Does dating freak you out? If so, I’ve got three tips to turn your fear around! In this Dear Gabby video I did for Glamour.com in 2015, I offer soulful guidance on how to be a great date.
If you’re already in a relationship or married, use these tips to reignite the spontaneity, authenticity and romantic spark!
You can watch the video below or keep reading for my guidance.
(Please note that this video was shot for my Dear Gabby series on Glamour.com. The site caters primarily to straight women. No matter your sexual orientation, these tips will work for you.)
How to be a great date
Ready to have fun and be a great date?! I have 3 simple and foolproof steps for you.
Step 1: Envision the date
Close your eyes and sit in a moment of stillness. In your mind’s eye, envision the date. See it from the moment he picks you up at the door, all the way through the evening until the moment he drops you off and kisses you goodnight.
Take yourself through the story of what it is that you want to see happen. How do you want to feel when he shows up? What do you want to be doing at dinner? How do you want to see the night turn?
Start to envision this date and hold that vision. And more importantly, rather than being so specific about what you’re doing, get specific about how you’re feeling. Our feelings are what attract our desires!
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Step 2: Breathe
Really, all a man wants from you is your authentic truth. The good news is that you can breathe into your truth. Breathe into the feeling of what it is to feel comfortable, to feel confident, to feel at ease.
Before he picks you up or you meet at that restaurant, just get into that space. Take a deep breath and feel in your body: What does it feel like to be me? How does it feel to be genuine? How does it feel to be inspiring and fun and spunky and quirky?
Just get clear. Who do you want to be? How do you want to feel? Take a deep breath and breathe into that feeling. And then throughout the date, just continue to come back to your breath. Come back into that place of “Who am I, and how do I want to feel?” Center back into that presence of truth.
Stay in the moment
Let’s talk about what you don’t want to do. Don’t talk about ex-boyfriends, ever. Why does this new guy need to know about your last guy? This is something I used to do all the time, and it was absolutely ridiculous. Just don’t go there. Be in the present moment and don’t dig up the junk from the past.
Secondly, don’t go future tripping. Don’t mentally walk down the aisle the second he picks you up for the first date. Not only will you freak him out, but you’ll take yourself out of the present moment. You want to be in that stillness and that presence of the moment.
Take this one step at a time. You can be clear on a date that you want a serious relationship and that’s what you’re looking for, but don’t start talking about what you want your wedding to look like and what the flowers are going to be and how it’s going to feel when you walk down the aisle.
Step 3: Don’t pretend to be someone else
Then the final step is don’t pretend to be anybody other than you. I used to do this thing when I was dating where I would try to be the cool girl. Actually, it was so uncool because I was always trying to be something.
The moment you relax and stop trying to be some version of yourself that you think is cooler, smarter, sexier or whatever else, that’s the moment when you start having fun on your date!
Release fear around romance and start MediDating!
If you’re ready to release fear around romance and have more fun while dating, check out my MediDating meditation album!
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This is a great post- so clear and easy to follow.
All your hard work is much appreciated.
Thanks for sharing. Have a nice weekend ahead.
Off to share!
You’re welcome Liam. So glad these tools served you. Have a great week ahead.
I see this article is quite old but I loved your video how to be a great date, Gabby. Some great advice for me to work with, thanks and good luck on your blog.
Awesome Bella! Happy that you connected with it. XOX
I thought this video was great and i watched the video before going on a date. I went trying to be totally myself and had a couple of wines to try and calm the nerves. I had thought the date went well but never again heard from him. I am struggling with the fine line of maybe being too relaxed or sharing too much and being stiff and not allowing yourself to even relax and have a drink. Ever since the date I have been playing things over on how i could have reacted differently.
I love your videos, can you do more on dating.
Hi Gabby, your video really impact point to me about when know exactly things we want to do, the feeling we want when do them, that work really take we become more control and don’t waste time for stupid things.It also help we take advantage of opportunities when them appear.
I just love you Gabby! 🙂
I’m happy with my fiancee and our first date were the best <3 I won't forget them ever. I was soooo nerves before but when we start our date everything just get right place. We walk through city 3 hours and i just knew right away that this it is 😀 I just focus present moment and enjoined my date. Now after 5 years there is many things that i really don't like that much my man buuuuuut still love him so much and he really is perfect just the way he is:D Forgiveness is the thing what i have learn at this during time (also for my self..;D). like you always say we must surrender to love:)
Thank you Gabby beeing so inspiring and let the light shine <3 🙂 You go girl.
I would work on releasing him…
Many thanks Gabby!
So I still have feelings for my ex who I haven’t been with for about 5-7 years.
Even though he lives in another state and has a partner and child, I have always hoped our paths would cross again and we would be together.
Do I tell him how I feel or just leave it bury those feelings deep down like I have been for ages? I know that nothing would probably ever come of it, but he thinks I don’t care about him, but it’s actually the opposite. Do I throw that information out there for him to do with it what he pleases?
Any advice would be so gratefully appreciated.
Gabby, How do you suggest a freshly new couple approach the monogamy or “Please, no other emotional/physically involved parties” conversation? How would you advice a Sprit Junkie to approach this convo with cool and calm? I want to making extra sure both my Dude and I are same page about entering into a sexual relationship in order to be honoring my highest truth which is to care for my mind, heart and body.
just be honest and real.
I always love your insight – honest & genuine! Someday I’d love to hear your thoughts on how to handle the post-date clarity/realization that you’re not interested in the guy (this anxiety actually holds me back from going on dates to begin with!). What do you say? What’s to kind/right way to handle that?
it’s okay… you’re sorting through who is right for you. thank the last guy for showing you what you don’t want.
Hey Gabby! Love you! You are so awesome! I’ve recently reconnected with a guy who was perfect! He kinda freaked out commitment wise. I was heartbroken but I learned so much from that experience, literally life changing. I feel much stronger now & able to be myself. We are just in contact at the moment, no dates yet, but amazed he has come back into my life. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.? Xxx
step back and allow;)
Thanks for sharing very fantastic videos and spreading wisdom and knowledge through your precious videos I really I appreciate all of your tips and advices and I try to follow them whenever I get chance.
I had a date 1 month ago with Girl, by the way I am 27 old male from US.
Everything went well through out the time it was just few hrs 1st meeting.
She left me saying if she like to continue build up connection she will inform me. After 2 days she sent me message and then she completely shut down saying I can’t chat because I (she ) realized she has some personal issues which she needs to deal with and now I really wanna be with this girl but nothing I am on hold.
What should I do?
I pray that in future she will contact me but I dont know what and where my life is taking me and what is universe telling me through all of these..
Will you guide me what is the best thing I can do please?
Thank you Gabby.
Thanks for writing in:) Honor her commitment to personal growth and continue to send her love through your prayer and meditation. Trust that if she is meant to be in your life in a romantic way that it will come back around. xoxo
Thanks a lot for this advice Gabby.
I will definitely do it as you just mentioned I trust that there is something out there in universe more powerful and bigger and beyond my fears.
I highly appreciate your healing advice.
Your advice is very good! Are all your clients straight women? I thought you had a bigger reach to humans, male, female, gay, straight. As a gay woman I was taken back as I listen to your videos.
so these videos were shot for Glamour.com and their target demo is straight women. My audience is not just straight women so I will add a note about that above the video:)
I think it is easy to relate to what Gabby is saying, no matter what your gender or sexual orientation is. Just focus on the message. 😉
(Btw, I’m a gay woman myself)
HI all, I added a disclaimer at the top of the blog. Apply the tips to men or women:) Thanks for chiming in Caroline.
So I’ve done my work, I’ve read Spirit junkie (I’ve read all of your books) and Calling in the one and like a hundred more in that category.
When I’m actually on a date, I’m doing great, and men seems to like me and want to be with me.
My biggest issue has been my ex boyfriend, as I’ve been unwilling to let him go.
I’m doing everything in my power to forgive and release him, I really want to, and I’m not entirely there yet but I’ve asked for the angels to help me and I have faith that they will.
I’m really confused though, as I’ve been single for a long time now and I thought that if my focus shifted from my ex to calling in someone new, it would be effortless and that men would come flooding in :). Instead, I can’t seem to meet ANYONE, not even online, there’s like no single men around me at all. I’m trying to call them in with the meditations from Medidating but I have no sucess. I’m keeping my head cool and I’m trying to not get needy or desperate. Am I trying to much? Do you have any advice?
I Love you :).
Something to think about: How can you start a new relationship when you have not let go of the old!? You are cheating yourself!
I’ve been single for 3 years :-). I’m not cheating myself as I’m fully aware of the situation , but how should I ever be able to move on if I’m never out dating? I’ve had a bad hang up with my ex, I’m trying to move on – what do you Think I should do then?
Don’t know if I’m double posting now as it didn’t work before, sorry if that’s the case.
Debra – what do you Think I should do, then? Stay at home and continue to obsess about my past? I’m trying to move on and create a new future for myself. I might be ceating myself, I don’t know – that’s why I wrote for Gabbys advice :).
sound like there is more clearing to do… have you checked out the resources below.. calling in the one is an amazing book for clearing.
I’ve been trying to manifest a romantic partner but in the process I realised I needed to address some of my own beliefs about romance and love. As I engaged in this introspection, I found myself unable to provide an acceptable answer as to why I wanted a man in my life. Do you have any thoughts on this? Or resources I can turn to?
check out the resources below the video: )
I have a date coming up very soon and this arrived in my inbox, had to watch it!
I really love what you’ve done here with gabby tv, not sure if it’s new or re-branding from what you had last time I was here but it’s great, keep going with it! 🙂
I’m incorporating some new videos that I shot for a Dear Gabby series on Glamour.com… super glam:)
Hey Gabby! Thanks for this video. I have a 4th date with a guy that I’ve known for two weeks tonight. I’m totally future tripping. I’m wondering if he’s still seeing other girls (too early to be concerned with that, I know), and I’m kinda starting to read into his texts… He’s doing everything that I’d want a guy to do so far and I’m having trouble fully enjoying it…. He’s someone I could see myself with long term, so I don’t want to screw it up…
Let it go. Relax and have fun!
Oh geez! I’ve been here! Yup Relax because you are just affirming fear (which I do way too much – worry wort here) so I think being present in the moment and enjoy what you have and it will attract more to you Allison!!! <3
Thanks, Bernard and Gabby! The date was great and I was able to stay present, but minutes after we parted I had a nervous breakdown because we only know tentatively when we’re going to see each other again (in less than a week). I’m trying to keep it under control 🙂
Gabby you are looking great!!! I love your videos 🙂