Are You Forcing Relationships?

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There’s an opportunity for growth in every relationshipespecially romantic ones.

It’s easy to want to change someone else. It takes courage to turn the mirror back on ourselves, allowing the other person to reflect the parts of us that are ready to develop.

I like to think of every relationship as a spiritual assignment. Ideally, we get to grow together.

But sometimes that growth gets stuck. That’s when we start to force things. 

If you have a sense you’re forcing a relationship, it’s likely that you are. 

That doesn’t always mean the relationship isn’t right. Most of the time, we can let the relationship show us what we’re ready to step into as spiritual beings. We can allow the tension in the relationship to push us to rise.

When we rise, the other person in the relationship has the opportunity to rise with us…or not

This is by no means a call to stay in a toxic relationship. Not every romance is meant to last. But, regardless of the type of a relationship, there is always a spiritual assignment. 

On my show, Dear Gabby, I often hear from people who feel that they are forcing relationships. In the below video, I explain how you can reach for your own growth through partnershipand how this can show you exactly when it’s time to stay and when it’s time to leave.

Regardless of what the other person says or does, if you’re trying to force the relationship, there’s work for you to do. There’s always a way to show up more. 

And the right relationship will rise right with you.

Want more support with relationships? 

Check out my free mini course on how to release judgment and manifest love. Join now! 

Want to more blogs on this topic? Check out my thoughts on breaking the pattern of special relationships and fearlessly staying through tough relationship moments.

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  1. This video is what I’ve needed today. I’ve been beating myself up about me going into self-protection mode with a guy I have been dating the past 3 months. I’ve realized I am projecting my fear of rejection from my childhood and relationship trauma. I am claiming to take care of myself, and own that I want a relationship. I am learning, and growing, and easing into owning my vulnerability.

  2. This literally could not have come at a better time. I am currently facing a hard time right now with relationship. I am doing some work on myself currently because of my past traumatic experiences with relationships (they cheated on me, abused me in many different forms from emotional, mental, physical to sexual, narcissist, abandonment..etc.). And I am ready for a relationship but I can’t shake the “what ifs”…for example “What if this all happens again to me..”. Thank you Gabby for creating this! It really helped me out!

  3. This was so helpful. I realized that the hurt/ anger from my Summer brake up was, at the root about not being seen. An issue I had often with my parents

  4. Hi gabby yes I’m following , you are right through experience ! I am a recovered chronic alcoholic ! The human condition is caused by an in balance of its 3 components , thus the 3 fold illness which is magnified in the chronic alcoholic , self awareness is a true gift and must be watered for it to grow , I am humble as I seek the lowest place , if I don’t flow I become stagnant , I can be evaporated to nothing and be reborn , I can absorb the energy of the sun the planets the universe , I have the power of a tusnami , I give the gift of life without judgment ! What am I ? I am water ! Become water and flow with the power of the universe

  5. Hi Gabby,
    Does this apply to other types of relationships as well…say between a daughter and her parents? Familial relationships?

  6. I moved into a home w/my Beloved in Dec. Before that, for 4 months I lived in the house he had raised his kids in (mother died in 2015). There are a lot of patterns/habits between my Fiancé & his daughter that, although I have compassion for how/why they formed, they are undermining our partnership & creating tension between us – all of us. His daughter is 21 now and the 3 of us live together in our beautiful new home. Basically, she gets a pass on EVERYTHING, including the simplest things like cleaning up after meals & cleaning her bathroom. When I even bring up her name & mention that it’s time for her to take some responsibility, he bristles, gets defensive, & makes me wrong. I’ve asked him to please bring more attention to this (latest was Saturday night & 2x before between Nov & now)). He recognizes he does it, says, he’ll do better, & that I’m right. He & I agreed that we’d speak w/her, I said Mon & Thurs were best for me given my work schedule, they work for him also. For his daughter, she has an optional martial arts class she takes one of the nights & hangs w/a friend the other. He brought this up to me as a way of negotiating on her behalf right out of the gate. I reminded him that we agreed this was a priority & that this was social time for her, not school or work. This morning he said he’ll see IF she’s available, given her schedule. I’m not gonna lie, if he calls me this afternoon to further negotiate our home/family priorities because of her social life, I’m gonna lose my shit. I know I’m pregaming that, but his response Sunday after our convo just the night before is bothering me. HELP!

  7. I have just started watching this video and it was almost as if Gabby was speaking to me directly – I laughed because it was so spot on! I am totally down-playing a very crushed desire to manifest a relationship. It feels unattainable in every sense because of my background and how it has made me feel, and also my background is my foreground because it involves incest. A nasty word. Not everyone has the intelligence to deal with that – and I don’t want to be made to feel bad about myself anymore. So I just ‘hang’ with my spirit guide (who happens to be a very handsome man!) and I have almost resigned myself to eternal singledom. It makes me sad but I like to face reality head on. I am usually happy for anyone who is happy in a relationship, but sometimes it makes me very sad that it never happened for me. Although I just get on with life. I never consciously seek a partner – I believe the universe will send me someone when they feel the time is right – which I have to accept might be never! But very good with what you’re saying Gabby. I will continue to listen ….. Ann x

    1. I’m glad this post is serving you, Ann, and thank you for your honest share. If you’re not already doing so, we would recommend seeing a therapist, perhaps one that specializes in trauma, to help you heal from your past experiences. This is a wonderful action in self-care. Gabby shares that she would not be where she is right now if it weren’t for her therapist. You may also find it useful to attend a support group, even if it’s online. is a great government resource. They have a free, confidential helpline that is available 24/7. The number is 1-800-662-4357. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations. You can also order free publications and other information.

      Sending you big love. <3, <3, <3

      1. Thank you I got so much out of this. I have been thinking so much how I show up in my relationship with my partner.

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