How to Handle the End of a Relationship: 3 Spiritual Lessons to Help You Recover from a Breakup

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Updated in May 2018 for clarity and resources.

After publishing my book Spirit Junkie, I received countless emails and messages from readers saying the book helped them through a difficult breakup.

In this video and blog I teach the three most important relationship lessons I share in Spirit Junkie. If you’re recovering from a breakup, these tips will help you have gratitude for what you’ve learned from the relationship rather than anger for what you’ve lost.

Watch now or keep reading:

Tip #1: Clean up your side of the street

We have to start to look at our side of the street. When we end a relationship, we want to point the finger and say, “Look what you’ve done. Look how you’ve hurt me. Look at how I am the victim.” A Course in Miracles teaches us that we must be in an energy of “I am not the victim of the world I see,” and make a commitment to not living in that role of the victim.

One of the best ways to get out of that energy is to take ownership for your part. What is your part? I’ve said this in many romance lectures: Sometimes your part is that you stuck around a little too long. Sometimes your part is that you were unwilling to forgive. Sometimes your part is that you were unwilling to let go.

So I gently challenge you right now to make a list of all the ways that you played a role in the chaos of this relationship, and the end of it. How did you participate?

Tip #2: Be willing to forgive

We must bring in the practice of forgiveness. We must start to open our hearts and our minds to release our attachment to that past relationship, if we want to clear the space to receive more romantic love in the future.

If we carry resentment, then we’re going to create it in our future relationships. If we release that resentment, then we will set ourselves free and create a new pattern.

Tweet: Recover from a breakup with grace with these 3 tips. @gabbybernstein #spiritjunkie

Forgiveness is not necessarily easy, but it is a blessing that is bestowed upon you when you open up to receive it. I welcome you to start to say to yourself, “I’m willing to forgive, I’m willing to let this go.” Forgiveness sets you free.

Tip #3: Find gratitude for what you learned

Pay attention to the language that you’re using around your past relationship. Your words are powerful. They inform your thoughts and your energy. If you walk around putting down your ex-partner and talk negatively about your past relationship, then you will bring negative energy to all things romance and relationships.

I challenge you to start to hold that relationship with a lot of high regard, even if it was really dramatic or scary in any way. You can just start to say, “I’m grateful for that experience because it taught me what I don’t want. I’m grateful for that experience because it’s guiding me to go bigger in my life. I’m grateful for the experience because it taught me to have a higher expectation for what I deserve and what I desire.”

Start to move into an energy of gratitude for what you have learned rather than anger and resentment for what you have lost. That will really reorganize your energy and help you find closure and move forward.

Want to be fearless in relationships and dating? Check out my guided meditation album for fearless romance, MediDating.

In this 11-track guided meditation album, I’ll help you:

  • Release romantic illusions
  • Overcome fears and insecurities
  • Activate your attracting power
  • Manifest love into your life

Through simple breathing exercises, visualizations and mental reconditioning, you’ll simplify and enhance your dating experiences, all the while using your inner guidance to find the perfect partner. Release your romantic delusions and start MediDating today!


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  1. I would absolutely love to listen to “Medidating”, but CDs are not an option in my world anymore. Is this available for download?

  2. Hi Gabby
    I’va discovered you about a month ago. And what a blessing in my life!!!! I was wondering if there was another way to get the mediDating audio apart from Amazon? The product can not be shipped to my country 🙁
    Is there a possibility to hav it as a download?
    Thanx for taking the time to answer that question.
    Kind regards

  3. I liked that you said that meditation is a great spiritual activity to participate in to help you recover from a breakup. I would imagine that meditation would help you to feel at peace with the situation and would help you to get over any bad feelings. I w0uld be sure to try meditation as a great spiritual avenue for recovering from hardships in my life.

  4. Hey Gabby,
    This is a really very effective guide to navigating painful breakup. Thanks for sharing this stuff & it will be very much helpful for many individuals like me.

  5. Someone don’t really know and understand their relationship worth enough. They stay around together with not enough serious and knowledge about other. That is why they easy to breakup even at first time they love too much. Keep love increase need efforts from each persons. Like other things if you don’t try and efforts then you can’t done it or achieve like you want. Be careful and trust yourself do you need this relationship.

  6. First of all Gabby, I had the most amazing time and transformative experience at the Masterclass this weekend. Absolutely incredible and so many thanks to you and your wonderful team. As for this topic of breakups, you made a key point that really resonated with me. About two years ago I went through a really devastating breakup but I blamed myself for EVERYTHING that went wrong, and both my partner and I put the blame on me. Since then, I have genuinely forgiven him and carry absolutely no resentment. However, there’s a tiny part of me that still won’t forgive myself. What clicked for me over the weekend was that Spirit released what I couldn’t do for myself (he broke up with me even though I secretly wanted the relationship to end too) and that a big part of my issue was staying too long (this was not our first breakup so I also went back and that is something I take responsibility for). Thank you!

  7. Gabby – i was with a guy i’ve known since I was a kid and he was the most wonderful person I had ever met, we started dating in college and it was great and then something snapped and he just started dissolving into this horrible person. Now, six years later, we are still playing this on and off game and it hurts more than I can express. But the worst part is that on top of all the pain from the relationship, I am getting trashed among his friends and family because they think I am just picking fights with him for no reason when in reality he has cheated several times and drinks with his buddies to the point where he just spits out these awful insults at me. Even this weekend, he said he wanted to work things out and then while sitting next to me he starts texting another girl! I haven’t always behaved perfectly in our relationship, but how do i get past this anger at him. and his friends and family who are tarnishing my reputation as a person, just because my ex isn’t honest with them about what happened between us? I know it shouldn’t matter what other people think, but it’s following me everywhere and it makes the whole situation that much worse.

    1. Brittany , I hope something in what I say helps, although being in a similar situation, I know that you are going through a lot of turmoil. Your boyfriend is manipulating the situation on purpose because he can’t afford to be found out. He is struggling with the knowledge that he can’t control you , or anything for that matter. He will do whatever he can to gain any sense of having the upper hand, proving he still can effect you and can alter the real truth to fit how he wants people to see him. And what he has to believe about himself in order to get through the day. The back and forth changing his mind , dual intentions is purposeful to keep you off balance. Don’t be discouraged, there is a lot of learning available to you that will build you up every day and she’d new light and new perspectives about you and your boyfriend. You are doing good. You are capable of rising above all that seems to be weighing you down. If you haven’t already, read the previous comments and possibly meditation could help with releasing the anger, or a technique called EFT, that works on actually physically tapping on meridians on your body that some people find actual physical release . Sending you light and love!!!

  8. Thank you Gabby, I’ve used this in a different kind of relationship…….my ex relationship with alcohol. It really helped me break ties completely and see what i deserve. This will be shared with others in the same situation. God bless

  9. Hi Gabby!
    What perfect timing. You posted this clog just two days after my boyfriend of fours years and I split. I just finished reading Spirit Junkie, purchased the Fearless Relationships course, as well as May Cause Miracles. My question is should I read May Cause Miracles first or do the Fearless Relationships course first? Or can I do them both at the same time?
    Thank you, you have no idea how much you have helped me!

  10. On MOnday when you posted this I gave light and love to those going through a break up and was thankful for the relationship i had. This morning some truth came to light and I have decided to move on. Staying strong in the moment. Thank you for the post. I bashed him today but tomorrow I will ask to be respectful of the time we spent together. Thanks Gabby

    1. And that light and love comes right back to you! Thank you for the reminder about negative thoughts/words. I’ve had to work a little harder on that today as well. Hugs to you!

  11. Great reminder Gabby for us all to think about our roles in any relationship. Such an important reflection regardless of if you are healing from a romantic relationship or a different type of relationship. Much love

  12. I find that focusing on what makes you happy and getting back in touch with yourself helps. So often at the end of relationships you are consumed with negative energy so taking a few weeks to recover is necessary.

  13. Hi Gabby!
    What perfect timing. You posted this clog just two days after my boyfriend of fours years and I split. I just finished reading Spirit Junkie, purchased the Fearless Relationships course, as well as May Cause Miracles. My question is should I read May Cause Miracles first or do the Fearless Relationships course first? Or can I do them both at the same time?
    Thank you, you have no idea how much you have helped me.

  14. I have a wonderful loving husband and 3 absolutely kick-butt kids and I cherish our family so much, but I feel I have been guided here because I have been feeling lately the urge to release all the toxic energy and resentment from past relationships decades ago. Thank you so much for lighting the path. You’re sensational.

    Much love,

    Phoebe xx

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