The 3 Most Common Self-Help Questions

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For the past decade I’ve been writing self-help books and preaching the Gospel of Gabby to lecture audiences throughout the world. No matter what country I’m in, I always seem hear the same 3 questions come up. Because these questions are so popular I decided to bring my answers to you! I’m confident that in some way or another you too have these questions and I hope this blog will support you.

The 3 most common self-help questions

The first and most popular question is, “How do I release my fear?” My response is the same no matter what the person may fear. All our fears are rooted in the stories we choose to believe in. When we get stuck in negative stories (“I don’t have enough,” “I’m unsafe,” “I’m not good enough,” and so on), we give them continuous energy to feed on. By no means am I belittling our difficult, even traumatic, experiences. Instead, I’m offering the suggestion that we learn to release them so they don’t hold us hostage for the rest of our lives.

Begin to heal your fears right now simply by acknowledging them. We tend to put a lot of effort into ignoring our fears. Try looking at them instead. Upon looking at your fear, say, “I choose to see peace instead of this.” This simple choice shifts your perspective and begins a new pattern of releasing the fear rather than gripping it tightly. Stay committed to this statement: “I choose to see peace instead of this.” And trust that you are creating a new story. A shift in perspective may seem subtle, but it is infinitely powerful.

The second most popular question I get is, “How do I attract a romantic partner?” This question is relevant even if you’re attached! Attracting (or keeping) a romantic partner has everything to do with the energy you emit. If you give off a low vibe you are deflecting romance — your energy basically tells other people to back off. But if you choose to dwell in an energy of joy, you become super attractive. The simple tool here is to lean into what is joyful. If you make joy and inspiration a priority in your life you’ll become a magnet for attracting all kinds of relationships. Pay close attention to how your good attitude brings forth more love. If this feels new and weird to you, start with your interactions with friends, colleagues or even strangers. Share kindness and joy and see how it changes your everyday encounters.

The final question that I hear all the time is, “How do I meditate?” These days people are becoming more and more comfortable with the concept of meditation. Folks can easily identify that they are stressed and anxious. The way out of that stress and anxiety is through meditation. The simplest way to begin a meditation practice is through your breath. You have a minute to spare, right? One minute a day spent in stillness can change your life. Commit to one minute a day and use the practice below to silence your mind and calm your energy. Even if you have never meditated before, trust me: You can do this.

The One-Minute Breath
For one minute follow this breathing technique:
Breathe in for 5 seconds
Hold your breath for 5 seconds
Release for 5 seconds
Hold for 5 seconds

Practice this breath pattern for one minute every day. If you want to learn more about how to begin a meditation practice, check out my Beginners Guide to Meditation.

Read or leave comments


  1. Gabby, thank you so much for this post. The past three months I have been suffering from crippling anxiety and OCD. I love the idea about acknowledging the worries instead of trying to fight them. Thanks for your consistent help! I am only 19 but I have been following your work for the past three years or so. I would love to meet you someday!

    1. Hi Meghan,
      I’m a spiritual therapist and life coach and I happen to specialize in anxiety disorders and OCD in young adult women. I’ve also personally struggled with OCD in my early twenties and understand deeply what your experience is like. If I can be helpful to your healing in any way at all, please shoot me an e-mail or give me a call (203) 615-3825.

    2. I wanted to reply to this because I also suffer from OCD and anxiety, and I have found a lot of peace as a result of Gabby’s work as well. It’s great to know that other people with these issues found help in the same way!

  2. It’s great to have reminders, it really calms you down. My husband and I did the miracles course last February, since then our lives have completely changed, we’ve taken control of our destiny. It’s remarkable how much your life can change in 6 months.

  3. A tip I heard on Hay House radio that I use for the one minute mediation: When I see triple digits on the clock, gas receipts, grocery purchases, license plates etc.(which happens several times a day for me), I stop what I’m doing and do the one minute deep breathing exercise you shared!! 🙂 Namaste

  4. I struggle with ocd anxiety and depression and an eating disorder ….often I find myself fighting or running away from my fears and using bad coping mechanisms to handle it all. And I’ve been living like this for a number of years…. and I just can’t do it anymore and I am really trying to turn to spirit to help. …living like this has ruined every part of my life … it’s hard to stay positive and joyful. But I also know I can’t keep doing the same thing over and over…that whole insanity definition. ..

    Thanks for this post…I needed it more than anything today. .


    1. Hi Mara, I just came across your comment from October 2014. I very much hope that you have found some peace. I am a recovering alcoholic/recovering anorexic & I have struggled with depression as well. I want you to know you are not alone. Myself & countless others know what it is to feel powerless and that your life has become unmanageable. The first step in AA(and in a path towards surrender & acceptance). The 2nd step is “we(you) came to believe that only a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” I’m not one to quote the 12 steps and Big Book of AA to everyone I meet;) I just felt called to do so when reading you last line about the definition of insanity ect. The power greater than ourselves, is whatever you prefer to call it: God/The Universal Source/ The Divine Spirit/ect. What I want you to know is that you don’t have to look outside or yourself or turn to any external forces to search for our fill the position of this unconditional loving collective source. It may sound hard to believe at first, but that unconditional source of abundant love and healing that flows through the collective souls of the universe also lives and resides within you. The very first step towards digging through the rubble our ego/illusionary narratives/and coping mechanisms that no longer serve us in order to connect with this abundant source of love, comfort, and spirit, is to cultivate a loving protective higher self. A part of you that comes from your heart and that is your true wise self. The more you develop your higher self, the more powerful your higher self becomes and grows. Your higher self is your own “parental” protective unconditionally loving wisest self that is bigger than the eating disorder, and can combat the false narratives and power of the ego. The best way to start cultivating this higher self is first believing in it. The simplest way is by beginning with sending unconditional love and acceptance to yourself/your fears/your “inner child” who may be starved for love and is therefore acting out and manifesting in eating disorders and behavior that does not serve you. Send love and light to that frightened, neglected part of you. Know that just like Glenda the Good Witch said to Dorothy at the end of Wizard of Oz…You’ve always had the power to connect with the Divine Spirit, Mara????????????

      1. Those ????? Were originally three emotion hearts. I promise that there is no question about your power to connect with the Divine Source, Mara!

  5. “But if you choose to dwell in an energy of joy, you become super attractive. The simple tool here is to lean into what is joyful. If you make joy and inspiration a priority in your life you’ll become a magnet for attracting all kinds of relationships.” …. best line ever gab! I can’t wait for you to meet my guy! & for me to meet him! hah!

  6. These are perfect “tune-up” reminders for things that it have been overthinking. Love how simply this is all stated. Your light is all recived with gratitude Gabby! Sat nam sister!

  7. How do you raise your vibration when it comes to romantic relationships or interactions? I feel that I sometimes “attract” men into my life, but they leave fairly quickly or nothing comes out of these interactions. What can I do to change this? I seem to struggle in this area of my life the most!

  8. Living in the energy of joy and taking the time to stop and breathe is such amazing advice. I’ve always been a glass half full type of girl but bring that energy to all my interaction is such a different way of living…and I LOVE it! I also use the app “GPS for the Soul” to help me remember to at least spend 2 minutes a day just breathing!
    Congrats for being on the Help Desk! I can’t wait to watch 🙂

  9. Hi Gabby, I have watched you on and off for many years. I need some comfort and guidance about finding a job that makes me happy and appreciates me for my hard work. I just gave my letter of resignation today to my boss. I am leaving a job that has no advancement, no raise, and on top of all of that no appreciation for my hard work. I am not upset about leaving, but worried about finding a job at this age. I am 51 with a degree in Behavioral Science. I need some guidance and help to feel that there is something bigger and better out there for me. I know God or the Universe has a plan for me, and I need to stay focus, but I don’t know how to do it???? please help me!!!Thanks

  10. Hi Gabby,

    I just think the world of you, Gabby, and it’s nice to see spiritual influencers like you helping others around the world.

    I’m into active meditation: walking and just staring into a fixed spot on the wall. This practice opened up my clairaudience 10 years ago. I really love that you shared your own experiences.

    I remember when I went into a sweat lodge many years ago. I learned how to breathe in the heat of the heated stones in the hut. I guess the ceremony was or is a form of meditation in my native american culture.
    I just wanted to say that I really admire you.

    Have a nice night!

    Love and light to you,


  11. Thank you so much for living your purpose in this way, Gabby! You have been such a light in my life as I step into my own power, and I know you have touched the lives of SO many people. Gratitude to you sister! Because of you, I now enjoy meditating in ways I never thought I would. Take care! XOXO, Amanda

  12. First saw you on Super Soul Sunday and wasn’t sure about you on the Help Desk, but you were great and reminded me I have to go back to Tapping!! Nick Ortner was generous enough, when I told him I couldn’t afford the classes in the Tapping Solution, to send me a very generous gift of videos. I did not lose a child, but went through a very traumatic few yrs. when she could have died of Kidney Disease. I kind of crashed after she got a new kidney from my other daughter – a miracle. But the sadness, lack of support after the transplant has left me very afraid of a lot of things which makes me feel like a failure when in reality I know I’m not, but that doesn’t always reach my heart. I’m 71 – also I believe part of the problem and am still her caretaker. Hitting 71 hit me so hard. Wish there was a movement like your and The Daily Love for us older, lonely women out there. Loved you on Help Desk and you definitely “SHINE” – keep it up!

  13. I was at your two day seminar at Pure Yoga in NY this month. I definitely felt a shift. Two of the chant / meditations songs you played there touched my heart. Can you share the titles with me? One sung by male, other was chants by a female.
    I choose gratitude love and forgiveness

  14. Tonight I was blessed to see you and hear you speak at the Yoga Journal event in Miami!! I mentioned to my husband on the way there that from the minute I got up this morning I was feeling anxious and more fearful with every minute leading up to this…I almost backed out. I was so moved, resonated so fully with every word and began reading Spirit Junkie as soon as I could when I got home. I just had the biggest “aha” moment realizing it was the ego trying to keep me trapped in fear because I was doing something that would shine the light on it! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

    1. Gabrielle, thank you for coming into my life. I saw you on Oprah…at The Help Desk and I HAD to start reading your books and checking out your web page. You are a true blessing. I was totally into Marianne Williamson, Gerald Jampolski, etc and I learnd about the Course in Miracles throught their books and tapes. I then put everything away for years and years. Because I saw you on Oprah I am a happy camper once again!!!!!!

  15. I can’t get over my break up… and I feel so depressed….. sometimes I feel fine, others I break down… I’m clueless in wat to do.

    1. Hi Lucy,
      I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling so much – breakups can be truly devastating but there is a way through every block, as Gabby says. I’m a Life Coach if you’re looking for support, please shoot me an e-mail
      Much Love,


  16. I think people will ask how I can achieve my goal, my answer is people need know exactly what is their goal, it can be measure, can feel, can visualized. They must to do right things, right method. If they make mistake or fail they need understand they are doing wrong method or wrong strategy. They must change something until they do right.

  17. Hi Gaby,as you said god sends us signs,I feel this was a sign for me that I just clicked to see your video, just love your motto help & heal which I’ve been looking for ways to do.there have been so many spiritual sites but when money is involved then the whole intention of service is to follow you!

  18. Hi my family member! I wish too say that this article is amazing, nicee written and include almost
    all significant infos. I would like to peer extra posts like ths

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