How to Have Fearless Relationships

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Note: I updated this post in November 2018 for clarity and additional resources!

I’m getting married in three weeks! This exciting time has taught me many spiritual lessons about relationships, and I’m inspired to share them with you.

Whether you’re manifesting romance, want to stop judging a family member or hoping to deepen your relationships, these tools will help.

How to have fearless and happy relationships

Watch this video for guidance on how to have fearless, happy relationships, or keep reading for a breakdown of my tips!

Step 1: See your part

Add More ~ing to Your Life by Gabby BernsteinI used to blame a lot in my relationships. Anytime something wasn’t great, I’d say, “Well, it’s their fault,” pointing that finger. Then I began using the mirroring exercise from my book Add More ~ing to Your Life, recognizing that whatever is being reflected at me in a relationship was really an expression of my internal condition. Whatever I believed to be true about myself or about the world was being reflected back to me.

If you’re pointing the finger at somebody else saying, “You did this,” ask yourself this question: “What is it that’s coming up for me? What is it that I’m doing so that I can start to take responsibility for my own energy, my own belief systems and my own actions to see that there are two parts of this relationship?”

This is not to say that the other person is off the hook for their behavior. But by honestly seeing your part, you can understand how you’ve participated in the co-creation of that energy and that relationship.

Relationships are just energy

Compassion is the antidote to judgment. | Gabby Bernstein quote from Judgment DetoxRelationships are just energy. It’s two people’s energy merging together. Sometimes the energy clashes and sometimes it’s completely in sync. Those relationships that cause chaotic energy are often a great blessing, because they bring up a lot of our stuff so that it can be healed.

Step 2: Get clear about what’s coming up for you in your relationships

The next step is to look at the stuff that your relationships have brought up, whether those relationships are romantic, familial or friendships. Become willing to see them for what they are, and get clear. You might want to write a list of all the stuff that comes up. Ask yourself, “What is it that needs to be healed here? What do I need to work on?”

Step 3: Meditate

Once you recognize and identify all that wreckage, all that chaos and all that discomfort that’s been brought to the surface, bring it discomfort to your meditation. Do a feeling meditation, which you can find on my Inner Guidance Meditation Album. In this meditation, you can sit and allow yourself to be in the presence of that feeling, letting it come forward safely. You can also check out this blog post on how to handle your feelings.

Check out my Fearless Relationships digital course

Fearless Relationships Digital Course with Gabby Bernstein

Want to take these principles further? Check out my Fearless Relationships Digital Course!

In this 3-week digital course, you can expect:

    • Inspirational talks on how to overcome fear in relationships
    • Guided Kundalini meditations for releasing fear
    • Visualization meditations to help you bust through limiting beliefs
    • Take-home exercises to apply throughout each week
    • Bonus meditations for dating and romance

Access Fearless Relationships here!

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  1. I’m a divorce and breakup recovery coach. A recent student of A course in Miracles ( I’m on the first 100 pages) and an old student of Abe teachings. I have always being good at healing from past relationships and get the best out of them. Leave with love peace and harmony has always been my approach and Im good at it. I have a desire to get married. I recognize my strong desire to settle down is coming from my ego. I’m again in a beautiful relationship or the parts I choose to focus and love of it and again I feel we are very different. He has a lot of resentment and unhealed wounds. He has gone to trauma from his last ex and he is in a healing process. He doesn’t want to start letting go or ask for help because he is not there yet, and with all my heart I want to give him his space and let him heal on his own way and time, and I can’t avoid thinking this is gonna take a long time and I don’t even know if he is gonna be that man I will share my life with after. I’m not sure what’s the guidance is: stay because leaving it’s always my path and learn to be more patient OR leave because I wish he was that man I want to spend my life with that I’m not seeing how messy this is and it’s obvious no what I want yet. I can feel as I write this my ego speaking. I know that there is a reason why my partner and I met in the middle of this chaos and I know there is something here for me to learn. I’m open for guidance and by writing this post it’s my way of saying to my guides show me the way in whatever way I’m meant to receive it. Thank you Gabby for giving me your perspective and for recommend some resources. I wanted to buy your fearless relationships online course, but it shows it’s not longer available.

    Thank you immensely!

      1. Gabby, dear sister. I want to update you. The links you sent me helped me enormously. Letting go of my romantic illusions and understanding the difference between ego vs love it has brought the peace I prayed to have in my mind and I just wanted to share with you. A miracle happened without expectations my relationship with my partner has returned back to its natural wellbeing. Thanks for your guidance my dear sister. Will see you soon!

        1. Amazing, Joana. I’m so grateful that theses practices served you and that you experienced this miraculous shift. xoxo

  2. There are studies that demonstrate a link between meditation and mental aging. These studies suggest that the improvement in concentration and mental flexibility achieved through meditation also helps protect the brain from cognitive decline. Factors such as food, physical activity and education are also important for neurological health, but keep in mind that the brain is like a muscle and must be trained to remain active. In that sense, meditation is helpful.

    Fortunately, learning to meditate has never been easier. If you are interested in starting, look for a quiet place in your home, close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing. You can also look for a trusted institution that explains step by step how to start with this ancient practice. Meditation requires effort, but in a very short time you will begin to feel the benefits of maintaining a healthy mind.

  3. Hello Gabby,

    I’m interested in your thoughts on staying in a relationship with someone who has an addiction? Functional alcoholic and going to rehab next month but just trying to see how to accept someone as they are so I can be free.

    1. I recommend that you check out an Alanon meeting in your community. This will help you work through your experience of the relationship.

  4. I don’t know if you are still checking this comment section. But how do you know if a relationship/marriage has run its course? How do you know if you have learned all the lessons you should learn? If you still love your partner, but feel like your needs are not being met, how long do you work on yourself in the context of a relationship that feels like something is missing? Ask the universe? Be patient?

  5. Hi Gabby
    Thank You for posting this video. I attended your fearless relationship talk in SF recently 2/16/15. It was beyond amazing and helpful, brought a lot up for me. Over the past 2 years I have been in a relationship/friends with benefits kind of relationship it is breaking me apart, it is wrecking myself esteem way more than it is already. I know logically this relationship is absolutely NO GOOD for me however, I am having such a difficult time letting go, every time I try I find myself going back. I know I need to release and heal this before I can move on and form healthy relationships that bring the best out in me. I know I deserve so much more, but I’m stuck please help!!! Any advise would be appreciated. I know codependency is an issue along with fear and anxiety of what would happen if I let go? There’s such a fear of abandonment and so many other scary feelings. Thanks again and hope to hear from you. <3

  6. Gabby!

    I have felt such connection with your work for over a year, and today you helped my reign in yet another miracle. Last night, my relationship with my boyfriend hit that “OH SH*T” cliff. I meditated with the intention that I would not give up my authenticity to appease my boyfriend, and I also acknowledged that a change needed to occur. Today, I was lead to your medicating lecture, and as you answered the young woman’s question about healing while being submerged in a relationship and pointed out her codependence acknowledgment to miracle connection, I was downloading the medidating album from iTunes. I LOVE spirit. As a 21 year old, newly out (of the homophobic closet!), college grad and teacher, you have been such a blessing. I plan on being a spiritual teacher, whether it be more intentional as yourself, or simply through those I encounter, so know that you inspire and will continue to inspire lessons through me.


  7. Hi Gabby,

    I’m looking for some guidance on commitment. I find that I make plans with others, then they no longer feel true to me, and I cancel. While sometimes I’ve committed myself to things I wasn’t a 100% sure, many times it happens that I just discovered I no longer want to do it and I’m afraid this will hurt my relationships. Any suggestions?

  8. Hi Gabby!

    First off, congrats on your marriage! You’re such an amazing, inspirational person and deserve nothing but the best. Now, my problem with relationships is I always think my significant other will cheat on me. No matter what, that’s what I think and I often end the relationship because of it. What should I do?

  9. Hi gabby,
    I’m having the most fear regarding what is now a long distance relationship with a partner who was unfaithful to me for almost a year. Turn out he is not living in the same city as the woman he cheated on me with, and they are in close contact as friends. Even socialize together, dinner, coffee, etc.
    I realize where my fear lies, but I’m having an impossible time trusting him with the physical distance between us. It scares me to no end to have seen the type of lies he is capable of.
    Any advice to move my fears aside and to not constantly blame him for his past actions?!?! I realize this is only pushing us farther and farther away from our healing.
    Thank you!!!

  10. Hi Gabby, Thank you for sharing all that you do. A few years ago I was part of a relationship where I looked outside my boyfriend for emotional connection. I was in a pattern of seeking male attention from many directions. After our break up I worked on excavating and healing this through meditations and my yoga practice. I felt in my heart it had healed. 4 years later the opportunity to be together came back but he eventually ended that as he said his heart had not healed and he could not move on from what was done. When I think about what this could be telling me, I think that maybe I have not yet forgiven myself, even though I thought I had. I tend to always believe our external situation is a reflection of our internal situation, and thus I keep questioning what am I still holding on to? but I can never come up with a clear answer and I feel a bit stuck on him. Let me know what you think or if there is a meditation I could use to work through this. Thanks Gabby

  11. I discovered your books a couple months ago and I can’t express how much your words have resonated with me and already changed my life. Thank you for this post and everything you do!

  12. I wish you would write a book or blog post with some of your favorite products (beauty, household, etc.) and your favorite recipes!

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