behaviors or things that really affect everything else in my life. I feel that I have a very “successful” life otherwise- I’m a special education teacher and I’m really able to help people- I do feel like I’m working so hard, but then I fall off the boat. It is so desperately difficult and, even though I’ve identified and recognize so many of my issues and the ego’s influence in things, and I’m practicing yoga and meditation and mindfulness etc- I really feel like romantic relationships and all the crap in and around them really bring me down unlike any other, even when I’m aware of what’s happening! I was soooo hoping to attend your “Fearless Relationships” workshop online as it is what I so completely need- unfortunately the financial resources aren’t available right now because- surprise!- my husband and I are separating. You’ve been my inspiration throughout these times where I know this is an assignment but I’m brought to my knees nonetheless. I need suuuuch help in this area. I hope to someday be able to meet you and work with you further through workshops etc.- I truly feel like I have a purpose with all of this and you’ve kept me together so that I haven’t lost everything else, which is a huge deal!- I know where I need to be and hope to take yoga teacher training classes soon and even more because I have that purpose- I always have- even though I seem just to be blocked left and right despite anything that I do in the area of relationships (I know, a prayer for chaos, but I need to tell you!). Thank you for listening, I love you terribly <3
    <3 Jenny.

  40. Hello Gabby,
    Thank you for the very insightful video and congrats on your wedding. It seems to be very synchronistic as I have just had a heart opening day with my best friend into understanding what’s going on inside ourselves, and how we blend our energy into the relationship. The conversation opened us up to love and acceptance which was a blessing.
    Best wishes to you x

  41. Thank you for this video Gabby! Your work is always a beautiful reminder that relationships don’t have to be painful. I find myself repeating the same romantic relationship over and over and it’s based on abandonment. I recreate it because I unconsciously and consciously expect whomever I am dating to leave. I also put way too much of my own happiness in romantic relationships. I seek happiness and fulfillment in relationships, rather than leaning more on spirit, friends, family and doing things I love to feel full, content, happy and loved. Sometimes people say awareness is key, but even with awareness, it’s difficult to stay on a strong path of self and spirit fulfillment.

  42. Hi Gabby, I’d like to comment, but the last time I did the reply was posted on my Facebook page…. (ouch!!!) It was some very personal stuff for you and our “Fellowship” on this sight only.
    Is there a way I can perhaps get a reply a without exposing my annonimity?
    Thanks Caren

  43. It’s so refreshing sitting down to watch your videos, you’ve got such a beautiful energy bubble around you, I’m very jealous! My dream would be to cosy up on the couch with you, cup of tea in hand, and have a good chin wag about relationships. I know I’ve come so far and I’m proud of myself for how much I’ve opened up but I feel like my relationship with my boyfriend has hit a plateau, there is no talk of marriage, kids or even the future. It’s almost like we’re post kids and we are an old couple together for friendship and until we die. I love him to bits but I want the fun and excitement back! I’d also like my boyfriend to be more romantic and loving but I know I can’t go changing someone and know I need to find it within myself! help please xxx

  44. Hi Gabby!
    Im at a stage now where I love the relationship that I have with my long time partner – we have so much fun and are truly a great team. Although I am happy as we are I still wonder if I will be proposed to…but feel like its a dangerous subject to bring up if the answer isnt what I hope for…

  45. Hi Gabby, I’ve been married for 10 years now and I’m turning 40 in November… our relationship was always easy and great until few weeks ago. My feeling at the moment is that the more spiritual I became the more materialist he has become this last year (we live in San Francisco so no need to explain how “money” is a powerful thing over here). I’m not sure he would “see” it this way or understand in terms of energy what is going on and how to change it… what could we both do to help each other in a moment of crisis? THANK YOU!!!

  46. Hi Gabby! A friend of mine showed me this video, and I thought I would ask for your advice on my relationship with my boyfriend of almost two years. I am in college right now, and have just started a semester abroad. We decided to stay together, and he has expressed his commitment to me in many ways. However, he is struggling to feel completely comforted by me because I can’t physically be there for him. He is graduating this year, and has a lot of stressors in his life at the moment, and I was wondering what you would suggest for me to do to make him really feel like I can help him with his life still, even though I am not there for a few months. Any feedback would be wonderful. Thank you Gabby!

  47. Hi Gabby. Love this Vlog. Hope you’re well and Good luck with the wedding. In my last three relationships I have been with men who are addicted to alcohol but I’m not addicted to it. My brother is also a big drinker. Can you help me in trying to understand why I’m in this relationship pattern? My ex boyfriends also have a huge problem with money and also my brother. I have always felt responsible for my brother and I am sad that he has gone down this path. I was wondering if somehow my relationship with my brother could be linked?? My parents do not drink in fact alcohol wasn’t in the house. I split from my ex partner over a year ago and I really want to change the patterning and develop a healthy relationship. I would be so grateful for any advice xxxxx

  48. I just quit my job. The relationships with my supervisors were a big part of why I was unhappy. I had great ideas that I knew were effective but no authority to see that they were implemented. Lots of control issues came up for me. I realize I was a part in the dynamic but at the same time knew it was unhealthy for me to stay continually feeling unheard. Knowing when to say enough is enough is so difficult sometimes. I can honestly look back and deep down know I should not have been in that
    job two years ago. I was not meditating or going within at that time so I kept thinking something external would make it different.

    You are an amazing gift to us, Gabby. Best wishes always!

  49. I have been married for over 10 years now and this advice is spot on. It is never happily ever after. It is a continuing choice of mutual responsibility, cooperation and appreciation. Instead of ending the story when the relationship begins (as in most storybooks and movies) – we need to continue the conversation of maintaining a deep and beautiful connection with ourselves and our partners.

  50. I am so looking forward to tonight’s beginning of the relationship workshop. Looking at all the feelings around my ex, and my mother and father, I realize the healing now has to do with self nurturance and self love. I watch now, with new eyes, how harsh and criticizing my parents are to themselves, whether with self talk or food or judgements in the world.

    You walk the walk, Gabby, not just talk the talk. Congratulations and thank you for teaching us the world is abundant!

  51. I tried clicking on the link to the feeling meditation you offered cut nothing happened. Should I be doing something else to get it? Thank you for offering it

  52. I have been immersing myself in this self growth for 2 months now & it’s been hard & amaziiing all at once. One thing that I’ve notice that keeps coming up is that if I’m too immersed in it? Is that a normal feeling when doing self work? My ego working against me because I am starting to actual feel? Any suggestions to break through from that? Thanks for all you do!!

  53. Hi Gaby, I’m in Europe and cannot participate live due to time change. Would it be possible to participate from another time zone, i.e. only downstream the videos after the sessions took place? thx!

  54. What is your perspective on relationships that won’t end? Currently trying to sort my feelings for a past relationship that ended 4 years ago. This person has seemingly moved on and so have I at points, but we continue to grasp onto one another even though it appears we can’t seem to make it work. The pain and confusion associated with all of this is nothing short of excruciating. Looking forward to exploring what I’m doing in this situation and learn how to let TRULY go so we can both move on.

  55. Hi Gabby,
    Thank you for these, I am so glad I have found you. I am doing the 40 days May cause miracles and it is helping me a lot. however i am still I bit stuck on a past relationship I can not get over. I am doing my best meditating, praying, feeling, ego erradicator, meeting new people and some pretty nice guys have came my way, however I am still scared of opening up again, remembering this person a lot, comparing… etc. Any suggestions, please…. love you! Carolina

  56. Thanks for the vid! I tend to be opposite – instead of blaming the other person, I blame myself when things go wrong in relationships. I think what can I do to prevent this from happening in the future or what actions did I take to create this problem. I always think I must be doing something wrong and how can I change myself for things to turn out right. Or maybe there is no right or wrong… things just are!

    I feel if friends are not contacting me or that guy I’m seeing does not contact me, I must have said or done something wrong… Or if a family member is upset with me, what am I NOT doing that I could be doing so that I can show my efforts to do the right thing!

    How do I deal with this uncertainty that there is something wrong with me in my relationships? How can I improve myself to have the relationships I want?

  57. This one concept of looking at what it is about that person you are not gelling with that is a reflection of something in ME that I don’t like or don’t want to see, has changed ALL OF MY RELATIONSHIPS, especially at work.
    We so often do this to our mentors and gurus as well because good Gurus are good mirrors and their purpose is to force us to see the crap in ourselves we don’t want to see and deal with it so we can spiritually advance.
    Thanks Gabby. Love and respect. xx Ritu

  58. Love and thanks so much! Just finished your may cause miracles book and what a deep and great journey I have been on with my ing…I appreciate so much you living your truth consistently because I basically found out that fear has pretty much controlled my life in pretty much every area..then new fears rising like oh my gosh I must be failing or not accepting my fears good enough because my ego keeps telling me I will never be free from fear..but the wonderiful part is just like u said to keep giving all fears to your ing and by keep being consistent with it the light is able to shine a lot brighter on the dark places of my ego and I have more clarity and love then ever…it is definitely a process that by committing to love u will conquer your fears!! It has helped me so much to watching how honest and far you have come and to actually put the work into practice….thanks again

  59. My biggest fear that comes up in my wonderful and honest three year relationship in which I change from a confident cool chick to a crazy person is fear of getting cheated on. I was cheated on in relationship back in high school (10 years ago) and yet this seems to nag on me still. I will check his phone, his FB and then also I get mad when he just glances at a pretty girl walking by. How do I stop this madness?? I am starting to drive myself insane and I know he already thinks I am!!

  60. Wow Gabby you are looking smoking hot! Summer and Kundalini definitely agree with you 🙂 you give me permission to shine too – brighter than I ever knew possible, thank you. Sat Nam x

  61. Hi Gabby,
    I’ve just come out of a relationship that was very unhealthy and I stayed due to “loving” him and sheer fear of being single and 34. I’m having a very hard time adjusting with the break up. Any advice or resources you can suggest?

  62. Hi Gabby!

    Thank you so much for all of your wonderful help!

    I have always been a confident, spiritually aware person, but in the last year have entered a new relationship that’s moved pretty fast. I know he is the one, we are perfect together, but I cannot let go of the past and his past with other girls. I find myself comparing myself to his previous girlfriend, whom he was not completely over when we got together. I know this is a massive ego trip, do you have any meditations or recommendations to work on this.

  63. I would like to know how to have fearless relationships with my young children. At times, I feel like I am too harsh with them yet need to be so they understand severity of things we talk about (i.e. must hold hands in parking lots or busy streets, etc…).

    Thank you!

  64. Gabby…I took your 6 week may cause miracles course. Will we learn different things in the relationship course or is it all kinda the same thing??

  65. This is so great! I love the feeling meditation, I heard part of it in the last couple days. have been feeling so heavy while healing from a past relationship and very much needed the reminder that the chaotic energy that sometimes a past relationship brings up is meant to bring us to a deeper healing within. Gabby this message really is key to helping me get through this breakup recovery assignment..thank you, thank you xo ps- looking forward to the workshop!

  66. Thank you Gabby! This has come through in perfect timing as I have been feeling fear around a new relationship I am in, it’s all been going so well but now little things like when he does not reply to a text sends me into fear mode as I like him so much. I really don’t want to bring my fear of being hurt again into this new relationship but it’s hard! I will check out your feeling meditation on line.
    Thanks for your inspiration.
    Louise x

  67. Hi Gabby. I could not be happier to have stumbled across your blog which lead me to purchasing a few of your books which are starting to help me tremendously. My issue is I have always dated men who have emotional issues and in turn they take it out on me and for years they have been breaking down my spirit. I was in the process of healing myself when a wonderful man entered my life. For the first time someone who is kind to me and treats me well is in the picture and I feel myself pushing him away. Why do I feel I do not deserve a good man?

    1. look back at your old beliefs from childhood. there is fear that needs to be healed. have you don the work in spirit junkie?

  68. Loving the way you explain the concept of ‘mirroring’. I’m reminded of the quote, “you’re a reflection of the 5 people you spend the most time with.”

    I look at people in one of two ways: anchors or helium – they either lift me up to where I want to be, or they hold be back. Melding this view with your eloquently described concept of mirroring while being mindful of the fact that I have co-created this relationship, I’ll be in a better place to learn, change, grow and develop into the next best version of myself!!!

    PS – Super congrats on your wedding!! What a beautiful time for you! 🙂
    Liz 🙂

  69. Gabby! I am so so happy for you and your upcoming nuptials! Congrats! Enjoy this time…and thank you for focusing on this topic, which for me is so key to moving into the next phase of my life. I wonder if this will be recorded and available on replay? I’m in NYC but have an upholstery class the next four weeks ( I’m a designer it’s muy importante!) but I really want to see this–this is where I have a lot of work to do from past hurts so I’m ready! Thank u! Love and Peace! Louli

  70. Thank you Gabby. Congratulations on your engagement! This topic is so interesting to me right now. I have a 13 month old son and am in a serious relationship with his father. Our relationship had many ups and downs in the past which taught me so much. I did a ton of journaling and meditating during that time. Since the birth of my son (and starting my own business at the same time) so much is coming up! Not about my current relationship, but hurt, fear, guilt from the past. So interesting and unexpected! It has been a wonderful example of thinking something is cleared and healed and coming to find out I have a little stickiness left to move through. I am working May Cause Miracles now and it is wonderful. Thank you so much for teaching. Please keep sharing. Much love to you!

  71. Thanks for this video Gabrielle, you are a real inspiration. Seriously, I love listening to your words of wisdom. And congratulations on getting married soon, that’s so very exciting! I’m glad you decided to approach this topic. For the past few years, I only seem to attract guys with commitment issues. They seem to be at a stage in life where they put career first and feelings second.. so they just want to have fun, enjoy good company but without committing to a serious relationship just yet. My question is: why does this happen? What does this reflect about me? Your guidance would be of so much help… Thank you.

  72. Thanks Gabby for sharing – always so timely…

    Every day I get stronger which is awesome but with it comes impatience. My work is finding my feet in getting on with things – really living my life, waiting without anxiety and continuing to grow and be open to what lessons are coming up for me. I am ready – I am worth it and I am excited…
    Tone xx

  73. Hi Gabby,

    I have been following your work for a long time and am a big admirer of your strength.

    Over the weekend, my boyfriend ended our 3 year relationship over email. The pain is unbearable. I did not see it coming. We live together and have a dog together and now I am at a complete loss as to what to do. I watched your video and I know a lot of the things I was doing wrong and I just want a chance to show him that I can be better and different. When I met him I had just read your first book and was practicing your meditations.

    Should I join your workshop or is it too soon for me? I can not take this pain.

    1. I would love for you to join us. you missed one week but you can still sign up and watch the video from last week. I think this will really help right now.

      you can also use my mediation album for relationships

      1. Thank you. I joined your workshop and have been trying to do the breathing exercise. I also submitted a question to you via email to Alissa’s email.

  74. Hi Gabby, i’m currently on day 40 of MCM.. its changed my entire life. I love this video and the chapters on relationships as assignments, however: i have two friends that don’t get on at all (we all work together as backing singers in a band… ego’s all over the place!!) and I feel like i’m in the middle, I have to witness them talking badly about each other and bitching when one is out the way. It makes me feel very uncomfortable as i’ve worked so hard to change my perceptions of others and the world.. . I try so hard not to attack either one of them verbally. I’m finding dealing with others peoples attack thoughts and habits hard.. My ego wants me to go backwards to my old ways of making others more special or less special than me.. (I wont let it!!!) I find it difficult to be around negativity when i feel so much love and compassion for them both.
    Love you Gabby!!!!

  75. Gabby,

    Congrats! As a longtime fan and follower of yours, I’m so happy that you have found such happiness and built such a great romantic partnership! You look remarkably calm and centred pre-wedding- guess it is just another benefit of meditation. 🙂

    I love this idea of mirroring. I really have forgotten to use it as a tool of late but I am so glad to be reminded here of it. I definitely need to look at my relationships more closely and examine myself because I feel like I struggle to connect with my authentic self. No wonder my romantic partners have struggled with connecting to me in the past if I can’t connect with myself. Thanks for the insight!

    Again thanks and good luck with the wedding!

  76. Loved your vlog! Thank you for the perspective and insight. My question has actually been on my mind for weeks, and I’d love some advice/ input to help me understand and shift. I feel open and ready for a relationship. I feel my energy is clean and bright. I feel I am what I seek and truly happy and grateful in my life. However, I keep attracting different men with one common theme: they are emotionally unavailable or unwilling to at least try seeing where a relationship could go. In a few cases, they literally disappeared after several very connected dates. I keep asking “what’s in my energy that’s attracting this”? I’d love to know. What wants to be healed? I am an avid seeker and would love to know what I can look at in my own life to bring me closer to what I desire. Thanks!

    1. Hi CMK
      This happens so often, but blows my mind every single time: I’m reading your comment and thinking “Holy sh*t! This is me!”
      I think the feeling meditation would be a great place to start to allow whatever (super duper) deep seated insecurities or limiting beliefs we have to surface, to really allow the process of breaking through to start. While watching this video I had the sudden realization that the reason I felt like the men I’m attracting into my life seem to be unable to “fulfill my needs” is because I’m not meeting my own needs. In denying myself love and care, I’m leaving this huge parking spot available for SOMEBODY ELSE to fill, when in reality all it does is put a huge “incomplete” sign on my energy field. And voila, every guy seems to be phobic or hesitant to “see where this is going”..
      I was nudged to share this with you, so I hope it helps in some way!
      Lots of love
      Your sister in the same boat

      Gabby, I didn’t even know I needed to hear this till I heard it and now I have hope that my relationships are not DOOMED! Hahahaha.. Thank you! And all the best for the wedding, eagerly waiting for the wedding album!! ^_^

  77. Thank you for your words in this video. I know I need to take responsibility for my actions in relationships and why I receive what I receive. I realize I am not a victim and I no longer want to “embrace” that victim complex. I need to examine whether what I put out is what I actually got back. One of the things I found is that I have profound fears that have paralyzed me from living the life that I want. Not listening to the inner voice telling me to do certain things because of the fear of stepping out. This, coupled with insecurity, brought me to where I am today, a little lost & a lot broken. And I hope to be able to fix it all — by first stepping out on faith.

  78. thanks Gab! I’m so excited that you’re focusing on relationships now, Finally Full taught me that the ‘feeling I wasn’t feeling’ was about relationships and I was just using my food hang ups not to feel it! You’re amazing, Love you!! Happy Wedding Times! You’re going to be the prettiest bride EVER, I can’t wait to see photos! White is your color, duh! #spiritjunkiewedding

  79. Good morning Gabby! You look radiant in this vlog!

    The stuff that keeps coming up for me is the fear of not being enough. It doesn’t matter the relationship, this nagging fear holds me back from going all in. I’d love a meditation recommendation, if you have one.

    As always, thank you!

    1. I lost my wife to cancer 4 1/2 years ago. Every relationship I have attempted has ended, either by me or the other person. I don’t think I am looking for my late wife, but I could use some assistance and a path that may help me find a way

      1. Jim, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. It must be incredibly difficult to move on from losing the woman you loved so deeply and spent your life with. If you need more support, please reach out to the folks around you or seek out a qualified therapist. You may also find great relief and support from a surrender practice. Check out my SuperSoul Sessions talk on spiritual surrender – this practice may serve you greatly.

        Pay attention to all the love that is in your life right now, like relationships with family and friends. Focusing on all the ways love shows up in your life and cultivating that good feeling will align you with the feeling of love and help you attract more of it into your life.

        Sending you love and light on your path.

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