3 Tips for a Happier Holiday

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Let’s face it, the holidays can bring up a lot of funky feelings about your family. These issues can actually be a good thing because they create an opportunity to change. This holiday don’t let your family dynamic get you down. Instead, follow these simple tips for keeping the peace around the dinner table.

Tool One: Mirroring
Is there a family member that gets under your skin? Someone who riles you up by their mere presence. The truth is: the feeling they ignite in you is a reflection of the way you feel about yourself. Don’t point the finger at them, because they are not at fault. Rather, they are simply reflecting the way you feel about you. They are the mirror.

If you feel insecure about yourself, insecurity will be reflected back at you. If you don’t believe in yourself neither will anyone else. However, if you feel good about yourself, others will feel good about you. Therefore, by using the universal mirror this holiday season you’ll stop blaming others and instead look inward at the opportunities for personal growth.

Each time you experience a strong adverse reaction to someone, ask yourself the following questions; what is this person’s behavior making me feel and how is that related to the way I feel about myself?

Tool Two: Mind the Gap
In this case, minding the gap is all about breaking old patterns. Instead of flipping out when someone upsets you, stop and witness the feeling that comes up. Then hang out with that feeling for 90 seconds. Feeling instead of reacting creates a gap, which serves as a form of healing. Feeling your unfelt pain is actually a big release, as it allows your old issues to dissolve and heal.

Tool Three: Use the F Word
The final is forgiveness. Holding onto resentment actually harms you. This is because your resentment keeps you stuck in the past and negatively affects your state of mind. Feelings of anger weaken your thoughts, your energy and your physical well being. By choosing to forgive you release negativity and clear space for happiness to set in.

Bring happy back into your holidays by practicing the above tools. Remember, family members can be your best teachers and all “issues” are universal assignments. Focus your attention inward, feel your feelings and when in doubt use the F word.

For more guidance on this topic watch this week’s vlog on my ELLE.com guest page. Watch here.

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  1. Happy Holidays to you as well Gabrielle. Thank you very much for doing this extremely helpful video. I am going to print this off and put in on my wall to use all year, not just this Christmas. 2014 I really want to deepen my spiritual practice and let the real me shine through. I am super excited to meet you when you come to Newfoundland January 30. (dress warm it is cold here).

    Love Charlotte

    P.S This Christmas I give myself the gift of peace and forgiveness.

  2. Thank you for this, I host the holidays and was really sinking into the death sentence and feeling like I want to run. I come from a family where none of us want to be together but yet no one has the guts to walk away and we all look at it as a death sentence. I just want to be able to kove thriugh it w grace for me.

  3. Love the “feel the feelings”… 90 seconds worth! All too often we are afraid to go there which makes it even worse… thanks for the tip! Happy Holidays!

  4. It’s amazing how unconscious I can be of my own feelings. Gabrielle, I deeply appreciate the recommendation to feel one’s feelings instead of eating or drinking them! I will definitely put that into practice this year. Thank you for this vlog!

  5. Hi Gabby!

    Thanks for this Holiday help! I plan to start May Cause Miracles this holiday season. I have a Q though. Could you explain the meaning of the circles/art behind you in your videos? I’ve been wondering. Thanks!

    Happy Holidays to you!

    Peace & Love,


  6. Thanks for the tips. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in feeling stressed about holidays. I work myself up with so much anxiety that by the time I get to my family’s house I am in hives and feeling so stressed. I will try the suggestions. Hoping this year I can enjoy the day because I have a toddler and really want the holidays to be enjoyable. Wish me luck!!

  7. Great advice, as always Gabby. Now that my Mum has passed away I get caught up in wishing I had done things differently in our relationship and so I’ll be trying to forgive myself (and others) this Christmas.
    Thank you for all your efforts with the Vlog and Best of Luck for 2014 with all your new projects.

  8. Perfect timing! Just got in a heated upset with my mother,
    My resentments peaked, my brain mad on why I had to
    Get such a selfish mother as part of my life lesson/spiritual path, and then checked
    My email and there’s your vlog!

    All roads back to my main lesson – god is love, we are love, and connect to the self love and send it out.

    Sending love!

  9. Thank you so much, your work really helps me to keep going with my process when I feel the obstacles are too much and my fear mind is taking over. Lots and lots of Love

  10. I was wondering if anybody knew when to implement the mirroring tool while not overdoing it? I have been practicing it for years, but sometimes people are just being blatantly rude and they aren’t necessary reflecting anything back to you. I find the tool helpful, but when do you know when to stop mirroring?

    1. I agree that mirroring is not always the “solution” for every weird situation. Sometimes we should use our inner filters and intuition to use it as a learning tool. Happy holidays! 🙂

  11. Just wanted to update that I used the tips. The feelings tip – mind the gap helped me so much. Thanks Gabby! I can honestly say that I felt a lot less anxious this holiday. I guess I always try not to feel anxious and by allowing myself to be ok with feeling it for the 90 seconds – it helped! I will continue to use it as things come up:) Happy new year!

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