Updated in May 2018 for clarity and resources.

After publishing my book Spirit Junkie, I received countless emails and messages from readers saying the book helped them through a difficult breakup.

In this video and blog I teach the three most important relationship lessons I share in Spirit Junkie. If you’re recovering from a breakup, these tips will help you have gratitude for what you’ve learned from the relationship rather than anger for what you’ve lost.

Watch now or keep reading:

Tip #1: Clean up your side of the street

We have to start to look at our side of the street. When we end a relationship, we want to point the finger and say, “Look what you’ve done. Look how you’ve hurt me. Look at how I am the victim.” A Course in Miracles teaches us that we must be in an energy of “I am not the victim of the world I see,” and make a commitment to not living in that role of the victim.

One of the best ways to get out of that energy is to take ownership for your part. What is your part? I’ve said this in many romance lectures: Sometimes your part is that you stuck around a little too long. Sometimes your part is that you were unwilling to forgive. Sometimes your part is that you were unwilling to let go.

So I gently challenge you right now to make a list of all the ways that you played a role in the chaos of this relationship, and the end of it. How did you participate?

Tip #2: Be willing to forgive

We must bring in the practice of forgiveness. We must start to open our hearts and our minds to release our attachment to that past relationship, if we want to clear the space to receive more romantic love in the future.

If we carry resentment, then we’re going to create it in our future relationships. If we release that resentment, then we will set ourselves free and create a new pattern.

Tweet: Recover from a breakup with grace with these 3 tips. @gabbybernstein #spiritjunkie

Forgiveness is not necessarily easy, but it is a blessing that is bestowed upon you when you open up to receive it. I welcome you to start to say to yourself, “I’m willing to forgive, I’m willing to let this go.” Forgiveness sets you free.

Tip #3: Find gratitude for what you learned

Pay attention to the language that you’re using around your past relationship. Your words are powerful. They inform your thoughts and your energy. If you walk around putting down your ex-partner and talk negatively about your past relationship, then you will bring negative energy to all things romance and relationships.

I challenge you to start to hold that relationship with a lot of high regard, even if it was really dramatic or scary in any way. You can just start to say, “I’m grateful for that experience because it taught me what I don’t want. I’m grateful for that experience because it’s guiding me to go bigger in my life. I’m grateful for the experience because it taught me to have a higher expectation for what I deserve and what I desire.”

Start to move into an energy of gratitude for what you have learned rather than anger and resentment for what you have lost. That will really reorganize your energy and help you find closure and move forward.

Want to be fearless in relationships and dating? Check out my guided meditation album for fearless romance, MediDating.

In this 11-track guided meditation album, I’ll help you:

• Release romantic illusions
• Overcome fears and insecurities
• Activate your attracting power
• Manifest love into your life

Through simple breathing exercises, visualizations and mental reconditioning, you’ll simplify and enhance your dating experiences, all the while using your inner guidance to find the perfect partner. Release your romantic delusions and start MediDating today!