How to Accept People for Who They Are Right Now

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The topic of accepting people where they are is one that’s been big for me recently. I’ve come to realize that the most loving thing we can do for someone is to accept them. The most unloving thing we can do is try to change someone when they don’t want to change.

The work we have to do in our own spiritual practice is to become accepting, loving beings who hold space for people in whatever situation or transformation they’re currently in.

That may be hard when you’re in an intimate relationship with someone or when you expect something from someone. But acceptance is the answer. Watch the video and then read on to learn more.

Acceptance doesn’t mean that you let someone walk all over you. It doesn’t even necessarily mean that you cosign what someone is doing. It means you allow them to be where they are and you don’t try to change them.

Tweet: The most loving thing we can do for someone is to accept them @gabbybernstein #spiritjunkie

Sometimes when we accept someone for who they are, all we can do is accept them and move on from our relationship with them. We can say, “I accept you and I honor you, but I can’t be a part of this.”

Acceptance resolves judgment

What acceptance does is resolve all judgment. It says that we’re willing to see this person in light and love without having to judge their path. We trust that WHY they do things that we don’t love or understand comes from their own inner issues, fears, limitations and doubts.

We must trust and remember that we are all one. We all have struggles, and we have to accept that others have them as well. Accepting someone’s behaviors is an acceptance of their struggles. It honors where they are.

Start paying attention to people you may have been judging or attacking, and particularly the people you’ve been trying to change. Ground yourself in acceptance. Pray for acceptance. Ask for it to be bestowed upon you.

accepting others is kind gabby bernstein judgment detoxAs you begin to accept people for who they are, you’ll feel a sense of relief because you’re also letting yourself off the hook. When we try to change someone who doesn’t want to be changed, it just creates more resistance in our own lives and in our relationships.

Acceptance doesn’t mean you stick around

And as I mentioned before, acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stick around. You can love and accept someone but leave the relationship for your own well-being. And that is fine, as long as it comes from a place of love and acceptance.

If you feel a lot of resistance around this concept, it’s likely that acceptance is greatly needed! So just pay attention to the ways that you resist the practice and how it feels when you open up to the concept.

The beauty of acceptance is that when you simply allow people to be who they are, they’re actually much more likely to grow and change. This is because you create space for them to have the freedom to step into their greatness.

Go further with my free Judgment Detox Mini Course

Free Judgment Detox Mini Course by Gabby Bernstein

Want more guidance on this topic? Check out my FREE Judgment Detox Mini Course!

This 3-part mini course is delivered via email and guides you through some of the core practices of my book Judgment Detox, with video and audio lessons. You’ll feel fast relief.

Click here to get your free Judgment Detox Mini Course!

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  1. So then, how do you start a movement? How can I promote my beliefs when it comes to racism. I recently got into a fight about the NFL and kneeling on the Super Bowl with my bff’s husband? I kept probing for him to see my p.o.v. He ended up using the n word. I was crushed and then to add insult to injury decided to send a video from Brene Brown on racism so they could understand where I was coming from.

    1. It can be very difficult to deal with people who hold bigoted beliefs. I understand how frustrating and offensive it can be. Sharing Brené’s video may plant the seed for him to change his beliefs. But it also may not. You can accept this man for who he is and forgive him, but you might also decide you do not want him in your life.

      I know this can be really hard when the person in question is your bff’s husband, so I recommend checking out this blog on how to tell the truth. Ultimately it’s up to you as to whether you want him in your life. Maybe you’re okay with seeing him in a limited capacity and keeping conversation topics neutral. I know it’s hard in situations like these, but the simple fact is that we cannot change others. You can be kind but clear that you won’t tolerate racism and won’t spend time with him if he makes racist remarks. If you aren’t sure what approach to take, you can pray for guidance. Ask and you will receive — pay attention to the guidance, which may come in surprising ways. But if you’re paying attention it will be clear.

      If you’re not currently practicing the Judgment Detox, I think it will serve you greatly. You can listen to the audiobook introduction free.

      Love and light to you…

  2. Hi Gabby U Inspire me thank u. Thank u for this as all my life I find it hard to accept others thar are mean and judgmental towards me and use/play me or do things my beliefs and morals do not agree with I still find it hard they deserve acceptance but if its the best thing for me and the most loving thing i can do is accept them then i shall do my best to practice this❤

  3. Hi Gabby,
    I am new to your website. I was an avid practioner of kundalini meditation. It literally changed my life. I accepted my husband for all his shortcomings (which is felt were shortcomings) and decided to finally leave the marriage and walk away. Happy and not bitter.
    Years have passed. I have lost touch with meditation. I am currently in a sort of relationship with a man who refuses to ever voice his love. He keeps saying hes too young for a commitment. I want more, he doesnt. And yet, neither of can walk away. It is very hurtful and distressing to me, that i keep trying to change his opinion. about relationships about me.
    Your post told me two things, I have to accept where he is in his life. Everyone has their own timing. And i cant change him. And second, i have to accept myself for where i am in my life. I want more and thats ok. although we share a very tender relationship, it doesnt serve me and maybe it doesnt serve him either.
    Acceptance is hard. But once it comes by, its as if you can suddenly see clearly.
    Thank you Gabby. For the reminder.

  4. After accepting someone and choosing not to have someone in your life is that a conversation you have with someone or do you just move on. I always struggle what the right thing with this is. A very close friend of mine haven’t talked since Feb or March and I’m not sure if it’s because we’ve both moved on there are mutual feelings in this area or what?

  5. Gabby, would it be possible for you to expand on this subject? I have been struggling for a couple of years with the question of how to move forward as a couple when one is going through a spiritual awakening and the other is not quite so receptive at this stage. Truthfully, I don’t think I would have stayed under any other circumstance, but our 4 year old needs me to do everything I can to find a way without splitting his family up. Thank you for your work – you are an angel xx

  6. My wife has a spending problem and it’s drowning me who makes more money and has to pay off everything. We have a mortgage and a son. Im trying to gut it out to the very end to see of she can change. She wants to she is just not capable on her own, yet won’t seek help. I’m totally lost.

    1. Bless you, Anthony. Supporting yourself is so key. There are groups for people who are affected by a loved one’s addiction (ie: Al-Anon). You may want to start there. Keep reaching out. If meditation speaks to you, start/amp up a practice. You may want to seek counseling to help you set boundaries. I’m sorry this is happening. You are not alone.
      Big love on your journey,

  7. You deliver your messages in a beautiful way. Thank you for sharing this! One simple way I have learned to remind myself of acceptance is the prayer:

    “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen”

    I really love how you explained the most unloving thing to do is to pass judgement and be unaccepting of one’s behaviour, but the most loving thing we can do is allow that person to have space to grow through acceptance.

    I hope you continue to share your light and love Gabby!

    God bless.

  8. Wow,
    No coincidences. Just what I needed to hear.
    I have a family member who is a former business partner as well who has been renting some serious space in my brain for quite sometime.

    I’m guessing that all of my resentment is seriously inhibiting by spiritual growth and blocking abundance as well?

    Acceptance seems like a great solution!


  9. This was so needed. I have just seperated myself from a very manipulative person and trying to have conversations with them has been so frustrating. Trying to accept that we will never reach a solution has been hard. I definitely needed this. Thank you !

  10. Thank you, Gabby! This is exactly what I needed to hear and will keep reading this as a reminder that loving someone is accepting them for who they are and the decisions they make. I’ve been dealing with a wonderful friendship that has tested my limits over the past couple of years. An affair and choice on her part that I did not and still do not agree with. But after reading this I realize that while that decision was perhaps a projection of whatever she was going through at that time, it doesn’t define that person she is and in my being her friend and loving her I realize now that I must also accept her for her decisions good and bad. Your words made me realize that the reason I’ve been having such a difficult time with this friend is because while I reassure her that I support her happiness and love the person and friend she is…I haven’t truly believed my words myself and now I have learned that I need to accept her for me to move on from this incident and no longer carry this negative energy and weight around. Thank you, gabby! Love & light

  11. Thankyou for letting me know that it’s okay to say I accept you, I love you but I can no longer be in a romantic relationship with you. I had been struggling with accepting who he is even though I understand where his actions come from and he also wants to change. What I didn’t realise until now is that in breaking up with him, I accepted him for who he is and where he is at. Things (this article) always pop up when you really need them. Thank you xx

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