Focus on the Good Stuff When You Collaborate with Other People on Projects

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Note: Updated in July 2018 for clarity and additional resources.

Working with others can be a lot of fun, but it can also be your chief source of stress. Most of us were never taught the art of healthy collaboration. As a result, working with other people on projects can be tricky.

Every collaboration is different

In any collaboration you’re dealing with different personalities and energy. When your energy doesn’t flow with someone else’s, completing even basic tasks can be a massive struggle.

I’ve collaborated with many different people. I collaborate with agents, assistants, family members, friends and clients. Sometimes the relationships seem to flow naturally. But in other situations it’s been tedious and frustrating.

How to collaborate on work projects

I’m committed to a peaceful and joyous life. So I came up with my best practice for collaborating with other people on projects!

This tip applies to work projects as well as projects in your personal life. In the video I share a story about working with a contractor on my home, for example.

If you struggle to get along with the people you collaborate with, then watch this video or keep reading for my guidance!

Focus on the good stuff when you collaborate

One day recently, my husband and I were going through a long list of things that we needed to do. We’d just bought a new home, which is a tremendous blessing. But when you buy a home it comes with a lot of things you need to do.

We were collaborating with a contractor on some projects. We started to get overwhelmed with the projects, saying things like, “We have to do this, and that, and this. We can’t forget this other thing. Oh my God, there’s so much to do. The contractor isn’t doing it fast enough.”

If you’ve ever moved or done construction, you are familiar with this. We were stuck in a negative story and a low-vibe conversation. One night I was going to bed and I felt myself reaching a breaking point. I was like, “I feel crazy.”

Energy flows where my intention goes | Gabby Bernstein | The Universe Has Your Back card deckI sat up in bed and said to my husband, “Listen, we have to stop. We have to choose higher-vibe thoughts. We have to use words that are empowering. If we speak poorly about the contractor not showing up, he’s not going to show up. If we send energy to the house that’s negative, we will have negative experiences in the house.”

I reminded him of a core spiritual lesson: Focus on the good stuff. We made a commitment together. We said, “Together we are going to focus on the good stuff. We are going to remind one another when we go to the negative place that we need to come back and stay on that path of positive thoughts.”

It’s working. Things are changing. The contractors are showing up and things are in motion. We’re focusing on the good stuff and enjoying the collaboration!

Focusing on the good stuff is a big part of ensuring you follow through on your projects.

Bring others into your positive practice

My joy empowers others to be joyful too | Spirit Junkie appThe world is going to reflect back to you what you say, what you think and the vibes that you put out. When you’re collaborating with other people, this positive practice isn’t just about you. You must bring your collaborators into the practice.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s a loved one, a coworker, a friend or even your child. Bring them in and focus on the good stuff together! You’ll experience a lot of shifts when you truly collaborate.

Are you collaborating with someone who doesn’t resonate with spiritual language? In that case, just shift the words you use. Instead of talking about high-vibe thoughts or manifesting, talk about focusing on the good stuff. Talk about positivity. Emphasize that you want the project to be enjoyable for everyone.

Even if you simply shift your energy, other people will feel it. They’ll feel your energy change, and it’ll raise their energy too. Lean toward joy and invite them to join you. This is the key to having healthy, happy collaborations.

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  1. Like you, I am an entrepreneur. I have fallen in love with your book, The Universe has your Back. And purchased 3 more books of yours! I can’t read fast enough. My business partner and I have been struggling lately. Our communication has become that laundry list, and overwhelming. I am going to try this technique with our relationship. Will let you know how it goes! Thank you:)

  2. Hi Gabby !
    I’ve been reading and learning about spirituality, meditation and Kundalini yoga (also I meditated severel times) since december. Today I decided to start a daily sadhana. I did the ego eradicator , sat kriya, kirtan kriya and the instant heart chakra opener but it made me feel very sad and calm at the same time. Shouldn’t I supposed to feel good, alive and powerful ? Please help.
    Also thank you for sharing with us these amazing videos.


  3. Totally with you here Gabby. My partner and I just relocated to Sweden (from the Czech Republic) and between finding an apartment, and setting up everything from our social security to building all the furniture we bought at IKEA, it has been extremely trying. Not to mention, we just unpacked and have to re-pack for a trip to Canada for a friend’s wedding. Never ending. Now my guy tends to get really negative in these sorts of circumstances (ie. when things are not going his way and there is too much to do) and so I know I have to push the positivity on him. And you’re right, it works! While I may not be able to flip his script, as long as I don’t feed his bad vibe then there is no extra charge to the negativity. Becoming extra aware of these things because I am writing an e-guidebook on how to relocate without losing your mind. The reality is (whether you are moving to a new city or country) you will lose it at some point. It’s about coming back to our right mind and realizing that you simply can’t control the challenges in life. You may as well bring some light and laughter to the lessons, right?

  4. hi gabby – I tried bringing my boyfriend into a more positive energy with me but his response was to dump me. I’m devestated. he always focuses on the negative parts of our relationship and therefore only sees the bad times when in reality we barely argue. he thinks a relationship should be easy all the with no bumps. I know the relationship ended for my greatest good in the greater plan for me but sometimes its very hard to keep in faith. you make it sound so easy but sometimes I can really struggle especially when my positive energy results in horrible events. any suggestions?

  5. Thanks Gabby
    What if your partner is less convinced about his impact on the world around him. I tell him, he is messing with my Karma when he is negative. How can I work with my life partner to convince him that his positive behaviors impact others, especially me.

  6. gabby thank you so much for your videos they are amazing and has help me a lot with my growing. i have a really important question to ask you. when i am always talking and i think is been for too long, i always ask the personn a im talking with if i am talking too much if i should stop. is there anything i can do for this? how can i help myself?



  7. Hi Gabby!

    Just wanted to let you know that I get so excited when I receive an email from you! ( seriously do!) This has really helped me a lot this week. I’m applying for my articling positions at various law firms this year, and I’ve been feeling overwhelmed with all that needs to be done. So I’m putting more positive vibes out there and it’s paying off.

    Maybe you could post a video on how to deal with perfectionism, and learning that it’s ok not to ‘be’ perfect.

    You inspire me!

  8. Hi Gabby!

    I’m wondering if you have any guidance on how to deal with others who have fundamentally different views on race, homosexuality, religion, etc?

    My boyfriend has some new friends whom I am trying so hard to get along with but it just isn’t working. At first I let their homophobic racist comments slide but it was eating me up inside. The next few times I finally spoke my mind. I thought I would feel better and hoped to make a difference but it totally backfired. Ironically, I feel like the marginalized one. I come off as a villain. My boyfriend says to ignore it and not feed into, but I feel like silence means acceptance. These new friends are his neighbours so they are always around. I can’t really escape them. I have so much anxiety around the situation it literally makes me feel ill to go there. It’s taking me to some crazy places mentally and emotionally, sometimes it’s all I can think about.

    I want to be positive and spread love. How do I show love and respect but stand up for others and my beliefs at the same time? I’ve been trying to focus on their positives and trying to see myself in them but I have to admit, it’s really, really hard.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


  9. I love all that you share with us and teach us, I’ve made some of the biggest decisions of my life this year and your guidance made the changes bearable 🙂 I picked up one of your cards today and it read: I pray before I pay…. I think I get it but I’m not entirely sure what it means….

  10. What is your advice for turning a negative into a positive with an employee that you don’t think is working out? I can hear the negative thoughts in my head and I feel the negative energy I put out, but their poor performance is driving me crazy. I don’t want to add to the chaos, but I feel as though I would be reinforcing their poor behaviour by ignoring the issues at hand.

  11. Hi Gabby, totally different topic, I just had one of those moments which I will remember for the rest of my life,
    I’m so scared of being loved! That’s where my block is! I dont let anyone love me. People who love me makes me nervous, annoyed, almost upset.
    I want to allow other people to love me. I will start my journey to love myself completely.

  12. This resonated with me as I was irate about my routine, and my busy commute to the city, my high stress ad agency job, and the negative vibes followed me everywhere until my neighbor who was in shock that I wasn’t my usual uplifting happy self asked me what was wrong and my bestie and biz partner asked me if all was ok with us and I snapped out of it realizing I need to be the change/be the light in order to receive that same energy. Sometimes as a human we almost victimize ourselves asking when change will come or if services you paid for will get done quicker, moping about in the “Oh me” space, but we are all mirrors and what we give we receive, so we must stay positive and change our frequency to experience a beautiful flow of energy. Thank you for the reminder! ????????

  13. Gah! this is THE thing I needed to see!!! I soaked up this video Gabby and going to make the shift. In the middle of some crazy times (coming at me both sides- work and life). I allowed someone else’s beliefs become my own and in turn my reality. A few weeks ago my new boss told me to”plan for the worst, everything and anything will go wrong.” And guess what. It has.
    Diving in. A few more weeks of probable choppy waters. Lets experiment: can my shift in thinking and beliefs be reframed to: miraculous miracles of smooth sailing?

  14. Good morning lovely Gabby! I prayed for guidance this morning on my way into work and PING!… your video came through 🙂 My husband and I bought our dream home 4 years ago and now face the threat of resumption (ie the council may demolish our home for road widening development) last night the mood at home was palpably sooooo low I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. We have invested so much time, money and hard work into restoring our beautiful home this prospect is heart-breaking. We’re lucky in that we never argue and communicate very well and openly discussed this issue but convincing my man the Universe has our back and we must choose to see a positive outcome to this potential threat proved tricky… I could see his ego/fear having a field day with his sense of reason. We have only just embarked on our spiritual journey (about 6 weeks) via your books and guidance Gabby and I have to say it has been profoundly life changing for both of us however this has really sent my husband into a spiral of negative szhoo-szhoo!…the brilliant thing is he is very much aware of his feelings and is witnessing his thoughts in reaction to this news but is having difficulty comforting himself with forgiveness and faith that the Universe has his back… but I know it will come with time. I am going to show this video to him tonight. Thank you so, so, so much for all your marvelous and amazing work. Cheerio. Dee (and Desi) 🙂

  15. Hey Gaby,
    Thanks for reminding me where I am going wrong. Love your videos keep them coming.

  16. Wow!!! Thank you so much for this incredible post, it couldn’t be more timely. I just moved in with my boyfriend into a house he use to share with his wife of 15 years. I’m having a very difficult time with some toxic feelings such as insecurity and inferiority. What advice do you have on helping to make this my home where I feel safe despite the possible energy from his past that may still be lingering? Thank you so much for your reply I’m really struggling over here. Plus I have moved away to another state so my usual support is not available.

  17. Thank you so much for this I really needed to hear this today. We had to take in our car today to get it fixed for one thing and naturally it had another thing wrong with it; very costly. Both my husband and I started to freak out about the amount. Then our son said Mom we are very lucky that we got it fixed and no one got in an accident. He made me stop and put things in a different perspective. So I turned my attitude around and I AM very grateful that no one was hurt and we had the money to pay for it. I AM also grateful for my son’s wisdom and insight.

  18. Love it! But I have a question: how do you present this to a partner, in the form of a loved one, who is not so into the “spiritual stuff”. I want to be the lighthouse, not push this things onto them.

  19. Love it! But I have a question: how do you present this to a partner, in the form of a loved one, who is not so into the “spiritual stuff”. I want to be the lighthouse, not push this thoughts.

  20. Thank you! I practice this often with my own thoughts, but now want to set the intention to bring these positive vibes into my conversations with my son and husband. It’s so inspiring to think of the miraculous shifts that may occur!

  21. I am a custom home builder. I’m going to play your recording to all my new clients and hopefully they will understand always focusing on the negative will only bring more of it!! <3

  22. Hey Gab!
    Thanks for this. Timely, of course.
    My hubby is very supportive of my spiritual work and he is on his own which looks very different than mine (all good). I pray and hold space for love + peace every morning. However, he often sees the world through limitation and when I mention that we could choose to see a situation differently, he says that I’m trying to change him into person that he is not. I’ve been on this journey for 6+ years so I know that prayer, non-judgement and expecting miracles are part of the work, and they have been many times over. It’s something that is more prevalent lately though.. I shall look within myself to see where I am contributing but I’d love your insight as well : )
    Love + Light, Darling.

  23. Hi Gabby, thank you for covering this topic! I could use some guidance in this area. I’ve tried to bring my boyfriend into the practice – especially when it comes to conflict resolution – but he’s just in a different place. I can accept where he is but it’s harming our relationship. He is easily agitated and angered (by trivial things) and tends to project blame on others. I’m in fact seeking couple’s counselling. If you have any additional tips, I would appreciate them! Take care and best of luck with the house! It’s a big job.

    1. Hi Bella,

      I’m in the same situation! And also need advice on it. Lately I’ve just been shifting it back to my experience ‘I feel X and would rather Y’ etc. rather than assigning blame. But it’s hard! Also I just don’t listen or join in on the complaints, but without giving a lecture about it. I just withdraw my energy when that starts happening.
      Hope that helps! Xx Ally

    2. your work is to fully accept where he is. it may not be aligned with where you are at and you may be guided to move on. but acceptance will clear the path

  24. Hey Gabby, love this post, and so timely for me on so many levels (feels kind of miraculous, actually!). And, as someone who tries to come from a “glass half full ” and strengths or asset based approach, also resonates deeply. But, I have a question for you; namely, isn’t it sometimes a case of “start from the positive, and then add as might be required?” In other words, in some cases, you simply shifting your focus and approach might be all that is necessary; in other cases, you might still need to speak to the contractors, but doing so from a positive place would help that conversation to get to a positive and productive outcome much more quickly and happily? Thk u!

  25. Me and my man are selling our home now that we’ve renovated and designed together for the last three years. We were stressing about getting everything just right for showing the house for potential byers. On the two days of the showing the rain was pouring down, and the minute after it was over the sun started shining from a clear blue sky again. Oh, the irony of the universe. What is the teaching in this we thought? That we can’t control everything? So we decided now, we are letting it go, we have done everything we can do and now the universe can take over. We don’t want to stress about the outcome or worry. And today the broker called and told us she has another interested in seeing the house, which reminded us again that anything can happen. We’ll see how this new approach of letting it go works out, we know at least it feels much better. And that worry never helps. Thank you for sharing.
    Love, Lisa

  26. Why did you move the couch?? I kept trying to see what books were on the table!! Haha I need you to move the couch back so I can focus more on what you are saying rather than your decor and book collection.
    Love your videos…. Xoxo

  27. Hey gabby!

    This past week I’ve been super negative about only getting one class for Fall semester. I’ve complained, whined, almost even cried. I want to graduate ASAP & only having 1 class isn’t helping. Thanks to this video I am going to change the dialogue about school & pray that the Universe will meet me in that positivity.

  28. Hey gabby ! I believe the craziness and anger you are feeling is not stemming from yourself. It is stemming from the ancient spirits of the land, and the land itself which are restless and agitated by modern colonial living structures! There’s a good chance your house is disturbed by aboriginal spirits who know the being is not meant to be enclosed in semi permanent dwellings and is instead meant to migrate or at any rate be closer to land and fellows. I feel the best thing you can do to have peace in your space is ask if there is the ancient and land spirit present and what you can do to best serve it and help the people remember our lands fallen ancestors .

  29. I bought a house in May, and have been going through many of the same frustrations with unexpected repairs coming up. Contractors don’t show up on time; the repairs take longer than necessary, you didn’t even expect to have to fix as many things in the first place, etc. I don’t have a partner to manage this with just yet, and have had to make the commitments to embrace my construction zone house, buy a fun pair of Crocs for walking on the subfloor, laugh at the silliness of it, still invite friends over the enjoy it when I can, and realize that everything is temporary. It’s not easy, but I’m on the last leg of repairs and my attitude has really shifted from the negative to the positive. Thanks for sharing your experience!

  30. I could not agree more with this, thank you Gabby. My husband and I bought our first home a year ago now and the first 9 months were hell. We spent thousands of unplanned dollars on plumbing issues and on and on and on it went with the house problems… We were both regretting and many days even hating that we bought our home. It was so sad, but the New Year come and thank God something woke up in me and I remembered my tools. I told my husband we are going to love and be grateful for our home. I opened up every window and door on Jan 2nd smudge the entire house and said a prayer. I asked my husband to join me even though this is so not his thing but I needed it to change, I was feeling crazy! I’m so happy to say that after that things shifted a friend offered to Feng Shui our home and the Miracles keep coming 🙂 It’s a daily practice and it’s made ALL the difference. I’m happy to say that there are more grateful days in our home than fusterating ones…hopefully next time it won’t take 9 months to get there, hahaha 🙂

  31. Hi Gabby,
    First I have to say Thank you so much for all you do; your energy vibes even through my computer screen when I listen to your beautiful messages! I actually have a question for you; how do you reach people in your life that tend to be kind-of cynical by nature. I sometimes feel like I’m the happiness police ready to arrest my incredibly beautiful, wonderful but also cynical husband!! Help any words of wisdom could be a miracle in the making!! lol

  32. Hi Gabby,
    I am having a really hard time changing my mind set over finding a house. My husband and I have been trying for over 10 years and we still can’t find our home – it is getting more more frustrating. I know I need to change my mind set and it’s not going to be easy to change his mindset!
    Do you have any inspiring words?
    Thank you

  33. Thank you so much for sharing this Gabby! After the morning that I had. Made ne reflect on my behaviour and see how the energy of others affected me. How I should always honour and listen to my gut as it turns out it was leading me in the right direction. Having someone to remind you to be positive during certain moments is so key! 🙂 gonna share this on my facebook and with my boyfriend so we can work in harmony more and support each other! 🙂 thank you for the re-reminder love and light to you have a grateful week! Katrina. ????

  34. Hey Gabby, thanks for the video, I loved it! My boyfriend and I are currently saving money to put towards buying a home and we’ve had a lot of negative conversations around how expensive property is, how long it’s going to take, etc.. but you’ve inspired me to stop complaining and try the tools you suggested.
    Congrats on buying your home by the way!
    Lots of Love,

  35. I love this idea. I will give it a shot with some people in my life. I have found it a more fruitful process switching my vibe up over trying to get others close to me to up their vibe too. How do you pull it off without appearing to control others, deny their experience or feel drained if they don’t go to the positive place with you. I’m a empathetic person so if I’m not protecting my energy I can easily get caught in others’.

  36. I’m wondering when you feel like you’ve been taken advantage of or you feel underappreciated and taken for granted repeatedly, how do you shift your energy? Is the situation something you should stay in and work through or how do you know if it no longer serves you and you should move on? I keep finding myself in the same work situations. I feel over-worked and underappreciated, I attempt to speak with my supervisor about it but that just makes them even more mad. At which point do you decide to stay and work through it, how do you know that staying is worth it or if you should move on?


  37. Yes, I’m totally with you on the house situation. In recent years I’ve had an issue I’m trying to solve with water under the house, for awhile I let myself feel so hopeless, and thankfully something clicked and I realized I needed to shift that mindset. Now I know I’m getting closer to finding the right person and way to solve it once and for all!! Thanks for the reminder, and forum to just be able to voice it out loud!

  38. I am one week in to May Cause Miracles and amazing and life affirming changes have happened. My husband and I just bought a “new” {1964} house that needs work. So far the practice in the book about “How can I see this differently? I choose love” has diffused some potentially big arguments. Every morning I wake up and say out loud, “House, I love you and I am grateful for you!”

  39. Hi Gabby! I think the work that you do is incredible! I really love this topic of getting your partner and other people in your life on board with being mindful of your words and the power your attitude has! I have definitely noticed in my own experience that when I focus on the good and be as positive as I can, there is a real difference in the way the universe responds to me. This video has inspired me to try to bring my boyfriend into this practice as well. Thank you so much for your continuous inspiration and for sharing your light!

  40. Wow, this could not be more timely for me! I am starting a new job soon and one of my intentions for this fresh start is to bring others into the light with me and to create a positive, supportive work environment! Thank you as always for sharing!

  41. Hi Gabby!
    You mention something in this vlog that I’ve been struggeling to understand lately. Can you give me your perspective on this?
    Doesn’t speaking positive and affirmative words about a negative situation, trying to up your vibes a bit actually mean that on the subconscious level you fear this negative situation? Cause, when this is the case, positive words can’t help much… you can’t trick your subconscious, or can you?

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