Are You Over-Spiritualizing? How to Honor Your Feelings

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Note: I updated this post in 2019 for clarity and additional resources.

I often witness people over-spiritualize their issues without dealing with them in an honest way.

Sometimes we rely on affirmations to feel better without getting to the root cause of our discomfort. Other times we talk a big game about forgiveness but, deep down, don’t have a genuine desire to let go and forgive.

If this resonates with you, there’s no shame in it. I’ve over-spiritualized many times. What matters is that we witness that we’re over-spiritualizing and take steps to honor our feelings instead.

What is over-spiritualizing?

Many people are carrying a lot of pain, discomfort and negative experiences. Many people resent family members, friends, coworkers and people from their past. They feel this pain every day but don’t know how to deal with it.

When we don’t know how to deal with our pain, those of us on a spiritual can path can use our spiritual practice to almost overstep the healing process.

Tweet: When you honor your feelings and let yourself move through them, you amplify your ability to attract what you want. @gabbybernstein #Super Attractor

We repeat affirmations but don’t fully believe them, and we aren’t doing the spiritual work that goes along with those affirmations. We may be walking around saying things like, “I forgive, I love, I release.” We post those quotes on Instagram but that’s it. We’re using affirmations in place of doing the actual work of feeling the experience. This is over-spiritualizing.

I did this for many years. I understand it. We don’t actually want to go to the depths and the darkness of the discomfort. That’s what we have to do in order to actually move through the pain. If we simply go through the motions of our spiritual practice, we’re skipping an important step: getting honest about our feelings and honoring them.

How to honor your feelings

If you’re over-spiritualizing instead of really dealing with your issues, I have three concrete tools for you. Keep reading for my guidance on how to honor your feelings.

1. Move through your feelings with Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)

EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Technique. It’s also known as tapping. This is a practice that allows you to get honest about how you feel and what’s coming up for you. It gives you fast relief so that you can say the things that you’re scared to say and immediately feel better about them.

Here’s a beautiful EFT video from Brad Yates about honoring your feelings:

2. Practice Kundalini yoga

When you do Kundalini yoga, you allow your emotions to move through you naturally so that you can shake them out and have a cathartic experience. That experience of catharsis can be our greatest tool for moving through discomfort, pain and deep patterns of negativity.

Here are some of my Kundalini videos to help you:

3. Speak your truth

I can transform my feelings by being present with them | Spirit Junkie AppOne of the greatest tools for starting a practice of feeling your feelings and moving through them is just to speak the truth.

One thing I’ve talked about is how I handle negative comments on the internet. My philosophy has always been “forgive and delete,” but sometimes a post will really get to me. In those situations, great healing occurs not because I breeze past my feelings and say, “I forgive and delete, and I’m moving on.”

That healing occurs because I say, “I’m hurt. This is uncomfortable.”

I let myself have that feeling. I let that emotion come forward and then I expressed it. And then, once I’ve felt it and honored it, I forgive and delete. Or, if it’s not something I can delete, I forgive and then I ask how I can help someone else. (This is a beautiful lesson I share in my new book, Super Attractor.)

Have you ever had a moment where you expressed your truth to someone and everything changed? That’s often when people fall in love with you more! I’ve had that experience countless times in my life. I’ve just told someone, “This is how I feel,” and our relationship has changed forever. It’s become stronger, deeper and more real. Vulnerability heals. Truth, spoken with kindness, heals.

When you say how you feel and share your truth, you also give others permission to do the same. You become the teacher.

Go deeper with my Manifesting Jumpstart Workshop

Manifesting Jumpstart Workshop - Livestream - Free ticket when you order Super Attractor by Gabby Bernstein

The first important step in attracting what you want to is to honor your feelings. Our feelings send out an energetic message, and the Universe responds by delivering us people and experiences that match our vibration. That’s how we co-create our reality.

So if you’ve been struggling to manifest what you want, back up. Honor your feelings and clean up those energetic requests! This is a process I guide you through in my 2-hour Manifesting Jumpstart Workshop, which is FREE when you preorder my new book, Super Attractor.

In this online workshop, I address exactly what’s blocking you from feeling good and how to fix it. I’ve been applying this method daily as I recover from postpartum anxiety and other feelings. It’s a beautiful practice.

Gabby Bernstein happy in the woods in springtime | Honor your feelingsYou’ll learn how to stop controlling and start allowing. This is a major one for me. I spent years practicing spiritual methods for releasing control. For most of my life, I relied on the control in order to feel safe. The method I teach in the workshop is one that I apply in my own life to undo the fear and need to control.

I also share a practice that I rely on daily: the practice of accepting that good thing can come easily. We all suffer from the belief that we have to struggle to feel good, succeed and attract what we want. In order to heal this belief, we must learn how to accept that when we relax and allow, good things come easily.

Again, these are all practices I apply in my own life on a daily basis. Fear, past trauma, rage and anxiety block us from feeling good and attracting what we want. This workshop will help you undo these patterns so you can be free!

Click here to order Super Attractor and claim your free bonus workshop!

Honor the process and let it unfold

Don’t be afraid to say how you feel, because when you let yourself be authentic you experience dramatic growth. Use your tools, such as EFT and Kundalini, to honor your feelings and move through them. Even if you can’t do it in the moment, do it later in the day when you have the time. Let it be a process. Let it unfold.

In that process you can always bring your affirmations and prayers back in. But first, let yourself feel. Before you post that mantra on Instagram or repeat that affirmation all day long, give yourself a chance to get honest and honor your feelings.

I hope this serves you and helps you honor your feelings. If you feel moved to do so, post in the comments below about what it is that you want to work through. Share how you feel. When you express that feeling, you can start to receive a lot of relief in that instant.

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  1. I know this comment is late, but lately I have been feeling like I need to let it all out.

    I have been struggling with anxiety on and off throughout my life. Usually I have fixed it by taking control over every aspect of my life either by eating the right foods, exercising daily, and limiting screen time. This isn’t working for me now no matter how much I try to make my life perfectly regulated. Lately my anxiety has been the worst and most irrational than it has ever been before and I feel scared constantly. I know that this may be an OCD thing, but every day I feel like I am so close to just giving up trying to help myself and full out surrender to my fear. The fight I have left in me is lowly dwindling- it’s the lowest I’ve ever been. I get mad at my fear, I am naturally a fighter and it is making me weak. How can I keep living this way? Needless to say, I am amazed that we as humans can overcome times when we feel as if there is no way we can ever feel better. Hopefully this restores my faith in God and makes me a better teacher and mother.

  2. You guys are full of so much wisdom!

    Right now I’m angry. I’m annoyed at myself because I always seem to drag myself down and overthink things. I overanalyse everything and get stressed about work and perfection. I know that if I just let go and let the universe make it’s magic everything in my life will flow easily but I’m scared to do it. I’m also scared I won’t be able to start living my life after university as I have a bad back thanks to hypermobility. I’ve tried everything to “cure” it but I need to to just learn to be. My life is filled with so many wonderful and abundant things, I just want to enjoy it.

    Wow that all came out fast! I already feel better and like something has shifted. You gals are an inspiration <3

  3. Thanx for this video. I feel sad, frustrated because I do my best to follow my heart and I feel stuck and powerless. I’m scared to move though I do some Kundalini practices every morning, I study a Course in miracles, I pray a lot. It seems that everything is moving too slowly.. I resist and don’t open up fast enough. Sorry. I’m scared. I work on my faith in Love. “Everything is perfect”. “Those who are certain of the outcome can afford to wait without anxiety”… I still have to work on those one. How do you set méditations for yourself on one affirmation for instance. You say it to yourself several times while listening to music for 3 or 11 minutes? Best regards. Des bisous

  4. i feel wildly terrified of the world, crippled by self-doubt & social phobia, my mind has opened every door of pure fear, for i’ve been fragmented by hurt, beaten & bruised, was chewed and spit out before i had all my baby teeth. i am not special, just a lost child. i still have dreams, though. i am a protector, feel very connected to the earth, a natural healer and would like to blossom into that. i want to be an organic farmer and bee-keeper with a tiny home next to a river in forested hills. live a minimalist, self-sustaining life. read & write. adopt or foster motherless & fatherless children. heal the hurting people, animals & environment. i want to feel pure and light again and erase the things i’ve seen & experienced. i just have no idea where to begin. it seems that every time i’ve been on a new healing path, things brought me down even further.

  5. I love this video, although I have stumbled across this video well after it was published the timing is perfect.
    I have just realised my ebook Slay those Demons – which I wrote as a way of starting to face my fear and heal from sexual abuse. I have also started a blog. For so long I have feared speaking out and it has been a emotional healing journey this last week, but hopefully I am getting there already

  6. For me… I feel I haven’t been expressing my truth for a while now ‘cuz the relief that Gabby mentioned isn’t there even after some revelations or sharing things with people. What could it be?

  7. I love this post. I was trying so hard to “love and forgive” this one girlfriend who I felt had crossed the line without actually feeling the feelings first. I finally aired it out, in my journal, and to my other friends and wow I feel so much better. Next time I see her, I might even be able to speak up to her about it. Thanks for this one, Gabby!

  8. I am going through a broken heart and a ton of emotions myself. Its been very hard past 5 months in my life and I feel like while I am trying really hard to surrender and forgive, it is more said than done. It is SO hard to let go. It is so hard to forgive. Its so easy to talk about what needs to be done versus doing it. I need help. I need to know how I should really let go and forgive and become a gentle, happy person.

  9. I am the happiest person on earth today because today My five years run away lover came back to me on his knees with tears on his eye begging me to forgive him and accept him back, Doctor Zaza a great Spell caster made this possible with the help a spell. i saw his email on the internet where a girl post on how Doctor Zaza helped her so i decided to contact his and he told me that every thing will be fine and now i am happy because Doctor Zaza is a man of his world because every went well as he promised me. Are have misunderstanding with your love or his you love seeing someone ex ? what is your problem that you which to solve? contact Doctor Zaza today via email and every thing will be fine okay

  10. Hi Gabby,

    I’m almost finishing may cause miracles and I’d like to know if there are any other books you recommend that teach how to deal and release fear. How to transform it into love. How to accept the good and learn to be happy.


    1. Hi Ana,

      I just started reading You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. I’m not very far along but is mostly talking about fear and resistence. And it brings it all back to self-love and self-worth.

  11. Great info and guidance! Definitely what I needed to hear. Sometimes, being concerned about other people’s feelings, I don’t always share my thoughts and emotions. What I realized from this video is that it is exactly this kind of open honesty that creates intimacy in any relationship, and mostly, creates an intimate relationship with myself! Thanks for sharing the wisdom 🙂

  12. Hi Caroline, no feelings are invalid, so glad you had courage to share, I am same, always holding my own pain within, trying to become more open and real, it helps, you have identified your feelings and behaviours which is great, many can’t , with practice you will feel comfortable in your own space, meditation helps in connection to self- best of luck on your journey,


  13. This post came at such a perfect time in my life (as they always do, thank you, Universe). I am at school for the summer; I’m a rising senior. My boyfriend of a year and a half graduated this year, and we are uncertain of where he will be after the summer. I am trusting, but I miss him a LOT and I am scared. I am trying to just trust really hard, but I am so lonely in my apartment. I have some friends around, but no real desire to see them. I’ve been trying to keep busy with work and my online class, but now even that is starting to fail me. I am often taken over by spells of sobbing.

    I notice that I am hesitant to share these feelings (I almost deleted this post just then) because they seem superfluous or “less serious” than others. I think at the heart of all of this, though, is the fact that I am scared to be alone with myself. Watching a TV show or movie or working on a paper makes it easy to be with myself, but all of those activities serve as a distraction for just being me and experiencing the truth of my emotions.

    I have a lot of exciting weeks ahead, later in the summer, but I feel like I am trying to speed through to the present moment to get to them so that I can just be distracted again.

    Thank you for providing a safe place and a network of support and love. <3 Big Love to everyone who has posted and gotten real about their feelings!

  14. I love this one, Gabby. I tried healing myself through affirmations, and they are no substitute for figuring out and truly releasing what we’re holding onto! This is why I’ve been so obsessed with tapping since I discovered it, too. I’ve seen comments by people who don’t like the negative statements in tapping because they want to only focus on the positive, but facing the truth of what we’ve got going on inside is the way to heal and release it! Thanks for helping to spread the word on this, and for reminding me of what a powerful tool kundalini is, as well. Love and love <3

  15. I am afraid and I feel hurt. I dont know how to trust myself as I dont know if my thoughts and feelings are valid. I feel confused. I also feel unloved a lot of the time. I feel like I have the right to know the truth. I feel hurt and angry.

    1. Hi Susie , your feelings are always valid, even if our thoughts can lead us into away from our truth at times. Our thoughts create the emotions we feel. I have brought myself down that road too many times and belief it really is all about self love even if it sounds like a cliche, it must begin within, validation and loving yourself so you can project that vibration outwards and feel the love returned. So courageous to admit which will open avenues of change for you. How can you express self love daily begin there, nurture yourself and it clears the mind to know what is true. Concrete to spirit through silence and breath, use Gabby.s great meditations, namaste

  16. Beautiful Gabby! I feel resentful on my family for not being able to offer me affection while growing up and I am angry at myself for not being stronger and for needing external confirmation on my value. Thank you!

  17. Thankyou Gabby!! I feel suffocated and held back because of my overeating issues. I feel guilty and over it. I feel fat and heavy and all I want is it to go away. I have to knowlage that I am not this body, I am love. But nothing seems to be working and iv had enough. Any help with this would be greatly appreciated! Xxx

  18. Thanks Gabby, this is something I have been thinking for a while, but I am afraid that if I admit how I feel in my relationships, I will loose those connections. But this video gives me the courage to do it anyway. 🙂

  19. Thanks for sharing this important piece Gabby – I think it wld have been a good reminder for a lot of people and even news to some.

    I feel scared and alone. I’m nearly 40, single and have never been in love. I’m scared I might die without proof that I’m lovable (in a relationship way). I cover that up with afirmations about what a strong independent woman I am. But I do take the time to admit and own the feeling – and almost grieve for the loss of that time with no love and having the option of children pretty much removed.

    For a big issue like this it’s not a one off – feel, release & delete/move on. It’s something I need to repeat regularly.

    Anyway, just got my copy of MCM in the mail and looking forward to becoming a miracle worker 🙂

    Thanks for being you and sharing yourself with the world – the world is a better place for it!

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