How to Apologize

Last week I celebrated 14 years of sober recovery.

And today is an opportunity to practice the principles that saved my life.

So here goes…

I’ve had a REALLY busy last couple of months. So much has been going on, with Super Attractor coming out and my book tour kicking off.

I’ve been having so much fun at the events, going on podcasts and shows, and teaching lessons from the book.

But amidst all the excitement I also had a really difficult experience — and I had to relearn an important lesson.

This is what I want to share with you today.

I’ve talked before about how one part of being on a spiritual path is taking care of your side of the street.

In order to grow, we must be willing to get honest with ourselves and others in a loving and compassionate way.

That’s what I want to do right now, in this post. I want to own up to some very uncool behavior on my part during my NYC book launch.

My talk onstage was filled with joy. But I blew it during my book signing. I wasn’t acting in my highest self, and I want to apologize. This is also a chance for me to share how I turn questionable behavior into a learning opportunity to be a better version of myself.

During my book signing in New York, I was tired and overwhelmed. That’s how I felt, but it’s no excuse. Midway through the signing, I stopped thinking about all the loving people who had come out for this experience. I focused more on my overwhelm and exhaustion. I was anxious to get to everyone before it got late, which made people feel disconnected and upset.

I woke up the following morning hungover with guilt. I felt saddened by my attitude, but worst of all I felt horrible that I had disappointed people. The more I tried to forgive myself, the more I knew I had to speak up.

This is how I show up when I’m wrong: I out it.

I’m outing myself for not being the Gabby I truly am. I want to take care of my side of the street and apologize for anyone I rushed on the book line. I love you all, even if I don’t personally know you. I honor your journey and I honor your commitment to love.

I honor your journey and I honor your commitment to love.

As I embark on the rest of my book tour, I am filled with immense gratitude for all of you. Thank you for being part of this community. Thank you for coming out on my tour. Thank you for reading Super Attractor. Thank you for being a force of love in this world.

So here’s the lesson, and I hope it serves you.

When you make a mistake, it’s okay to admit it. It’s okay to not make excuses for yourself. And it’s safe to apologize. I do this in my personal relationships and I’m doing it here now.

There’s great freedom in owning your side of the street. This is a powerful lesson I learned years ago in my recovery program, and as I said above, I continue to learn it and live it.

We all have a part in every situation. Our ego will want to place the blame on others, but our higher self knows we can take care of our part.

How to apologize and take responsibility when you make a mistake

Step 1: Own your part.

The first step is to gently and lovingly witness your own behavior. If you tend to beat yourself up over mistakes, this can be a challenge. But do your best to be the nonjudgmental witness. We’re all human; we all mess up.

Your ego may try to shift blame or get defensive in an attempt to protect you from pain. Again, just witness it. You might even want to thank your ego for doing its part to protect you, and let it know that you’ve got this.

Step 2: Forgive yourself.

Every moment is an opportunity to shift, see things differently and change your energy. When you make a mistake, meet that moment with a different vibe. Forgive yourself instantly.

Radical forgiveness is one of the greatest tools for living a miraculous life. Self-attack keeps you stuck in fear and chaos and negative patterns. Forgiving yourself is what helps you heal and grow.

How to forgive yourself

I share 4 steps to self-forgiveness in my book Miracles Now:

1. Witness the attack thought.
2. Breathe into the feeling of discomfort.
3. Feel the feeling.
4. Say to yourself, “I forgive this thought. I know it is not real.”

Step 3: Take care of your side of the street.

What do you need to do in order to clean up your side of the street? In my case, I needed to apologize.

I also needed to put some practices in place for myself so that I don’t do that again, such as grounding into gratitude and calm after my talk.

There’s great freedom in taking care of your side of the street.

Taking care of your side of the street can look different depending on the situation. It often means listening to what someone else has to say once you’ve apologized or spoken your truth.

In some cases it may mean drawing a clear boundary.

It may also mean clearing negativity on an energetic level, such as with a cord-cutting meditation.

You may also recognize a spiritual assignment being presented to you and choose to show up for it.

We can choose love

When we make a mistake or act out of alignment with our highest self, it’s easy to wallow in regret and shame, deflect blame to avoid witnessing our behavior, or numb out with drinks, drugs or other addictive patterns.

That’s one way we can go.

But there is another way. When we’re wrong, we can out it. We can take responsibility, apologize and choose to see the gift in a painful experience. We can choose love.

I hope this post serves you. If you feel called to share, please leave a comment below. I’ll be reading all of them.